AN: this is a 5 chapter story which forms the first instalment to a new storyline. I'm not sure when the next one will be written but I will post it under this same story title.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to let you know that earlier this month, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. Molly is absolutely adorable and definitely the centre of the new world I find myself living in.
Coming Home Part 1/5
Standing in the international arrivals area of Dulles Airport, Mac was experiencing all kinds of nervous energy as she searched the incoming passengers for the one face she was desperate to see. Despite his words, designed to reassure her, Mac knew she wouldn't be looking for a face above the crowd. Her 6'4 partner would be coming off the plane in a wheelchair, something she knew he would hate but was necessary, given the circumstances.
Seven months ago, just weeks into their new romantic relationship, Harm had been reassigned to a base in Germany. His position was to be temporary as the legal department, and the role he was stepping into, was being disbanded. The incumbent had been killed when he went to Afghanistan as part of what was to be his last investigation, one which involved a highly decorated pilot and an inexplicable accident. The senior officer in charge of the post had been accompanying him and had also been killed, leaving a huge gap for Harm to fill.
And fill it he did. Spending the first five months away, Harm concluded the aviator case with a win, cleaned up and finalised other outstanding cases before overseeing the closure of the unit. Busy as ever, Harm still managed to make two calls stateside each day, one when he woke and the other before bed.
For her part, Mac had also made two calls a day on the same schedule. When the odds were in their favour they spoke four times a day. Alas, as was par for the course, most often they didn't speak at all, resorting to long and rambling messages on answering machines. As busy as they both were, Mac had managed to make one trip to see him, surprising Harm in his office in the third month of his assignment.
It had only been a three day visit, and for most of it there was only the two of them and the four walls of Harm's bedroom, still it was better than nothing and something they both desperately wanted. Separating after those three days had been harder than his initial departure and both had been counting down the days until he was to return home.
Five weeks ago, Harm was homeward bound. Organised, packed and very excited, Harm was on his way to Berlin Brandenburg Airport when his driver had a cardiac arrest at the wheel and inadvertently drove them into the back of another car, causing a concertina effect. A large semi, which had been travelling at speed, couldn't avoid the mess and cannoned into the back of them causing more damage still.
The end result was there had been three people killed, four, including Harm, critically injured and at least a dozen transported to various hospitals for treatment. The first Mac had known of it was eight hours later when Harm had a nurse phone her to let her know he wouldn't be on the flight. Unable to fly out herself, Mac had phoned Harm's parents and they had landed in Germany on the first possible flight.
It took countless calls back and forth before Mac was reassured that Harm was well on the road to recovery and, despite his ongoing hospitalisation, he would make a full recovery. Three weeks into that recovery, Mac had made plans to fly to him only to be dissuaded by Harm and the information that his discharge was imminent and he didn't want her to fly across only to have to fly back with him.
Alas, Harm developed an infection and his discharge was delayed and it was Frank who had the job of informing Mac of the change of plans. Having cancelled her leave, she was unable to then fly out and this distressed her more by the hour.
Now, standing in the arrivals area, Mac's energy was at its crescendo. Without the aid of caffeine she felt as if she was jumping out of her skin and that her heart was racing a million miles an hour. Finally, when there was a lull in passengers appearing, she saw him. Except for the fact he was in a wheelchair, there was little evidence he was injured. Being pushed by a tall lieutenant, Harm indicated for him to stop as Mac ran over to them.
Gingerly, Harm stood and grinned when Mac appeared in front of him.
"It is so good to see you, gorgeous," he whispered, raising a hand to caress her face.
"You too," she replied tearfully. "Welcome home." Her hands itched as they stayed by her side.
"You can touch me," he said, holding his arms open for her.
"Are you sure I won't hurt you?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on his.
"You could never hurt me," he replied, taking a tentative step forward and wrapping her in his arms. "Do you know how much I love you and how much I've missed you?" he whispered before kissing her head and inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo.
"As much as I love and have missed you," she replied before brushing her lips against his and gently kissing him.
