Authors notes:

This is a little story I've been working on for awhile, it's been practically finished for a year, but I didn't dare post it, I still don't know what I'm doing sharing this with you... The story is in two parts, this being the first, naturally. First and second is the same situation told from different perspective.

This is my first posted story, so please be kind. Don't let it stop you from being honest though! Review, if only to flame, "So be it".

Love

So be it – 1st instalment

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Sirius could hardly summon a comprehensive thought, at that moment he was too focused on the noises that escaped the werewolf in front of him. Remus, sweet, kind, beautiful Remus. He'd just had to kiss him, he couldn't help himself. It had been a spur of the moment, not thought fully through, stupid, daring and a desperate sort of thing. He and Remus were the only ones from their dorm that had decided to stay for the holidays. Remus because he'd rather spent his last transformation of the year at Hogwarts with the school nurse instead of his parents house, and Sirius because he couldn't stand his family, and he didn't want to force himself upon the willing Potters once to many times. They'd just gotten inside from a snowball fight that embarked the departure of Prongs and Wormtail and Remus had laughed at something he'd said while being red cheeked and covered with snow. Sirius had only just managed to get of his cloak and gloves and all those things that kept the cold from outside from touching him, and then Remus had done that, that thing he did. The little sigh of content that made Sirius stomach curl and his mind race to the mornings he'd dreamt about, those mornings when he'd wake up spooned against Remus.

And he couldn't help himself, he'd unconsciously moved over the floor until he was right next to him, Remus had looked up with half a smile on his face and looked at him curiously. And Sirius couldn't have helped pushing him against the wall, he couldn't have helped pushing their bodies together, he couldn't have helped grabbing Remus' head and he couldn't have helped brushing his lips against his. A small gentle kiss. It had been rather short, because the moment Sirius lips touched the werewolf's his mind caught up with him and he'd pulled back. He'd looked into the face of his friend, one of his best friends.

Remus had been staring at him wide-eyed with a shocked expression, but he didn't move away. His hands had been hanging limply by his sides and his mouth had been slightly parted forming a silent 'Oh'. Sirius was going to move away, force a laugh, claim insanity, he would've, but then Sirius lost his sanity for real. Remus' tongue had left its home and wetted his lips quickly. Sirius had started at the small gesture, it was almost as if he anticipated another kiss...And then he had that moment of insanity again when he'd leaned in once more and kissed the boy. And this time Remus had responded. Sirius had whimpered when Remus lips moved against his, hesitant lips upon his. It had been so sweet, so wonderful, that Sirius had to tighten his grip upon the boy and he had to, he was forced to kiss Remus with the most feeling he could. And he'd brushed his hands over Remus' cheek as the other boy had shuddered, and oh sweet Merlin have mercy, he'd whimpered too. Sirius had longed for that noise for so long; he'd dreamt about it, he'd imagined it those nights when he'd touched himself in his dormitory bed after he'd accidently touched Remus or even worse, Remus had accidently touched him.

And now that that noise was real, he felt himself loose the little control he'd of the situation and he gripped Remus' hands tight in his left hand and forced them up above his head, trapping him in his embrace, and he kissed him feverishly. Remus opened his lips and Sirius took advantage of it immediately by pushing his tongue inside and, Merlin save him, twist it around Remus'. He couldn't keep holding Remus' hands above his head, after all, he wanted Remus to touch him, but not yet, he couldn't imagine functioning normally if he did. So he gripped them a little tighter, forced them up against the wall, and released them hoping that Remus would understand the message. He did. And Sirius only just then realized that he had just been given permission to touch the boy, and the prospect of it made him dizzy. He let both of his hands travel down his friend's/lover's/boyfriend's body. Boyfriend? The prospect of having a relationship with the boy that panted against him almost made him cry out with joy. His hands brushed against the werewolf's chest and he pulled the shirt and knitted vest free from his pants and as he moved his hands underneath the shirt, he felt them quiver. He had to restrain himself from kissing the boy again when he panted and groaned and whimpered and he didn't know what else he did, but it was good. More than good, it was perfect.

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Sirius was touching him underneath his shirt, Sirius his best friend was touching him underneath his shirt and Oh Merlin it felt amazing. So far he'd only brushed his fingers against Remus' abdomen, but he didn't have any complains to report. And it wasn't as if he'd had any other experiences to compare it to, and even if he had, he doubted it would've come close to this.

He knew that soon he would be forced to push him away; soon he would have to talk, to try to figure out what Sirius wanted with this. On the other hand, he thought as Sirius grounded his hips into his, he kind of felt what Sirius wanted with this. And when he thought of the growing bulge in his own pants he suddenly couldn't quite keep his hands to himself anymore.

