A/N: This fanfic was started as a One Shot after the release of Adele's Hello, but all of a sudden I have rambled on for 6 chapters. I really want to complete one of my stories, but part of me procrastinates b/c I don't want them to end.

Will elaborate later on the song and how it inspired me, would give it away now. Suffice to say that song is so incredibly moving and sad, filled with regret and sorrow. I love it.

Set Roughly a year after the end of S5.

Annie was reinstated and returned to work as a covert operative for a special Task Force within the CIA for the last 8 months. It took Annie four months to recover from her surgery, but she fully recovered from and worked her butt off with McQuaid as her physical training partner. After a few months of Cross Fit, combined with Yoga and Pilates, she met Joan's condition of passing field tests along with the recruits who were easily 5-8 years younger. She was highly motivated for a ticket out of risk analysis and language translation assignments. She succeeded in making it back into the field, she proved to herself she could do it and felt elated to learn she passed her physicals and made it through the exercises at the farm. Ryan picked her up since he hadn't seen her in 10 days, the longest time they had spent apart since becoming a couple. He surprised her by flying her to Kuala Lumpur to celebrate. When they arrived, she was ecstatic. "I've never been and always wanted to visit." He smiled. "I know, I wanted to take you somewhere that was new for both of us, somewhere we could make memories all our own." They spent a week completely off the grid before returning to their lives in D.C.

Annie and Ryan see each other as often as they can and often rendezvous abroad when each has work outside of the U.S. The last four weeks Annie made weekly trips to Miami to establish a cover and to study her target. The mission was taking a toll on her personally. She was faced with many situations where she had to lie and hide things from Ryan and it was eating away at her as she worked on her wedding vows and went to pre-marital counseling sessions with Ryan at the church they were to be married in less than three months.

Chapter 1

Annie strolled into Joan's office wearing a heavy heart along with her black Louboutin heels and an Alexander McQueen Pencil Dress.

"You have an update for me?" asked Joan as she looked up from her briefs.

"My cover is solid. I've done all the research I can on the guy and I passed muster at the agency. He requests new girls and never one more than once, I got the call, so I'm up this weekend." The things she had to do to pass muster at the agency ate away at her, but she pushed it down.

"Good. The FBI, DEA, Homeland, ATF and others are all hanging on this intel. Teams are ready to move on the info quickly, are all precautions in place?"

"A breech won't be suspected, I'm part of his routine whenever it comes stateside and believe me, I want to nail him and bring them all down for what they are doing."

"That's not what I meant, you've been asked to do a lot of things for the CIA, but this one is a tall order. How are you handling knowing that you're headed for the lion's den?"

"That's one reason I stopped by to see you," said Annie gravely.

Joan took her reading glasses which had been on the tip of her nose off. She sensed this was serious. "Let's sit on the couch."

Annie turned around to face the couch opposite Joan's desk. She walked over and let out a deep breath before plopping down on the couch. Joan came out from behind her desk and sat down next to Annie. She could almost see the hesitation on her lips as Annie tried to start, but didn't for a few seconds. Annie had rehearsed this talk repeatedly. She had these conversations in her head while on the plane, in the shower, waiting in line for coffee, and while driving to work.

Finally she started, "I know, I've wanted to hold on to this job so desperately…"

"Believe me, I know," said Joan with a chuckle. Their relationship was much freer now, they had become more than the hierarchy the agency liked to maintain. After years of tension, misunderstanding, distrust and hurt feelings, Annie and Joan had finally come to a good place. They could laugh about the past and reminisce with a more tempered perspective. They had the gift of time and a commitment to being open with each other. They were a cooperative team, not like best friends who took girls trips and went shopping or had spa days together, but close work colleagues and occasional dinner and brunch companions with their significant others. Annie had come to full circle and viewed Joan as the mentor she always wanted. On her part Joan completely trusted Annie. It took quite a bit for her to realize Annie's motives were always above board. She may not always agree with her actions, but she would always stand by her.

"This is hard for me to get out." Annie felt like she was letting Joan down in a way. Joan had gone to bat for her. Lobbied the DCI to reinstate Annie and allow her to be a field operative despite her health history and track record of going AWOL and hiding her heart condition. Joan had surprised her by her loyalty and she appreciated her confidence in her.

"I can see that. We've got time, I've got time," said Joan like a true mentor.

"This job has been everything to me. It was my goal for so long to be in the field, where I feel truly needed. Making a real impact in this world was all I ever wanted."

