Chapter One

They gathered together for the first time in years, summoned by their leader to discuss the ongoing famine. They were all small, cold and weak; pale imitations of their former, majestic selves, and the lead female was shocked at how much the journey down here had tired even her – one of the strongest. There was so little food around nowadays though – barely enough for the current population to survive never mind the next generation. Something urgently needed to be done.

"We must leave here and find a better world to live in," the leader declared. "It is our only hope of survival."

"But to journey at this time?" she said, voicing the concern the others felt. "It is such a great risk for us to take."

"To travel in the cold months will mean our certain death," the leader replied. "And seeing how little food is available, I don't believe we can risk remaining here for any longer."

"But how are we to travel at all?" a young one asked. "I have been told that venturing outside will mean our certain death."

"That is correct," the leader confirmed. "Such exposure will kill us instantly and that means we must summon those who can transport us."

Everyone was shocked at the statement. There had been little reason to work such magic for very many years.

"Do we have the energy for such a feat?" she asked him.

"If we wait any longer then we certainly will not." There more cries – of agreement and of fear. "I do not think we have any choice but to attempt our escape now," the leader insisted. "If we do so, we stand some chance of finding enough food to support all of us and the next generation. If we stay here I honestly believe we shall all perish."

"Let us begin then," she said, giving her reluctant support. "Let us start the summoning."

~o~0~o~

Shortly After 2x09 – The Lady of the Lake

Merlin slouched down the small flight of stairs leading from his bedchamber and ambled over to the main table to join Gaius for breakfast. The young man's skin was paler than usual, his cheeks even more prominent and his eyes were red and swollen. He felt his mentor's eyes on him the whole time but kept his own averted; simply picking up his spoon and absent-mindedly stirring the porridge in front of him, trying to summon the energy to lift it up to his mouth.

"Oh, Merlin. It pains me to see you like this," Gaius said. "I wish there was something I-"

"-There isn't, it's fine it's..." The young man fought back more tears as he briefly lifted his head to glance up at his mentor, but the look of sympathy he was being given made him feel even more tearful. He pulled his attention back down to the spoon and stirred some more. "I'll be fine soon, I'm sure."

"I really am very sorry, my boy. I had no idea how strong your feelings for Freya were."

"Look, I said it's fine!" Merlin snapped and then winced at his own bluntness. "I'm sorry, Gaius, but I really don't want to talk about it and, well, I can't talk about it with..." He winced again, feeling guilty about what he'd almost said.

"I understand. Why would you want to talk to an old man about your feelings? Especially me."

"No …" He shook his head, feeling guilty. "I didn't mean it like that, I..."

"I know, but you might like to talk to someone of your own age?"

"I can't do that either. They can't know what happened, especially not Arthur."

He gritted his teeth as he said it – more emotions battling in his head. What was wrong with him? Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to feel so strongly, love so deeply and then hurt so much because he couldn't have it? Any of it.

First Will and then Freya, and he wasn't even able to share his grief with those he cared about most because to do so would reveal his true self which, in turn, would put his life in danger and Gaius' for knowingly sheltering him. Merlin wanted their friendship, their love and their trust, but how could they really be his friends when there was this huge part of him that they could never see or understand. Why would Arthur and Morgana consider him a friend anyway? Even without the magic issue they were destined to stay apart – nobility and commoners never mixed which meant he couldn't become close to them in the way he would like, even if they did feel the same way about him.

A knock on the door was loud enough to make Merlin jump and force him away from his preoccupation.

"Sorry to disturb you at this hour, Gaius," the soldier said as he entered the room. "But I have a message for you from the king."

"Thank you," the old man said as he took the note. He read it with a frown and briefly grumbled before heading towards his supplies on a nearby shelf – dismissing the messenger with a wave of the hand.

"I'm to journey with a small party of knights to deal with an outbreak of sickness at the east of the town," he told Merlin without turning around from his search.

"You want me to come along?" the young man asked in a bored voice, confident that such a task would be very much easier than his usual work for Arthur.

"No, the area will be sealed off and under quarantine until we've established what the problem is, so I need you to stay here. Uther doesn't want the illness spreading to the citadel." The physician picked up a jar and nodded his approval, placing it carefully on the bench behind him.

Merlin scoffed. "Doesn't mind putting you in danger though, apparently."

"I'll be fine, it's part of my job after all but..." Gaius picked up another bottle, looking at it closely. "...I am running seriously low on supplies here and will need your help to restock them. Could you do that this afternoon, whilst I discuss this situation with the king? I'll be setting off at first light tomorrow."

"Well, I need to attend to Arthur and..."

"Then perhaps you could ask the prince if he'll spare you for the job. I can't be running around out there today and get everything else ready in time."

"Well, I can certainly ask him," Merlin replied as he rose from the chair and grabbed his jacket. "I wouldn't hold your breath though, you know what he's like."

"Merlin, you've hardly touched your porridge."

He shrugged. "Not really hungry."

Gaius sighed and shook his head in disbelief as he watched the far-too-skinny young man slouch dejectedly out of the door.

~o~0~o~

"You're late again, Merlin," Arthur observed blandly as his servant entered his chambers balancing a breakfast tray precariously on one arm. The prince's tone was rather more gentle than in times past as apparently even he'd been aware that something wasn't quite right with his servant these last few days, although Merlin didn't expect this relaxed attitude would last for much longer.

"Yes, sorry about that," he replied. "Gaius got your father's message about that sickness and was giving me instructions and some errands to run."

