AN 1: This is the companion piece to my one shot Promise and the sequel to another of my one shots (Leaving) and I would advise reading both of them first, but of course that's up to you.

WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Though only very minor.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. But I do own Natasha.

AN 2: This one is a (late) birthday present for one of my very best friends and as such is dedicated to her.

Happy Birthday, Sunshine!

(And I hope you don't mind that it turned out to be rather depressing.)

07-14-2012

Edit: Okay, I didn't have internet, so now it's extremely late, but whatever.

Enjoy!

Picking up the pieces

The girl sighs and looks at the leather jacket one more time, before putting it in her bag and standing up. Glancing around briefly (and noting that she really should take care of the mess it's in) she leaves the room.

As she walks down the hallway and up the stairs she lets her thoughts take her away. She's already wondering if it was a good idea to let Mello go down that path without even trying to make him think about his decision. What about Matt? She saw the hesitance in Mello's eyes from time to time, was he thinking about his friend then?

'There is no sense in thinking about what could have been', she admonishes herself. 'You can't change the past.' She sighs. A quiet sound heard by no one but herself.

Matt hadn't been to class that day, not that she had expected him to be. Not after what happened yesterday.

She sighs again and brushes a strand of hair out of her face. Reaching the next floor she walks towards the end of the hallway. Towards the room that just yesterday still had two occupants. Today that number is down to one and she desperately hopes Matt isn't taking this too bad.

Who is she kidding? Of course, he's taking this bad. She takes a hesitant step forward and tentatively knocks before grabbing the door's handle. Slowly, very slowly she opens it and steps inside.

Matt is sitting on the wooden floor and is looking at her with tear filled eyes. They are a startling shade of green that she can't help but admire. And she thinks that such beautiful eyes shouldn't be hidden by goggles every waking hour. She looks around the room and spots them on his bedside table. Did he forget to put them on this morning, when he realized Mello was gone?

The blonde wonders whether those eyes would be even more beautiful without those tears or if they add to the eyes' beauty. 'Don't dwell on that!' she tells herself, as she finally takes in his whole appearance apart from those captivating green eyes.

Matt looks rather disheveled. His clothes are wrinkled and the edges of his shirt are soaked in tears. His cheeks are reddened and his eyes are red and puffy from crying (and she's surprised she hasn't noticed before, but she supposes, she was too startled by seeing Matt's eyes for the first time in her life). It's an interesting contrast, but this really isn't the time for these thoughts.

A sigh escapes her. She really seems to be sighing a lot today. But who could blame her, Matt is taking this even worse than she expected.

The blonde drops her bag and walks over to him.

She isn't sure how to approach him, so she comes closer slowly, carefully and lowers herself on her knees next to him.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. And then she reaches out in an offer of comfort. He doesn't reject it, prompting her to hug him. She holds him close and repeats her sentiment. "I'm so sorry, Matt."

She waits for his tears to subside, but after a while she decides that it's in vain and instead gets up and walks back to the door. She can feel him watching her as she takes out the leather jacket. Mello's leather jacket.

She looks at it for a few seconds. A single tear threatens to escape her eye, but she blinks it back and turns around to face Matt again.

The redhead is still looking at her with those amazing green eyes. 'He shouldn't have to cry', she thinks. 'He shouldn't be separated from Mello.' Her eyes fill themselves with tears, because it doesn't matter, what he shouldn't have to. It doesn't matter, what he shouldn't be. Because he is. He is crying. He is separated from Mello. And there's nothing she can do to change this. Nothing at all.

She walks over to Matt and hands the jacket to him. For a moment he doesn't seem to comprehend, what she's giving him.

"I know it's not much, but it's all I was able to get and I… I hope it… helps… a bit." Her voice is filled with the tears she's holding back even if it's only barely.

His eyes flit from the jacket to her and back again. Then they widen ever so slightly and she knows he gets it. He knows. And the way he looks at the jacket she has the feeling, she has just given him one of the most precious gifts, he's ever received.

He gets a kind of faraway look about him, in the way the corners of his mouth lift themselves in a melancholy smile and his eyes get all unfocused staring of into space. She feels a wave of relief and something akin to happiness (but not quite that emotion) wash over her, because he hasn't completely lost the ability to smile. Even if it's only a sad smile and one that's barely seen, it's a smile- it's a start.

"Thank you" His voice is that of a broken man, but filled with so much gratitude and sincerity that she honestly has to admit she's surprised. She expected him to be hiding his emotions as good as possible even when he couldn't seem to stop crying. But maybe his emotions are just too out of control. Maybe he'll lock it all up again tomorrow and she'll be standing in front of a brick wall that's hiding his emotions without a chance to help him. Without a chance to fulfill her promise.

