A/N: I feel like writing so here it is.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Not even the blooming song.
-X-
The Doctor despised public transport. He hated being squashed against strangers, having half a newspaper shoved in his face as someone tried to read about what some C-List celebrity was getting up to, he hated the fact that most of these people quite obviously hadn't showered in the last week, and he hated the fact that the trains always broke down at the most inappropriate times.
But, he supposed it was his own fault, for wandering so far away from the TARDIS that if he wanted to get back there before midnight he'd have to take the train.
And, of course, he felt too lazy to walk.
London, 2003. That was where the TARDIS had landed. Probably about or year or so before he'd met her.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan.
The man next to him got up as the train slowed to a stop. He didn't look up as people shuffled on board, not even when someone sat down next to him. He just leant his head against the clear plastic next to his seat and sighed.
A familiar smell was mixed up with his next breath. It was faint, but it was there. He looked around before realising where it was coming from. The girl sitting next to him, the blonde girl, she was talking to a dark skinned man with a closely shaved head. Mickey the idiot. And next to him, just a few inches away, was Rose Tyler.
The Rose Tyler.
He let out a shuddering sigh and realised under no circumstance could he talk to her, touch her, even look at her with anything more than just a passing glance.
"Mum reckons they've got jobs going at Henriks," he shut his eyes and let her voice wash over him. "What d'you reckon?"
"Yeah, sounds alright," Mickey replied in his monotonous voice.
"That it then? Standing behind a till for the rest of my life?"
"Guess so Rose, someone's gotta do it." The Doctor suppressed a grin. If only he'd blown up that shop sooner, then she wouldn't have to have such a boring life for so long.
He froze as she shifted in her seat, her arm brushing against his. She didn't even notice, just crossed one leg over the other and carried on talking to Mickey.
The luckiest man in the world.
He watched as she got out of her seat, took Mickey's outstretched hand and followed him off the train. She looked at the Doctor for a few seconds, her gaze intense, just like the look she'd given him when she'd been caught by Pete, before she disappeared into that godforsaken parallel universe. The train pulled away and his eyes ripped away from hers, before he sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, breathing freely once more.
You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Her room was just as she left it. Little trinkets scattered about on shelves, a denim jacket hanging on the bedpost, magazines about celebrities scattered around. But there were hardly any of her clothes; she'd taken them back to the flat, so Jackie could wash them.
That look she gave him, before the train left the station, it seemed to be burned into the inside of his eyelids. That penetrating stare that had always fascinated him. He kept seeing it every time he shut his eyes. He'd cursed himself a number of times for not moving on, not taking the TARDIS to some far of planet in a year which humans couldn't believe would ever even exist, but every time he tried to flick a switch, or twist a dial, he ended up twisting it back, swearing loudly, sometimes kicking the TARDIS, before skulking off, annoyed that he couldn't do what he was so used to doing, the only thing he'd ever been able to do.
Move on.
Piccadilly Circus was a nice place, the Doctor had decided, and had taken to wandering around it, trying to clear his head. He strolled throughout the masses of people, head down, just trying to occupy himself. Which was a ot easier said than done.
Especially when a blonde walks backwards into you, laughing madly.
"Sorry," she said between giggles, "sorry, I was just mucking around with my mate, didn't mean to walk into you."
"No, it's fine," he said looking up, his voice weak.
"Well, I'd better be going," she told him, smile stretched wide over her face. The Doctor nodded, silently praising himself for resisting the urge to say 'no' and beg her to stay, just for another ten seconds. He smiled and carried on walking, turning back and catching her eye.
His will power wasn't so strong that he could stop himself from winking at her, causing her to laugh slightly, before she turned around and went back to her friend. She looked back thirty seconds later and he had disappeared already, causing her smile to drop.
Yes, she caught my eye
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.
That had made everything harder. That insignificant conversation. That smile that had been directed at him. Just the feel of her touching him again, albeit in a not so painless manner, (his toes had been sore for a few hours after that). He'd disappeared and watched her for a while; saw her looking around after he'd vanished. He hoped so much that she was looking for him, but at the same time he hoped so much she wasn't.
He didn't want to ruin what they'd already had by getting to know her now. It wasn't right. Things wouldn't go according to plan, she might miss everything and things that were supposed to happen wouldn't happen. Everything would unravel, and the Doctor would run away again, leaving a mess in his wake. Just as he always did.
He had taken to visiting parks, swinging absentmindedly on the swings, oblivious to the children waiting for their turn. His arm coiled around the rusty chain, his fingers drumming on it along to some non-existent song.
