The Groom the aged and intellectual Howard T.J Moon waited nervously at the Alter; well the grey slabs of rock, which had been arranged in such a way they bore a small resemblance to an Alter. His best man - delectable pop tart Vince Noir - poised by his side.
"What are you wearing?" growled Howard
"What? The fuchsia pink jumpsuit is all the rage the season, plus there was a sale on at Topshop" Vince responded proudly checking out his reflection in a hanging mirror.
"This is supposed to be my Wedding, look at you showing me up. And will you stop throwing shapes your stealing all my thunder."
"Come on" responded Vince switching between catalogue poses. "The only reason you've got such a big turn out is because word got around I was making a cameo" The suave starlet flicked around giving the gathered crowd a wink.
"A big turn out" scoffed Howard "these cretins would turn out to see a slice of toast get buttered" he said whilst giving the waiting guests a gritted smile and a regal wave.
"I don't even know why your doing this" said Vince "I thought you were: Howard Moon eternal bachelor"
"I know I know, my young apprentice." Mused Howard with a wistful smile "There are many ladies out there crying a river at the thought of Howard Moon: lotherio off the market…."
"Tears of relief" muttered Vince
"…But the day will come Vincey boy when you too want to settle down with a pretty lady. Someone you can share thought dreams and ambitions with, someone who will help with your…"
…My hair is looking especially good today. Wonder if I should leave off on the straightening serum next time, it feels a bit dry at the tips. Nah its perfect, bit of lip-gloss would set this outfit off nicely…
"…. And you too will meet your soul mate one day. Behind every great man Vince stands a great woman"
This jolted Vince back to earth
"Woman! Woman! It's a bloody sea creature Howard with multiple sexual organs, what are you thinking? Your only doing this 'cos your scared it'll gut you and hang you from it's cove. Come on let's make a run for it."
"It's too late" gulped Howard as the bridal march began, he plastered on a smile and turned to face his bride
"AHM OL GREGGG" she screamed…….