Title: "Of Elves and Pies and A Door That Time Forgot..."
Author: LegolasLover2003 aka Ashley
Category: CROSSOVER = Book - "Lord of the Rings" / TV - "Pushing Daisies"
Genre: Comedy/Fantasy/General
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to "The Lord of the Rings" or to "Pushing Daisies". I just adore them to pieces! Legede is a character from my own series of stories that hail from "The Lord of the Rings". You may use him or borrow him, but please ask permission first.
Note: I wrote this story because I realized that there are no crossovers listed for this on the site... -gasp-

Prologue

It had been six thousand five hundred twenty-two years, seventy days, three hours, forty-nine minutes, and seventeen seconds since Thranduil had taken his first breath.

And until one minute and eight seconds ago, the Elvenking of Mirkwood had been absolutely positively certain that Arda was the one and only world within the grand cosmic scheme of the universe.

Of Elves and Pies and A Door That Time Forgot...

The facts were these...

Having watched his waking dreams turn into a gut-wrenching nightmare of terrifying proportions, one Thranduil, the Elvenking of Mirkwood, had found himself in the palace kitchens, seeking something to quell the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that the world was truly darker than he wished it was. His son was out on patrol, and having Legolas away from the palace for any prolonged period of time never set well with the Elvenking to begin with. However... knowing the ill-tempered mood of their lord when the prince was abroad, the cooks always deemed it fitting to keep more baked sweets about the kitchen than necessary should the king find himself with a sweet tooth... which was usually the situation.

Opening the door to a large walk-in pantry where the baked goods were stored, Thranduil's lithe pale hands reached for a strawberry tart when said door closed and a sudden wave of dizziness stole over the Elf's body. Seconds later, he blacked out.

When he came to, the blond found himself laying upon a cold tile floor with an odd green and white checkered patter. There was a table above him, his golden hair splayed out around his head in a halo, and a strange reddish dog suddenly licking his face.
"Oh my god, Ned!" came a high pitched slightly squeaky voice from behind him.

Thranduil looked back from where he lay as a rather short blond woman with painted lips came into focus upside down above his head. She was giving him the most stunned and peculiar look.

"What happened?! And why are you wearing a wig?"

"Ow..."

Blinking, the Pie Maker wondered, not for the first time today, if he was getting an adequate amount of sleep each night. He had fallen flat on his back, slipping on a thought discarded peach pit that apparently was exacting revenge for having been rotten and then un-rotten and then tossed in the general vicinity of the trash. Ned had somehow missed that trash and the pit seemed to have bounced off and rolled underfoot and as the Pie Maker reached for his rolling pin, his black converse shoe had landed on the deadly fruit assassin and he had toppled over, banging his head hard on the tile and blacking out.

As Ned sat up, one hand rubbing the back of his head and messing up his already messy brown hair, his gaze focused on the room around him. It was somewhat dark... and was most certainly NOT the Pie Hole. Perhaps more awkward was that everything smelled... of the woods?

Light came from what appeared to be an lantern at the end of the hall. Soon, standing over the prone Pie Maker, was a strange man-like being with white hair and... pointed ears?

"Ci maer, hir nin?"

The odd person spoke in a language that the Pie Maker had never heard before... to which Ned blinked in surprise and just looked at him for a few long moments.

Tilting his head to the side, the being spoke again. "Thranduil? Ci maer? Ci vi naegr?"

"What?" Ned finally asked, shielding his eyes from the bright lantern.

The figure drew back, setting the light upon a counter nearby before focusing on the man still laying on the floor. "Thranduil, your hair... Your clothes... My lord, what has happened?" he reached down, helping Ned to his feet.

"Thranduil?" the Pie Maker asked, wincing as he rubbed his head. "Ow... where am I? Who are you?"

At this the being, the Elf Ned was just beginning to realize, frowned deeply. "I am your captian. Legede. And you are in your kitchens, King Thranduil."

The Pie Maker's jaw dropped open as he stared in open and blatant shock at the white-haired Elf. "KING?!"

TBC...

SINDARIN TRANSLATIONS
Ci maer, hir nin? = Are you well, my lord?
Ci maer? = Are you well?
Ci vi naegr? = Are you in pain?"

SINDARIN BREAKDOWNS
Ci = No idea. Seriously. I jacked it off the internet. It's from SindarinLessons at weebly. Lesson 2. I assume it makes the "Are you" part of the sentence (well actually it makes the "How Are" part of the sentence since this is usually used for "Are you well? / How are you?" in greetings). This was the closest thing I could come to to "Are" however since there is no word for "Are".
Mae / Maer = Well
Hir = Lord
Nin = My
Vi = In = Lenited from "min". Example of use is "vi menel" (in heaven).
Naeg / Naegr = Pain = Not sure if the "r" belongs on there or not... I just stole that from the use of "maer" earlier.

AUTHOR'S NOTES
- Thranduil's age is merely conjecture. This story also takes place between "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings" just to let you know. No one really knows how old Thranduil is but most assume he is between 6,500 and 5,500 years old at the time of "The Hobbit" as he was either born in the last years of the First Age or the beginning years of the Second.
- This will be listed as a 'Crack Fic' since it isn't really going to hold any place in my LOTR series. I just couldn't not write it... PIE MAKER THRANDY!

MUSE MOMENTS:
Nil finds herself running with a bowl of hot berry pie. "I COULDN'T HELP IT! Fanfiction dot Net had no crossovers! I HAD TO DO IT!"
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Thranduil roars, trying to give chase only to find a table between himself and the woman is blocking his way... and she is using it expertly to keep it blocking said way.
Nil sticks her tongue out at him before licking the pie spoon. "You knew it'd happen eventually, Fernando!"
Sighing, Legolas sits on top of the freezer, watching the ruckus. "You know ada hates it when you call him that... and really? Switching his place with Ned?"
"I don't mind." says the Pie Maker, who is also sitting on the freezer next to Legolas.
The prince glances at him. "You may not mind but ada... is not fond of humans."
"Oh... that's... too bad..." Ned winces slightly, ducking when a cookbook thrown at Nil by the Elvenking flies toward him. "But the Pie Hole is a great place to get..." he notices Thranduil glaring at him. "...stuck?"
"Why's that a question?" Nil asks, eating more pie and ducking as a cookie jar flies at her head this time.
Ned sighs, "I don't know..."