Auhors Note: This is the first story I wrote specificly to upload so be nice. :)
It is a marauder era fiction and Snape will remain my whore forever. *salivates*
Ah! Right my muse just reminded me I haven't put a disclaimer one here!
I do not own Harry Potter... why I'd want to I don't know since he whines far to much for my liking. Snape on the other hand I wold love to own. ;)
I am not JKR and if I was I would probably auction this for millions of pounds just because I could.
Anyhow onto the story...
The silvery moonlight shimmered on the lake as he stared across it. He had ruined everything. Everything he had worked for, gone, just like that, one slip of the tongue and it was all over. A few tears trickled down his hooked nose as he ducked his head and spoke.
"I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. I ruined everything. I know I should've controlled my mouth. I never meant for that curse to slip from my tongue, honestly. I know you well enough to know that it is twice as bad as an unforgivable and one can never grovel enough to earn your forgiveness but I just want you to know I'm sorry. I swear I will never use that accursed word again. It felt like poison, I feel as though I've been poisoned. I poisoned myself, love."
I never sought to hurt you. I wanted only to care for you. I love you so much it hurts all of the time. And now, I feel as if my heart is breaking. I never had the chance to say I love you, I never had the time to protect you, as you did me. All I did was tell you about this world, and that was years ago. I've done nothing to make up for my mistakes. No, I've been immature and childish. All I've done is brawl with Potter and terrorise the younger kids alongside my housemates. I even went as far as calling you "mudblood" just because I was embarrassed and now I know no matter how much I say I want you, no matter how much I plead forgiveness, I know I won't get it, and it hurts."
He looked back across the lake again as he murmured: "I'm sorry, Lily Evans, I'm so sorry."
He closed his eyes for a moment and thought of her. Her fiery red hair which danced about her face. Her cupid bow lips he longed to kiss. Her dainty little nose which he envied. Her bright green eyes he had fallen in love with.
Her eyes, they were so bright and full of life. They had always made him smile, even after yet another bad encounter with his dad. All she had to do was look at him and everything would be clear, everything would be right in the world and he would be happy. Happy staring into the eyes of the girl he loved, the only girl he desired.
He just had to tell her how he felt. There was no way around it, no way to avoid it. He couldn't tell her in a letter, though. It was too easy to lie in a letter; his mother had done it so many times to him. No, there had to be another way. A way which was romantic and perhaps a little cryptic, yet, honest and open.
He closed his eyes in thought and sat for several minutes, deciding, before reaching for his schoolbag.
~x~
He sighed deeply as he made his way to the owlery. He knew it wasn't perfect, but it was all true, every word of it.
He knew that without her he would be lost. The Slytherins would know now exactly what his weak points were, however they wouldn't see them as weak points, oh no, they would see them as something to be nurtured and honed, something powerful to use against those who tried to deceive him.
He continued his walk down the gravely path.
One day, he would die a painful death, without her love. What made this thought worse was the empty feeling in his stomach when he realised he wouldn't even have her friendship. To her he would just be that guy I once knew, No-one important, just a part of her past.
~x~
After attaching the wrapped parchment to his chosen owl's leg, he led it outside so he could see her one last time without having to endure the daggers he was sure to receive from her and all of the other Gryffindors.
~x~
Lily stopped sobbing into her pillow for a few moments while she blew her nose. Today had been the worst day of her life. Severus, her best friend, had completely destroyed their friendship, the only friendship in school that defied the house rivalry. Well, it didn't now. It was over in a second, she could still hear the word echoing in her head. i"Mudblood"/i
She screwed the tissue up in her hand as she tiptoed across to the bathroom so she wouldn't disturb her slumbering roommates.
As she stepped into the bathroom, she shivered as her feet felt the cold floor and she caught sight of herself in the mirror facing her. Her bright, red hair was all over the place and tangled, her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks stained with salt.
Taking a deep, shuddering breath to calm herself, she filled the sink before her with cold water and immersed her head.
After pulling her head out of the water, she felt no better. The pain had subsided a little on the inside but now her face hurt just as much as her heart did. It felt as if it were breaking into millions of tiny shards.
Severus had torn her apart with just one word. It was just two syllables and she was broken. He had meant more to her than she had realised and now there was nothing either of them could do about it. She couldn't bring herself to admit that she wanted to forgive him, because she knew she wouldn't. She couldn't. Just like he couldn't stop arguing with Potter.
Sighing, she cast a drying charm on her hair and stumbled back to her bed. Just as she was about to climb back into her four-poster however, she saw an owl at the window looking right at her. She flicked her wand to allow the owl to enter the room and watched as he glided over to her bed.
As he swooped down, he suck his leg out and waited patiently for her to remove his package. Her fingers trembled as she recognised the small, cramped handwriting of one Severus Snape, her ex-best friend, the one she had just been crying over.
She opened the letter slowly and read the words which covered the parchment. The tears began to flow freely once more as though a dam had burst. She clutched the parchment to her chest as she sobbed, her heart wracked with emotion. She hated him for what he had done, for what he had called her, yet, at the same time she loved him, he may have been the one to call her a mudblood but he was also the one who showed her the world, led her through the darkened halls late at night, and defied the curfew to comfort her.
This is a message to you,
Just to tell you, you killed me.
These tears spilling down my cheeks,
Showing all my emotions,
Just not my feelings for you.
I can't use my tears to bring you back.
I'm waiting, just waiting on you,
My sweet love.
These tears spilling down my cheeks,
They are the remains of our love,
And also our friendship, too..
This was a message to you,
Just to tell you, you killed me.
I'm sorry..