A parody in which the Marauders and a few other choice characters battle with Identity conflicts, pink ribbons, and kissing gas.
"Hello Lily Dear," James said suavely as he sat down in a chair next to Lily's and casually placed an arm around her slender shoulder.
"Bite me Potter," she replied.
"Well I'd be glad to my wittle fragile fwower," he cooed adopting a baby voice and smothering her in a hug.
"Yo Homey, I don't think she meant bite her, in essence, but that it was more of a saying meant to make you go away, you know dog," Remus cut in clad in baggy black pants and a leather jacket. An orange trucker hat resting on his head, the outfit was completed with completely pimped-out shoes.
"Hey Remus baby, how you doin," Lily asked obviously trying to be sexy but blatantly failing as she sidled up to him, putting her arms around him.
Peter turns to Sirius and says, "Dude?"
Sirius muttered, not taking his eyes off of James who was bound to blow a cork any nano-second, "Dude!"
Remus, befuddled at the recent turn of events, faces the author and says, "West side!"
Just at that moment, Winky came bounding in screaming, "Kissing gas! Master has sprayed KISSING gas all over the. . oooh, well oh my Dobby's looking particularly fine today," as the expression of a Panther on the prowl came over her face, as she spotted the unfortunate elf in the doorway.
As she ran over to him and launched herself into his embrace, her puny arms locked tight around his neck, smothering him with kisses and pawing him like a dog, it came over his face the utmost look of revulsion. He looked to Severus for help, a desperate look on his face, but nevertheless the slimy git responded by cackling merrily and pointing a finger at the desperate elf. But it was Dobby's turn to shake with laughter when Peter strolled over to him and promptly sat down in his lap, running his grubby little hands over his arms and face whispering, "My precious, all mine. Mine! My precious, how precious you are. Precious. . ."
Seeing the commotion and deciding that even Snivelly didn't deserve this fate, he knew from experience, he thought with a shiver, he dumped Lily ungraciously on the floor and ran over to Snape.
Dangling a pink bow in front of Peter he said, "Oy, Petey, looked what I've goooot for you! All for you, don't you want it Pete?"
Fixing upon the pink bow like a barracuda with a diamond, he abandoned Snape, who shot a gratified look at Remus, who threw the pink bow as far away as he could, whilst running the other way, and observed from a safe distance of about 300 yards or so, as Peter tore the thing to shreds, making his loathing for pink clearly evident.
Meanwhile, the cloud of pink (imagine that) laughing gas, reached Lily and James just as this author got off of her arse and ran over to them, notebook and pen poised, ready to catch another killer story.
They looked at each other simultaneously and launched into each others arms, devouring the other's lips and blindly groping.
"You really are an amazing kisser Potter, even though you are an insufferable egotistical git!"
Dipping her low in perfect Cassanova-style, he replied, "Don't I know it darling."
After giving Lily another sensuous kiss, he faced the sunset and said for all the world to hear, "That's all folks!"