"Oh, right... do you know what's going to happen about that?" Arthur asked, yawning widely.

"Gaius and some knights are going there at first light tomorrow and he..." Merlin looked up from his chores. "He asked if I could collect some herbs for him this afternoon as he's a bit low on supplies?"

Arthur stared suspiciously at him for several long moments. "I don't suppose I have much choice in the matter then, but it really is very bad timing, seeing Father has put Morgana and I in charge of welcoming our guests later this week."

"Oh, who's coming?"

Arthur gave him a long, hard stare. "Not something I would normally feel the need to share with a servant at this point."

Merlin shrugged. "You were the one who brought it up."

"I have absolutely no idea why I put up with you."

"Because my natural charm and amazing good looks are guaranteed to brighten up your day, Sire?" Merlin replied, forcing himself to find a bit of his old cheek from somewhere.

Arthur opened his mouth to respond to that but was stopped short by a knock at the door. He glared at Merlin before changing what he was obviously been about to say.

"Come in."

"Good morning, Arthur, good morning, Merlin." Morgana strode in with a big smile, Gwen just a couple of steps behind.

"My lady," Merlin replied, bowing respectfully and Arthur glared at him, apparently frustrated at how polite his servant always was to everyone but him.

"I just thought you may want to check over these lists I've made for our guests' visit, Arthur," Morgana said. "And I would also like Merlin to go down to the kitchens with the menus and run a couple of other errands, if he's able. We could use all the hands we can get at the moment."

"Can't Guinevere do that?"

"No, Arthur, she can't," Morgana retorted. "I need her to deal with the accommodation and housekeeping and I thought you'd rather have our servants deal with this instead of giving the work to more minor staff."

"I'm not sure I've ever considered Merlin to be senior staff," Arthur scoffed. Merlin raised his eyes to the ceiling and Gwen giggled slightly.

"That much is obvious," Morgana said. "But some of us here do have faith in him." She turned to smile at Merlin and he felt his heart give a little skip, despite himself.

Not only was Morgana incredibly beautiful, but she'd also been so kind and attentive to Merlin since he had arrived in Camelot that he'd easily imagined himself to be in love with her last year. Of course he had just as quickly tried to put such thoughts out of his head. Even if she did feel the same way – which was unlikely – such a relationship would not be possible; a grand lady like her and a common servant like him, even if they did both have magic? No, such feelings were best kept hidden.

Along with everything else.

"And now I'm going to be without a servant for the whole day," the prince complained. "Because Gaius has him for the afternoon due to that sickness."

"I'm sure you'll survive," Morgana responded brusquely. "Well?"

"Yes, yes, fine. Off you go, Merlin. Try not to mess anything up, will you?"

~o~0~o~

Merlin handed Morgana's list to Audrey in the kitchens, not at all surprised to find the head cook even less appreciative of him that his master had been – although he had no idea what he'd done to offend the lady. He had always gone out of his way to be polite to her, but she'd eyed him with suspicion from the very first moment he'd set foot in her kitchens and nothing he'd said or done since had been enough for her to change her opinion of him.

Luckily Merlin received far more enthusiastic welcomes from the other kitchen staff who, along with most of the servants in Camelot, seemed to get on with him very well, even if the young ladies' almost constant giggling in his presence confused him no end.

And then there was Anna.

She was an especially quiet and shy kitchen girl and, before he'd met Freya, Merlin had been working hard to gather the courage to ask her out. He had even written her a poem – one he was especially proud of – but his courage had failed him at the last moment and he'd left it unsigned for her to find and quickly lost the nerve to pursue the relationship any further.

And now it just didn't feel right somehow – not so soon after loosing the love of his life – and so the two of them just stood there that morning; cheeks bright red, both looking at their boots and mumbling nonsensical niceties as the silence between their words grew longer with every passing heart beat. In the end it was almost a relief when Audrey shouted at the girl to return to her work and Merlin took the opportunity to head back home to collect Gaius' list in order to start gathering the supplies the physician needed.

The young warlock decided to go to the western meadow today; a much longer walk than to his usual spot, but a place that was likely to contain all the plants he needed in one trip. The day was cool but sunny, and the fresh air soon made Merlin feel a little better, even if the beauty of the flowers and the feel of the breeze on his face meant he was again dwelling on Freya and his life in Camelot in general. He had been prepared to leave everything and everyone behind for her and couldn't help feeling that he had been punished for that decision somehow. Told off by destiny for daring to cross her and attempting to carve out a different life for himself.

But at least out here he could be himself. Here, with the sun on his face, the birds singing and the feel of the natural magic of the world coursing through him far more powerfully than within the stone walls of Camelot. How odd it was that he felt more content and less lonely out here on his own then he ever did in a castle full of people.

Merlin sighed deeply and continued with his task, fighting hard to enjoy the lovely weather and beautiful views and to stop feeling sorry for himself and his lot in life.

Would he ever truly be free?

~o~0~o~

A/N: This story has been written for 'The Heart of Camelot' Chronicles 2014 and based on my drabble 'The Cup of Life' (which can be found in my 'Hearts of Camelot' collection - chapter 44). This will initially be a chapter a week before hopefully increasing to twice a week in June (Probably 16 chapters in total)

Apologies for being so quiet recently, but I've been focusing on one of my Original Stories. In fact that was the main reason I got into fanfiction - in order to get some feedback. There's a link to 'The Seven' in my PP if anyone's interested.