Title: Here With Me
Author: Ripper's Girl
Rating: FRC (children)
Spoilers: Takes place after Tabula Rasae anything before is fair game
Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, FOX, etc. Here With Me belongs to Michelle Branch
Feedback: Oh, please send me some; I never get any mail, lol
Summary: After Giles leaves Buffy does some thinking
Pairings: B/G, W/T, X/A
Giles was sitting down and enjoying a cup of tea. He had been back in England for about a month now. He had enjoyed visiting with his old friends, but to him that's just what it was: visiting. Somewhere along the line he had begun to consider Sunnydale his true home. That's where his family was, so that's where home was. He talked to them all about once a week. Well, all of them except for Buffy. She wouldn't talk to him when he first left. Eventually she had started taking his calls, but they were always short. Giles sighed. It was because of Buffy he left, but it was Buffy that he missed most of all. He didn't know when he had fallen in love with her. He had always loved her. As soon as he had met her he had cared for her. After the Eyghon incident, Giles had sworn never to do magic again, but after only knowing Buffy for a week, he had broken that promise. All he knew was that at the prom, Buffy had taken his breath away. She had grown into such a beautiful, vibrant young woman. Which is why it was so hard to see her after her resurrection. There was almost nothing left of the Buffy he had known and it saddened him greatly.
Giles was interrupted from his musings by the doorbell. He got up and answered it. It was the postman with a package for him. Giles brought it carefully into the living room, cautious, since he didn't yet know who had sent it to him. He looked at the postmark, Sunnydale, CA. He smiled and opened the box. Inside were six wrapped packages and a note that simply said, Merry Christmas. Taking out each of the little boxes he put them on a coffee table. He debated about whether to wait for Christmas, but decided he'd rather open them now. He decided to start with Anya's present. He opened it a little nervously, not sure what to expect. He finished opening it and laughed. Inside was a pair of black silk boxers and a note that said: So you can finally get some orgasms. He put them to the side and picked up Tara's next. Opening the carefully wrapped present, he saw that it was a first edition of Gutenberg's Demonography. He smiled at the thought she must have put into it.
He picked up Dawn's next. Opening it, he was surprised to find a picture of Dawn, Buffy, and himself. He didn't know when it had been taken, but they all looked happy. It was obvious that Dawn had taken great care in decorating the frame. She had written "Family" all around the sides. Giles looked at the photo for a minute before setting it down on the table. Picking up Xander's present, he smiled at the wrapping job that left much to be desired. Again he laughed when he saw what it was. Xander had carved him a stake and engraved on the side - Mr. Sharpy. He had also included a note: Mr. Pointy's best friend. There were now only two presents left on the table. He picked up Willow's present, wanting to save Buffy's for last. Opening Willow's he found a mug that said Kiss the Librarian and a note that said: Since your other one was taken over by Spike, thought you could use another one. Also, I'm sorry about everything. You were right. Giles sighed when he read that. He wondered what had happened to change her mind and hoped that it hadn't been anything too bad. He looked around at his assortment of presents and couldn't help but smile at the thoughtfulness that each of them had put towards his gift.
Looking at the only wrapped present left, he picked up Buffy's and slowly started to unwrap it. Inside he found a Discman, a letter, and a short note that read: Listen to track 6 and then read the letter. He put the headphones on and listened.
It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day I know you had to go away You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart I know you had to go away And I'm asking I never will forget that look upon your face I know you had to go away
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?
How you turned away and left without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
After Giles listened to the song, he listened to it again. He wasn't sure what to make of the lyrics. Instead, he decided to just open the letter.
Dear Giles,
Hi. I know I was angry with you when you left and I'm sorry. I was just hurt, and you know me. When I get hurt I lash out. I wanted to apologize. I can see now that you were only doing it for me. It still hurts, but I understand.
And I also agree with the lyrics and I say thank you. If you hadn't left I probably wouldn't have taken responsibility for my life. Not that I did the best job at first. I'm ashamed to admit this to you, but I kissed Spike. Please don't hate me. It was a really big mistake and it only happened twice. I was just so lost and confused and Spike just always seemed to be there when I was at my worst. It happened once when you left, but then I realized what I was doing and it hasn't happened again.
