Sebastian never gets want he wants.
When he wanted to die, he signed up for the army and was never even injured.
When he wanted to leave violence behind him, a man named Jim sat next to him in a bar and offered him a job as an assassin.
He wants Jim to love him back.
Sebastian never gets what he wants and he accepts it.
That meeting in his local bar was five years ago.
He lives in England now with Jim in his mansion in sickening decadence.
Their bedroom is immaculate; red silk sheets which Jim has sprawled across many a time teasingly. Like last night for example.
Sebastian lays on these now rumpled sheets in his sleep shirt and briefs waiting for Jim to finish dressing.
"Are you still playing "Jim from IT" with that Molly?"
"Yes!"
"Why are you so eager today all of a sudden?"
"Today is special!" Jim squeaks excitedly
Jim emerges from the walk-in wardrobe and gives a little twirl.
"Don't I look the part, Seb?"
He's wearing a skin tight grey cotton v-neck top with necklace, cargo pants and converse.
Sebastian snorts with laughter.
"Oh, Jim, that outfit does nothing for your figure!" He says, purposely camp.
Jim pouts and looks down at himself. The top clings to the slight pudge of his tummy.
"Hmmf." Jim plays annoyed but he's not really offended.
He turns to the mirror that faces the end of the bed and musses up his hair a bit so as to add to the dorkiness of his character.
As he's doing this Sebastian has gotten off the bed and wraps his arms around Jim's waist from behind.
"Oh, you do know I love your precious tum."
He pets Jim's stomach with one hand and leans his head down to pepper affectionate kisses on his neck. Jim's breathing gets heavier and his eyes flutter shut.
"Not… not now, Seb… I have to run into Molly at… St. Barts."
Sebastian breathed into the back of Jim's neck, nuzzling his nose into the soft hair there. He made an annoyed grunt. "What's so special about today?"
Jim opened his eyes. "I'm meeting him today."
Sebastian head jolted up and he abruptly stood back, their bodies now a foot apart. He was meeting… him.
They've been together four years; you'd think he'd be used to this.
But it still hurts.
"Oh."
Jim brushed his neck dry and grinned.
"I'll actually be in the same room with him. He'll talk to me… He'll see me and if all goes as plan… he won't even care. Until I want him too. It'll be perfect, Seb. He'll analyze me and all he'll see is a gay socially awkward IT worker trying hit on him."
Sebastian was glaring at Jim's reflection but he was in a world of his own.
"After all this time I'll actually be close enough to touch him."
Sebastian sat down hard on the bed once Jim's breathing began to hitch.
Jim snapped out of it quickly and cleared his throat.
"Good luck today, James." Said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, you're angry at me." Jim deadpanned as he pulled up the top of his neon green boxer briefs so they were exposed slightly.
"What makes you say that?"
"You called me James. You only do that when you're angry."
"Right. Yes. Well done. You two belong together."
"Ooh, jealousy, fun!" Jim squeaked. He still hadn't turned away from the mirror even though he'd finished his grooming.
"Look at me when I'm angry at you."
"I am looking at you." Jim's reflection fluttered its eyelashes.
"Fuck you."
Jim turned around and sat on the bed next to him.
"Sebby, dear… you know this is important to me."
"Don't talk about him like that around me."
He could handle the killings, the unpredictable behavior, the broken ribs, what happened to that puppy and yes he could even handle the fact that the man he loves will never be able to love him back. But given the choice he'd like to avoid hearing about Jim's fixation on some posh-breed elongated freak consulting detective that he only met once when he was fourteen.
Sebastian couldn't compete with twenty years of obsession.
Denial is the only thing he's got.
"It's all a part of my game. Even you. Soon it's time for me to claim my prize."
"I know. I know. And I'll be loyal until the very end. But…"
Sebastian hasn't told Jim he loves him and he won't now.
"When it's over and you have him… you won't care about me anymore."
Jim cocked his head to the side with a friendly smile.
"Oh, Seb…"
Jim opened his arms and held Sebastian to him in a reassuring hug.
"I never cared about you."
Sebastian Moran never gets what he wants.
But if all goes as planned he'll be the one aiming the sniper at Sherlock Holmes's head.