With An Open Mind (The Heuristic Side of the Force)
Luke may want to be a True Jedi, but being raised on an unforgiving desert-planet that is oppressed by Hutt gangsters can make even the most sheltered and optimistic child somewhat cynical.
Alternatively: Where Luke realizes that the teachings of the Jedi and the Sith are 80% Complete Banthashit, and tries to find his own way.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to George Lucas/Disney. Anything you don't recognize probably also belongs to them.
Scrutiny
Looking back on it sometimes, Luke realized that meeting the self-styled "Ben" Kenobi while he was likely concussed probably went a long way towards his willingness to listen to the man's short explanation about the Force with any level of consideration when it was first brought up.
Maybe it was because of how he was introduced to the concept of the Dark Side directly after being told about Darth Vader, who he was told at the time was the murderer of his father, but whatever the reason he had over time come to associate the Dark Side as not just something to avoid, but something to hate and fear.
Hate and fear wouldn't have been an issue for a non-force-sensitive, and had he been an ordinary denizen of Tatooine it would have been entirely normal, but he was not, and the consequences reached much further than he could have realized at the time.
And then without even the standard explanation to differentiate the Dark and the Light he had returned to the homestead only to be met with the unreality of the skeletal remains of Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen.
He had reacted as many sentients would have in that situation.
Desperation. Denial. Horror. Pain. Anger. Self-disgust. RAGE.
If the Imperials had been there at that point he still didn't know what he would have done, but they were not, and the anger burned itself out until guilt ate at him instead.
Helplessness. Sorrow.
When he returned to Kenobi all he knew was that being a Jedi would mean the ability to fight back, and the power to protect what he cared about; neither of which, he now knew, were very Jedi-like at all. Even now with all that he had learned he had to acknowledge that under it all the very human part of him had wanted to make them pay. It was a wonder that Ben didn't notice.
Sometimes when he was feeling pessimistic he wondered if Ben had noticed and had chosen to do nothing. After all, he had a big hand in trying to pit him against the man he now knew to be his father. If they were grooming him to be a weapon then what was a little resentment and vengeful anger in the scheme of things?
Luke tried not to think ill of the dead, but it was hard sometimes, especially when he came to understand that Kenobi had allowed himself to be killed all that time ago on the Death Star. The elderly man's death at the Sith's hand had been something which had only stoked his intent against the Dark Lord at the time, and a part of Luke that he didn't particularly like suspected that had been the old Jedi's intent.
Luke tried not to be a cynic, he really did, but experience mixed with a strong dose of Tatooine upbringing had done some serious damage to his optimism.
Because maybe if Old Man Kenobi had put more effort into explaining how the different sides of the Force work instead of showing off to an ignorant farm-boy, and being deliberately vague before he died for reasons he kept to himself, Luke wouldn't be in the situation he was in now.
Introspection
When Luke had first met Master Yoda, he had not only just travelled to an unknown planet for reasons he didn't understand at the time, he had also managed to crash-land his ship and nearly lose his droid to the fauna native to Dagobah in the process. With the aggravated agitation he was probably radiating at the time, it really came as no surprise to him now that the ancient creature had approached him the way he had. Not that it had stopped him from thinking that Yoda had been hitting the local equivalent of a Spice pipe at the time.
After learning more about the Jedi teachings over time Luke had to wonder what Yoda had been thinking taking him as a pupil even with his and Kenobi's insistence. Not that he wasn't grateful obviously, but he had a feeling that the strongly traditional Jedi had been more desperate that anything when he resigned himself to taking a highly emotional twenty-two year old as a student.
"Anger, fear, aggression, the Dark Side are they," Luke remembered hearing more than once from the small creature as he fought his way through the humidity that he was so unused to as a desert dweller. As someone raised away from the Jedi teachings he had always had a hard time processing and assimilating the idea that emotions could so easily ruin a sentient. He understood it on a conceptual level, but he had difficulty in its application. Ridding himself of emotions was a completely foreign idea to him due to his upbringing after all. Whenever he showed doubt, however, he was reminded of the terrible things that the use of the Dark Side could cause. Nearly as often he was also reminded that the man he had been told had killed his father was a user of the Dark Side, and so his unconscious hostility towards the Dark Side grew.
