New Fic time. So this chaper is basically just to set up the story. It probably wont continue in Addisons POV for the whole story, but at least for now we get to hear what's in her head. This is going somewhere fun. Kevin/Addie/Pete triangle and I'm so excited to get the next few chapters up. It's killing me to wait. I'll get them edited soon, and up as soon as possible. R&R. Let me know what you think. you know, good, bad, not worth my time. haha, enjoy.

I can't explain it, but I've just reached that certain point in my life, you know? Where I'm ready, no more games. I want a relationship that means something. Someone who's actually going to care about what kind of person I am, what I accomplish in a days work, someone who will look past the bad choices I've made in my life and accept me for who I really am. Not just the distorted version of myself, the one I find I'm showing to others more often than not, the part I'm happily content to play, but who isn't really me, just the person I guess I wish I were. But I'm not getting any younger, and to be honest, if I were to ever let myself fall in love again, I'd want it to be it, you know? If I ever fall in love again, it would have to last, because I'd be done. I want to fall in love. The kind of love that lasts forever, or you know, at least the next forty or fifty years. I'm too old to keep falling in and out of love, too old to put all my faith into something that disappoints me the moment I decided to give it everything I've got. That's my problem, really. I put way too much faith in the men in my life. I expect way too much out of them, and way too much out of myself, too, for that matter. I can't do that anymore. I'm ready, and I deserve it don't I? The perfect life. Okay, I realize I'm crazy if I ever think it will be the textbook definition of perfect but perfect for me isn't all that complicated really. All I really need is someone who's going to love me back as much as I love them. Someone who isn't going to run at the first sign of conflict, someone who's going to care enough about me and about us to be willing to fight, to work hard to keep what we have going. I want someone who wants to grow old with me. Is that so much to ask, damnit?

When I talk to Kevin, I think I see potential. He's unbelievably sweet, very nice smile, different from any man I've ever been with, which at this point, is probably the best thing he's got going for him. I've been out with him a few times now, and I'll be honest, I can see this going somewhere. Not forever, or marriage necessarily, but I'm willing to overlook that at this point. But could I ever fall in love with him? I'm not sure yet. He says he wants to take it slow. I completely agree. At least I should. I always make sex a major priority in my relationships. Maybe it will only help us in the long run if we wait. It might just give this relationship a real chance. Which I owe myself. A real relationship. When was the last time I had one of those? Yeah, maybe never. So this might be it, my first real chance to be an actual grown up, who has relationships, who behaves the way an almost forty year old woman should.

So answer me this, then, will you? Why do I feel the constant need to jump Pete Wilder's bones every time he looks at me? You're right. It's just because I'm sexually deprived, that's all. I haven't slept with anyone in, God, has it really been a year? Yep, I'm positive it has. To tell you the truth, the shower-headisn't doing it for me anymore. I almost crave it, intimacy. I can't even remember the last time I'd had sex that meant something. Angry sex, revenge sex, lonely sex. When was the last time someone made love to me because they wanted to? Did that kind of love making even exist anymore? At least for me? Probably not. I shouldn't want that kind of sex anyway. It never brought me anything other than more heartache. I should focus on my "relationship" at hand. When the time presented itself, eventually, Kevin and I would reach that point, wouldn't we? Eventually. So why can't I think of anything other than Pete's magic hands of healing all over mine? It's just because I miss sex, right? I'm a woman, okay? There's only so much Addison and her shower-head can accomplish, and trust me, it's nothing to write home about.

It's wrong if I ask him to have sex with me, isnt it? Of course it is. We've tried that already. It didn't work out. Not even close. But maybe that was because he was scared that if he'd slept with me I'd automatically be looking for more from him. But, now, it would be different. It would be just sex. No strings, just something, someone, to help me scratch the itch. Then I could stop thinking about him, no, stop thinking about sex, long enough to give my relationship with Kevin a real chance.

Yeah, who am I kidding? Didn't I just get done telling you that sex has complicated every one of my past relationships? It's complicated every single relationship anyone has ever had for that matter. I'm a complete fool to think that a strictly sexual relationship with Pete is even possible, right? He'd been such a good friend to me these past few weeks. But then again, if he really did care about me, he'd want to help me, right? Could you just agree with me, even if you do think I'm totally full of shit? This is Pete we're talking about. The guy who isn't, hasn't ever, been looking for anything real or substantial.

I think I'm going to ask him anyway. It cant hurt anything. The worst thing, he'll say no, and I'll be right back here, just me and my shower-head. If he says yes, we'll establish a few rules, do our business, and be on with our lives. Yeah, I'm making it sound way too easy, right? Well what other choice have I got really? If I ask Kevin to help me scratch the itch, I'll send him running straight for the hills, I know it. At least with Pete I know that sex only relationships are what he does best. I'll make sure he knows he isn't obligated to give me anymore than I'm asking for, that I only really need the one thing from him. He can't possibly turn me down could he? I need to have sex way too badly to think that he would.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask him, tomorrow. I think this is the only choice I have. Eh, who am I kidding, this is the most ridiculous choice, definitely not my only choice. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder about what it would be like. If it were anything like I'd fantasized about, it could possibly be the best sex I'd ever had, and who am I to pass up an opportunity such as that, huh?

So, it's decided then. Today after work, I'm asking Pete to have sex with me. No strings, no emotions, no baggage, just sex. There would have to be rules, though. Rules are going to be crucial.

Oh shit. Do I honestly believe Pete can follow the rules? Can I? I hope to God we can, otherwise, this may have been the worst plan I've ever come up with. I guess I won't really know until it happens. I'll have to let you know how that goes. Wish me luck.

Lord knows I'll need it.