Title: Strings
Disclaimer: Not Mine!
Author's Note: I wrote this in response to the HBX January Challenge. This would be after the amazing kiss in Lifeline.
Thanks to Nettie for the idea and thanks to Demelza for helping me "Fatten it up."
Enjoy!
Elizabeth
Harm's Apartment
Post Engagement Party
There were no words spoken on the way home and it seems the uncomfortable silence has followed them up to his apartment. He won't talk to her about what happened out there on that porch, he doesn't have to say a word. She noticed the change when they finally decided to join the party. Something happened out there, something big. She knows it and so does Mic.
She knows Mic tried to act like he doesn't know that there is something special between Harm and Mac. He should be glad that he is a naval lawyer instead of an actor. Anyone who has ever met the famous duo knows that there is something between the two of them, there has always been something and there will always be.
She sits on the sofa and watches as he walks around his apartment. He is uneasy, something Harmon Rabb hardly ever is. This makes her nervous. What exactly happened out there?
She doesn't know what it is about Sarah MacKenzie. There is just something about Mac that draws people in. She has tried to figure it out ever since he called her Mac's name when she walked out of the shower. She tries not to let it bother her since he had fallen and hit his head but she knew there was more to it than that.
He has been in love with Mac for as long as she has known him; he just refuses to admit it to himself or anyone else. Mac feels the same way about him; everyone around them can see it.
She doesn't know why she has stayed this long. She guesses she hopes that one day he will see that Mac is marrying another man and that she is the one he really wants. It is hopeless. Even if Mac did marry Mic, he would just be waiting for her to realize her mistake even if he had to wait forever.
She will never live up to Sarah MacKenzie in his eyes. She can't keep living this lie; it has to end; and unfortunately it has to end tonight.
"You're not very good at relationships are you?" She startles him when she speaks and he walks closer to her.
"Why do you say that?" He looks like he wants to run away and never look back. He has never been good at talking.
"Because you don't like to let people in." He has never let anyone close enough.
"Renee, I don't want to get into this tonight." He wants to table the discussion, just like every serious discussion they have ever had.
"I know you don't, I am not asking you to talk. I just want you to listen to me." He just nods so she continues. She hates to admit defeat but she can't take it any longer. She doesn't know how much longer she can pretend, how much longer she can try to make herself believe that he loves her.
"We have been together for a while now. From the start I knew that there was something between you and Mac. She was closer to you then than I am now. I thought it was a phase, something you just needed help getting over," He starts to say something but she cuts him off, "After a few weeks I noticed that you were still caught up. Even when she accepted Mic's proposal, you still were caught up. I tried to ignore it. I really thought you could grow to love me the way you love her. I know now that it isn't going to happen. She tried to get you to open up out there tonight, didn't she? Even the woman that has your heart can't get you to let go."
"I can't. Not right now." He wants to keep running. She doubts if he knows what he is running from anymore.
"You can't what? Let go?" She doesn't understand why he makes it so hard. Three words. That is all it would take for him to find the happiness that he is looking for. Three words that would fill the emptiness in his heart.
"Yes. I can't let go." He can, he just doesn't want to lose that control. He doesn't want to trust anyone else with his heart.
"I'm not trying to burst your bubble sailor, but you don't exactly have much time. She is getting married next week. If you want her then you need to tell her how you feel or she will be gone forever."
"I can't deal with this right now Renee. I'm sorry." He gets up and walks out of the apartment.
Her heart racing, she watches painfully as he walks away. Her breath catches. She wants to call out. She wants to say something, anything, but it is all said now.
Though she knows this is his decision that he has to make the right decision for himself...it doesn't stop it from hurting like hell.
It is out of her hands now, what he does next is up to him. She hopes that he doesn't wait too long. Even with her heart breaking into a thousand pieces she wishes him all the happiness in the world, even if it is with Sarah MacKenzie.
Good Luck Harmon Rabb Jr. If Sarah MacKenzie is half as stubborn as you, you are going to need it.