Yoda's quick response to his question about the strength of the other side of the Force, denying that the Dark Side was stronger, had done a lot in the way of reassuring him that learning the ways of the Jedi and the Light Side was the right thing despite the conflict he felt about ridding himself of his emotions, but looking back the response had almost been too quick.
Luke sometimes still wondered why.
"But how am I to know the good side from the bad?" Luke had asked in uncertainty when Yoda said that the Dark Side flowed more easily. The idea was horrifying to him at the time because of his growing loathing towards the Dark Side.
"You will know," the aged creature had said, and that answer had haunted him since that time.
Because sometimes by the time you know it's already too late.
Disenchantment
Master Yoda and Ben's reaction to him trying to save Han and Leia had gone a long way towards pushing him away in a literal and figurative sense. The more they talked, the more convinced he became that Han and Leia were going to die, and the more convinced he became that Yoda and Ben were acting heartless.
He had resented it.
At the time he had wondered how they could be so callous, but now he knew it was just what they were taught. As members of the extinct Jedi Order they had believed in no attachments, and not allowing emotion of any type to sway their judgment. They believed themselves to merely be vessels through which the Force could interact with the living world.
Kenobi may have thought differently back when he still went by Obi-wan, but time, circumstance, and loss, had caused the man to fall back deeply into the Order's teachings. After all, he had seen what attachment and emotion could do.
Revelation
Often when he thought back to that day he found himself sinking further and further into the moment until it was as if he were still there experiencing it again. The past and the present whirled wildly until past experience and current observation became one and the same.
On Bespin the first impression that Luke remembered having of the man he thought responsible for his father's death, and knew to be responsible for Han and Leia's pain, was that standing on top of the stairs in the dark room he struck an imposing silhouette.
Fear, quickly reined in with a titanic effort and animosity towards his own weakness. He would not allow himself to fear this man.
It was certainly not a state of calm that sent him across the room and up the stairs to meet with the still very imposing man, and it was definitely not out of self defense that he took an aggressive stance, drew and ignited his light-saber, and swung first before continuing to attack the Sith Lord aggressively, his emotions turbulent.
Hostility. Anxiety. Resentment. Worry. How dare this monstrous behemoth harm his friends?
Yet the Dark Lord parried every attack.
Frustration.
Funny how quickly frustration turns into anger.
Even when the Sith drew attention towards his emotions and goaded him to release his anger, exactly what Yoda had warned him against, he had found himself unable to care about calming down. Adrenaline ran through him, and his mind zeroed in on the idea of getting back at the man that had caused him so much emotional pain. He found himself experiencing some level of tunnel vision as he followed the large man doggedly from one room to another, allowing himself to be further trapped by yet another door.
It was only when Vader went on the offensive that Luke realized how much the man had been toying with him. He abandoned all attempts at technique just trying to dodge the various projectiles flying at he was thrown out of the window it was almost a reprieve, even as his stomach felt like it was going to drop out of his boots when he looked down at the fall that he had almost taken. He was lucky he hadn't lost his light-saber then.
Luke clambered up and drew in a breath, slightly calmer than he had been. He looked around and contemplated cutting his way through a wall and attempting to escape from what he now realized was an already lost fight, but just as quickly concluded that the dark presence he was learning to distinguish despite his incomplete training would not allow him to get away. He gritted his teeth and made his way out on to the platform that led to the single covered area that projected out across the abyss, subconsciously trying for stealth as he moved closer towards the dark flame, even knowing that his own presence was probably lighting him up like a beacon.
Luke darted across the entrance to the hallway and stifled a gasp as he felt dark flames licking out towards him and drawing him in.
Demanding Want. Impatience. Pride. Curiosity. Apprehension.
He found himself warily wandering down the hall almost without thinking about it, the invisible flames almost searing in their intensity before they were abruptly snapped away as if they realized he could feel them. Suddenly he couldn't sense the Sith anywhere.
He distinctly remembered thinking bitterly, 'I wish I could do that,' before the Force screamed at him and he dodged down and backwards instinctively, igniting his light-saber moments after the snap-hiss of Vader's own. Unlike at the beginning of this whole debacle he was now the one retreating with each heavy strike that he managed to parry or dodge from the enormous man. He fought with the desperation of one that knew they were being cornered.
When he hit the ground with the red beam of light aimed unshakingly at his chest his first thought was despair. He was going to lose to the man that had killed his father. Had killed Ben. Had tortured his friends. Had probably sent the troops to kill his Aunt and Uncle.
