Disclaimer: Jersey Television, Comedy Central, etc. own Reno 911 and all related characters and other intellectual property. I have no permission to use them, nor do I intend to profit by their use... merely play in the sandbox. Due to Fanfiction's regulations, this fanfic will not include the author's commentary.

"Family Situations"
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

The following fanfic contains strong language. Reader discretion is advised.

Morning Briefing

"Okay, everybody's here... First off," Lieutenant Jim Dangle shuffled and straightened the papers on the podium in front of him, "Little reminder; the new patrol cars come in next week, so please remember to get any personal items out of your cars before the change-over, especially those of you with take-home cars."

His eyes moved to specifically take in Deputies Clementine Johnson and Trudy Wiegel, each for their own reasons.

"Moving right along... The Wal-Mart has had no more problems with the gentleman, uh, fondling the manniquins. Good job, Garcia..."

"Muchas gracias," Deputy James Garcia nodded.

"Unfortunately, we're now getting reports that he's moved on to the K-Mart instead."

"Well, at least he's not doing Victoria's Secret," Deputy Travis Junior remarked.

"Thank you for volunteering, Travis, I'll let K-Mart know you're be out there later to look into it," Dangle informed Junior.

"Shit," Junior swore.

"One more thing, before we head out, I want to thank everyone for their part in making Garcia's fifteen-year anniversary with the Sheriff's Department a memorable one, thank you."

"By the way, Lieutenant," Garcia announced, smirking, "While we're on the subject; You want to know what's the only thing worse than paying a stripper eighty dollars to pretend to be my daughter?"

"I... uh... I don't know what you're talking about, Garcia," Dangle answered haltingly, "You mean that wasn't your daughter?"

Garcia crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, "Getting ripped off by my daughter for eighty bucks, Jim, that's what's worse. Trina really is my daughter, she just saw a way to get you to help her find me and pay her for it."

"Uh-uh, I don't believe it," Junior shook his head, "Even if we did pay a stripper to do that - which I'm not saying we did - what would be the odds of her just suddenly turning out to be your daughter, Garcia?"

"Okay, proof. You want proof? I'll give you proof. Ten years ago," Garcia pulled a picture from the early nineties out of his wallet and laid it on the table; himself, his then-wife and their daughter.

"Last night," a far more recent picture of Garcia and the girl from his anniversary party was laid a foot away from the first.

"And, ho, ho, ho, what's this?" Garcia then laid a series of pictures out between the two, showing a visual progression of ten years, "Why, I do believe these are pictures I had the boys down in the photo-lab do aging that old family picture."

Deputy S. Jones reached over and turned the pictures so that he could look at them and blinked before commenting, "It's the same girl."

The black deputy turned them so that Dangle could see and the Lieutenant was shocked, "It really is the same girl."

"Nuh-uh," Junior shook his head, moving from his habitual spot leaning against the wall behind Johnson to look over her shoulder at the pictures, "I don't believe it - it's her."

Deputy Raineesha Williams looked at the male deputies in disbelief, "You thought you were hiring a stripper to pretend to be Garcia's daughter?"

Nobody paid attention to Jones looking down and away at the word 'stripper'.

Deputy C. Johnson

"I don't know what surprises me more," Johnson said to the camera, "That they tried to hire a stripper to pretend she was Garcia's daughter or that Garcia's daughter really is a stripper. Not that, you know, I have anything against strippers or anything. In fact, some of my best friends are strippers. My big sister was a stripper until the accident, now she runs a brothel. I don't have any problem with anyone who lives their life the way they want to live it. It's just... you look at Garcia, it's hard enough to imagine he was married and had kids, that one of those kids grew up to be a stripper is pretty surprising."

Johnson shook her head, "She must take after her mother in looks, that's all I'm saying."