All too soon the kiss was over and the lieutenant helped Harm sit once more.
"Mac, this is Lieutenant Mark Evans," he said by way of introductions. "Lieutenant, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie."
"Ma'am, nice to meet you," he said coming to attention.
"At ease, at ease," she said, waving away the gesture. "I want to thank you for accompanying Harm home."
"It was an honour, ma'am," he replied, with a quick nod of the head.
Mark was a nurse stationed at the military hospital in Germany. After being there for a year, he was returning home and, after looking after Harm during the latter days of his hospitalisation, had volunteered to escort him, DC being his home too.
When Harm was settled in the chair once more, Mark went to pick up Harm's bag.
"Would that little welcome home committee be for you, Lieutenant?" Harm asked pointing over to a young boy and his mother watching excitedly.
Mark's face lit up. "It is but I did tell them not to come...that I needed to get you to Bethesda first."
"Go!" said Harm.
Not needing further prompting, Mark dropped the bag and headed towards his patient family. It didn't take long for his five-year-old son to sprint to his father. "Daddy!" he screamed before jumping into his daddy's arms.
With Harm's nurse otherwise occupied, Mac took the opportunity to kiss him one more time. "So, we're headed to Bethesda," she said quietly as she caressed his face.
"Not if I can talk my way out of it," he whispered in reply while stealing a glance at what Mark was doing.
"Are you expected at the hospital?" she questioned, using her hand to ensure he looked at her.
"Yes, but it was just precautionary and I'm feeling well. I just want you to take me home," he said sincerely, as his blue eyes pooled with tears. "I've had enough of being away from you."
"Honey, I want nothing more than to take you home and look after you, to hold you and kiss you...but I want to make sure you're okay...really okay," she said, her voice quiet but pleading.
"Mac, honestly, I'm good...nothing a good night sleep curled up with you won't fix," he said with a wink, desperately hoping to get her onside. He couldn't face another night in another hospital.
"Harm..." she started slowly but he was over their separation, his injuries, everything.
"No, please don't 'Harmmmm' me," he whispered tearfully. "Just take me home ...please...please..."
Against her better judgement, Mac nodded; how could she refuse?
Mark brought his family across and introduced everyone and just as he was about to say they needed to go to Bethesda Mac intervened.
"Lieutenant, thank you so much for bringing Harm home," she said, resting a hand on his arm. "We both really appreciate it. Now, it's time for you to go home with your family and I'll take him to Bethesda." Harm's eyes widened – hadn't she just agreed not to?
"I appreciate that, Colonel, but..." he started before his son tugged on his hand.
"Daddy, does that mean we can go home and play ball?" he asked wide eyed. "'Cos I've missed playing with you so much."
"That's exactly what it means, Kieran," Mac answered. "Your daddy has done his duty and he can go play ball."
"Thank you, ma'am," he said coming to attention once more. "Here are the Commander's medical records..."
It wasn't long before the farewells had been completed and Mac was wheeling Harm to the car, his seabag across his lap.
Not wanting to push Harm through the endless rows of the car park, Mac scanned the area for the best place to leave him so she could go and get the car.
"Will you be alright if I leave you here and get the car?" she asked, coming to stand by his side.
"I can walk from..." he started but Mac shook her head.
"Not an option, sailor," she interrupted.
"Ma'am, sir," said a sky captain moving closer to them. "It would be my honour to wait with the commander while you get the car, ma'am."
Mac looked at Harm and he nodded. "I can't get up to any mischief, Mac," he said with a smile.
"I'll keep him on the straight and narrow, ma'am," the man replied with a grin.
With a little more reassurance, Mac left to retrieve the car.
"You must have been a military man," Harm said to the older gentleman; after all very few civilians could identify ranks.
"Yes, sir," he replied. "A flyer just like you."
"Really?" Harm asked, turning in his chair.
"Yes, sir," he said proudly before filling Harm in on his own military service and love of all things flight.
