Milk
When Spencer is drugged by an A-team member at Gamma Zeta party and the unspeakable happens, she must rely on Toby, the girls, and most of all, herself to get through it.
warnings: brief descriptions of sexual assault, spoilers for 4x5
xx
The lights in the room were bright and dizzying. Red, purple, blue, orange, the colors from the strobe lamp swirled 'round and 'round the room, fasterfasterfaster until they reached a nauseating blur.
Spencer was going to be sick, but she couldn't move. She was frozen.
Closing her eyes, Spencer imagined that she was resting on a pillowy soft cloud, floating away to her favorite place.
(the bed dipped beneath her)
The blurred lights faded, replaced with the image of a cream motel under a brilliant sun. Spencer felt the sunny warmth envelope her as she waited with hope, anticipation.
(her dress was pushed up, she was so very cold)
And there he was, Toby Cavanaugh, with his kind smile and loving arms. Toby tucked a stray hair from Spencer's face and pressed two lips against her forehead. "I love you."
(a rough hand grabbed at her ponytail, crushed his gravelly lips against her neck. "Kisses, bitch.")
Spencer felt like the world could burn and she would still be safe with the outcast with the vibrant blue eyes.
(she was terrified)
Spencer jolted upright, chest heaving with heavy breaths. Blanket drawn tight to her chest, she looked around the room, frightened. When her eyes focused to the darkness, Spencer realized where she was - Toby's apartment, much to her relief.
The lumpy shape next to her stirred. "Spencer?"
"I'm sorry Toby," Spencer whispered. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."
Toby reached a hand towards the small lamp on his nightstand. Switching it on with a soft click, Toby sat up. "Spence, it's obviously something. It's the same something that kept you awake last night, isn't it?"
Spencer was ashamed to admit it, but her boyfriend was right. Ever since... since that night, she had trouble sleeping. She had trouble eating, too, but Spencer was able to hide that better with her busy schedule; controlling nightmares was considerably more difficult. She took one glance at Toby and knew she couldn't lie. "I'm scared, Toby," Spencer admitted. "A is still out there and knows the person who..." She still couldn't bring herself to say it, not even after three weeks.
Toby gently rubbed his hand in circles across Spencer's back. "No one is going to lay a finger on you ever again. I'm here to make sure of that."
It was a bold statement, and Spencer wanted to believe it, but the truth of the matter was that she hadn't felt safe since before the night her world fell apart, since before she let herself have one drink (one drink!) at that stupid Gamma Zeta party and somehow woke up in Toby's bed with a pounding headache and bruises everywhere.
xx
Three weeks prior
Spencer awoke to Emily and Toby peering at her from the side of Toby's bed, a mild ache ebbing and flowing in her right temple. The blinds were drawn, and early morning shadows of the trees outside were cast over the room. A look of confusion washed over Spencer's face.
She didn't need to hear words to know that Emily and Toby were on the verge of crying.
"Spencer, do you... do you remember what happened last night?" Emily asked softly, her warm almond-shaped eyes brimmed with concern.
Spencer paused, the day's events playing in her mind: College open house... Phone number search... Brendan and Emily flirt fest... Wasted frat guys embarrassing themselves in the streets...
Spencer thought back to the most recent thing she could remember. "We got in an argument and split up."
Toby leaned forward. "Anything else?"
"I went in the house to - " Spencer shifted on her side, and that's when she felt it. Pain - dull, persistent pain where it (where Toby) has never hurt her before.
Spencer's stomach dropped -
down
down
down.
Expresso eyes caught the heavy purple bruise on her wrist and suddenly Spencer remembered someone pulling her across the room, through crowds of faceless strangers.
"Oh god," she choked out, putting it all together. The panic was a tidal wave in her chest, crashing against her lungs.
Toby jumped to Spencer's side and wrapped two strong arms around her. She let herself fall into his arms (because if she didn't, she might have passed out).
Emily swallowed hard, struggling to get the right words out. "Hanna and I... We found you in the leaves outside. You were..." Her eyes dropped to the floor.
Spencer gazed at her friend intently, trying to keep her composure. "I was what, Em?" her voice hoarse cracked as she spoke. "And why was Hanna there?"
"Drugged, Spence. You were drugged." Emily stood up and started pacing. The rate of her voice quickened. "Long story short, Hanna found a gun in her mom's closet that linked her to Wilden's murder. She brought it to the party and decided to bury it in the woods behind Gamma Zeta. We were headed that way when we found you."
Spencer couldn't breathe and questions were flying around so fast in her mind that she couldn't keep track. "What do you mean you 'found' me?" she asked. She was almost too afraid to hear the answer.
Emily looked at Toby, who nodded.
"You were in the leaves nearly passed out," Emily started warily. "You tried to tell us what happened to you but whatever was in your system... it was like it froze you or something."
(Spencer remembered that now, her brain telling her arms to move, her mouth to scream, the commands dissipating to nothingness).
Emily continued, despite the stricken look on her friend's face. "Your dress was... torn. Spence, we were thisclose to taking you to the hospital, but on the way there, you kept trying to call for Toby. You wouldn't stop. We didn't know what else to do."
Spencer felt Toby squeeze her arm reassuringly. His warmth radiated against her body, which had since run cold with horror. "We will find who did this to you, Spence. I will find who did this to you, if it's the last thing I do."
There was a brief moment of silence before Spencer took a deep breath and stated definitively "No... No, you won't."
A glance was shared between Toby and Emily, the latter of which furrowed her brows. "Of course we will, Spence," Emily said encouragingly.
Spencer shook her head, adamant. "No. I don't want you to. This can't be another thing A tortures me - us - over. This can't be another thing my family is disappointed in me over. You can't tell anyone."
Toby was on the verge of tears. "Spencer, you can't let this person get away with hurting you!"
Spencer didn't need anyone to tell her that she was violated. She could feel the devastation in her mind, body, and soul. But Spencer's decision was made. Forty-five minutes later, she was showered and the previous night's clothes were in the dumpster.
Sanitation was there the next day.
xx
Current day
"I'll always protect you. You know that, right?"
Toby's voice drew Spencer from her thoughts. "Huh?"
This drew a soft chuckle from the blue-eyed man. "Nevermind, Spence. We can talk about it tomorrow." He squeezed her hand gently. "Do you want me to get you some milk? My mom always got me a glass whenever I woke up from nightmares."
"Sure," she murmured, sensing the inevitable onslaught of sleep creeping up on her.
Watching as he made his way to the kitchen, the faint light glowing from the refrigerator, Spencer couldn't believe how lucky she was to have someone in her life who would care for her unconditionally like Toby. The only attention her father gave her was linked to academic or athletic performance, and her mother, while attentive when possible, worked eighty hours a week. It was no wonder they hadn't noticed the weight loss or dark under-eye circles.
Toby returned with a tall glass of milk and handed it to Spencer. She took a long, eager sip, and sighed contently. Setting the remainder on the nightstand, Spencer drew the blankets back over her thin frame, her head falling into the plush pillow. "Goodnight, Toby," she whispered. "I love you."
A strong arm wrapped around Spencer's waist as she nestled against Toby's side. The dim light was turned off. "I love you too, Spencer."
So, this is my first PLL story. It follows most of the canon storyline but is obviously diverging post-4x5. Let me know if you like it and I'll continue.