A/N: OK, I do not own the film the Matrix, other people own it whose names
I can't really spell but I think they're brothers and I think their surname
begins with W! (Sorry, don't sue me!) And I'm not really sure how a magic
Matrix destroying button came to be, but if you have any good ideas, email
me or put them in a review. REVIEW! REVIEW I TELL YOU. Ahem. Anyway . . .
APRIL FOOL
This was it.
This was the moment they'd been waiting for since the beginning. Since the formation of the Matrix.
The index finger of the One was resting on the button that was to destroy it.
'Press it, Neo,' whispered Tank, reverently. 'Go on, press it.'
Neo took a deep breath for maximum dramatic effect, and slowly began to depress the button. The Matrix was about to be eradicated.
But unfortunately not right now, as the One had unfortunately fallen over, taken by surprise by a woman wearing heaps of shiny black leather who had for no apparent reason managed to jump into the air, slow down time whilst doing this, and kick the side of Neo's head. Hard.
'Ouch! Trinity! What are you doing? You're spoiling the moment!'
'If I feel like spoiling your moment, Neo, I will, and if you don't like that, I believe you can go to hell.'
'What's the matter with you?'
'Morpheus and his stupid little plots. First he makes me pretend to be in love with you, then . . .'
'What? You were PRETENDING?'
'Of course, Neo. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know. Just because you think you're the One, it doesn't mean that the rest of us should have to pretend you're important.'
'What? The Oracle told you the one you loved would be the One. And I don't think I am the One, I know I am.'
'That's great proof Neo. With one tiny little hitch. I don't love you. And the Oracle lied to you, she might have lied to me.'
'You don't love me? What was all that stupid display when I began to rewrite the Matrix then? 'You CAN'T die Neo, because I loooooooooooove you!' What was that?'
'I'm obviously a better actress than I had previously imagined.'
'Well fine. I don't love you either then.'
'Oh really?'
'Yes really. Now can you leave me alone, I've got a Matrix to destroy. OK?'
An evil grin spread across Trinity's face. 'I think not, Neo.'
'Trinity, have you been at Morpheus' pills again? Because I really don't think they're that good for you. Remember last time? When you got high on the green ones and thought you were the Lady in Red?'
The evil grin was replaced by a sulky look. 'I hope Morpheus hurries up. This leather is getting really itchy and I can't wait to kill you.'
'Earth to Trinity,' shouted Neo, immaturely waving a hand in front of her face. 'You can't kill me. I'm the One, remember? That tiny little detail? I am invincible. You can't kill me. OK?'
Trinity temporarily morphed into the Spoon Boy (No, I don't know where she got strange morphing powers from. Sorry!). 'Neo, just try to realize the truth. There is no One.' Trinity swiftly changed back to herself, though for some reason unknown to most retained the weird voice of the Spoon Boy for a couple of seconds. 'Then you will see that you're a stupid plonker who actually BELIEVES Morpheus, who I also believe is a stupid plonker, although I believe you're an even stupider plonker, and if you don't like that then I believe you can go to hell. Again.'
Neo was not to be outdone. But being rather unoriginal he also morphed into the Spoon Boy. 'Trinity, there is no hell. First you must realize the truth.'
'Oh, you've even got the words wrong, you idiot. Well, the Oracle did say you weren't that bright.'
'OK, Trinity, we all know you took thirteen A-levels, but there's no need to inflict that on the rest of us. MOST PEOPLE ONLY TAKE THREE. And . . .' (At this point Neo swiftly morphed into Trinity) 'if you can't accept that I believe you can go to hell.'
Trinity started doing a series of angry high kicks as Neo changed back to himself. 'How dare you impersonate me?' She swiftly changed into Neo, and started singing (rather out of tune) 'I am the One! I am the One. Na na na naa na na na na naa na.'
Neo looked somewhat taken aback. 'Um, Tank?' He said, turning to the man standing next to him, 'what HAS she being taking?'
Tank looked equally worried. 'I don't know, Neo. I just don't know.' Then his face suddenly cleared, and a smile flitted across it. 'But it looks like fun! I'll see if I can find some.'
Meanwhile, Trinity continued to sing and prance around in Neo format. Mouse suddenly saw her. 'Oooh! Fun!' he shouted.
'Mouse? What are you doing?' asked the real Neo.
'What, there are two of you? Ah well, I'm following my impulses. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.' At this point Mouse joined Trinity/Neo in her weirdo dancing singing thingy.
'OK, I think I REALLY need a blue pill.' Muttered Neo. 'I hope Morpheus has some spares.'
