(A/N) ok, this is my first angst... so be nice...
I do not own FMA nor will i ever...

My name? Edward Elric.
My life? happy? sad? I don't even know myself...
Current emotional state? One word, Broken.

There are many things wrong with me, we all know this. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the opposite of perfect.

I can't seem to find happiness, all I can do for others is make their lives a living hell...

1) I convinced Al to commit human transmutation, the greatest of all taboos... Now, he spends his days in a suit of armor.

2) I got a job as the youngest state alchemist in order to get mine and my brother's bodys' back to their original state but I can't seem to follow commands...

3) Winry and pinoko try their hardest to make me the best automail they can. And what do I do? Ruin it, regularly...

4)I took a job offer in Lior and exposed a fake priest. Good right? No... the whole city righted agent each other.

I can't handle it all sometimes... I feel like I can't anything right, that if I want something to get done right, someone has to do it for me. I'm surprised no one found out my secret yet. Especially Winry. I mean, she woks on my other arm and when ever some one needs to fix my automail, I need to strip down to my boxers. They don't see, no one ever dose, and if some one, in some way found out, they wouldn't care. No one would.

I'm also surprised that Al of all people hasn't seen. I mean, first off, I live with him. And second, he sees broken plastic around the bathroom, transmuted off a disposable razor. He asked what all of it was once and I just said that I didn't want the blade ripping the bag open so I use the blades for thickening out his armor or if I need to fix something on my automail. Pretty crappy excuse I guess. But its all I got for him.

I keep a little rag in my pocket holding the blades in case I need to run away from everything and I'm not close to my apartment.

But three days ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life...

I found out Hughes died, trying to help me and my brother of course. I couldn't handle it... I ran to the boy's bathroom and no one was there. Al just stood outside because he had no need to intercept. I ran into one of the stalls and locked it. I quickly rolled up my sleeve. Looking over my arm to find a place where I hadn't cut already, I had cuts from the bottom of my wist to about my elbow. I got out my blade and the rag and made a deep cut in my arm. I was on the verge of tears just thinking about how Mrs Hughes and his daughter wont be able to see him again. All my fault, just like everything else. I made a few more cuts then ran to the sink to clean off my arm.

I heard the door open and looked away, facing the paper towels.

"Hello Fullmetal" I heard colonel Mustang say, walking up to the mirror to fix his hair. When I didn't respond or even look away from the paper towels he looked at me in confusion.

"Fullmetal, Is everything alright?"

I didn't respond. I grabbed my bleeding arm with my automail arm and put my head down.

"Fullmetal, did we run out of towels? I can go get some if you need me to."

Still, I stay quiet

"Fullmetal" He reached out and grabbed my automail shoulder, I quickly shrugged him off and rolled down my sleeve.

"Fullmetal, are you hiding something?"

I just nod.

"What are you hiding?"

I stood still and was trying to send him a message via thought to go the hell away.

"Is it a weapon? Or is it like a dirty picture. I wont tell if its something like that, but if its a weapon, I'll have to take it away. Unlike Me and Hawkeye, your not old enough to carry a weapon around."

I stood still, trying to stay quiet, but- "I guess you could call it a dirty picture..." I mumbled to myself...

"Then I have to ask you to hand it over, I can't let you have things like that here" The colonel said holding out his hand.

I griped my arm tighter. I could tell I was still bleeding from the dark red spots forming on my jacket.

"Fullmetal, give it here or I will take it from you." He said, starting to sound like a teacher, or even a parent...

"It would be hard to take it away from me, you know that..." I said, trying to find a way to get him out of my bubble.

"I know how stubborn you can be-... Fullmetal, is that blood?" the colonel said looking at my jacket sleeve, now with small patches of blood on it about a centimeter or two each.

"Just leave me the hell alone colonel..." I said walking away

When he stopped me and grabbed my arm I froze. Not only because his tight grip was on my fresh cuts, but I knew what he was going to do.

He rolled up my sleeve and his face, it looked like he was being stabbed in the back by his best friend. He stood in front of me and got out a piece of paper and a pen. He wrought something down and handed it to me. It was an address and a phone number with 'Roy' at the bottom written in cursive.

"I will be expecting you by ten. if your not there by eleven, I will come and pick you up. If your brother asks where your going say you have a meeting with me." He said directly and walked out the door.

Looks like I'll be explaining the obvious to someone...

(A/N) Okay! So what did you think? should I even have the yaoi pairing, or leave it as it is...? ehh.. I don't know... I guess I'll find that out when the time comes... anyway, please R&R :3