"It's…" he doesn't seem to be able to find the right words, but she doesn't mind. She understands what it means to him. Well, maybe not really, but she knows that it means a lot to him. The blonde smiles. It's a sad, slightly desperate smile, but something in his eyes changes and it's not much, but it's something. She's accomplished something.

She gets up and takes a step back, unsure what to do next. Matt makes that decision for her by grabbing her hand and pulling her into a hug. He buries his face in her shoulder and she thinks she understands, what he's asking her to do. She offered comfort earlier and he didn't refuse the offer. Now, he's asking for that comfort again.

She can feel his tears soaking her blouse, but she doesn't care. She came here to help Matt, not get upset when his tears ruined her blouse. The blonde wraps her arms around him and strokes his hair lightly.

"Shh, you can do this, Matt. You'll get through." A single tear slips out of her eye and she has to swallow before she can continue. "You'll get through."

She holds him for what seems like hours, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, stroking his hair, wiping away the tears. Outside the sun is setting, half of it already hidden behind the horizon.

"Come on, Matt. You should get up." He looks at her uncomprehendingly and it takes a few more attempts to make him get up. She leads him over to the bed and sits beside him. She's stroking his back absently and she's not sure whether that is to calm him or to calm herself.

Both of them are lost in thought until she looks at him.

"You should take a shower." Her eyes bore into the side of his head, but he doesn't even glance at the blonde. He's so lifeless and his lack of reaction makes her doubt whether he heard her at all. When he remains motionless, she repeats it.

This time he reacts. It's only a slow nod of his head, but she's so glad that he reacts at all that she doesn't mind. However, he doesn't get up and so she sighs and walks towards the bathroom. She takes a towel and a pair of pajamas and places both in the bathroom. Then she walks back to the redhead.

"Come on, Matt" she mutters quietly, but she knows he can't hear her. He returned to the realms of his mind. She's surprised he heard as much as he did so far, she really expected much less. 'Be glad', she tells herself. 'He could be so much further gone.'

She leads him over to the bathroom. The way he walks reminds her of an old man. But he'll never be an old man… He enters the smaller room and she closes the door behind him.

Her eyes trace the outline of the door, before she turns around and surveys the room. It's quite clean and orderly, but that was to be expected. This is Mello's room, after all. 'Was… It was Mello's room.' Another sigh escapes her. She already lost count of how many times she sighed today.

Leaning her back against the wall she sinks to the ground and buries her face in her hands. She should have known it would be this bad. She should have seen this coming. She should have… 'But you didn't!' She almost screams. Almost, because she can't lose control. She can't. The one time she did, well she didn't hurt anyone, but she spent a week in the hospital. 'You can't change the past, Natasha! You can't! But you can change the future. So concentrate on that… And quit talking to yourself.'

She laughs hysterically. The reality of the situation finally befalling her. 'Deep breaths,' she tells herself. 'Calm down.'

"Natasha?" She looks up. Roger is standing at the door. "I was under the impression that this was Matt's room."

"He's in the shower," she murmurs, wondering how Roger can seem so completely unaffected by the happenings. His eyes aren't filled with anything past the slight concern they showed when Linda's pencils were broken and even Natasha, who is one of the few orphans at Wammy's house that doesn't feel indifference or even dislike towards the orphanage's manager, can't help despising him just a little for his lack of concern. For the lack of care most of the children entrusted to him experience. From the man himself at least. The blonde is one of the few he doesn't subject to either the indifferent treatment most get or the definite cold one that a couple of them receive.

"I trust he is… alright?" The blonde stares at the man in utter disbelief. He can't be serious! He just can't! Is he truly and honestly expecting Matt to be… alright?

"Alright? Alright? He looks like death warmed over, Roger! And he's still in shock! God only knows what'll happen when he realizes that Mello is truly gone!" Her voice that had been getting louder and louder until now gets quieter receding to a mere whisper. "He's broken."

The man just looks at her, completely unaffected by her outburst apart from a frown and his slightly pursed lips. She lowers her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… It was inappropriate, but I'm not going to take it back, Roger. It's true. Matt's broken. And… no one is ever going to be able to put him back together. Apart from one person." She looks at him and as their eyes meet she knows he understands. It's not that difficult really.

But Natasha is scared. Because she knows, she just knows that she'll never see Mello again. And she's afraid of what would happen to Matt if he were forced to live his life without his friend. His best friend. She can't even begin to understand, how deep the bond these two share runs. And she knows that she could live a hundred years and travel around the world and still never find a pair of friends sharing as deep a bond as Mello and Matt.

"I apologize, as well, Natasha. It should have been obvious that Matt would not be alright."

