A Bro In Need
A DBZ One-Shot by Yung Warrior
"Man, this sure is weird, Yamcha. And you do this for fun?" Goku, the fun-loving protector of Planet Earth, yelled over the thumping music and conversational clamor of the nightclub. The pure-hearted Saiyan could scarcely take in the sights and smells of the place- young couples cavorting on the dance floor, multicolored lights flitting about the paint-peeled walls, the overwhelming scent of expensive perfume. Needless to say, it was all much different than what he was used to.
"It's not weird man, you're weird. This is where all of the biggest names in the city come to party. Not to mention the hottest girls!" Yamcha, former desert bandit and current lead hitter for the West City Taitans, replied cheekily. "Come on, it'll be good for you to get out of the house and loosen up a little, y'know?"
"Well, Chi-Chi technically kicked me out, but true, I guess." Goku's perpetually nagging wife caught Goku eating cookies directly out of the jar again, and since this was his third warning, he was forced to sleep outside. It was no problem, since the Saiyan from Earth enjoyed sleeping out amongst nature and the stars with his ki to warm him. However, since the night was still young, Goku decided to eat dinner with one of oldest friends, Yamcha, instead. He was very confused when Yamcha announced grandly that they would be "hitting up the club scene" after their meal.
Now, walking among the sharp-dressed men and scantily-clad women of the dance floor, the champion of Earth felt a little out of place in his customary Orange and Blue Turtle Hermit Gi. Plus, the music was hurting his ears. "Piccolo would hate it here." Goku thought of his Namekian comrade's hypersensitive hearing with a light chuckle. He only hoped that Gohan and Piccolo could hold down the fort while he was away.
"I'm gonna go scope out some of the single ladies, ya feel me? I bet there's plenty out since it's Friday night." Yamcha shouted over to him. "I'll catch you at the end of the night, Goku!"
Goku smiled at his friend and offered a fist-bump. Yamcha bumped him back, struggling not to outwardly show pain as he made hard contact with Goku's fist. "See ya later, Yamcha!" The pure-hearted Saiyan waved at Yamcha's hastily receding form. "Man, that guy really needs to start training harder."
His eyes wide with curiosity, Goku found himself moseying over to the bar for a light drink. Yamcha gave him 1000 Zeni to spend- Goku hoped that would be enough for a small nightcap.
"What can I get for you, sir?" The bartender asked the relaxing Saiyan while wondering where he had seen that orange and blue gi before.
"I'll take 15 shots of whiskey, three bottles of your best white wine, and one of those martini things. You know, that drink with the olive in it?" Goku asked casually.
The bartender was agape, utterly gobsmacked by Goku's request. "Hey man, are you good? Did you have a bad breakup, or…?" He asked the Saiyan.
"Well, my wife kicked me out for the night, so I really don't have much else to do." Although Goku was telling the truth as he usually did, the bartender construed the situation to be much more serious than it actually was.
"Damn, that's a bad situation. Did she catch you cheating?" He asked Goku sympathetically as he began pouring whiskey into 20 separate shot glasses.
"Haha, well…let's just say I've been breaking the rules one too many times." Goku was too embarrassed to say why he had actually been kicked out. Still, if he did it over again, he would make the exact same choice. Those chocolate chip cookies were simply too good to pass up.
"Alright, that'll come out to 1005 zeni. You've got a designated driver, right? Because this'll leave you pretty messed up. In fact, I'm pretty this might kill you if you drink it all at once." The bartender wasn't sure if he wanted to be amused or concerned.
"Shoot, five zeni over. I guess I'll drop the martini…" Goku pouted childishly. "Hopefully this is still enough to get a little buzz going." He gazed despondently at the twenty shot glasses in front of him.
"I can spot you for that martini, handsome…" Goku noticed a sibilant voice in his right ear. He quickly turned and saw an extremely attractive blonde woman in a shimmering green dress. Her blue eyes hungrily raked up and down his chisled frame as she slapped a few coins down on the glass table.
"Gee, thanks lady! I sure appreciate it." Goku laughed as he scratched the back of his head. Looking around, he noticed a few other women in the club were glaring jealously at him. "I wonder why they're all looking at me like that. Do I have a stain on my shirt?" Goku wondered absentmindedly as he checked his clothes.
Yamcha could only watch as the same woman he was dancing with not five minutes earlier ditched him for who else but Goku! Must that damn Saiyan beat him in everything?
Taking a deep breath, the former bandit calmed himself. This was Goku he was talking about here. The poor guy probably had no idea that half of the women in the club were trying to hit on him. Shame he was tied down to Chi-Chi- he could probably find himself quite successful if he ever decided to hit the clubs more often.
But that didn't mean Yamcha liked having his girl stolen. He was always the strongest and coolest guy in this club! Him, the great Yamcha! It didn't matter how strong he was compared to the other Z-Fighters. It didn't matter that he got killed by a Saibaman. It didn't matter that Vegeta stole the woman he was hoping to marry one day. He was still usually able to make any other random guy in this city look like a chump. He would have to find some way to restore the natural order of things.
"Shots! Shots! Shots!" The growing crowd chanted as Goku easily downed the 20th glass of whiskey served to him. "Ah, there was that light buzz." The Saiyan thought contentedly. Due to his own enormous stores of ki and the energy required to keep up that energy, Goku was easily able to convert the alcohol he was consuming into ki, which also spared his liver from considerable strain in the process. Anyone above a certain power level could do such a thing.
