Weary
Summary: One-shot She has never seen one so weary. She would willingly give up everything she has just to save him. It's what you do when you are in love. Naminé-Riku
Prompt #63: Sleep
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Pity that.
AN: I'M BACK! I bet you've all missed me. Most probaly don't remember me... anyways. I hope you enjoy this bit. I wrote it in the morning when I should have been getting ready for school- oh well. I actually like this piece so I hope you enjoy it... Now on to the actual story!
She's never seen someone so tired- no, not tired. Weary. There is a difference between the two, of being tired and of being weary, though the difference is slight and to some unimportant. Tiredness is of body while weariness is of mind. It is more than simply being exhausted. Weary is having seen too much too young. It's to be too wise for the amount of years lived. One who is weary has experienced the crazy adventure of life and lost their hopes and dreams along the way. Maybe they even lost themselves. She looks at him and is slightly frightened. She's never before seen someone so young, so weary.
She can't say she knew him before, when he was no puppet. She was not a friend to him in those bright years of joyful light before the manipulative darkness came. Came and destroyed the life humankind had known. Ripped lovers apart, orphaned helpless children, destroyed whole worlds, and left the survivors to mourn those who had died. She had not known him then, before, but she knew him now and that was what mattered. She does not need a memory of his former self to compare to this shell of him. She knows he has changed. She can see his eyes.
His eyes. His eyes are beautiful pools of aquamarine, swirling with knowledge, life and even pain. She knows the dulled eyes she sees were not how they once were. They must have sparkled once upon a time, because once he had been a child too and he had lived in a land of cotton-candied bliss. His eyes do not sparkle, nor shine with life but there is life within them. Twinkles of the eye are reserved for the carefree or foolhardy. He is neither. He knows pain now. She can see it all in his eyes. He suffers silently from the things he has done and she is plagued with cheerless thoughts, watching him suffer.
She knows his eyes must have once shone with light. She desperately wants to be the spark that brings it back though she is unsure as to why. To wish for such a thing is foolishness to a degree so high that even those silly girls making calf-eyes at the cute boys would be ashamed of her. The time to save him has long since past like the sunset of yesterday. His salvation is drowning in the shadows of twilight. She knows this yet still she fails to accept it. She wants to save him. She still tries.
She fails to see that he does not want to be saved, at least not by the likes of her. He is no damsel and though he is in distress it should not concern her. He wants to be strong; he wants to prove it to the world that he is stronger now. If anyone is going to save him it will be himself. He will rid himself of darkness. The light shuns him though. His path is that of dawn. It's a path that is neither light nor darkness. He will free himself from his chains. She fails to acknowledge the small fact that he doesn't want her help. She cries when he pushes her away.
Sometimes she thinks he hates her. She knows she can't possibly be too far off with that guess. He is so cold around her, ignoring her or favoring her with biting remarks. But then a single smile plunges her into confusion so thick her own hands seem to fade away from her sight. He has that small, sad smile, where he shakes his head slightly as if he wonders how he got this way. It is filled with a bit of hatred and a bit of self-pity but mostly it is just regret. She knows he wishes for the power to turn the hands, change the flow of the sands of time. If he had the chance to go back she knows he would change many things he has done. She is almost happy he does not have that power because then she knows she would never have known him. She wonders why never knowing him pains her. Still she is almost happy. But when he turns that sad smile upon her she can't help but plead for God to give her the strength to save him, the damned.
She wonders why he will not let her help him, why he will not open up to her. All she wants to do is be of help. She does not plan to give the hopes and dreams speech. It is too late to salvage those parts of him. They died long before the darkness ever consumed him. He had lived in a sandy prison, and like a caged bird he struggled to free himself until that was the only thought, hope or dream. And once free he had nothing left to fight for. He was empty and hollow. No, that little speech would do nothing for him. It was a completely different speech she wished to give, one that was much more complicated.
