List: Millie; Banana; Robot; Seven; Lucius; Hat; Homosexual; Water; Dance; Teddy Bear.
A/N: So…this is random, and many of you will either be very confused or totally just think I'm on crack, which I assure you I'm not, but, well, yeah…
This is another story inspired by a list of ten random things (the list is as stated above) and really, I just have a thing against rabbits…so, don't hate me for it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing…I still own nothing…and I never shall own Harry Potter. Alas, woe is me.
And The Ebil Bunnies Shall Take Over The World…
Harry took a deep breath. Fuck, he was going to die! He just knew it! He's too young to die! He can't die! He just can't!
Calm down, Harry! He thought to himself as he started to panic. You're not going to die…I hope…
Great. Just great. He breathed in deeply again and looked across the battle field. It was a nightmare. The dead lay all around, both human and bunny alike. Harry choked back a sob – now was definitely not the time for dramatics.
He looked to the person beside him. She was panting, having just run with him across the firing zone, and now sat with her back to the same shield as Harry had taken cover under himself – a nearby crater.
Harry looked over the rim of the crater towards the enemy. His eyes narrowed to slits and he glared at them. How he loathed those bunnies, those ebil, loathsome, ebilly ebil loathsome bunnies! He wanted to just run over there and strangle each and every one of them! But…that wouldn't work, he'd just die needlessly.
You see, contrary to what everyone in the universe believes, bunny rabbits, or just plain rabbits, hares, too, are actually very much evil. But, not just evil, they're ebil (ebil being a notch worse than evil). They're smart, and cunning, and bloodthirsty for humans and carrots. They're born killers, out for the sole purpose to destroy the human race by eating them all and to take over the planet and all carrot-kind alike. Their plan: Breed like crazy and over-populate the world, then band together and create and army full of smart, ebil bunnies and take down each country one at a time.
It's down-right diabolical.
And, what's worse, no one knows about it. Everyone just thinks that bunnies are cute, fluffy creatures with no real brain that just eat vegetables quietly, and innocently. Well, they think that until the bunnies rip into your throat.
Of the few people who know of the bunnies ebilness, well, most never live long. They're prime targets of the bunnies. They know those who are a danger to them, and they always take them down first.
Right now, Harry was among those people who were targeted. He had seen a bunny biting Hagrid, ripping off his hand, and now that Harry knows the truth, they were out for him. The battle around him right now, that was because the bunnies were after him. They had attacked the Hogwarts train, and many students had died when the train had rolled off the tracks.
The memory of the initial onslaught was still so horrific in Harry's mind that he daren't even think of it. The screams, the sounds of ripping flesh and metal screeching only served to fuel his waking nightmares.
It would be known as a terrible day in history, even if people never found out that bunnies were the cause.
Harry turned to the girl beside him again. He didn't know who she was, or why she was there, but he knew that she was on his side, and that was good enough for him.
"Wh-what is this!?" He asked her furiously.
She glanced at him, and then looked away. She sighed, her grip on her wand tightening.
"It's…an attack." She whispered. "They're…they're unstoppable. I couldn't stop it! I was too late! She warned me of this, of what they could do! But I just…I just…I couldn't believe her…"
She looked close to tears, and Harry awkwardly patted her consolingly on the shoulder.
"There, there…Uh…" He didn't know her name, he realised.
"Millie," she whispered, looking off into the distance, a far-away look in her eyes.
"It's okay, Millie, by the looks of things, nothing short of a nuclear bomb could have stopped those little buggers."
She smiled ironically and looked to the sky.
"We need to do something." She said, now looking over the rim of the crater they were in. "It doesn't look good, Harry, man. Somehow they've gotten their paws on some weaponry. Guns, bullets, grenades, you name it. Magic doesn't stop bullets from killing, dude. And that's a bummer for us."
Harry blinked, and looked. She was right. They were all hopping about, with several machine-guns pointed their way. He gulped. He didn't want to die this way! Heck, he didn't even want to die!
Millie was taking all of this in with a professional eye.
"I count seven machine-guns…" she said, eyes darting about, her emotions from earlier all but forgotten. "There's a few hundred bunnies out there, all armed, all prepared to die. Well, what do you think, Harry?"
Harry looked at her, alarmed.
"What?!"
