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I Am Not

Summary: Buffy reflects immediately after Chosen

I'm not what I once was. I've changed too much for a girl whose twenty- third birthday is only months away.

There have been too many faces of me. I've been the girly-girrl, the cheerleader, the perfect teenager.

Then I've been turned upside down, been brave, the Chosen one, unique, yet accepting, applying my naivety and wit to everything.

I fell in love and like all that encounter love, I changed drastically. I needed my love, craved only one thing with my lovesick mind. Then it died at my hand and bitterness invaded my persona. I found an edge to everyone, never a silver lining in the clouds that shadowed my life.

Yet I found courage though in the hard times and moved forward. Death tainted my life, death was my gift and death was my companion.

Played the part before I died, finally complete. Death may've completed me but resurrection fractured me. The pieces were glued quickly and the cracks shone through.

I was distant and confused, trying to find the simple way through a required lifetime. And I found it, attempted and couldn't live it. For it was killing me again.

I became brave for that was my role. The Chosen one, courageous, accepting and strong. Always strong, I saved them all.

All except the one that matters most and a handful of other heroes, I fought the big fight and gave the world another chance.

And as I stand there, listening, waiting for something to sink in rather than the white noise that surrounds me. I distinguish voices but I'm looking for him, who changed me only minutes before.

I may have saved the world but at whose cost, at my savior's, my love's? Then it comes whispering along the wind singing to my heart and at once I change again.

For he has told me what we both now know; I am not what I once was. I smile.

Please r and r.