Luke refused to accept that.
'Beaten? Useless to resist?' He seethed as his thoughts echoed Vader's words, and the Dark Lord's own mention of Ben's death caused his determination to flair, animosity lighting his face in a snarl as he batted away the red beam with his own blue one, rolling to stand at the first moment he had an opening. The short but quick exchange that followed culminated in him landing a glancing strike to his opponent's right shoulder before he backed away again suddenly finding himself engulfed in the ethereal inferno that Vader was no longer bothering to contain.
Fury. Outrage. Chagrin. Self-scolding.
It was enough to distract him so that he barely dodged under the first swing that took out part of the structure standing beside him. It definitely distracted him from the slightly intricate disarming move the Sith executed that took his hand in addition to his light-saber.
He couldn't even hear himself screaming over the roar that was rushing through his ears as the pain nearly made him black out. He grabbed the stump of his arm without thinking causing the pain to spike further as he collapsed to the small platform. He gripped a railing support with his left hand, his knuckles turning white as he tucked his right arm up against himself, the severe pain mounting with every movement. Dark flames from the other man swirled around him twisting amongst his pain and into his mind almost deliberately as if trying to show him something.
Regret. Acceptance. No more running. No more fighting. Listen. Anticipation.
"There is no escape," the voice boomed. The next sentence came with a feeling that was almost like pleading if a Sith were capable of such a thing, though the vocoder gave nothing away, "Don't make me destroy you."
Luke began to push himself away from the being that had caused him so much torment. It may not help him in the long run, but any distance he could put between himself and the dark man was better than none.
"Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You've only begun to discover your power! Join me, and I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to the galaxy."
His ire rose as the Dark Lord continued to talk, blooming into anger the more the man said, helping him to ignore the agony that was pulsing down his arm. As if he would even consider training with this horrible creature. The thought exploded into words almost without his consent, his now instinctive hatred for the Dark Side like acid on his tongue as it mixed with his anger at what Vader had done to the ones he cared about, "I'll never join you!"
"If only you knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."
"He told me enough," Luke grit out bitterly as he tried to maneuver himself still further away. "He told me you killed him," his voice came out strained from pain, yet with an underlying growl of emotion.
Luke felt like the dark figure was scrutinizing him as he drew out his next sentence slowly, "No, I am your father."
Luke's breath caught in his chest, not quite comprehending what had been said for a moment that felt like eternity. Then it all hit him at once.
Shock. Denial. Horror. This had to be a cruel joke.
"No. No!"he practically whimpered. His voice picked up strength and then finally cracked "That's not true! That's impossible!"
"Search your feelings; you know it to be true," the large man stated emphatically. Luke looked into the bulbous eyes of the helmet that had haunted him ever since Dagobah and felt something inside of him and all around him slide into place, the dark flames that danced around them both suddenly far more clear to him than before.
Anticipation. Excitement. Finally the truth. Possessiveness.
He wasn't sure at what point it started, but his fierce one worded thought of denial was eventually vocalized in a horrified roar that petered off weakly.
Hopelessness.
"Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny!" The idea struck through everything and for a timeless second everything froze. Against everything he knew he contemplated the idea. To kill the Emperor…
Vader's words from earlier echoed through his mind temptingly, 'With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to the galaxy.' He would be a hero… just like his fath-. The thought stopped abruptly as reality slapped him in the face again. He knew the stories. Vader - his father he forced himself to think - was a mass murderer of the worst sort.
So. To kill the Emperor… and do what?
"Join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy as father and son!" Luke backed further away and began to look down at the gaping abyss beneath him gauging it. He couldn't do this. Not right now. His longing for a father conflicted painfully with the truth. His want to end the Emperor was warping with the possibility that his… father had offered. It was more tempting than it should be.
Yoda's words echoed back to him,'You would destroy all for which they have fought, and suffered.'
He looked up at the man that was the cause of the tempest going on in his mind with sudden determination. If he fell he could attempt to redirect himself with the Force. If he died at least he wouldn't have to deal with this mess he tried to tell himself in grim humour.
His father appeared to pick up on his intentions as he reached out towards him imploringly, "Come with me. It is the only way."
Desperation. Pleading. Intense Fear of Loss.