All she wanted him to know was that she was there. She wanted him to know that she would always be there, waiting. She wanted to be the one he leaned on, the one he sought guidance from. In his eyes though, she was just another girl caught in the webs the black widow weaves. She just wants him to trust her and know he has a friend. She cares, and she is waiting. All she wants to do is help, even if she is not sure why. She, that naïve little girl, never even realizes she is falling. Hard.
When he gives her a smile, suddenly ground she had deemed solid moves from beneath her feet. It seems to fall from beneath her feet, leaving her standing on nothing but air, almost as if she is floating. When he silently brushes past her she falls even farther. She is mesmerized by the sight of his pain. He is almost like a beautiful mistake, or a disaster. Just a gorgeous flaw struggling with the concept called life. His eyes are captivating, his smile heart wrenching and she is drawn to him. She does not realize it though. She does not realize the fact that every little thing he does, no matter how cruel, spins her world a little faster, makes her heart beat just a bit quicker. It's been turning upside down and spinning out of her control from the moment she met him. She thinks it is because she would give up everything to save him. She forgets that this includes her heart.
He does not want her help, or her sympathy. He most definitely does not want her love. She does not know how similar Kairi and her are, in looks and personality. She is all little quieter than Kairi but her heart is just as pure, and her destiny is out of her control too. He had loved Kairi once and his heart got broken. He does not want to love her blonde twin. He is afraid he would only be loving Kairi's memory. They are not the same girl. He does not want to love her because she is a shadow of Kairi, and that's all his "love" would really be. As tangible as shadows dancing upon bare walls. He continues to push her away.
Yet it seems that no matter how hard he pushes her away, she always comes back and he can't seem to stay away. The foolish, the dreamers and the romantics would spew some silliness about how they were meant to be, or soul mates but he knows better. Yet still he smiles at her. He cannot help it. He continues smiling at her and he hates himself for it. He watches her fall and he is surprised she does not take notice, does not see. For one so perceptive she is blind to her heart. He can see her heart, read the secrets it holds clearly. He does not want to her hurt her but he knows he must. He must if he wants to save her. He does not love her. He cannot and he won't. For once his heart seems to oblige.
Still, his heart wrenches painfully when he hears the soft sobs behind her door as he passes by. Something happens inside him, a feeling he cannot describe and does not wish to explain. He was caught now in a web of his own foolishness, so he believed. He thinks it is his fault that she cries. He believes she cries because he cannot love her. He is only partially correct in his assumptions. He does not know that her tears are not really for her. She cries for him because he will not cry for himself.
She cries for him.
She has never known someone so young, so broken. She has never seen eyes with their brilliant color so muted and faded. She has never seen a boy so beautiful, so cold and so impossibly alone. Never before has she ever wanted to save someone. She has never wanted to be the fire in the snow, or the light in the darkness so bad. She wants to be his light, his warmth, yet still he denies her.
She has seen many others like him in her short lifetime. But never has she ever been so drawn to one person before. There is something about him, something that makes her stay even when she wants to run from him in tears. No matter how he hurts her she finds she cannot turn her back on him. It is then that she realizes she loves him. She is startled by this revelation. She does not know when this came about. She guesses it has always been there. She is a little surprised by her choice, but then she knows it was not really hers. You cannot choose who your heart loves. And you cannot change the choice your heart has made. She is drawn to him like a moth to a flame, or a gull to the sea. She knows he is quite possibly the worst thing for her. She knows and she does not care.
She has never seen one so weary. She would willingly give up everything she has just to save him. She knows now this includes her heart. It's what you do when you are in love. She silently pleads for him to let her in. He fails to respond. She does not give up hope. She does not stop trying. One day he will love her the way she loves him. She is sure of it. It won't be love she drew up or memories changed. He will love her with his own freewill and hate the fact that he loves every minute of it. It will happen one day. But today is not one day. Today she will content herself with only wishing to be the spark to light up his weary eyes.
I've hoped you enjoyed it. How bout leaving me a review? Soon I should have some more KH stuff. If you like HP check out my stuff. If you like FB (Fruits Basket) I should have some stuff out soon. That's about it.
-Frozen-Passion-