As Mac pulled up in front of them, the man slipped Harm his business card. "Any time you feel like a chat give me a call," he said with a smile. "I can show you my Stearman."
"You have a Stearman too?" Harm asked surprised.
"It's the love of my life," he said with a laugh. "Just don't tell my wife!"
"I won't, Joe. It was great meeting you."
It took a few long minutes for Harm to stand and get into their car and Mac helped him settle into his seat as Joe placed the seabag in the trunk before taking the wheelchair, assuring them he'd return it.
As they pulled out into traffic, Harm rested his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes.
"Are you okay?" Mac asked, reaching over and gently touching his leg.
"Just tired," he replied without opening his eyes.
"Are you sure you don't want me to take you to Bethesda? Just for a quick check-up?" she asked, eager to take him home but wanting to ensure he was really as well as he was saying he was.
"Positive, gorgeous," he said with a smile before opening his eyes. "I just want to go home."
"Home as in your place or mine?" she questioned, knowing he couldn't really manage by himself just yet.
"Mine," he replied turning his head to look at her. "I don't think I'd manage the stairs at your building...Can you stay with me?"
"Of course," she said. "I was staying with you whether you wanted me to or not!"
"Best news I've heard in a long time," he said with a grin, though his tears weren't far away. He was desperately hoping it wouldn't be too long before they share the same domicile permanently.
A few minutes later, Harm had drifted off despite his protests that he wasn't all that tired. It wasn't until Mac had parked the car at his building and had opened his door that he woke.
"You're finally home," Mac said, propping herself on the edge of his seat before leaning forward and kissing his head. "You feel hot."
"I'm okay," he said slowly, not too sure whether he was or not.
"Well, let's get you upstairs and settled in," she said, unlatching his seatbelt before standing up.
Mac waited for a minute, as patiently as she could, watching Harm shift in his seat without making any real move to get out.
"Harm, do you need a hand?" she questioned leaning back down.
"Um..." he said before looking up at her, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears.
"What is it, honey?" she asked, sitting back on the edge of his seat once more.
"I think I need to go to Bethesda," he said sadly and Mac knew it was killing him to admit it.
"Then that's where we'll go," she replied, kissing him briefly before caressing his face.
"But look how close I am to being home," he said as a tear slipped down his cheek.
"I know, Harm," she whispered before kissing him once more. "And I'm desperate to have you home but I'd rather have you well first."
Three hours later, Mac slipped into bed alongside Harm and wrapped him in her arms. Unfortunately, for them both, it was an uncomfortable hospital bed and not Harm's spacious king sized bed in his loft.
"Ssh," she whispered, kissing his head. "You'll be in your own bed soon enough."
Harm just sniffled trying to keep his tears at bay once more. It concerned them both that he was so emotional; it just wasn't like him. Still, Mac chose not to mention his current state and focus on the positives.
"I love you so much," she said, kissing his forehead. "And I've missed you very, very much."
"Love you and missed you too," he replied holding onto her a little tighter.
"Can't believe it's been four months since I've been able to lie with you and hold you and kiss you," she whispered, drawing his face up to hers. "I've missed just being able to reach out and touch you any time I like."
"Me too," he replied reaching up to brush her hair from her face. "Just wish we had a little more privacy."
"Well, the doctor said you'd only be here 24 hours," she said. "Enough time to have the antibiotics kick in and start fixing up the infection you have developed. Then, we get to go home and have all the privacy we desire."
"Until you have to go back to work on Monday," he said, closing his eyes once more.
"I'm not going to work on Monday," she said quietly and Harm's eyes opened once more.
"You're not going back tomorrow, are you?" he said quickly, trying to sit up.
"No, no," she said just as quickly. "I have taken the next six weeks off."
"Six weeks? Why?" he said surprised, she hadn't mentioned it in all their phone conversations or emails.
"Well, first I have to get you well," she said, caressing his face. "Then I have to take you away for an intimate getaway."
"Ooh," he said with a grin. "That sounds like a good plan."