He was hesitant at first, he didn't know if Sirius would allow him to lower his hands. But when he didn't stop him from trailing them over his arms he realised that Sirius had only held his hands above his head to keep him from pushing him away. He would never push him away; on the contrary, his first action was to wrap his arms around Sirius' back and push him flush against him, slipping one of his hands into his hair while the other trailed down his back. Sirius groaned appreciating and slipped his hands up Remus' back. He shivered as Sirius slipped his thigh in between Remus'. He panted into Sirius neck as Sirius started to trail kisses over his face and when he started to grind his hips into Remus' again he ground back with as much passion as he could summon.

Sirius growled. He'd realised the difficulty with Remus wearing his vest, and for the first time Remus' cursed the person who'd designed the School uniform, for at this moment Sirius could be touching his chest, kissing his skin and do all sorts of things to him that made Remus' body burn. So when Sirius started tugging at the garment, Remus raised his arms above his head to allow Sirius to slip it off. Sirius was quick in undressing Remus, pulling the garment over his head and throwing it behind him to fall on top of James' bed. Thank the wizard all mighty that they were alone, alone to do this.

"Sirius..." It slipped from his tongue before he could help it. Or moaned it would've been closer to the truth. Sirius was unbuttoning his shirt, kissing scars that he uncovered in the process. Remus gripped Sirius' back tightly as Sirius kissed the long scar that originated to the right of his chest and went all the way up to his right ear. He trailed it with kisses from the bottom of it, all the way up to his ear, and nibbled lightly at the earlobe making Remus gasp. He was most embarrassed by the noises he was making, he'd never thought that anyone could provoke such sounds from him. And yet, Sirius didn't seem to mind his panting, or the gasps, moans, groans and Merlin knows whatever else escaped his mouth; on the contrary, he gripped Remus tighter when one of the sounds escaped him.

"Ah!" Sirius had slipped his head back towards Remus' chest and wrapped his lips around a nipple making Remus arch his back and fill his hands with raven hair. Such a simple thing and it made Remus want to fall into pieces. He shook and whimpered. A brush of teeth and Remus felt how his feet slipped, how his legs turned into jelly. Sirius wrapped his arms around his waist and held him firmly as he abused his flesh. He was moaning, something that made Sirius re-double his attack on the sensitive nub.

"Sirius..." Remus slipped a hand underneath his friends chin and tipped it upwards releasing his nipple from the torment it was under. He slipped his other hand so he was holding Sirius head in his hands looking deeply into his eyes. He took in the lidded eyes, the bruised lips, how his hair was sticking out in all sorts of weird angles and he was struck with the thought that Sirius was by far the most beautiful and intoxicating person he'd ever met, and he had only realized it now. He had to lean in close, brushing his lips against a closed eye. And then the other. And then he kissed the lips briefly. Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus'. He was staring at Remus in a most peculiar way. Suddenly he felt Sirius's hands slip up and take his face into his hands. Remus trailed his hands down his back as Sirius gave him the same treatment he'd given him a bit earlier.

He kissed first the right eyelid, then the left. And then he brushed his nose against his. Remus had never noticed that Sirius eyes were so blue. They were darker than he'd ever seen them, probably because of their earlier actions and Sirius looked at Remus in the same peculiar way as he had earlier. He slipped a hand down his cheek and Remus turned his head into his palm. Sirius smiled.

"You just might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" Remus blushed scarlet at the words but looked intently at him from under his half closed lids. Sirius growled and pushed himself into his body again. "You don't know what you do to me"

Remus was filled with the loveliest sensation at those words. He felt hot all over and he felt the need to undress the lovely boy before him, so he did. He trailed his hands from Sirius back to his stomach, making Sirius gasp in the process, and then he started plucking each button from its hold, uncovering beautiful skin that he kissed and nibbled and licked. Sirius groaned and whimpered just like Remus had done earlier and suddenly he understood why Sirius got excited when he heard his responses, the feeling of knowing that he was causing the quickened breath, the whimpers... It made him proud and it made fill with the feeling of heat, of needing.

Sirius' hands were hanging at his sides, letting Remus do what he pleased. Do as he please...? A thought popped into his head; a submissive Sirius. The thought made him shiver. A Sirius that he could do all sorts of things with, images kept popping into his head. Sirius sprawled beneath him on the bed, panting, begging for Remus to touch him. The image made him snarl and Sirius looked up at him quickly, a worried look upon his face.