Luke looked down one last time into the yawning abyss and let go with silent focus. Before he was able to reach terminal velocity the winds began buffeting him towards one side of the pit and with all the focus he had he re-directed himself towards a hole in the wall. As soon as he hit a section of the tunnel he lost all focus on the Force and began to focus on slowing his descent, tears rolling down his face unbidden as he continuously banged his severed wrist against the walls.
By the time he had finished his descent and found himself hanging from a weathervane below the massive belly of Cloud City over a fall much further than the one he had just taken he was seriously beginning to regret his decision to let go. What was left of his wrist hurt, his face hurt, he had banged himself up badly on the way down, and his legs and one functional arm and hand were giving out on him. He could feel his father above him and knew that if that was the case, then the other man could feel him and knew he wasn't dead. He had called for Ben already with no answer, and for some reason he didn't understand he had called for Leia in desperation. For a moment he had thought he had felt something like acknowledgement, but it was gone so quickly he wasn't sure it was real.
As he hung helplessly he felt his father move to what he assumed was a shuttle and leave the floating city. He had almost expected the man to come and retrieve him from where he was. At the time he had wondered off-handedly what the man was planning, but was quickly distracted by his tiring legs and his increasingly precarious position. Later he realized that his father had probably sensed he would be saved.
Then he saw the Millennium Falcon heading towards him. Relief swept through him and when the hatch on the top opened revealing a man he had momentarily seen with Leia before she had been dragged away earlier, he dropped down limply as the last dregs of his strength drained away.
Leia escorted him to a bunk, half dragging him, and when they reached it he collapsed on it. He didn't think he had ever been more tired in his life.
As the ship rocked from being struck by beams of energy he felt dark tendrils of flame reach almost gently for him and a smooth tenor voice echoed in his mind, far different from the voice produced by the vocodor.
'Luke.'
He jerked slightly at the oddity of the voice and spoke a single word instinctively in response to the warm, but somehow not damaging flames, "Father!"
'Son,' the voice continued, wreaths of tempered flame almost caressing him, and he fought against a soul deep yearning to sink into the embrace. The Force bound them together as father and son in a way that nothing else could.
Possess. Protect. Mine. An almost tenderness.
'Come with me.'
Again he found himself considering something he shouldn't.
He sank backwards onto the bunk staring blankly towards the ceiling unseeing, "Ben. Why didn't you tell me?" The ship rocked. The moment was broken.
He couldn't be alone right now. He struggled to stand and make his way to the cockpit to be with the others. When he made it to them he nodded at the other man, though he still didn't know his name, before he found himself staring at the massive Super Star Destroyer that dwarfed the freighter. "It's Vader," he said, voice resigned, though neither Leia nor the other man seemed surprised.
The dark coils that had never really left seemed to tighten around him possessively and the voice echoed in his head again making him tense.
'Luke. It is your destiny.'
His shoulders slumped and he spoke, barely more than a pained whisper, and completely inaudible to anyone else in the chaos going on, "Ben. Why didn't you tell me?"
Despair.
Then the ship jumped to lightspeed and he could feel the coils being ripped away almost painfully, leaving with him an unsettling feeling of loss.
AN: Hello again people. Yes I'm not dead. Feel free to throw rocks; it's certainly been long enough since I've done anything here.
In the way of reasons (read: excuses) let's just say I finished college, went job hunting, went to 6 months of training, held down some part time jobs, and finally got myself a real job in the career field of my choice.
I PLAN to expand on it, but seeing how my life has gone over the years as far as writing is concerned I tend to have motivation when I don't have time, and just want to sit around and take a break when I DO have free time.
If you find any mistakes (I won't be surprised if you do) feel free to let me know. I'm currently un-beta'd and don't have anyone aside from myself to proof-read. I'm also very aware of how much research has to go into Star Wars based fanfiction. I'm trying to be as accurate as I am able and I'll have to hope it's enough.
Those of you who read the only other story I ever posted here may want to ask, "Will you be continuing Broken Throne?" If I'm being honest I'm not sure. I've become somewhat disenchanted with the Bleach series, and given that I have a limited supply of free time when I'm not working, I'd somewhat rather work on something that I'm still an enthusiastic fan of. Maybe one day I will gain inspiration again, but today is not that day. I'm probably going to put it on indefinite hiatus, which I'm sure will piss some people off. I apologize.