"I thought so," she replied before kissing him, softly at first but it soon deepened as the desire for each other escalated.
It was a nurse coming into the room which interrupted them and Mac just smiled at Harm as the nurse went about her duties.
"Ma'am," said the nurse. "Visiting hours are..."
"Don't finish that sentence!" Harm yelled. "We've already been through this. Read the damn notes!"
Quickly the nurse scanned the chart and saw an earlier entry which stated that 'for the patient's ongoing cooperation and recovery, it will be necessary to allow his partner to remain with him during this admission'.
It was the admitting doctor which had made the entry after Harm made it clear to everyone within earshot that he wouldn't be staying if Mac couldn't.
"My apologies, ma'am," she said, looking to Mac. "Is there anything you need?"
"No, thank you," Mac said sympathetically. The young woman was only trying to follow procedure and wasn't to know that Harm was being so difficult at the moment.
Once the nurse had gone and Harm was sure Mac wasn't going anywhere, he closed his eyes once more and sighed deeply. "Sorry," he said, his eyes still closed. "I'm not myself at the moment."
"I can tell," Mac whispered in reply before stroking his face. "What's going on?"
"No idea," he replied a tear rolling down the side of his face. Gently, Mac wiped it away.
"Were you like this in the hospital in Berlin?" she asked her hand still on his face.
"Not really," he replied. "At least I don't think so..." He opened his eyes once more. "I just feel really off-kilter."
"Why didn't you tell the doctor earlier?" she asked, her eyes locked with his.
"Because..." he started before not knowing what else to say.
"Because..." Mac prompted gently.
"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm hoping it's jetlag."
"Maybe it is," she said, kissing his forehead. "How about you get some sleep and we'll see how you are in the morning?"
Harm agreed and then, safe in Mac's arms, drifted off to sleep.
When Mac was assured he was well and truly asleep, she unwound herself from Harm and slid from the bed, making sure to arrange the pillows with her sweater on them to convince him she was still with him. Stretching first, she used his bathroom before grabbing her cell and texting his parents.
Trish and Frank had stayed on in Europe and Mac wasn't sure exactly where they would be or the time of day for them. So, she sent a text to both their phones which simply said 'Harm's home – please call my cell when you have a chance'.
Checking Harm was still asleep, Mac ventured into the corridor hoping to find something appetising in the vending machines she had spied upon arrival. It took her a few minutes to purchase and collect a supply of candy and drinks before she returned to the room to find Harm muttering in his sleep.
"Shh, shh," she soothed, leaning over and kissing him. "It's okay, honey. You're okay."
A few kisses, caresses and soothing words later Harm was sleeping peacefully once more. Propping herself on the edge of the bed, Mac opened a bottle of 7Up before tearing the wrapper of a Mars Bar. One sip and one bite later her cell buzzed and she scooped it up.
"Hey, Frank," she said, easing off the bed and moving to stand in the doorway, hoping not to disturb Harm.
"Hello, Sarah," he replied. "How's the patient?"
"Home," she said with a sigh.
"What's wrong?" he asked in a fatherly tone. "And before you say nothing, if Harm was fine he would have been the one to call."
"Can't fool you, can I?" she said with a small laugh. "Harm's in Bethesda, he developed an infection and really wasn't feeling well."
"We thought that may happen," Frank replied. "How is he coping with another hospitalisation? He wasn't impressed at being in hospital in Germany."
"Hating it," Mac said honestly. "Look," she said hesitantly, her eyes fixed on Harm. "I need to ask you something about Harm's time in hospital over there..."
"Go ahead, Sarah," he said when Mac had paused a little too long.
"How was he, really?" she whispered, her eyes welling with tears.
"He was in pain from the internal injuries and the injuries to his left leg and hip..." he said. "But we told you all of that."
"Oh, I know," she said with a nod. "But I didn't mean his physical injuries...how was he...in himself?"
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, not really understanding where she was headed.