She nods curtly and Roger leaves.

She stares at the closed door for a while before burying her face in her hands again.

Natasha hears the water that hits the glass door of the shower. She thinks about the water droplets on the door and the way they always remind her of rain against a window. Not today, though. Today they remind her of tears. Matt's tears. Tears on a wall of glass. Tears on Matt's face. And a hammer. A hammer that destroyed Matt's façade of glass. A hammer that destroyed that glass wall hiding Matt's emotions.

'No,' she thinks, 'not a hammer. A bullet and a gun. Because that's so much more…Mello.' Because if Matt is made of glass (and he must be, because nothing else could be that… shattered), then Mello used to be the one who mended the cracks that appeared (because no one can keep such a façade in perfect condition all alone). But now Mello is gone and when he left it was as if he took a gun and shot a single bullet at Matt. A single bullet that caused so much destruction. A single bullet that caused the glass person that was Matt to shatter.

And he can't be put together again. He can't. At least not by anyone but Mello. Because the older took some shards of glass with him, when he left. And Natasha can pick up the pieces that were left behind with Matt. She can try to put the redhead back together piece by piece. And she will try, she will. She knows that she will earn a cut or two (or three or four or a dozen) in the process though, because the edges of those shards of glass are sharp and cutting, but that won't stop her. She won't let it. She won't.

The blonde, still lost in thought, raises her head. Her eyes fall upon the clock on the opposite wall. It takes her a few seconds, but she notices the time. 'He's been in there for half an hour,' she thinks. 'Does he always take this long?'

She gets up and brushes the hair out of her eyes.

"Matt?" the blonde calls through the door, "Matt, are you alright?" She waits, but the only thing she hears is the shower. The sound of the water droplets against the glass makes her think about tears and guns and bullets again, but she shakes herself. 'Don't' she tells herself. 'Don't.'

"Matt?" she asks again, this time accompanied by a soft knock on the door. Again there is no response.

Over the next twenty minutes she continuously tries to get the redhead's attention. Without success. And while her fist repeatedly connects with the door and she calls out to him, her mind makes up a thousand different scenarios of what could have happened. Everything from drowning in the tub to being attacked by vicious, soul-devouring demons (the supernatural does exist after all, how else could Kira be killing millions of criminals without ever laying hand on them?). Though the first possibility her mind comes up with (the one about drowning in the bathtub) is definitely the most likely. The girl turns around and starts to pace as she contemplates what to do.

Finally making up her mind after another five minutes to just enter the bathroom and see what happened, social standards and privacy be damned (not to mention the fact that it's locked), she turns towards the door again and comes face to face with Matt. His hair is still slightly wet and he is now dressed in pajamas.

"Why didn't you answer?" And, yes, she knows she should probably more gentle, since his best friend just left him behind and he was still crying in a heap on the floor not even two hours ago, but she's worried. More worried than she can remember being ever before (with the possible exception of the day Sophie was hospitalized, but that's a story for another day).

He just looks at her genuinely surprised by her question and really she is, too. She should have known he was alive. Or rather she should have known he wasn't dead. Because whatever the state he's in is called, it's certainly not alive.

Matt just continues to stare at her and she starts talking again.

"I thought you had drowned, Matt! I was ten seconds away from forcefully opening that door!" She keeps the demon theories to herself, since they are quite absurd.

He just looks at her. His eyes are unreadable. And she really thinks she's not going to get an answer this time either, but then something inside him seems to shift and he responds.

"Was tempting"

Natasha's eyes widen, because she hasn't expected him to be so openly and disturbingly honest. And she thinks that she didn't realize how deep his bond with Mello truly ran. And again she feels that she can't even begin to understand the concept of having a friendship that defines every aspect of your life, one your life seems pointless without.

She looks at Matt and asks herself if she should wonder why he's telling her this, but decides it doesn't matter. Not really. What does matter is that he told her and that she has to put a stop to those thoughts right away.

"Matt…" she whispers suddenly calm "Don't do that. Promise me you'll never do that."

"Why?" His voice is broken, too. It's shattered. And Natasha realizes that he's broken to an extent that is beyond everything she can imagine.

She grabs his shoulders and forces him to look at her. His eyes are still beautiful, but she realizes that what she thought was completely open earlier was still guarded. Now, all the barriers are down. At least she thinks, hopes, prays they are, because if not he's truly beyond repair.

She wants to shake him, because he has to listen. He has to! But she doesn't. She hasn't lost that much control.

"Because the time will come when he'll need you. When his life will depend on you. And you'll be there to save him. You have to be." She pauses trying to make sure he's listening, but she can't be sure. "So promise me you'll never do that. Or anything even remotely like that. Promise me."

