Learning curve

It hadn't taken Sarah long to realise the cops were never going to believe her. So when they finally released her, she went over to the bank, withdrew all her savings and left town. She wandered around a bit, before settling in San Diego. There she rented a roach-infested room and made friends with a couple of street kids. They struck a deal: Sarah made them home-coocked meals and they taught her how to pick pockets and to break into cars. On top of that, Sarah learned to deal with the temper of small boys, a gift she would soon need, as she had by then discovered she was pregnant. Their cooperation was beneficial for the boys too. Pretending to be mother to one of the boys, Sarah could work the more upper-class streets, where the boys were usually chased away on sight. But after a near run-in with the cops, Sarah decided she had stayed in one place long enough. So with the rest of her savings, she bought a jeep and drove. She felt bad for the boys, but she knew they had survived perfectly before she came along, and they would be fine without her.

Sarah soon learned that surviving on the road was easier when travelling though smaller communities. Cities were unfriendly places, where little favors cost a lot. Little towns were friendlier, generally not caring who you were, as long as you looked like you would soon be leaving again. They all assumed Sarah was a runaway, being kicked out of her family after they found out they were pregnant. So they gave her a temporary job, allowing her to earn enough cash to dissapear to the next town. Waitressing came natural to her, but she accepted all offers (well not all proposals...) like cleaning or seasonal farm work, as long as the job didn't come with too many questions attached.

She learned to be who people expected her to be: in one town she was an naive city-girl that never worked a day in her life, while in the next she was one of the boys, swearing and cussing like she had never set foot in a church.

John eventually was born in the back of a biker bar. If she hadn't been so tired, it would have been amusing seeing all those tough men fussing around the small infant. The den mother offered her a job, but she declined, prefering to leave after she gotten their strenght back. All the bodybuilders in leather just reminded her too much of the future.

Having John with her was another blessing. People just loved the baby and he made it much easier for her to strike a friendly conversation, asking around for a job. Even if there was no position availably, waitresses often gave her a free meal, not wanting the mother of a small child to starve.

Sometimes people assumed Sarah was on the run for her abusive husband. She never started the rumor herself; not wanting to betray Kyle's memory like that. But she never set the believers straight either, because the story did have its advantages. In one town the sheriff's son took a liking to her and taught her how to shoot a gun, so she could defend herself. Sarah was happy with the new skill, so she accepted his more romantic intentions for a while. Unfortunatly Will was not only a very bad kisser, but he was also very curious. One day, when Sarah returned from a doctor's appointment with John, she caught him in her motel room, listening to the tapes she was making for John. Deciding not to confront him, she snuck back out and just left town. But not before breaking into Will's car and stealing his wallet, needing the money to replace the clothes she had left behind. She never did feel guilty about that.

After that she moved on towards New Mexico. In a tiny town south of Los Alamos she got lucky. The owner of a small diner, took a liking to John and offered Sarah a job. Julie couldn't pay her much, but Sarah could live in the empty rooms above the diner. Never wanting to spend much on accomodations, Sarah accepted. She assumed that Julie had always wanted grandchildren and let her dote on John, who just loved all the attention. Both women got along great too, so after a few weeks, Sarah accepted the offer to come and live with Julie, who had a spare room and even a crib available. The knowledge that some day she would have to move on again, gathering more skills and talents so John would be prepared for the future, troubled her sometimes. But she put those feelings of unease away, knowing that for the time being John was still too small for such great responsabilities. He had just learned to sit up without support, and loved sitting in his high chair watching his mother cook meals. Every Saturday she baked waffles, wanting to express her gratitude to Julie in a more tangible way.

Sarah liked pretending to be a happy family, so she never asked herself the question why exactly Julie had been so eager to accept them. She did wonder occasionaly why Julie had aged so prematurly, after founding out she was only in her thirties, except as in her forties as she had first suspected. When winter came and John was freezing in his little bed, Sarah got an answer to all her questions.

She searched the house for extra blankets and eventually wandered into Julie's room. She didn't think Julie wouldn't mind if she raided her closet, but she found more than she expected. In the back of the closet she found a little babyblanket wrapped around a small blue teddybear. She outlined the name Brandon, that someone had carefully embroided onto the blanket, before putting the blanket back into the closet. Having seen how much Julie loved John and other children, Sarah knew something had gone terribly wrong in her past. Later that night Julie gave her hell for wrapping up John in towels instead of looking for a proper blanket. Sarah just let her. She never asked about Brandon, and Julie never told.

A few days later she woke up from another nightmare, screaming. She was almost getting used to the nightmares, coming to her every night. But this one was different. She had seen John, an older John, playing tag on a playground with other kids. She had recognised some: a couple of kids from her old neighbourhood, some from San Diego. There had also been a bigger kid, smoking cigarettes on a nearby bench, watching John who was 'it' running after the other kids. The boy had reminded Sarah of Julie. But before she could go over and ask him if he was Brandon, all hell had broken loose. Thousands of terminators flooded the playground, opening fire and slaughtering the children. And there had been nothing she could do to stop it...

Johny lay crying in his crib, but Sarah was still busy trying to pull herself together. Julie came into the room and quickly picked up Johny to soothe him. After a few minutes she laid the boy back into his bed and went over to his mother, who was still in schock. She gently pushed Sarah back down onto the bed and started rubbing her arms so Sarah would relax. 'I't just a nightmare', she said. Sarah started sobbing, knowing that no.. it wasn't just a dream, it would all happen someday. Julie then suspected that the dream had been a memory, so she asked 'Oh honey, why won't you just tell me who you are?' Sarah chocked out, in between tears: 'Sarah, I'm always Sarah'. Just like John would always be John. She clinged closer to Julie and Julie let her. Knowing she wouldn't get the truth out of Sarah that night, she concentrated on what she could do. So she climbed into bed with her, held her close and repeating over and over that Sarah was now safe with her. Sarah finally fell asleep.

The next morning Sarah woke up, feeling refreshed. Surprised, she realised that she had just had the first night of undisturbed sleep since before she could remember. She slowly rose from the bed, careful not to disturb Julie who was still peacefully sleeping in her bed. She got dressed and took her emergency bag, that she always kept, from the closet and set it in the hallway. Then she went back into her room and sat on the bed, not wanting to go without saying some kind of goodbye. She pressed a soft kiss to Julie's temple and told her she was taking John out to go and get breakfast for them. Julie stayed in bed, lazily watching Sarah wake and clothe John. When Johny waved 'byebye' over Sarah schoulder, she waved back and smiled. Sarah never looked back.

After a few hours in the car, John started crying, like he knew they had just left the only home he had ever known. Sarah didn't try to confort him, as she felt terrible herself for leaving Julie like that, just a few days before Christmas. But Julie had made a fatal mistake, she'd made Sarah feel safe.

No one is ever safe.