Show me the Way

Karla

It was a hard way to get here

But now it seems so clear

I'll find everything inside of me

Feeling useless and ashamed

I was the one to blame

Thought there's nothing good inside of me

It was nice morning, a great morning!, warm weather, the sun was shining. It was a lovely morning in England, indeed, and yet he was there trapped in that bloody house, all Sirius wanted was to breathe like a normal person would, to enjoy his freedom, even if it wasn't a real freedom, not a legal one at least. Yes, of course, Sirius was loosing it, he had to return to the house he escaped years before, he wasn't able to help the order, he wasn't able to send a letter to his godson, he wasn't able to do anything but stay there and keep living, if that could be called a life. Of course he was loosing it, he had to live, to keep living during 12 years without his best friend and knowing that he somehow, was indeed guilty for his and his wife's death. Sirius didn't kill them nor betray them but if he had just trusted himself a little more they would, perhaps, be alive. Sirius, of course, was living in the past and hell, yeah, he was loosing it and only God knows how he hasn't lost it all yet.

And there he was, sitting in the table of the dinner room, playing with the spoon, making soft noises, sighing at the though of nothing.

- Holy cupcakes, I hate your freaking mother. - The usually cheerful voice said, now, Nymphadora Tonks was trying not to get frustrated with the portrait that just shouted at her.

- I'm in your team, I've been hating her for years, you should tell that to your mother, that could result in a lovely mother daughter moment. - Sirius answered while Tonks sat down. They both smiled at each other and soon an awkward silence surrounded the room. Tonks was trying to find something fascinating in the roof while Sirius returned to play with the spoon after a while.

- So. - And Sirius took some air. - Little Dora, how have you been?. - He put the spoon in the other side of the table.

- Don't call me Dora. - She said as fast as she could. - Well I guess, you know,... - Sirius raised an eyebrow, Tonks smiled. - Yeah, not so good.

- Then we are together in two different teams. - Sirius said almost in a whisper. - What's wrong with you? Besides your name, I mean. - Dora laughed; she really enjoyed spending time with her uncle.

- Well... - Sirius could see the bright red in her cheeks. - Nothing really. - Dora said after some seconds.

- Come on. - And the man let himself fall completely into the chair. - We are Blacks. - He joked; Tonks showed him a weak smile.

- So a friend likes this guy. - She said after some moments of silence.

- Now we are talking. - Sirius said. - Keep going, please. - Dora took some air.

- ...but I don't think he can like her back ever. - She finished waiting for Sirius' answer.

- For the safety of our conversation let's call them Miss Dora and Sir Moony. - He smiled when the eyes of her nephew got bigger.

- How?! What?!. - Sirius laughed.

- Bloody cupcakes?. - He offered her a phrase.

- Yes! How do you know?. - Tonks asked in a whisper, no one was in the house but of course, as a girl in love, she had to be careful.

- Dori, I have so much time in my hands and I know how to watch people. - He kept his wide smile.

- Of course. - Dora sighed. - Don't tell anyone! Specially not Remus!. - Her shout almost made Sirius jump in his sit.

- I won't, I haven't, right? I know how to keep a secret, even from my friends. - His voice took a dark mood and Dora felt guilty for that. - The only one whom I could never keep a secret was James so... you're safe. - He lowered his head.

- Sorry. - The girl whispered.

- It's ok... so why wouldn't Moony like you back? He's getting old, he must be getting quite desperate.

- Hey!. - They laughed. - He's too good for me, you know?. - She said with a melancholic voice, like remembering an old lover.

- Yeah, one of the best witches, aurors and a beautiful girl... Remus definitely needs more than that. - Tonks faced her uncle after that.

- You don't understand. - She snapped.

- Of course I don't, I just have known Remus since we were 11 years old and I met you in your crib...

- What if he rejects me?. - She cut him.

- You are strong and I believe you know that, you are so strong, I know you, you won't give up on him, you'll keep trying. - Sirius took one of her hands. It was amazing how this little girl was in love with one of his best friends... his only friend, along with Harry, he mentally corrected himself, it was amazing how he though of James as a living person, he tried to think of someone else, Tonks or Harry, yes Harry, Harry was his best friend, the kid was amazing. He shook his head.

- Will I?. - Dora asked not knowing the thoughts of her uncle.

- I don't know, promise me you will, I know Remus he needs someone and you are the perfect girl for him. - Tonks blushed. - Promise me you will.

- You sound like you're dying. - Sirius' smiled faded away. - Promised.

- Good. You will get him. - Tonks smiled and soon she was getting next to Sirius. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, Sirius giggled.

- Thank you. Want to talk about something else?. - Sirius shook his head.

- Is someone here? Sirius?. - They both heard Remus voice some seconds before appearing in the room.

- Hey Moony. -

- Hey Remus. - Tonks answered trying not to blush. - How did it go?. - She asked referring to his latest mission.

- Do not ask, please. - Remus sighed. - Sirius, I wanted to show you something that needs to be thrown away of your mother's room.

- I hate that room. - Sirius murmured before standing up the chair.

- Then I better get going. - Tonks said. - See you later guys. - And she left the room as soon as she could.

- You need to get yourself a girlfriend Moony. -

- What?. - And they both get upstairs.

Soon after they left Kreacher started cleaning the room, of course, murmuring words against all the people the came to his mind, he overheard what Remus had said, the elf was definitely mad at them.

- Sirius?. - Kreacher heard a voice coming from the fireplace. - Sirius, are you there?. - He recognized the voice of Harry but insisted to ask, they boy seemed to be really afraid of something.

She was indeed going to tell Remus about his feelings, that very afternoon perhaps, Sirius had helped her in a way no one could. But before she could think of the words she was going to say, the urgent call got to her, they had to go the the Ministry of Magic.

After that day she felt so empty, all the words Sirius told her were gone, she couldn't do it, not then, not without Sirius.

She would eventually remember her promise.

N/A:

Reviews are niceeee :)

07 November 2008