Dawn and I had a long talk and she's been doing better in school and behaving. Willow has gone cold turkey on her magic use. She was high on magic and got into a car accident with Dawn. Don't worry, everyone's fine. We didn't call because it just happened and no one was hurt. Plus Willow was really embarrassed and had to work some things out. Did you know that Tara moved out? Probably. You always knew everything. She left the same time you did.
Xander and Anya are doing well and so is the shop. Money is tight and I haven't been able to find a job yet. I am looking though, there just doesn't seem to be much I'm qualified to do.
OK. So now that I've apologized and caught you up on what's been happening I can get to the real point of my letter and that is the rest of the song. Dawn was listening to the CD one day when I heard this song and I realized that I could relate almost the whole thing to you. When you left, I realized some things about what you meant to me and I realized that I had been blind for a long time. But when you left it was like a wake-up call. I realized that I had pulled away from you. It wasn't because I didn't care, but because I was scared. Every guy I've ever cared about has left and I was so scared that if I let myself feel everything that I felt for you, you would leave, too. Then when you left, it felt like a part of me died. When you first left I was so lost. That was when I ended up kissing Spike. I told him later that I was thinking of you when I kissed him. And I was. Giles, I don't know when, but somewhere along the way I fell in love with you, but I was so scared that I hid from it and pushed you away. I'm sorry. And like in the song I'm asking you to come back. I'm taking care of my responsibilities. That's not why I want you to come back. I want you to come back because I miss my best friend. I hadn't really planned on telling you that I was in love with you. I suppose I could always rewrite this letter but you know it feels good to get it off my chest. I know you might not feel the same way but I just wanted to tell you. Well, I guess that's about it. I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
Love,
Buffy
P.S. This isn't your real Christmas present. As soon as I get some money saved up, it'll be coming.
Giles reread the letter twice through, not quite believing what he was seeing. He sat deep in thought before getting up. He knew what he would do.
{previous week}
When Giles had said he was leaving, it had felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Buffy didn't know what to think. She was hurt, and when she was hurt, she got angry, so she yelled at Giles. She had been so mad at him that she hadn't even gotten to say good-bye. Then of course she had kissed Spike. She still shuddered at that memory. She had told Spike that she had been thinking about Giles when she had kissed him and it had been true. He was all she had thought about since he left.
She remembered that he had promised never to leave her. She had started to get angry again, but had then thought about it. Giles had promised never to leave and yet he had. She knew Giles and knew that he didn't break promises unless it was for a very good reason. She thought about everything that had happened since she had been brought back and realized that he had been right. She hadn't been living her life. She had just been drifting along allowing everyone else, especially him, to take care of everything. She realized that unless she was planning on going out and getting herself killed that she was probably going to be living this life for a while yet. This realization goaded her into action.
She and Dawn had a long talk and worked out most of their problems. They still fought about things from time to time, but they were sisters so it was to be expected. Spike had continued pursuing Buffy, but she made it very clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. She also added that if he didn't leave her alone he would end up with a very "dusty" restraining order. He took the hint and left her alone. Since the accident a couple of nights ago, Willow was trying to get help. Buffy was doing whatever she could to help Willow. She understood what it was like to feel like you didn't have any control over your life. Things were slowly starting to get better, but there was still something missing. Buffy knew it was because Giles wasn't here, but there was more to it than that and she knew that if she could just figure it out it would be much better.
She was cleaning her room when Dawn put on a CD in the next room. Hearing the lyrics of one of the songs, Buffy stopped cleaning and just listened. The song made her think of Giles. She went back to her room and decided it was time to do some serious thinking. She thought about how close she and Giles had gotten last year. Even with all the bad things going on: Glory, Dawn, her mom; she had been happy in a way she hadn't been since her senior year in high school when she and Giles used to spend all their time in the library. That thought gave her pause. She considered why that was and it then it hit her like a Mack truck. If she hadn't already been sitting down, she was sure she would have ended up on the floor. She understood so much about her behavior in the past couple of years and she understood now why Giles' leaving had hurt so much more than being ripped from Heaven had. She just didn't know what to do about it since Giles was gone now.
The answer to came to her the next day when Xander stopped by. He told her that he and Anya were putting together a Christmas package for Giles and asked her if she and Dawn wanted to put anything in it. That gave Buffy a great idea and she told him that she and Dawn would have their presents ready by tomorrow. If Xander was surprised when Buffy gave him a kiss on the cheek, he didn't say anything.