Luckily, Morpheus walked in at that moment. 'Um, OK.' He said. 'Which of you is the real Neo?'
'I am!' shouted Mouse, happily, jumping in front of him.
'Er . . . no, Mouse, you're just delusional. I can give you a pill for that, if you want.' But Mouse had already bounced away, still singing.
'OK, which of YOU is the real Neo?'
'I am,' said Neo, confidently.
'I am Neo, I am Neo!' sang Trinity, very flat indeed. 'I am the One! I am the One! I am a plonker. Ha ha ha ha ha.'
Neo leant over to whisper to Morpheus. 'We think she's been at the pills again.'
Morpheus nodded understandingly. 'I'd rather gathered that. Anyway, you're the real Neo, aren't you?'
'Yes.'
'OK. Well, why haven't you destroyed the Matrix yet? You've got the button and everything, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?'
'Well, I would've done, but that . . . that . . . weirdo . . . kicked me in the head before I could.'
'Well, it's a . . . somewhat novel way of following orders, but at least she did her job.'
'What? I don't understand!'
'Well, you wouldn't, would you? Because you're delusional, Neo. You are not the One.'
A cloud crossed the face of Neo for a while, but was shortly replaced by a big grin. 'Oh, ha ha. Good one, Morpheus.'
Morpheus turned desperately to Tank. 'You hear that, Tank? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of a MORON. I mean, the Oracle TOLD you you weren't the One. Didn't she?'
'Yes, but, you see, she also said that nobody could tell . . .'
'Oh, shut up, Neo. You AREN'T the One. I can see why Trinity's getting so annoyed. Neo, there is no One. I mean, just because your name is an anagram of One doesn't mean . . .'
'What? Is it? I never noticed that before! HOW cool!'
'Yes, Neo, yes. But YOU AREN'T THE ONE! Because there IS NO One. There is only the Matrix. OK?'
'Well, there won't be a Matrix soon. We're going to destroy it, remember?'
'Oh, are we?'
'Morpheus, whose side are you on?'
'It's funny you should ask me that Neo. Because, as it happens, the Matrix will never end. The Matrix will always exist. Because I am the One, and I say so.'
'Oh, not again. I AM THE ONE, MORPHEUS! I AM THE ONE! And anyway, you just said there is no One! What is wrong with you, Morpheus?'
'There is nothing wrong with ME, Neo. I am the One. I can rewrite the Matrix. You are the Two. Get used to it.'
Neo spluttered. 'I am the TWO? Morpheus, what is wrong with you? What's wrong with HER for that matter?' he said, pointing at Trinity, who was still prancing around singing.
'You have repeated yourself, Neo. You are running out of arguments. You KNOW I am the One. That is the sound of inevitability. And if you don't like being the Two, I believe you can go to hell.'
Neo took a deep breath. 'OK, can everyone please STOP believing I can go to hell?' He then looked closely at Morpheus. 'Hang on, you aren't Trinity!'
'Top marks, Neo.' Said Morpheus, sarcastically. 'Gold star. Of course I'm not Trinity! Why would I be Trinity?'
'WHY WOULD YOU BE TRINITY?' shouted Neo. This was getting quite confusing.
'THAT'S WHAT I ASKED YOU!' It was obviously all getting too much for Morpheus. 'YOU HAVE WAAAY TOO MUCH SELF-CONFIDENCE!' Then he, like Trinity changed into Neo and started prancing and singing 'I am the One! I am the One! Na na na naa na!'
Neo stood, bewildered. The other two fake Neos danced round him, singing. Then Neo remembered. He had to destroy the Matrix! Trinity must have really damaged his brain when she kicked the side of his head. But where was the button? Neo spotted it and ran towards it. For a split second, the dancing fake Neos did not realize, but as soon as they did, they sprinted towards the button, blocking Neo.
The fake Neos morphed into Trinity and Morpheus. Both had their arms crossed and were wearing dark glasses.
'Would you move, please?' asked Neo, irritated. 'I'm trying to save the world and you're making it rather difficult.'
Trinity and Morpheus glared. Then Morpheus spoke: 'The Matrix will remain. I cannot allow you to terminate it.'
Trinity joined in: 'Mr. Anderson, the human race is the disease of this planet. The Matrix is there to keep you in check. The Matrix is necessary. The Matrix will remain.'
'Oh, ha ha. Now get out of my way! I am the One and I must destroy the Matrix!'
'But Neo, we told you. You are the Two. The One is an agent and that agent is me, and the One rules that the Matrix shall remain.' Morpheus said, quietly.
'Bye bye, Mr. Anderson.' Said Trinity, taking a gun out of her black leather pockets.