"Harm's just not himself. He's very emotional, very clingy...he's only staying in hospital because I'm staying here with him..." she said, wiping away her tears as they fell.
"He was more emotional in hospital than we are used to seeing as well but he was missing you dreadfully," Frank said quietly. "He was unwell, in pain and desperately homesick. Trish spoke to the doctor and he just said it wasn't unusual in the circumstances. Do you think it's something else?"
"I don't know," she replied. "He has an infection, he is jetlagged but I've seen him when he was in worse condition and he wasn't like this. Even he says he feels 'off-kilter'."
"If you're not happy with what you're seeing and Harm is willing to admit he isn't feeling right, then please speak to his doctor," Frank pleaded, knowing Harm rarely admitted he was suffering from any ailment. "And then call us back any time of the day or night and let us know. We're in Spain at the moment but we could be there within a day if necessary."
Mac nodded before remembering she had to speak. "Okay, it's late here so it will be sometime tomorrow when I can speak to his doctor but I'll definitely let you know what happens."
After a few words of farewell, Mac closed her phone, sat back on the bed and resumed her midnight snack, her eyes never leaving Harm's face.
Commander Jonas Johnstone, who had been Harm's admitting doctor, entered the room at 0645 and Mac was awake. In the early morning hush of the room, Mac slid from the bed and disclosed her thoughts, concerns and the contents of the phone call with Frank. Commander Johnstone made some notes and promised he would investigate things further before he returned later in the day.
By the time Harm awoke, Mac was using his bathroom and he looked around the room for her. Not seeing her anywhere, his tears started once more and he cursed himself for not being able to control his emotions better. When he heard the bathroom door unlock, he slid further into his bed and pulled the covers onto his face, hoping Mac wouldn't realise he was crying yet again.
It took her a few minutes before Mac did realise something was amiss and gently pulled the bedcovers down. When she was met with resistance, she realised Harm was hiding from her. Rather than question him, Mac simply kissed his head, stroked his hair and told him she loved him. This was enough to have Harm surrender and he slipped his arms out from beneath the covers and wrapped them around the love of his life. Right now, when nothing seemed quite right, he needed Mac far more than he wanted her and that was saying something.
"You're okay," she whispered as she fell into his embrace. "I'm right here."
"Love you," he whispered back. "So glad you're here."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she soothed, kissing his cheek. "It's okay," she said gently once more as she wiped away the tear rolling down his cheek.
"This is so embarrassing," he said, his cheeks flushing.
"What is, honey?" she questioned, ducking her head to maintain eye contact.
"Me...the crying...I just can't seem to help it," he admitted sheepishly.
"Did you feel this way in Germany...in the hospital ...or was it just when you came back?" she questioned gently, her hand running up and down his leg as she spoke.
"I was feeling this way over there after the accident," he confessed, his eyes darting around the room.
"Did you speak to the doctor about it?" she asked, her ministrations never ceasing.
"Nope," he said with a shake of the head.
"Why not?" she asked, using her hand to raise his face to hers.
"Because I don't think being a cry-baby is a medical condition," he said, his eyes tearing up once more.
"I don't think you're being a cry-baby," she said before leaning forward and kissing him. "I think it might have something to do with the accident."
"Tear ducts are not often injured in accidents," he said, with a sigh.
"No, they're not and it's not what I was thinking," she clarified. "I was thinking more along the lines of a head injury."
"You think I'm brain damaged?" he asked incredulously, his eyes widening.
"No, no, no. Nothing like that," she reassured, caressing his face. "I just know there is supposedly a link between head injuries and changes in behaviour. You've had your share of head knocks over the years and I just thought that maybe it's a reason for you feeling 'off-kilter'," she added, using his choice of words.
Harm just shrugged; he hadn't considered it. He didn't think it was the reason but then again he couldn't explain it any other way. All he knew was that he was sad, overly emotional and embarrassed.
As Mac went to speak once more, Harm's breakfast tray was brought in and she slid from the bed.
"Thank you," she said to the man who brought it in. "Now, Harm, time for breakfast."