"Wow, you can put 'em away!" The girl, whose name Goku found out was Madison, looked on in amazement. "I thought you martial artist types never drank."
"Oh, we do. Helps to take off the stress of training, ya know?" Goku was conversing with her like he would any other friend, but she was clearly interested in more than conversational companionship, judging by the way she laughed at every little thing he said and hung off his muscular arm.
"Be back in a bit! I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Goku cheerfully waved, leaving her disappointed at the bar.
As he finished his business at the dingy urinal, Goku pulled up his pants with a contented sigh. However, when he turned around, he saw Yamcha leaning against the sink, a bargaining look on his face.
"Oh, didn't you there, Yamcha! Boy, everyone's been sneaking up on me today. Having a good time?" Goku smiled.
"No!" Yamcha exclaimed wildly, "You're stealing all of the girls and leaving nothing for the rest of us!"
"Huh? I'm not stealing anything, I bought most of those drinks myself! The rest were paid for by all those girls at the bar." Goku replied defensively.
"Yes, and why do you think they're paying for those drinks, Goku?" Yamcha questioned rhetorically.
"Because they're nice, of course, and they want to be friends!" Goku said.
At that, Yamcha laughed bitterly. "Oh, they want to be more than friends, pal. You don't even have to try, do you? You just stand there and they all come flocking."
"Look, I'm not trying to make you upset, Yamcha. You know I always try to help out my friends. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong!" Goku complained, finding Yamcha's tirade rightly unreasonable.
"It doesn't matter if you understand, Goku. All I need you to do is follow this plan to the letter…" A devious, scheming expression blossomed on Yamcha's face as he rubbed his palms together.
"Hey, Yamcha, what's that terrible smell? Is your diaper dirty again?!" Goku yelled loudly to Yamcha at the bar.
"Hey fuck you man! I swear, you're about to catch this ass-whooping!" Yamcha roared back, rolling up his sleeves as he got up in Goku's face. The patrons of the bar began looking over at the altercation, each showing varying levels of interest.
Goku struggled to think of another insult. "Oh yeah? Well, your mama's so fat that cows moo at her! How do you like that one?" He blustered- trash talk was really not his strong suit. He had no idea how Vegeta did it so often.
"Goku! Knock it off with this childish crap! Try and be a little more realistic with your insults." Yamcha hissed in a low voice as the rest of the club stared at the two of them.
"Oh, ok. Sorry!" Goku apologized with a stage whisper. "Yo Yamcha, how's Bulma doing? I heard she found a new man." Sharp gasps from the onlookers followed this statement.
"Uh…well I don't really know. We don't really talk these days." Yamcha said with a slight trace of real wistfulness in his voice.
"Hey Yamcha, when was the last time you ever won a fight, huh? Probably not one in the past ten years, am I right?" Goku had no idea how harshly true his words were; he was just trying to do as Yamcha asked.
That one hit a little too close to home for the scar-faced Z-Fighter, however. Suddenly, he let forth a jab towards Goku's midsection at maximum power. Although the blow would've reduced any ordinary person to a fine pink mist, it had absolutely no effect on Goku.
Or at least, it shouldn't have. For some reason, however, Goku went flying from the blow, landing on the ground with a seemingly painful whimper. Coughing and wheezing in pain, Goku struggled to rise to his feet before splaying on the ground once again.
Not one person in the nightclub came to check on him, which was just as well, for Goku was not actually harmed at all. The entire display was completely staged to make Yamcha look like an "alpha" as he put it while Goku essentially played goon.
Dusting himself off, Goku quietly exited the scene, and as he walked out he caught Yamcha's eye. Predictably, the bandit was surrounded with orbiting women who were impressed by his "display of power" and men who hoped to bask in some reflected glory.
Yamcha mouthed "thanks" to him, as the plan went off without a hitch. Goku gave him a thumbs up before slipping out the backdoor. After taking a deep breath outside, the Saiyan took off into the air, flying above the city light to get a better view of the stars. After such an eventful evening, he planned to crash at the Lookout and chill with Piccolo for the rest of the night.
Although the entire incident was born of circumstance, Goku was glad he was able to help Yamcha out. Although he and the long-haired ex-thief was not as close to each other as they used to be, Goku relished an opportunity to hang out with him and bring him happiness, even if that happiness was brought about at his expense.
Maybe he should eat cookies out of the jar more often.
A/N
Fun Fact: This story is directly lifted from a situation in my own life, in which I was Goku and one of my fraternity bros was Yamcha. Of course there are some differences (I am not married, nor will I ever be- however, I was forced to leave my college dorm for the night because my roommate was having a girl over.)
To any readers in high school, just bear with it and have some fun if you can, college/trade school is going to be so much better.
Anyhow, please give a review/fav/follow if you like the story, it makes me quite happy to hear your thoughts. Flames are also welcomed- I could always use a laugh. Writing Yamcha was a fun challenge since he so rarely gets any focus in fanfic. Although I will remain a Vegeta fanboy until death, Yamcha is not a bad character either. It's not his fault Toriyama can't manage characters that well. I've had a couple ideas for long fics floating about in my head, but for now I just do these one-shots as the mood strikes me. Thanks for reading and bless up.