'Um, Trinity, you can't actually kill him, because you're only the Three.'
'But you promised!'
'We can't always keep our promises, can we? Bye bye, Mr. Anderson.' Morpheus pulled out a gun, and this time, pulled the trigger.
Neo promptly died.
'Morpheus, you prat! You weren't supposed to actually kill him!'
'Whoops.'
'It was supposed to be a joke, Morpheus. You weren't supposed to kill him, were you, you idiot! It was to test his assurance! You really are such a plonker, and if you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell.'
'Trinity, that's getting rather overused.'
But Trinity was already on the floor patting Neo. 'You can't die, Neo, because I looooooooooove you. The Oracle told me that the man I loved would be the One. So you can't die, Neo.'
Morpheus was looking quite worried now. 'I didn't actually kill him, did I?'
'You shot him, you prat, what did you expect?'
'Um . . .'
'If he's died, Morpheus, you'll have to die too.' said Trinity, pulling out her gun.
Morpheus looked really worried now.
Trinity took aim and pulled the trigger, just as Neo jumped up off the floor shouting 'BOOOOOOOOO!'
Morpheus crumpled to the floor, dead.
Trinity turned to Neo. 'Um . . . whoops?' she said.
'You killed Morpheus? I can't believe you killed Morpheus!' shouted Neo.
'Um . . . sorry?'
'That really isn't good enough.' Began Neo. But then a happy smile flitted across his face. 'But at least I know now that you really do loooooooooooove me! Don't you.'
Trinity was standing over Morpheus' dead body, looking rather shocked. 'I can't believe I killed him!'
'Well, we can let him destroy the Matrix, I suppose. Because we're so kind.'
'Yeah.'
Neo lifted Morpheus' limp hand and placed it on the button. He then thumped it hard.
'That wasn't very delicate, Neo.' Said Trinity disapprovingly. 'Not very respectful.'
'Don't talk to me like that! You killed him!'
'Oh yeah.' Said Trinity sheepishly, as the Matrix code slowed down on the screen behind them. As they leant forward to kiss, the code disappeared with a pop. 'We've done it, Neo. You and me. We've finished the Matrix.'
Morpheus chose this moment to randomly come back to life. And bumped his head straight into them kissing over his 'corpse'. 'Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?' he asked.
Trinity and Neo both reached for their pistols, shot him again, and continued to kiss.
THE END
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry, I like fluffy endings! I hope it wasn't too confusing! Please REVIEW!
APRIL FOOL
This was it.
This was the moment they'd been waiting for since the beginning. Since the formation of the Matrix.
The index finger of the One was resting on the button that was to destroy it.
'Press it, Neo,' whispered Tank, reverently. 'Go on, press it.'
Neo took a deep breath for maximum dramatic effect, and slowly began to depress the button. The Matrix was about to be eradicated.
But unfortunately not right now, as the One had unfortunately fallen over, taken by surprise by a woman wearing heaps of shiny black leather who had for no apparent reason managed to jump into the air, slow down time whilst doing this, and kick the side of Neo's head. Hard.
'Ouch! Trinity! What are you doing? You're spoiling the moment!'
'If I feel like spoiling your moment, Neo, I will, and if you don't like that, I believe you can go to hell.'
'What's the matter with you?'
'Morpheus and his stupid little plots. First he makes me pretend to be in love with you, then . . .'
'What? You were PRETENDING?'
'Of course, Neo. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know. Just because you think you're the One, it doesn't mean that the rest of us should have to pretend you're important.'
'What? The Oracle told you the one you loved would be the One. And I don't think I am the One, I know I am.'
'That's great proof Neo. With one tiny little hitch. I don't love you. And the Oracle lied to you, she might have lied to me.'
'You don't love me? What was all that stupid display when I began to rewrite the Matrix then? 'You CAN'T die Neo, because I loooooooooooove you!' What was that?'
'I'm obviously a better actress than I had previously imagined.'
'Well fine. I don't love you either then.'
'Oh really?'
'Yes really. Now can you leave me alone, I've got a Matrix to destroy. OK?'
An evil grin spread across Trinity's face. 'I think not, Neo.'
'Trinity, have you been at Morpheus' pills again? Because I really don't think they're that good for you. Remember last time? When you got high on the green ones and thought you were the Lady in Red?'
The evil grin was replaced by a sulky look. 'I hope Morpheus hurries up. This leather is getting really itchy and I can't wait to kill you.'
'Earth to Trinity,' shouted Neo, immaturely waving a hand in front of her face. 'You can't kill me. I'm the One, remember? That tiny little detail? I am invincible. You can't kill me. OK?'
