Preface: Let's just get this out of the way first; if you're one of the people who have me followed thanks to the Unlucky Dovahkiin story, or know me from that fic, and are expecting something similar to that story in this one, turn back now! Abandon hope all ye who read on!

But in all seriousness, writing the high fantasy action "epic" (by word count, at least, and not ambition or quality) that was my first real story here was a valuable experience that taught me many valuable things, especially what I sucked in. I found that I was lacking in experience or ability in writing bonding as the central theme of the story (not to mention the erotica, although I can promise that shouldn't show up in this story).

Thus here I am, finally ready to write a new story, for a different fandom, with the aim of attempting to write a light-hearted story where the bonds between characters are what the story revolves around. While I personally don't think I'm bad at writing or developing characters, the previous story was driven not by the bonds between characters, but rather the reactions of set characters to increasingly absurd and improbable situations, and while I enjoyed it, I would like to challenge myself with something out of my league, and perhaps grow as an author as well.

And so, I'm doing just that, working with set characters I rather like from a more-obscure cartoon I rather enjoy. I just hope the poor fools who stumble upon this story and ignore the warnings enjoy it too.

Insert the obligatory disclaimer here that, naturally, some random person on the Internet definitely has no claims of ownership over a Nickelodeon TV series, parody is protected speech, and/or I'm not making any profit off of this work.

Chapter 1 - The Short Introduction That Attempts To Explain The Premise Of The Story

On an average day, the simple two-storey white house situated in 1216 Franklin Avenue, Royal Woods, Michigan, could have been described in any number of ways, most of which would have been synonyms for "loud".

This day was not an average day.

Lynn Sr and Rita Loud had taken Lily to the paediatrician for a simple regular check-up, and Lincoln had gone to Gus' Games and Grub with Clyde, but that still left nine girls (and a dog, a cat, a hamster, a bird, a frog, a snake, a lizard, and Lana's assortment of other miscellaneous pets) together in the house on a Sunday afternoon.

And so, as Mr Grouse leaned out of his window and eyed the Loud's, the old man found himself growing increasingly uneasy at the complete silence that blanketed the typically loud house. There was a time when he would have relished the quiet, the peaceful tranquility of the situation, but even if his relationship with his neighbours hadn't mostly thawed after the stunt they'd pulled last Christmas, a decade or two of living next to the large family had taught him that, if there were Louds at home, and the noise emananting from their residence wasn't threatening to shatter all the glass in his house, then something had to be up. No sound of babies crying, or balls bouncing, or rock music blaring, or dogs barking and cats meowing, or science experiments going impressively (and explosively) wrong? Thoughtfully, the senior resident double-checked the calendar, and confirmed that he wasn't senile, and it was long past April Fools; if it had been the First of April, he might have at least been able to rationalize it as the family hiding (or having fled) the reign of terror of their fourth daughter.

Looking up towards the second floor, Mr Grouse finally breathed a sigh of relief, as he saw most of the Louds together in one room. Granted, he couldn't be sure on account of his weakening eyesight, but it looked like Lynn's daughters were having a chat in one of their rooms together. The silence was still rather unnerving, but at least now he had a rough idea of where the majority of the Louds were (and thus a rough idea of the most likely location of Ground Zero, should anything occur in the next few hours). Satisfied with his hypothesis, he pulled his body back into his house, and decided that it was a good day to watch the news, or perhaps take an early afternoon nap.

Meanwhile, in the abnormally quiet Loud house, the Loud sisters (sans Lily, naturally) were having one of their iconic "sister meetings" in Lori and Leni's room. Of course, ordinarily, this should still have been a noisy affair, one which would have required the oldest Loud to use her heel as a gavel, but this time the topic was so serious and secretive that none of the Louds wanted anyone outside the room to even catch wind of it. Even Charles and Cliff had been sworn to secrecy with a finger to their lips by Lana, a preferable alternative to Lola's suggestion of temporarily putting them in the dog house outside. The mood in the room was deadly serious, and all eyes turned to Lori as she finally spoke: "All right, guys, as you all know, Lincoln's twelfth birthday party is literally next Sunday-"

The room erupted in a series of cheers, and for a brief moment the Loud house lived up to it's name and reputation at both the mention of their beloved only brother and the prospect of an upcoming celebration, but peace and order were quickly restored as a heel slammed down unto the table, and they remembered why they were here. Lori's glare swept across the room, just to make sure silence remained restored (though it was probably unnecessary at this point), and she started again: "Guys, see, this is literally what I mean! We want to throw Lincoln the best surprise birthday party he's had, after what we've put him through in the past year..."