"Not hungry," he said looking at the tray. "You have it."
"No, you need to eat. You've been home 18 hours and have eaten nothing," she reminded him. "That's not going to help in your recovery."
"I said, I'm not hungry," he said a little more firmly, trying not to be rude.
"Well, I am," she said, ignoring his tone. "If you're not going to eat this then I might go..."
"No, no," he said, quickly sitting up. "I'll eat, I'll eat. Don't go!"
"Honey, I was only going to say I might go to the cafeteria and see if they had anything more appetising," she soothed. "That's all."
Harm didn't respond but made an attempt to eat his breakfast, all the while trying to fight his tears and not let on to Mac that he was upset.
"Hey, hey," she said, holding his hand when she saw it was shaking. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he said not looking up.
"Aw, Harm," she said with a sigh. She knew there was nothing more she could say or do to soothe him, so instead she just sat next t him and leaned her head against his shoulder.
Two hours later, Commander Johnstone returned and found Mac curled up asleep in Harm's arms. Looking up, Harm gave a half –hearted smile to his visitor and gestured for him to take a seat.
"How are you feeling this morning, Harm?" the doctor asked quietly.
"Okay," he said with a shrug.
"Your temperature's down," he said scanning his notes. "Looks like we got on top of that infection quickly."
"Looks like it," Harm agreed, focusing on Mac rather than his doctor.
"Harm, can you look at me, please?" Commander Johnstone said and waited for Harm to look up. "Physically, you seem to be recovering well. Can you tell me how you're doing emotionally?"
"Okay," he said, dropping his head once more.
"Harm," he said patiently and once again waited for Harm to look at him. "I know you're struggling at the moment. You don't feel yourself and are very quick to tears. Isn't that right?"
"Yes," he admitted quietly.
"Talk to me about how you're feeling?" the doctor prompted wanting to hear it in Harm's own words.
"I've missed her so much," he whispered, looking down at the sleeping form in his arms. "More than I ever thought possible."
"Was this the first time you've been separated?" he asked, his eyes never leaving Harm's face.
"No," he said with a shake of the head. "Well, yes, the first separation since we became a couple but no, as in we've been separated a lot of times since we first met a decade ago."
"So, do you think it may be because you're now in love with Sarah and in a relationship with her that the separation hit you harder than usual?" Commander Johnstone probed.
"No, not really," he whispered, his finger brushing back hair from her face. "To tell you the truth, we may have only been a couple for seven months but I've been in love with her for maybe four years now...so it's not new."
"Four years is a long time to be in love with someone and not in a relationship," he stated without judgment.
"I know," he agreed. "There were a lot of things at play though."
"Okay," he said with a nod. "So, what do you think is happening to make you so emotional at the moment?"
Harm gazed at Mac as he thought about his response and then finally looked up at his doctor. "I think I'm losing my mind."
Commander Johnstone gave him a small smile. "I don't think it's all that sinister, Harm."
"What do you think it is then?" Harm questioned, struggling to figure out which way was up these days.
"I think it's being caused by an injury to your brain," he said quietly. "I had the hospital in Germany send me images of your scans and tests results and compared them to the ones we have on record here from your previous hospitalisations...there is a shadow over the area that controls emotions and I think that's what's causing your responses."
"I have brain damage?" he asked slowly, not sure whether he wanted to hear the answer or not.
"You have an injury to your brain," the doctor clarified. "I don't think we can call it brain damage just yet."
"When do we?" Harm probed, his gaze back on Mac.
"I'm going to order some more tests and an MRI, which will be done over the course of this afternoon and in the morning," he said consulting his notes. "We'll compare it to the German tests. It's most likely that the shadow is fluid and that it will dissipate in its own time."
"And if it doesn't?" he asked, not wanting to think the worst but not in a state to think of anything else.
"Then we'll deal with that as it comes," he said, standing up and patting Harm's leg."For now, try and relax and take it easy. I know it's easier said than done."