"What do you think about this situation?" She said patiently. "Are we a match for them, or what?"
"A…match?"
Millie rolled her eyes. "Do you think you could take them down before they take you down?"
Alarmed, no, Harry was downright terrified!
"Uh…"
"Well, we have to do something about this, Potter!" Millie snapped. "We can't just wait for them to mosey on over here and kill us, now can we!? There could still be kids alive on that train! We need to protect them until the Order or the Ministry get here!"
Harry hadn't thought of that.
He looked over the rim of the crater again, and steeled his reserve. He had to do this! He wouldn't die; he's the Boy Who Lived, after all! He hadn't defeated Voldemort countless times for nothing!
But…there were so many of them…the Ebil Bunnies…
I wish Draco were here…Harry thought. Then he started. What if Draco had gotten injured on the, or worse, had died! No, don't think like that, he's fine! Yeah. Fine. He's fine. Harry hope fervently that nothing had happened to his boyfriend.
Taking his wand in his hand, Harry conjured a teddy bear and hugged it tightly, pretending it was Draco. He looked at Millie, and pulling on his Gryffindor courage, nodded.
He would kill some Ebil Bunny scum today.
"Okay," he said.
"Good," Millie said. She took her backpack that suddenly appeared from her back and unzipped it. "Take this." She said, handing a hat to him.
Harry looked at it curiously, it didn't look extraordinary, but being a wizard he knew better than to judge a book by it's cover. Maybe it was some kind of anti-bunny protection, or it repelled bunnies with some kind of curse. Or, it had properties that incinerated a bunny if it came too close!
"What does it do?" he asked.
Millie shrugged. "It's sunny, don't want to get sunburn, do you?"
Sunburn. Right. Harry thought, looking at her weirdly. He shrugged, however, and put on the hat. Better safe than sorry.
"Okay, what's your plan?" Harry asked Millie, reading himself with his wand.
"Well, as far as I can tell, best plan of action is to run on into their territory, screaming and brandishing our wands, and just start blasting the little cretins." She said nonchalantly.
"…What if we get hit?"
"Well, just keep going!" she said bracingly. "All you got to do is run in there and scare the little blighters! They're timid as mice, they are, and though they look tough, if you scream and wave your hands around a bit, they'll scarper and you can hit 'em with a few curses and deplete their numbers!"
Harry was still skeptical.
"I don't know…"
"Oh, you'll be fine. I've been in situation like this a million times!"
"Really?"
"Well, no, but once I did run into a pack of 'em and they ran away 'cause I was screaming bloody murder."
Harry wasn't sure if he should feel reassured or scared shitless.
"Ready, Harry?" Millie said, crouching and ready to attack. "Okay, go!" She shot off, scrambling out of the crater and howling like a banshee as she ran towards her targets, the bunnies.
Harry watched her go with no small amount of awe. She ran across the field, firing hexes as she did, the bunnies hopping away in her berth. Harry took what courage he could from her, hugged his teddy bear tighter, and let out a sharp yell as he jumped from the crater and into the line of fire.
The bunnies hopped and flew from under his feet; they started in terror and bounded away, but not all of them. There were still some handling the machine-guns and they weren't so easily scared.
Bullets started to rain on Harry like water, and he started casting spells to protect him, but it didn't always work – there were just too many to protect himself against. A bullet snagged his arm, and then one grazed his leg. He hissed as the pain hit him, and in retaliation, started throwing hexes at the bunnies, frying them, AK'ing them, heck, he even imploded one or two just for fun.
After ten minutes, Harry was panting heavily, wiping sweat and blood from his face. The smell was all over him, and he grimaced. Blood and bunny guts, lovely.
After casting a particularly nasty curse that blew up every bunny in a two-meter circumference of him, Harry looked to see how Millie was doing.
She was surrounded, and under heavy fire by one of the last two machine-guns left untouched.
As Harry watched, the bunnies converged on her. His eyes widened in horror. They were going to overpower her!
"Millie!" he screamed, racing over to her. He had to save her! He had to do something! "Millie!! Watch out!"
The Ebil Bunnies aimed their weapons at her, and Harry started to panic.
"NO! MILLIE!" But it was too late; he wasn't fast enough to save her. He aimed a curse at the gun just as it fired – straight at Millie.
