Here's a fic inspired by the Pink Floyd song "When the Tigers Broke Free" (you should totally check out the music video for it.) It's my take on what might have happened after Peggy learned of her brother's death.
I'd like to thank my lovely betas Snowmary and Truth-Renowned (Y'all are amazing!)
I own nothing.
News of her brother's death arrived a week before the wedding. They buried what was left of him on the day she was to be married. The service was held in the same church Peggy was to wed in. Today she was supposed to be of walking down the aisle in a white gown with her father by her side. Instead she wore a black dress and sat in the pews between her parents and fiancé. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, not the worst.
After the service many men came up to her family afterwards to recount tales of her brother's heroism and sacrifices. They acted as if their stories would give her and her family some sense of consolation and comfort in wake of Michael's death. Peggy couldn't care less. She found no comfort in their words. She didn't want her brother to be a hero, she wanted him to be here.
Tears streamed down her face as she watched the men lower her brother into the ground. Michael was her closest friend, he knew her better than anyone, even Fred, and now he was gone. Peggy spared a brief glance at her fiancé and then at the ring on her finger before returning her gaze to Michael's final resting place in the ground ground. Was this what she wanted? The engagement ring on her finger began to grow heavy as she watched the men throw dirt on her brother's coffin. Slowly, she let her hand slip from Fred's grip.
That night Peggy locked herself in her room and cried until she ran out of tears. She was sure that the gaping hole in her heart would never fully heal. The absence of Michael in her life would never be filled. This pain, this heaviness that she could not shake, was something she knew she would carry with her for the rest of her days. A part of Peggy knew that eventually this weight would not burden her as it did today, but for the moment she allowed herself to wallow in the grief.
Her last conversation with her brother echoed through her mind. Peggy's eyes wandered over to the wedding gown in the corner of the room. She held up her left hand and examined the ring on her finger.
Was this what she wanted?
She looked over at the dress once more and frowned. She found that she couldn't tolerate the sight of it anymore. That dress no longer felt like it belonged to her. It belonged to the woman that was marrying Fred. Peggy wasn't sure she was that woman anymore or if she ever had been her in the first place. Maybe she was just pretending to fall into the place that society had made for her. And maybe she could have continued with this charade if Michael had not died. But today, as she buried her closest friend and confidant, she realized something. Something Michael had been telling her all along.
This wasn't what she wanted.
The walls of her home did no longer feel welcome. They only reminded her of ghosts. She couldn't stay here anymore. She couldn't bear it. This was where she grew up with her brother. And now Michael was gone. And the house no longer felt like home. The hallways used to be filled with laughter, now they were cold and hollow. She didn't belong here. This life that she had set up for herself no longer felt like the right path.
Peggy slid Fred's ring off of her finger, placed it on her nightstand and got up off her bed to retrieve the SOE letter from her dresser. She pulled the proposal out of the envelope. She had read it so many times she practically knew the entire thing by heart, but once more couldn't hurt.
Amidst her grief she felt a sense of purpose swell in her chest as she read the letter. Peggy realized that this offered more than just a chance to serve her country; she could finally follow those old dreams of hers that she had long forgotten. Risking life and limb behind enemy lines? Maybe that wasn't the Peggy Carter that Fred wanted to marry, but it was the Peggy Carter that Michael thought her to be.
Michael was right. She couldn't deny who she was. She couldn't continue this charade to please those around her. Perhaps she was meant for something else after all.
So she took her future in her hands and did what she wanted. Not what her parents, Fred or even Michael wanted. This was her choice and her choice alone.
Peggy called the SOE the next morning and accepted the position. It took her all day to gather the courage to tell her parents. She knew that the last thing they wanted to do was send another child to war after losing her brother. But she had to do this, for herself and for Michael. There was a good chance that her parent's wouldn't understand her choice. Peggy feared that they would never forgive her for what she was about to, but there was no turning back now.
That evening at dinner her mother noticed that Fred's engagement ring was missing from her finger. Peggy hadn't planned on breaking the news to them until after the meal, but her mother was insistent to know why she no longer wore her engagement ring. Peggy produced the envelope. She told them that she had changed her mind about the job.