Trinity temporarily morphed into the Spoon Boy (No, I don't know where she got strange morphing powers from. Sorry!). 'Neo, just try to realize the truth. There is no One.' Trinity swiftly changed back to herself, though for some reason unknown to most retained the weird voice of the Spoon Boy for a couple of seconds. 'Then you will see that you're a stupid plonker who actually BELIEVES Morpheus, who I also believe is a stupid plonker, although I believe you're an even stupider plonker, and if you don't like that then I believe you can go to hell. Again.'
Neo was not to be outdone. But being rather unoriginal he also morphed into the Spoon Boy. 'Trinity, there is no hell. First you must realize the truth.'
'Oh, you've even got the words wrong, you idiot. Well, the Oracle did say you weren't that bright.'
'OK, Trinity, we all know you took thirteen A-levels, but there's no need to inflict that on the rest of us. MOST PEOPLE ONLY TAKE THREE. And . . .' (At this point Neo swiftly morphed into Trinity) 'if you can't accept that I believe you can go to hell.'
Trinity started doing a series of angry high kicks as Neo changed back to himself. 'How dare you impersonate me?' She swiftly changed into Neo, and started singing (rather out of tune) 'I am the One! I am the One. Na na na naa na na na na naa na.'
Neo looked somewhat taken aback. 'Um, Tank?' He said, turning to the man standing next to him, 'what HAS she being taking?'
Tank looked equally worried. 'I don't know, Neo. I just don't know.' Then his face suddenly cleared, and a smile flitted across it. 'But it looks like fun! I'll see if I can find some.'
Meanwhile, Trinity continued to sing and prance around in Neo format. Mouse suddenly saw her. 'Oooh! Fun!' he shouted.
'Mouse? What are you doing?' asked the real Neo.
'What, there are two of you? Ah well, I'm following my impulses. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.' At this point Mouse joined Trinity/Neo in her weirdo dancing singing thingy.
'OK, I think I REALLY need a blue pill.' Muttered Neo. 'I hope Morpheus has some spares.'
Luckily, Morpheus walked in at that moment. 'Um, OK.' He said. 'Which of you is the real Neo?'
'I am!' shouted Mouse, happily, jumping in front of him.
'Er . . . no, Mouse, you're just delusional. I can give you a pill for that, if you want.' But Mouse had already bounced away, still singing.
'OK, which of YOU is the real Neo?'
'I am,' said Neo, confidently.
'I am Neo, I am Neo!' sang Trinity, very flat indeed. 'I am the One! I am the One! I am a plonker. Ha ha ha ha ha.'
Neo leant over to whisper to Morpheus. 'We think she's been at the pills again.'
Morpheus nodded understandingly. 'I'd rather gathered that. Anyway, you're the real Neo, aren't you?'
'Yes.'
'OK. Well, why haven't you destroyed the Matrix yet? You've got the button and everything, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?'
'Well, I would've done, but that . . . that . . . weirdo . . . kicked me in the head before I could.'
'Well, it's a . . . somewhat novel way of following orders, but at least she did her job.'
'What? I don't understand!'
'Well, you wouldn't, would you? Because you're delusional, Neo. You are not the One.'
A cloud crossed the face of Neo for a while, but was shortly replaced by a big grin. 'Oh, ha ha. Good one, Morpheus.'
Morpheus turned desperately to Tank. 'You hear that, Tank? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of a MORON. I mean, the Oracle TOLD you you weren't the One. Didn't she?'
'Yes, but, you see, she also said that nobody could tell . . .'
'Oh, shut up, Neo. You AREN'T the One. I can see why Trinity's getting so annoyed. Neo, there is no One. I mean, just because your name is an anagram of One doesn't mean . . .'
'What? Is it? I never noticed that before! HOW cool!'
'Yes, Neo, yes. But YOU AREN'T THE ONE! Because there IS NO One. There is only the Matrix. OK?'
'Well, there won't be a Matrix soon. We're going to destroy it, remember?'
'Oh, are we?'
'Morpheus, whose side are you on?'
'It's funny you should ask me that Neo. Because, as it happens, the Matrix will never end. The Matrix will always exist. Because I am the One, and I say so.'
'Oh, not again. I AM THE ONE, MORPHEUS! I AM THE ONE! And anyway, you just said there is no One! What is wrong with you, Morpheus?'
'There is nothing wrong with ME, Neo. I am the One. I can rewrite the Matrix. You are the Two. Get used to it.'
