In front of me were two pieces of paper with titles reasons for and reasons against. Since Jace asked me if I want to be his parabatai, I couldn´t get the thing off my mind. I said I have to think about it, but I also knew he won´t wait for long. This was one of my hardest decisions. Yeah, I really wanted a parabatai, since I was only a small child. And Jace was like my brother. And besides, he was a good fighter and I was a good tactician, so we were making a perfect team. So I have a lot of reasons on the piece of paper that says reasons for or at least far more than on the paper reasons against. On this paper was realy only one reason. But it was way bigger than any other reason I could think of. And that was the thing which scared me the most. I couldn´t even speak of it. Because it was wrong in any possible way I could think of. While I was thinking like that, I suddenly heard a bang of the door. My sister, Isabelle, rushed into my room. I jumped from my chair and tried to hide my papers, but she pulled them out my hand. ˝Seriously, Alec?˝ she asked. ˝Why are you making that big thing out of it? You always wanted a parabatai, didn´t you?˝ I was angry and embarrassed. ˝Give it back, Izzy!˝ I probably said it to loud, because she stoped talking and she looked me directly into my eyes. ˝Alec, it´s something wrong?˝ I turned around to hide my expression. ˝I´m OK, Izzy. Just leave me alone.˝ ˝I know something´s wrong, Alec. Just talk to me. I want to help you.˝ I just keept staring into the wall. Then she somehow managed to got hold of another piece of paper. The one I didn´t want anybody to know about. So I jumped back and tried to snatch it out of her hand, but she was faster than me. She read it in silence an than waved with it in my direction. ˝Oh, Alec. I didn´t know.˝ She said sadly. Then her face lightened up a little bit. ˝I mean, I know you are gay for a long time. Your crush on Raphael was so obvious.˝ She giggled. ˝It´s isn´t funny, Iz!˝ I was now yelling at her. ˝I am sick. There´s something wrong with me. And because I don´t like girls like other boys, I will never have a parabatai. And besides, he´s my brother. And straight. I can´t ... I am ... Just go now! Leave me alone!˝ She didn´t move, only whispered my name instead. I run out the room and left her standing there with a piece of paper with embarrasing note that says I am in love with Jace.