At first her mother yelled and then she grew quiet and then turned her head away. Her mother couldn't even bare look at her anymore. Peggy watched as she pushed herself away from the table and left the room in tears. Michael's death was still so fresh and now she was losing her other child. Peggy did not blame her mother, nor her actions, but that didn't mean that they didn't hurt. She didn't expect them to understand, and she didn't care about their approval. This wasn't their choice; it was hers.
Her father remained silent as her mother left the room. He blinked back tears of his own and placed his hand on Peggy's shoulder and gave her a small squeeze. Peggy managed a small smile and tried to find words for her father. However, there was nothing more to say and they both knew it. He nodded slightly before excusing himself from the table to go comfort her mother.
Peggy was left sitting alone at the dinner table. She could hear her mother crying in the other room. And as much as it broke her heart, she would not change her mind. Her country needed her. This was her place. This was her duty. In two days time she would leave her life behind. She'd go to war. And she wouldn't look back.
She packed her bag the night before the SOE was to retrieve her. It didn't take long. She didn't need much where she was going.
The next morning as she made her bed she wondered if this would be the last time she'd be doing so. The prospect of her return from war was quite uncertain. Spying was a dangerous business to say the least.
She replaced the letter on her dresser with Fred's ring so her parents could find it when her former fiancé came looking for it. She didn't know how to tell him that she was leaving and didn't want to hear his protests. This was her choice. Perhaps a clean break was for the best. He might not forgive her, but it was a sacrifice she was more than ready to make.
Peggy drew in a steadying breath and grabbed her suitcase. After sparing one final glance at her bedroom Peggy walked out the door and into the hall of her childhood home. Her heart felt heavy as she recalled her fond memories of the place, but she could not avoid the crushing sadness that followed. She couldn't stay here. This was no longer her home. Her brother was gone and she wondered briefly if she would join him shortly.
Peggy stopped at the top of the staircase and spared a final glance of the hallway. She remembered the way laughter used to echo through the walls. It brought tears to her eyes. Oh how she wished she could go back to those days before the war. But those days were over and Michael was gone and Peggy had no illusions of bringing him back. Instead she resolved to take his place on the battlefront and do what he thought she'd do best.
She wiped away her tears and slowly descended down the staircase to meet her parents by the door. The car would be here for her soon. There was no more time to reminisce about the past.
Her mother's face was wet with tears and she clung on to her handkerchief like her life depended on it. Her father's face was dry, but his eyes were rimmed red. Peggy had no doubt that he'd cry as soon as she left, like he had done when Michael had gone to war. She felt an odd sense of déjà vu. She wondered if her parents did too.
Peggy glanced out the window and saw a car slowly making it's way down the street towards the house. She bristled slightly as her stomach filled with butterflies. This was it. No turning back now.
She turned to give her mother and father a big hug. She didn't know what to say to them. She had planned on giving them some speech full of uncertain promises of safety and return. But now that the moment had arrived it no longer seemed right. Her parents knew little of what she was walking in to, but they were not ignorant, they knew that Peggy was in just as much, if not more, danger than their son had been in.
Instead, Peggy remained silent and allowed them to walk her out to the driveway. As the government car slowed to a stop she turned to her parents. She studied their faces for a brief, heartwrenching moment and wondered if this would be the last time she's see them. By the looks on their faces she could tell that they were doing the same. Peggy set down her bag and gave them one final hug. She whispered in their ears that she loved them and she'd do everything in her power to come home after this bloody war was over. They told her to be careful.
Peggy fought back tears as they ushered her to the backseat of the car. She did not look back at her parents standing in front of the only home she'd ever known as the car pulled out of the drive. She couldn't allow herself to fall apart. There would be no more of that. She'd already cried more than her fare share and there were more important tasks at hand than to wallow in her own guilt and misery. She had a job to do and a war to win.
Michael was right. She was meant to fight.
Thanks for reading! :) Reviews are always welcome (and very much appreciated)
You can find me on tumblr as thecoldestginger