It was as though time had stopped, or at least made it go slower. Harry's eyes locked with Millie's as she looked at him, her eyes widened fractionally as she realised her danger. Her mouth opened to scream; the bunnies suddenly huddled around her feet suicidal in their attempt to keep her in the line of fire (better twenty of them dead than letting a single human go), the bullets whizzing through the air, the sound reverberating through Harry's ears like thunder, Millie recoiling as she was hit, and the final arc of her body as she fell, landing on the blood-soaked ground, on top of a few bunnies.
"MILLIE!" Harry yelled again as time sped back to normal. "Millie!" he rushed over and knelt beside her.
She was shaking as she looked up at him. He wrapped his arms around her and knew that there was no saving her, she was dead already.
"Millie…"
She was choking on blood, but she tried to speak.
"Ha-Harry…" she whispered. "Te-tell Lucius he…he was a good – a good…dancer."
And then she breathed her last.
A good what!?
"Sure, Millie…" Harry whispered to himself. He looked up, and noticed that the bunnies had moved while he had held Millie. They were everywhere – and there seemed to be more. Slowly letting go of Millie, Harry stood up and spun in a slow circle. On all sides they surrounded him – hundreds strong and all waiting for the signal to attack.
Harry took one look at them and became furious. They had killed Millie! They had destroyed the Hogwarts Express! They had jeopardized everything! Harry's wand thrummed with magic in his hand. He felt his instincts take over. He smirked.
The Ebil Bunnies were going to pay with their blood.
Harry tensed, and screamed, but the bunnies weren't afraid of this any longer, they knew what he was trying to do, so they stood still. Harry shrugged and flicked his wand. Several bunnies turned into slippers.
He flicked his wand again – many transfigured into other things now, toys, more slippers, a scarf, earmuffs, one even turned into a robot bunny that had a flashing nose.
But this wasn't enough; he needed to do something to rid the world of these bunnies forever – not just transfiguring them.
A bunny hopped twice and jumped onto Harry's foot, nibbling on his shoelace. Another followed and latched onto his jeans. More and more started to follow, until Harry was covered in the bunnies. And all of them were biting through his clothing to get to his flesh.
He screamed. They were ripping through his new shirt!
Maybe they're homosexual bunnies…Harry shook his head. What the hell was that thought!?
"Harry!" a voice called. Harry started to struggle against the bunnies. Someone was here to help him!
"Harry! Where are you Harry?" the voice called again. "Gods! Harry! What the hell is with these psycho bunnies!?"
Harry almost sighed in relief, Draco was okay! And he was here to save him! Woo, Draco!
Harry could now hear Draco sending curses and hexes at the bunnies, but there were just too gosh darn many of them! Draco was struggling.
"Harry! I can't stop them!" There was an edge of panic to his voice that Harry didn't find reassuring.
All the while Harry could feel the first bunny sink it's teeth into his leg…
"Ugh! It's useless! I need to think." Draco's voice said above Harry.
Harry struggled further against the bunnies – he was bleeding now. What was Draco doing!? Didn't he realise that Harry was THIS close to dying!?
Harry tried to scream, but the bunnies were so close, they were almost suffocating him, but they weren't so it was more likely that he would die via being eaten alive.
Then the bunnies were all scurrying away as if a wolf had suddenly come charging at them.
Harry blinked. Sitting up, he rubbed his sore and bleeding leg and looked around, dazed.
There sat Draco, cross legged and holding a banana poised to eat.
"What happened?!" Harry asked frantically, looking around at the bunnies, which had all fallen as they had attempted to run away.
"HARRY! YOU'RE OKAY!!" Draco yelled happily, launching himself at Harry and hugging him in a death grip. "I thought you were going to DIE! And I couldn't do ANYTHING about it! I was so SAD!"
Harry blinked again.
"What…happened?" Harry asked again, a little slower as the bunnies didn't move, and Draco let him breathe.
Draco looked at him with watery eyes. "The bunnies, they were all over you, and when I couldn't get them off, I sat down to think, and I took out this banana that I had to eat, 'cause you know how eating helps me think, and they just all – all freaked out and ran and collapsed!"
Right…Harry thought.
"Well, it's over now…" Harry said with an air of finality. "For now, at least. Those aren't the only Ebil Bunnies out there, there's more, but we know their weakness now…bananas."
THE END