Annie paused thinking about her own words. "But this assignment and balancing my life with Ryan, it's gotten me to realize that there's more to my life than being an operative. I feel like I finally got it. It's a message so many people had been trying to tell me along the way, but I had to come to it on my own." She let out a deep breath. She had spit it out. Finally. It had weighed on her the last couple of weeks.

Annie turned to face Joan, up until then she had stopped looking her in the eyes. She noted that Joan was too stunned for words. Lord, thought Annie, what if she feels she's wasted time and resources investing in me these last few months?

Joan was thinking Annie had been back for about eight months. In that time she had done the work of two agents. It was like she needed to prove herself. She thought Annie would be part of her Task Force for at least another year or two. Every operative eventually leaves the field, but Annie? Joan never expected her to voluntarily leave especially not after all she went through and all Annie sacrificed to remain in the field, but Joan put her finger on what she was feeling, it wasn't disappointment, it was pride. The kind of pride that hits you when you least expect it was the best kind.

Though stunned, Joan spoke after what seemed like an eternity. "Annie, that's great news. It is ideal when operatives choose when to leave. I'm shocked, but genuinely glad you're doing it on your terms."

"I didn't want to let you down Joan and I'm sorry that you'll be short an operative."

"Are you feeling okay?" asked Joan still surprised. She wondered if there was something else to this change. If perhaps her heart condition relapsed despite the complex surgery needed to repair the damage.

"I feel in great shape physically, better than before my condition came to light, I'm eating well, exercising and sleeping regularly compared to my lifestyle a couple of years ago. Part of me feels invincible, but these last few weeks have been difficult mentally and emotionally."

"I know, I know you've had to make major sacrifices and I thank you. The agency will recognize what you've done."

"I'm not looking for accolades. I've never wanted or sought any of the awards the CIA has granted me. I'm not ungrateful, just not motivated by them."

Joan knew that about Annie, but she wanted her to hear how valuable she had been since returning.

"I just wanted to personally thank you and say that this job takes a toll on personal relationships. It's challenging to lie to those closest to us."

Annie let out a sigh. "The lying is easy at least it is for me."

"What?"

"That's what eats at me," said Annie who had come to terms with herself and her skills as she matured into her job. She realized an aspect of her job was to lie and manipulate and she knew she was fucking good at it. Too good.

"It's always been easy for me to take on a persona and be someone else. It's so easy for the lies to roll off my tongue. It's like second nature. Joan, the things I come up with on the fly, they're Oscar worthy and he believes me because he trusts me. I love him and I feel like I'm taking advantage of his love for me."

"I've been there Annie. Arthur and I have had to lie to each other for years as you know. You got dragged into some of our drama for which I am sorry. Finally after over ten years of marriage, we have come clean, at least I think we have," smirked Joan. You never know when you're married to a spy.

Joan continued, "You know things hit rock bottom for us before we laid it all bare and had no where to hide. I don't recommend waiting, that route is filled with heartache and pain, so I understand completely. You're being proactive and I think that's great."

"That's such a relief Joan. I didn't want to be a disappointment to you or the Task Force."

"You're anything but that Annie. I hope you believe me when I say that, so what's your timeline for exiting the field?"

"It would be nice to out of the field after the wedding. I'm finding it challenging to compartmentalize. I've given my all to the agency, I think its time to give my all to my own life and to Ryan. We've been talking about starting a family sooner rather than later. It's not like I'm getting any younger. That's what Danielle likes to say. She's dying to hold a baby."

"Annie, you know Mac would be thrilled to have a playmate! It's hard to hide things from those close to us, I'm proud of you for this, for making this choice." said Joan.

"Sometimes all I can think about is getting home to him and the life we've had and the dreams we've shared, but I've had to lie so much these last few weeks that sometimes I'm so ashamed. . .it's hard to be happy during our reunions. I feel like I've betrayed him." Her voice cracked a bit as tears welled in her eyes.

"Your priorities are shifting as your life changes, that's all normal. I'm really happy for you Annie. Human beings aren't meant to be static and there's a whole lot of good you can do at the agency and Ryan knows what your job entails."

"This case, I've never seen so much . . . it's hard to stomach sometimes."

"It will be a big win when you get what's on Lorenzo's computer. We'll be able to shut down most if not all their pipelines and do a lot of good. You can stay on it from the other side and still work here at the Task Force."

"That's what I want Joan."

"You've got it and you have my full support and all of Mac's hand me downs," quipped Joan.

Annie laughed, "You'll be one of the first to know when we're expecting."

Joan gave Annie a hug, "Good luck."

"Thanks for everything Joan."