Remus surprised himself by pushing Sirius roughly away from him. At first Sirius looked hurt but then when Remus moved over the floor pushing Sirius with him as he went, his eyes widened with surprise. Remus smiled, it was almost feline the way he pushed Sirius down on the closest bed, not caring whose it was but realizing it was Sirius all the same. Sirius looked up at him through lidded eyes from his position on the bed and Remus threw himself on him, pinned him down, spreading his legs with a knee and forced Sirius' arms above his head. He kissed him hard before trailing kisses down his throat. He nibbled at the flesh, careful not to draw blood but still hard enough to mark the skin there with love bites of all kinds and Sirius whimpered. Whimpered at the action he was taking.

"Mine..." It was spoken unconsciously, whispered against the skin of his new found addiction. But then he realized what he'd said. He pulled back, shocked, and stared down wide-eyed at Sirius, whatever had possessed him? Whatever had possessed him to behave like a wolf, whatever possessed him to want to claim Sirius as his own? He sat up and moved away, he couldn't look at Sirius, what on earth would he think?

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Sirius missed Remus' weight immediately when he moved away from him, he frowned at the boy but Remus wouldn't look at him. Sirius could see that his face had a red tinge to it. A beautiful red tinge. Merlin, he was gorgeous blushing, he wanted him to blush all over. But hey, why was he blushing?

"I'm sorry" Sirius had to strain himself to hear the words from the small boy. Sorry?! For what? Making all his dreams come true? He sat up right next to him, leaning in to hear his words, tilting his head to the side.

"Sorry for what?" Remus turned to look at him in surprise.

"I... You heard what I said..." Remus blushed and avoided his eyes. Oh my Merlin... Remus was actually worried. Worried? Because he'd let slip that he's dominant in bed, because he'd made all Sirius' dreams come true? Because he'd let down his guard and just felt? How could he be sorry? Why on earth would he be sorry? Sirius sure wasn't. He would've done anything to hear what Remus had just told him, anything for him to be dominant in bed, it made him burn, it made him think of all the dreams he'd had of Remus pushing him down, playing rough, making him his. He shuddered at the thought, blushing at the image. He looked at the boy again, he was such a shy boy, he probably felt embarrassed about showing a more dominant side... Or maybe, he was worried that he would be bothered that he had? He moved closer to Remus desperate to make him feel better, he slipped his arms around the slightly smaller boy, letting his head drop on his shoulder.

"And you thought I would be upset about you being alpha male?" Sirius whispered, kissing his collar bone holding him close. He begged that he'd got it right, begged that Remus would know that he didn't, by all thing that were glory, have anything against him being dominant!

"I..ye-...are you?" The words were practically forced out of his mouth.

"No. I'm not upset." He said and he couldn't help smiling as he said it. "If I was surprised?" he whispered in his ear. "Yes." His hands moved on their own accord against the werewolf's abdomen, pulling the shirt apart and slipping it of. "Disappointed?" He threw the shirt away, slipping hands over erect nipples, making Remus sigh. "Merlin no." He practically laughed at the thought. "No, no, no." He kissed the beautiful boys neck, with feeling, trying to communicate what, exactly, he felt for the boy.

"You're not?" Sirius started, but then he realized that the boy was actually this uncertain. He slipped his arms around him, encircled him, held him close.

"I'm not..." Remus looked at him, and Sirius looked back with as much feeling as he could possibly have. "Merlin Remus. Don't you know?" Remus looked at him, with a slightly confused expression. Gosh, he looked adorable confused, that little crease between his eyebrows and... Stop, you should think about how Remus is feeling, not how he looks! He summoned up all the courage he could and started to speak.

"I've dreamt about this, I've dreamt about this for years, I've imagined touching you" He caressed the beautiful face in front of him. "I've imagined telling you how I feel. But I've never actually thought that this might happen." He felt his own nervousness shiver, spasm in his body, but he took the plunge anyway. "I love you. I've been in love with you for years... Since... Merlin I don't know" He looked away, he couldn't look at Remus when he was saying this, when he was summoning all the courage he possessed. There was silence and when Sirius looked back at Remus he was fidgeting, looking out in the air in thought, looking absolutely adorable. Sirius was filled with affection; maybe Remus wasn't ready for the same feelings as he was but he hadn't said no to more... obvious feelings.

"You still don't believe me?" Sirius said slowly, smiling at him. Remus didn't have time to respond for the next second, he'd pushed him down on the bed, in a very similar position that Sirius had been minutes before. "Let me prove it to you" And then he leaned down, and proceeded to do just that.

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So? Worth reviewing?