And then she can't resist the urge to shake him anymore and her control is slowly coming undone. But while she is losing control her voice betrays nothing. It's completely calm and has receded to a whisper.

"Promise me, Matt."

His green eyes search her face for something, what it is only he knows, but he stays silent. She feels a single tear slip out of her eye. And she'll give it one last try.

"If not for me then for him. Please Matt."

And then, his eyes still searching her face, he finally answers.

"I promise."

And she's so relieved that her eyes light up as she smiles.

"I'll hold you to that." And he smiles, too. Hesitantly and barely visible, but there.

She would have laughed if not for the reality of the situation.

"Come on, Matt. You should go to bed. Get some sleep." The almost happy atmosphere of the moment is broken as they both remember, what happened.

He nods and she watches the light in his eyes dim a little. She could watch his eyes as they change colors depending on his mood and the lighting for hours on end and the blonde decides that she's entirely too fascinated by his eyes, but she just can't help it. The same way she can't help having totally absurd thoughts in situations like this (she remembers rather clearly that when Sophie was hospitalized she was thinking about the red colored ribbon the other looked so pretty with).

While Natasha is lost in her thoughts for the umpteenth time that day, she doesn't notice that Matt slips into his bed. What she does notice, however, (when she finally shakes herself from her contemplations) is that he's silently watching her.

"Do… do you want me to leave?" She doesn't want to leave him alone. Not after he so openly admitted to having suicidal thoughts, but she'll respect his wishes.

Matt contemplates her question for a while and she can understand that. This is the room he shared with Mello after all. It's quite understandable that he feels rather private about it. She's already resigned herself to spending the night in her own room, worrying about the redhead, when he finally speaks.

"No. Stay. Please." He looks at her almost pleadingly and even if she had wanted to return to her own room, she couldn't have when he looked at her like that.

"Alright." And with that she walks over to sit on the edge of his bed. He lowers his head onto the pillow and closes his eyes. Slowly his breathing evens out and his face loses all signs of despair and anguish. 'At least in his dreams, Mello is still there' she thinks. 'But that'll make waking up even harder on him.'

Shortly after she too falls asleep.

Her slumber is peaceful, but Matt's isn't. At three in the morning (at least that's what a look at the clock tells her) she awakes to the redhead tossing and turning in his bed. The blonde moves and has to suppress a pained hiss. Falling asleep in a sitting position with your back leaned against the wall obviously isn't the most comfortable way to get a good night's sleep.

"Matt! Hey Matt, wake up!" She whispers and shakes him. It reminds her a bit of when she wanted him to make that promise earlier, even if the situation is entirely different. She has her control back.

The redhead suddenly sits up straight in his bed. For a moment he is disorientated, but then he recognizes his surroundings. He looks at the younger.

"Na… Natasha? What are you doing here? Where's Mel…" He interrupts himself as he realizes what happened and a few strangled sobs escape him.

The blonde rubs his back for a while before embracing him.

"Shh, go back to sleep, Matt. We'll work it out, alright? We'll work it out." He doesn't seem to hear her.

"Come on, Matt, go back to sleep." His eyes are filled with tears. He opens his mouth to say something, but it takes a few minutes before he gets out the words.

"I… I dreamed he was still he… here." His shoulders are shaking with suppressed sobs.

"It's alright, Matt. Let it out. Let it out." She holds him a little tighter and adds in a whisper: "I'm sorry, Matt." A few tears fall from her eyes onto his hair.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you, but…"

And then she holds him while he cries. After a while she starts singing. A short sweet lullaby that her mother used to sing for her, when the blonde was little, before the woman died. She sings it over and over again still holding the redhead in her arms until he falls asleep.

She tries to lay him down on the bed, but he's clinging to her blouse and so she leans against the wall again. Matt's head on her shoulder.

In that moment he seems so fragile, almost like a child, even if she's quite sure he's already taller than she'll ever be. She looks at him. Looks at the one she promised to protect. She never said it out loud, but she promised it to Mello, just before he left. She promised Mello to be the one to pick up the pieces that he had not taken with him. And she swore to herself that she'd put them back together as good as possible. Even if he'll never be truly whole again. Not without Mello. Not without the missing pieces.

Slowly, listening to Matt's breathing she falls into sleep's waiting arms.

And that's how Roger finds them the next morning, curled up in each other's arms and fast asleep. And he knows that Natasha will look after the redhead. The broken young man. The one that shattered like a wall of glass that was hit with a hammer. Or a bullet. And Natasha will pick up the pieces of that shattered person.

Sorry, if I'm boring you, but I just noticed that this (well, the actual story) is around three times as long as Promise…

Reviews would be greatly appreciated. (Seriously guys, I love reviews.)