"Oi mate, there are kids waiting here," a heavyset man was looming over him, a frown on his face.
"Then they'll have to wait a bit longer…do you know what it's like to be alone?" he said to the man, his voice dark.
"Everyone does, but you're a grown man now, I'm sure you can cope with it." The man replied mockingly. Some of the children giggled.
"Thing is though, you have no idea. 'Cause even when you're alone you're still with other people. I'm talking about the alone where no one knows your name, so much so that you've forgotten it yourself, because nobody's called you it in years. And all you can do is watch the people you love from afar, because they don't know you anymore. That," he paused, "that is what being alone is."
The man shooed his kids away from the swings, muttering about 'smack heads' and 'nutters'.
"You alright?" he didn't need to look up to know that there was a blonde teenager sitting on the swing next to him, a concerned look on her face.
"Yeah, just fed up," he said sadly, looking over at her.
"Why do I feel like I know you?" she asked quietly.
"You don't," he said, jumping off of the swing suddenly, feeling the need to escape before he got too involved with this Rose. This was the Rose whose life he hadn't messed up. Not yet. "Well, I say you don't, but you will. One day you'll understand. Keep smiling Rose Tyler, and the whole world will smile with you."
"But you won't will you? You don't smile."
"Not anymore," he said, before turning his back and breaking into a sprint, feeling the lump in his throat reaching a record size.
Rose Tyler sat on a swing in a deserted park while the sun set, trying to understand what this stranger meant, why she was so intrigued by him.
You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you.
"Come on…got to be here somewhere!" the Doctor searched through the draws of Rose's old bedroom, trying to find what he was searching for. Surely he could tell her what hadn't been able to while orbiting around that supernova. Forcing down the sadness that always accompanied the memory of the projection powering down, and Rose's image disappearing from sight, he kept on looking, making sure that anything he disturbed from its original place was put back where it should be.
Finally, he found it. Tucked away behind all the little souvenirs she had picked up from the different planets they'd visited. It was a golden locket, one that Rose's Nan had left her in her will. Surely that would mean something to her. Things that were never said could be said, and just letting her know, that'd be a weight off his mind. Just to stop wondering if she doubted how much he did love her.
Standing outside the block of flats on the Powell Estate made dozens of old memories resurface. Christmas Day, holding her hand as the ash fell from the sky, being escorted by the police to Downing Street, her running into the TARDIS for the first time, without looking back…
He held the locket in his hands, and blew softly on it, before launching it into the air, smiling as it floated through Rose's bedroom window.
Rose looked up as something landed with a small clunk on her bedside table. Her locket. But she was already wearing the locket… She brushed her fingertips against the fine chain around her neck, and felt it disappear. Frowning, she picked up the locket and opened it, a piece of paper that had been folded many times dropping out and landing at her feet. She picked it up and unfolded it, before reading the messy words that were written on the screwed up piece of paper.
'The war is over for me
But for you it's just begun
There were things I never said –
Like 'I love you'; but now it's done.'
Rose frowned and folded up the paper, placed it back in the locket and fastening it around her neck, before heading over to the window. She saw that man, who kept popping up all over the place, looking wistfully around him, hands in his pockets, before sighing deeply and bowing his head.
She rushed out of the flat, slamming the door behind her and sprinted down the steps, wincing as she landed awkwardly on the concrete at the bottom. She jogged over to the man, causing him to turn around to see who was making their way towards him.
Rose stood before him, not knowing what to say, so instead, she stood on her toes and pressed her lips softly against his.
"Rose-"
"When the time comes, I'm sure I'll feel the same," she said, cutting him off. The Doctor nodded, biting his lip slightly. He held his arms out a little, as though asking for a hug.
"Can I-" the words sounded so familiar, but they were coming from the wrong mouth.
"Yeah," Rose nodded, accepting the hug and holding him tightly. He let go and avoided her eyes, not wanting her to see the tears that were gradually building up. "I guess I'll see you when I see you," she said, her voice cracking slightly, although she had no idea why she was getting upset over a stranger. The Doctor smiled sadly, and held onto her hand as she pressed one last kiss against his lips, before turning away and walking out of his life for the last time.
You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel
With a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you,
But it's time to face the truth.
I will never be with you.
Rose Tyler watched in amazement as the Police Box that had been in the courtyard for the last few months slowly disappeared from sight, a wailing noise echoing around the flats. Clutching the locket to her chest, she climbed up towards her flat, her gaze lingering on the spot where he'd last stood.