"Rather Nice"
"I'm not gay, Prongs!"
Sirius glared at his friend from where he was sitting leaning against the bedpost at the foot of James's king-size bed.
"I know," James said. He didn't even bother to look at Sirius. Moments before Sirius had done the unthinkable yet James just lay there, staring up at nothing.
"I like women," Sirius emphasized. He did. He had always been attracted to women.
"I never said you didn't," James replied with a hint of a chuckle, his eyes never leaving the ceiling.
Sirius shot him a fierce look, his eyes drawn briefly to James's bare chest before he looked away, embarrassed. He knew James preferred to sleep without a shirt in the summertime, especially in the privacy of his own home, and this August evening was unseasonably warm. Sirius wished it were January.
"Just because I haven't dated any women doesn't mean I don't enjoy shagging them." Why did he even need to explain this?!
"I know. You don't have to tell me." James looked at him in mild exasperation.
"After all," Sirius smirked, "I have a reputation to uphold."
James chuckled.
Sirius's smirk faded as his distress returned.
"I…" Sirius trailed off with a sigh and slumped his head down into his hands. How else could he say what he wanted to say? He wasn't gay. He liked women. What had happened…it had been an accident, a one-time thing. It had been…
"You know," James's voice cut into his thoughts, "it's not unheard of to like both."
He said it with a rather patient air, as if it were the simplest thing, as if he were explaining that two plus two equaled four.
"I know that!" Sirius snapped. He wasn't stupid. "But it's wr—"Sirius cut himself off. He'd been about to say it was wrong. But on second thought he wasn't so sure that it was.
"It's not a crime, Padfoot," James leveled at him, his voice starting to display the barest hint of frustration.
Sirius just stared at him warily. How could he just lie there as if nothing had happened?! Was he insane?
"I know that!" Sirius practically shouted at him. He couldn't keep his voice under control any longer as anger surged through him. He was confused and James was…taunting him.
"I JUST KISSED YOU!" Sirius cried, staring at his friend incredulously. "You should be freaking out! You should have hit me! I can't believe you're still in the room! You haven't even demanded an explanation! YOU'RE JUST LAYING THERE!"
Sirius didn't get it. What was wrong with his friend? Why couldn't he react like a normal person? Like Remus or Peter or even, Merlin forbid, Snivellus would have reacted? Like Sirius would react if his best friend had just kissed him. Like Sirius was reacting now.
He needed James to react like any other bloke. He needed James to tell him he was crazy, to tell him never to do something like that again.
Because then Sirius could just move on. This could all be a thing of the past, something they could laugh about down the road, and he could return to a world that made sense again, a world where everything had its proper place.
But James's lack of reaction unnerved him.
"Calm down, Padfoot. It's not a big deal." James shrugged and turned his eyes to the ceiling once more.
"Not…" Sirius trailed off in disbelief. Not a big deal?! How could James not care about this?!
Unless…
Sirius narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Do you…?"
His sudden confidence evaporated. Sirius didn't know how to finish that question. What did he want to ask? And did he really want to know the answer?
James raised himself up on an elbow and looked at him. "I'm in love with Lily. You know that," he responded simply. He sounded so sure. But…
"You didn't answer my question," Sirius pressed.
James sat up abruptly. "What exactly was your question?" There was a strange intensity in his eyes now and Sirius suddenly realized how much closer he was. This conversation had been a lot safer when James had been lying down.
"Do you…" he halted. OK, Sirius, you're in Gryffindor. You're supposed to be brave! Just spit it out! Or are you too afraid of the answer? Are you such a coward?
Sirius took a deep breath. "Do you… like me?"
He waited for James to reply, hardly daring to breathe.
"What would you like me to say?" James asked quietly. James's gaze pierced him and Sirius could see a hint of something (or maybe some things) in his friend's eyes.
Sirius looked away, unable to meet James's eyes any longer. The mattress shifted as he desperately searched the messy bedroom for answers that weren't there.
"I…" Sirius swallowed. No! I want him to say no! I want… Did he want James to say no? To his horror, he found the idea that his best friend liked him as rather flattering.
Sirius realized his mistake about a split second before James's lips met his own. Any straight person, any normal person, would have instantly said no. Any normal person would have realized that his friend was leaning in towards him.
Any normal person would not be kissing him back.
Sirius pulled back in shock. James's face was only inches away and Sirius thought he saw a flash of reassurance in his friend's eyes.
"You think too much, Sirius." James kissed him again. "Just go with it."
And so he did.
"You know," Sirius began some time later as they lay facing each other.
"I know you're not gay, Padfoot," James declared.
"Prat." Sirius swatted at him good-naturedly. "I was going to say," dragging out the word dramatically, "that that was rather…nice."
James just smiled at him and he couldn't help but grin back.