Neo spluttered. 'I am the TWO? Morpheus, what is wrong with you? What's wrong with HER for that matter?' he said, pointing at Trinity, who was still prancing around singing.
'You have repeated yourself, Neo. You are running out of arguments. You KNOW I am the One. That is the sound of inevitability. And if you don't like being the Two, I believe you can go to hell.'
Neo took a deep breath. 'OK, can everyone please STOP believing I can go to hell?' He then looked closely at Morpheus. 'Hang on, you aren't Trinity!'
'Top marks, Neo.' Said Morpheus, sarcastically. 'Gold star. Of course I'm not Trinity! Why would I be Trinity?'
'WHY WOULD YOU BE TRINITY?' shouted Neo. This was getting quite confusing.
'THAT'S WHAT I ASKED YOU!' It was obviously all getting too much for Morpheus. 'YOU HAVE WAAAY TOO MUCH SELF-CONFIDENCE!' Then he, like Trinity changed into Neo and started prancing and singing 'I am the One! I am the One! Na na na naa na!'
Neo stood, bewildered. The other two fake Neos danced round him, singing. Then Neo remembered. He had to destroy the Matrix! Trinity must have really damaged his brain when she kicked the side of his head. But where was the button? Neo spotted it and ran towards it. For a split second, the dancing fake Neos did not realize, but as soon as they did, they sprinted towards the button, blocking Neo.
The fake Neos morphed into Trinity and Morpheus. Both had their arms crossed and were wearing dark glasses.
'Would you move, please?' asked Neo, irritated. 'I'm trying to save the world and you're making it rather difficult.'
Trinity and Morpheus glared. Then Morpheus spoke: 'The Matrix will remain. I cannot allow you to terminate it.'
Trinity joined in: 'Mr. Anderson, the human race is the disease of this planet. The Matrix is there to keep you in check. The Matrix is necessary. The Matrix will remain.'
'Oh, ha ha. Now get out of my way! I am the One and I must destroy the Matrix!'
'But Neo, we told you. You are the Two. The One is an agent and that agent is me, and the One rules that the Matrix shall remain.' Morpheus said, quietly.
'Bye bye, Mr. Anderson.' Said Trinity, taking a gun out of her black leather pockets.
'Um, Trinity, you can't actually kill him, because you're only the Three.'
'But you promised!'
'We can't always keep our promises, can we? Bye bye, Mr. Anderson.' Morpheus pulled out a gun, and this time, pulled the trigger.
Neo promptly died.
'Morpheus, you prat! You weren't supposed to actually kill him!'
'Whoops.'
'It was supposed to be a joke, Morpheus. You weren't supposed to kill him, were you, you idiot! It was to test his assurance! You really are such a plonker, and if you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell.'
'Trinity, that's getting rather overused.'
But Trinity was already on the floor patting Neo. 'You can't die, Neo, because I looooooooooove you. The Oracle told me that the man I loved would be the One. So you can't die, Neo.'
Morpheus was looking quite worried now. 'I didn't actually kill him, did I?'
'You shot him, you prat, what did you expect?'
'Um . . .'
'If he's died, Morpheus, you'll have to die too.' said Trinity, pulling out her gun.
Morpheus looked really worried now.
Trinity took aim and pulled the trigger, just as Neo jumped up off the floor shouting 'BOOOOOOOOO!'
Morpheus crumpled to the floor, dead.
Trinity turned to Neo. 'Um . . . whoops?' she said.
'You killed Morpheus? I can't believe you killed Morpheus!' shouted Neo.
'Um . . . sorry?'
'That really isn't good enough.' Began Neo. But then a happy smile flitted across his face. 'But at least I know now that you really do loooooooooooove me! Don't you.'
Trinity was standing over Morpheus' dead body, looking rather shocked. 'I can't believe I killed him!'
'Well, we can let him destroy the Matrix, I suppose. Because we're so kind.'
'Yeah.'
Neo lifted Morpheus' limp hand and placed it on the button. He then thumped it hard.
'That wasn't very delicate, Neo.' Said Trinity disapprovingly. 'Not very respectful.'
'Don't talk to me like that! You killed him!'
'Oh yeah.' Said Trinity sheepishly, as the Matrix code slowed down on the screen behind them. As they leant forward to kiss, the code disappeared with a pop. 'We've done it, Neo. You and me. We've finished the Matrix.'
Morpheus chose this moment to randomly come back to life. And bumped his head straight into them kissing over his 'corpse'. 'Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?' he asked.
Trinity and Neo both reached for their pistols, shot him again, and continued to kiss.
THE END
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry, I like fluffy endings! I hope it wasn't too confusing! Please REVIEW!