Christmas Eve morning dawned and Buffy awoke with a smile on her face. She was actually looking forward to Christmas. Her father, having suddenly remembered that he had two daughters, sent each of them a check for one hundred dollars. Buffy had used hers to get all of her friends Christmas presents. She had looked everywhere, but had finally found the perfect present for Giles. She would send it to him after Christmas.
Thinking of Giles caused her smile to falter a little. No one had heard from him since they had sent him their Christmas package. Buffy wasn't sure what he would make of her present, but she thought he would have at least called the others and thanked them for their gifts. Buffy shrugged off these depressing thoughts. She and Dawn would call him later today and wish him a Merry Christmas. She could afford a short phone call.
Buffy got up and decided to start breakfast. She had a lot to do today. The whole gang was coming over for Christmas Eve dinner. She had even ended up inviting Spike for some reason. Since her threat to his unlife, he had backed off and only offered his help.
Buffy quietly peeked into Willow's room and gave a small smile at her sleeping friend. Willow had gone out with Tara last night to talk and she hadn't gotten home until after even Buffy had gone to bed. She gently shut the door and made her way downstairs. She hoped that they would be able to work things out. At least things wouldn't be too awkward tonight with the both of them there. Buffy remembered how surprised Tara had been when Buffy had called her up one day to go shopping. She remembered what she had told Tara that day, "Willow is one of my best friends, but whether or not you two are together, you are still my friend, too." Tara had give Buffy one of her shy smiles and they had enjoyed a good day together. Buffy had found Tara to be a good listener and that she had some good advice as well.
Buffy had just finished making breakfast when Willow and Dawn made their way downstairs. "Perfect timing," Buffy said.
"Food!" Dawn cried and attacked her breakfast like she hadn't eaten in a week.
"Didn't hear you come in last night, Will," Buffy commented casually and watched as her friend's face turned red.
"We talked almost all night," Willow replied happily. Dawn grinned around a mouth full of eggs. She was glad that the two of them seemed to be working things out.
When they had finished eating Willow volunteered to do the dishes so the two sisters could finish wrapping their presents.
Around lunchtime Buffy called to Dawn, "Hey, Dawnie! Let's give Giles a call. It's around 8:00 there so he should be home." Dawn eagerly came into the room. She picked up the phone and dialed the number she had memorized. She listened as the phone rang and rang.
"I don't think he's home," Dawn said disappointedly.
"That's strange," Buffy replied, puzzled as to where her Watcher could be. "He must be out with friends. I mean it is the holidays." [He should be here with his family though,] she thought. "Well, we'll try tomorrow then. Let's get the rest of the house cleaned up. I have to start dinner in a little while."
As Buffy cooked dinner, she could here all of her friends arriving. They all offered to help, but she declined. This was something she wanted to do for her friends. She did let them set the table though. Then, when everything was all set, she allowed them to help bring everything to the table. They ate, talked, laughed, and had a good time. It was just how a holiday was supposed to be. If anyone noticed that Buffy didn't join in that much, or seemed quieter than usual, they didn't mention it. The meal was almost over when the doorbell rang.
"Who could that be?" Buffy asked. "Everyone I know is here." She got up to answer the door. When she opened the door she almost fainted. Standing before her was the one person who had been missing.
"Merry Christmas, Buffy," Giles said and produced a sprig of mistletoe from behind his back. Not needing any more encouragement, Buffy reached up and pulled Giles' head down and kissed him with everything she had. She felt him wrap her in his arms and pull her even closer.
The others, worried when Buffy hadn't returned to the table right away, went to see what was going on. They stopped at the sight before them. Buffy and Giles were wrapped in a passionate embrace and didn't look like they'd be coming up for air anytime soon. They quietly made their way back to the table, leaving the pair alone.
When they finally surfaced, Buffy said, "You came back to me."
"Yes," Giles said softly. "How could I not?"
"Are you staying?" Buffy asked shyly, afraid he would tell her he was leaving after Christmas.
"Of course," Giles answered and was rewarded with a radiant smile. She pulled him close and held him tight.
Then she whispered in his ear, "Are you wearing Anya's Christmas present?" She pulled back a little and saw him blush. However, she also saw him nod his head. She laughed and grabbed his hand. "Come on. Everyone will want to say hi. We can talk more about that present later." Laughing, Giles followed his Slayer into the other room. He knew that everything would be all right now that he was home with his family.