As I walked up the staircase, heading towards the top of the astronomy tower I had no idea what I would find and that scared me. I had always focused on the things that were dependable, books, facts, Harry, school, Dumbledore. Although the last one was not so reliable now. His loss had shocked the school, it sounds strange but I think we all sort of regarded Dumbledore like we would an immortal, as if he was never going to die, but now he was gone, and nothing would be the same. The whole of the wizarding world was struck hard by the death of Dumbledore, he had been so well respected and well known, but of course it had hit certain people harder than others, people who had been close to him, people like Harry.
As my foot hit the landing of the floor in the tallest section of the castle, I automatically saw Harry; he was facing away from me, staring out towards the black lake. I walked closer, whether he was just trapped in his own thoughts or he was ignoring me I didn't know so being careful not to startle him I said
"Harry?"
He did not turn nor respond. I moved closer placing my hand on his shoulder.
"What are you thinking?"
I asked softly, not really meaning for him to answer, a rhetorical question, so it was a slight shock when he spoke back.
"About everything, about nothing."
He said softly. I brought my hand down his arm lightly and rested it on top of his hand and squeezed it softly. We stood like this for a while, just listening, to the faint wind, the sounds from the castle, the black lake, and the light cries of Fawkes from overhead.
"It was just here."
Said Harry.
"He seemed to move in slow motion; as if my brain couldn't process the images it was being given."
He paused
"Then I ran after the death eaters, my brain finally catching up, I wasn't thinking, they could have killed me, I was so blinded by hatred and anger. I came back to the castle, people had already started to gather but I wasn't taking notice, I simply walked threw them, I bent down over his body and moved him so his legs were together, his arms over his chest, I closed his eyes. I sat for a few minutes by him, not really noticing the crying and the bodies around me, the chatter. I finally stood moving away. It hasn't sunk in fully, I keep going up to his office thinking I will find him there and I never do. Going up there, seeing his glasses and his wand, knowing he will never use either of them again, knowing it was my fault."
He took a deep breath.
"Everyone around me is hurt or killed, because of me, and every time I say I will block everyone out, so no more will die because of me, and then someone breaks threw my defence and then go back to normal until someone I care about get ripped from me again."
And then he said so quietly I nearly missed it.
"Maybe I should just run away and no one else would die trying to protect me."
I gasped, without really thinking I said.
"Harry James Potter you will do no such thing!"
he turned his head slightly looking at me. "We need you. We need you to protect us, we need you to give us hope against Voldermort, we need you to play quidditch for us, we need you to see the details everyone else misses, and we need you for everything. "
I said quieter, he looked straight at me, our hand still together on the railing but he moved his whole body to face me.
" But ask yourself this, name me one person that actually cares for me; not me the chosen one, not the famous Harry Potter, but me simply Harry name me one person that cares for me because of me. Name me one person who actually loves me because of me, not because of my fame. Name me one person who would take on Voldermort to help me, name one person who would love to see me not have the world on my shoulders and would swap places with me to see me happy, name me one person who wants to be with me after this, who wants to love me and tell me it will be okay, who wants to comfort me when the nightmares become too much, name me just one, and I might be able to keep doing all of this. Because at the moment I see no reason to do any of it, to fight for anyone, I am drowning under everything and I can't keep floating forever, I need something to fight for."
He said, unshed tears making his green eyes glisten. In front of me plain to see was not a man who was ready to fight Voldermort, in front of me was someone who had let his walls down and was a confused, guilt ridden boy. He turned back towards the window in front of us. My hand that was not resting on his went up to his faces, turning it to look at me.
"Me. I care for you because I met a small boy on a train who was alone, I would take on Voldermort, I would gladly swap places with you if I could to see you smile, to see that spark in your eyes that I do not see enough, I would comfort you though the nightmares, hold you until they leave your head, I would do anything to help you, I would stand by you when everyone else left, and I do love you. I have done for years now, I do not love the famous Harry Potter who has given up more than anyone knows, I love the loyal, funny amazing friend I have who just also has this fame, but I know he hates it, I know he would trade the money, the fame and the girls for one hug of his parents. I hoped that when it all became too much that boy would come to me and I would be able to help him, I hoped that I would be allowed to comfort him, hold him while he cried, I hoped I would be allowed to be with him and stay with him after the war, I hoped that I would be the reason he fought, I hoped that I would be the girl who let a boy know what the love his has never really felt properly feels like. I hoped he would love me back." I said, the words had run from my heart to my mouth without my brain interfering, these thoughts had burst out without me thinking of the implications of them. Now though I was worrying, he was my best friend, what if he hated me after this? What if he stopped being friends with me? What if I lost him? What if...
But my internal panic was stopped. Because at that time a pair of soft ware lips pressed themselves to mine, a hand wrapped itself around my waist pulling me towards a body, and the hands that had been softly resting on one another were now connected in a death grip. A tongue traced my lips slightly and I opened them to give it access, my tongue and this forgiven one were now dancing, moving the beating of our hearts. The hand around my waist was rubbing small circles on the bare skin, my arms without me concisely doing it had wound up around his neck, my right sliding further up and my fingers curled round his black unruly locks. My brain had stopped working. After about 3 minutes or it could have been a year or a century, we broke apart, our chest heaving trying to get the air into our lungs.
For a moment it felt as though time had stopped. Fawkes voice, singing that solemn song was not registering in my brain, the only thing that was recognised was what had just happened and how good it was. It very girly to admit this but there had been many times when I had wondered, imagined what kissing the great Harry Potter would be... and it was better than I could ever have imagined. From the blank look on Harry's face it appeared that he felt the same as I did, and my brain was about as fast as his.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have ever said anything." I said worried by the blank look on his face, what was I thinking telling him that? He had girls throwing themselves at him from every direction, if he could have anyone why would he settle for me.
"No." Said Harry, his voice coming from behind me after I turned around ready to leave.
"No what?" I asked, still facing the door.
"Don't leave me, and never apologize for being brave. Something I am clearly not." He said, softly.
I turned back around and walked back towards him.
"How can you say you are not brave? How can you possibly think that? You are the bravest person I know! You fight Voldermort every time Harry... not anyone else... you. What have you done that is cowardly in fashion?" I asked him, as I stood right in front of him again.
"You. I have acted toward you in cowardly fashion." He paused then taking a big breath and turning back to face the outside world through the side of the astronomy tower again as he was when she first saw him.
"Harry I don't understand?"
"I knew how felt about you for ages Hermione. But I was scared to tell you, I don't know what I would have done without you and if I told you I risked you leaving me. So I kept Quiet." He took a breath and then carried on in a quieter voice.
"That and I don't know how to love anyone; I have never had anyone to love before." I stood forward, hugging him from behind.
"Well now you have me, and we can figure it out together. I don't care if it goes wrong or anything along those lines. I will always be here no matter what happens or who you face. I won't leave you unless it is beyond my control. I love you Harry and it is time we showed it to each other."
He kissed me again, his lips even lighter than they were before, he pulled away quickly and I seemed to register somewhere that his lips seemed to make my heart melt. He pulled back but kept me resting against him, my head resting against his chest, his head resting upon mine as we stared out of the astronomy tower. We knew that as soon as Dumbledore went off the end of that tower that things would change a massive amount, but it seemed that they would not all be bad changes.