You are with him all the time, you're life revolves around him.
That was just the problem. No matter where or what she was doing, it was all impacted by that god damn man, whom she walked up into a bar twelve years ago. Self-confident, self-absorbed, arrogant, stubborn, handsome... so, so handsome.
So much so that she was consumed. So consumed that she couldn't imagine her life without him. His small moles above his crinkled eyebrow, next to that small scar from we he was only eight. Just the little things, the things that no one else would notice or even acknowledge. Thats why she was different. She knew him better than he would ever know himself.
They weren't a couple, not even close. But they were as close as any two people could be, without being that. Not that Donna hadn't thought about it. And she had, numerous times. Much more than she would care to admit. A small house just outside Manhatten, the pitter patter of a tiny Harriet and Gordon Specter's running up and down the hard wood floors in the hallway beside their bedroom. Both with strawberry blonde locks, and eyes that would make anybody melt. Pure.
She was embarrassed by these thoughts, she couldn't let them consume her professional relationship with him. And for the past twelve years, not including the other time she had managed to do that.
As she tried to force her eyes closed for another five minutes whilst snuggled up in her bedspread, images flashed through her mind of him, and that reoccurring dream in which she was yet to shake from her nights.
He had no idea; but even if he did, Harvey wasn't like that. Harvey was the man who would rather spend a night gambling away thousands of dollars at a Poker Table with men double his age, sipping on scotch, and occasionally emclosing/em the waitress or some other lady who caught his eye rather than settling down to a meal with his wife after putting his children to bed. But Donna was too easy, she was always there. That wouldn't be a challenge for him. In his mind, they had everything. What more could he want from his secretary of twelve years. Anything else would spoil it. He didn't see her like that, but Donna knew that he was capable of it, if he wasn't blinded by her commitment to him.
And that's when it happened. That's when she left him.
Not because of anything that Harvey did, more for what she was afraid of what would happen. Those dreams, they appeared on a more regular basis, and it started to scare Donna, because she was unable to delve into those thoughts.
And with this regularly occurring dreams, it forced her further away from him and her job.
Donna's worst nightmare was for something to happen, for there to be a lapse in inhibitions, and for that small moment to ruin twelve years. All it had to be was a split second silence, or a question without an answer, as simple as a eye-contact.
Donna realised that she had no way to live her life, as a single forty-year-old women, in New York; childless, and now, ultimately, jobless.
Harvey and Donna hadn't had a conversation since that late night in her office, where all her fears came to life, and she choked out the words neither thought would ever been spoken - "I'm leaving you Harvey, I can't do this anymore".
Donna didn't have a reason, but she did know that she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room; raw and unfocused - her love for Harvey Reginald Specter.
It was 7am Monday morning, and it was Donna's first day as an unemployed woman. Although she left her resignation letter on Jessica's and had a late Friday night, Scotch-induced conservation with Harvey, she hadn't heard from either.
As she rolled out of her bed, and into the shower, the sun began to shine through the fogged window. The small sleep-in she received this morning, was a blessing in disguise. Her normal schedule involved a 5am yoga session in the park, followed by breakfast, and into the office by 7:30am. This morning had been disjointed, and unorganised, but none of these small issues bother her slightly.
The shower was followed by a breakfast, and then a small bit of morning television.
Interrupted by a banging noise at her door.
Behind the door was the woman, Jessica Pearson.
"Do you want to explain what this is?" she demanded, pushing open the door and stepping in forcefully into Donna's apartment.
"You know what it is..." Donna explained, sitting back on her lounge.
"And why was it on my desk. Donna, did you cross the line? Did he do something? Tell me, and I can fix it. It will be a lot easier than trying to fix Harvey; he'll be an absolute mess."
"Harvey didn't do anything, and no we didn't cross the line; I just needed a change." Donna lied.
"I'm not an idiot Donna, and I don't appreciate you lying to me. You have, once or twice; and I want to know the real reason why you are quitting. Does Harvey know yet? Because I will not be the person to have that conversation."
Memories from the last twelve years of her life flushed through her mind; all the conversations, lost moments and stolen glances.
"I just couldn't do it anymore." Donna held back tears in front of her old boss. "It was all me, and I just needed a change. I told him last night, it's okay Jessica."
"Okay" Jessica was still unsure, "I have to head in the office, I'm sure I'll see you there sooner rather than later. Take care of yourself Donna."
Jessica made her way down the hallway, showing herself out of Donna's apartment. Donna remained on her lounge, no longer focused on the television, and now; again thinking about him.
It was almost 8am, and to be honest, she was surprised she hadn't heard from Harvey. Donna decided to get changed and head to the shops, hoping for a time when Harvey wasn't in the office to go back and collect her things. She also didn't feel in the mood to explain to Louis, or Rachel, or even Mike. Leaving her family at the firm would honestly be one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life.