Most of the sisters coughed awkwardly or looked away guilty, at the mention of that, and even Lori paused for a moment as the recollections came back, before she continued: "Anyway, for this to literally be the best surprise party ever, it needs to remain, well... a surprise."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Lucy spoke up from a dark corner of the room, eliciting a jump from her sisters (and a small sigh of her own in response to their reaction). "Privacy in this house is almost impossible."

A few nods and grimaces were had, and Lori answered: "That's the point of this meeting, you guys. We need to figure out how to plan it while keeping it a secret. Any ideas?"

A flurry of hands shot up, along with cries of "Oooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!". Lori scanned the crowd, before deciding that the smartest of her younger sisters was probably the safest bet. "Lisa, what's your idea?"

The sisters collectively blanched, and Lori twitched as Lisa Loud attempted to explain the theory behind, and intricacies of, pocket dimensions, most of which boiled down to "I'm mostly sure it'll work without any permanent accidents, there's no chance of us being overheard or seen by Lincoln, at least, and we could make the preparations inside it.".

"Alright, Lis, I'm going to have to put a firm "no" to dimensional travel." Lori finally managed to cut in and veto her genius sister's idea firmly, leading to a huff of indignation from Lisa before she suggested an alternative: "Well, there's always the bunker in the yard. I can at least mostly guarantee it's security, seeing as how it was meant to withstand our comedic sister unit's pranks."

"Hmmm, that might work..." Lori conceded, as she considered it, but Luna interrupted: "Nuh-uh. Little dude's pretty sharp; no way he's gonna miss most of his sisters going in and out of Lisa's bunker."

"Oooh, I know, I know!" Lynn enthusiastically jumped up and down, the sporty and energetic Loud finally losing patience with sitting still and silent. "The rest of you can go and set up the surprise party secretly... and I'll distract Lincoln and keep him busy occupied with sports and wrestling all week!"

There was a pregnant pause as the occupants of the room pondered Lynn's declaration, turning it over in their heads.

Silence once again descended upon the room, and Lynn Loud looked around the room with a proud grin on her face, waiting for what she viewed as the inevitable acceptance of her brilliant idea.

Mr Grouse, sitting down on a chair in the room that was coincidentally the furthest from the Loud's, had just begun to close his eyes and relax when the house next door suddenly and loudly erupted. Sighing at what he viewed as the inevitable, he gently reached down towards the table next to him, and grabbed his ear plugs, before stuffing them in and dozing off.

Back inside the room, Lori tried valiantly (and with little success) to restore order to the meeting, as claims on her brother began flying around like confetti.

"Guys..."

"No way, Lynn, Linky's gotta help me with making clothes for his birthday!"

"I'm sure that Lincoln would rather be helping me out with Funny Business than show you his birthday suit! Ha ha ha, get it?"

"Gross, Luan! And I'm sure our little bro would rather listen to his favourite sister rocking out!"

"I'm sure Lincoln would rather help his favourite sister and princess with her tea parties than go to rock concerts all week, Luna!"

"Guys!"

"As if, Lola! No way is he going to enjoy dressing up and playing butler all week! I'm sure he'd rather play in the mud with me, Hops, and El Diablo!"

"Sigh. My poems need Lincoln's help in order to be the most drab and depressing."

"Actually, if you recall, I think-"

"GUYS!"

Lori winced internally as she slammed her shoe down onto the table with a bit too more force than anticipated, leaving behind a very noticeable and impressive dent, but she'd finally, temporarily, restored a measure of calm to the chaos. And before any fights had broken out, too. Lori didn't spend too much time relishing in that small victory, though; there were more pressing issues at hand, and she began: "I hate to say it, but Lynn may be on the right track here-"

"Yes!" Lynn pumped her fist in joy, whilst a rumble of protests began once more from the other sisters. Before anything could happen once more, though, Lori quickly interjected above the din of grumbles: "But that doesn't mean we're going through with her plan, exactly. For one thing, I don't think Lincoln would literally be able to keep up with Lynn all week, and for another... remember what happened on his fourth birthday, Lynn?"

Lynn's complaints died in her throat, as her and her older sisters recalled how the family had planned a surprise party that year for Lincoln, and how Lynn, being unable to keep a secret from her favourite sibling, and wanting to impress him, had quickly and easily spilled the beans on the whole affair. Defensively, she retorted: "That was then, and this is now! And besides, if I hadn't done it, you guys would have!"

Luna, Luan, and Leni looked away sheepishly, awkwardly whistling, and the younger sisters looked on, not having been previously aware of the event being referenced. Lori rolled her eyes at the memory of how Lynn had been the one to ruin the surprise only by sole virtue of outrunning her sisters to Lincolns bed that day. Deciding that dropping it would be easier than getting into another argument, she changed the subject: "Look, Lynn, I literally also need you to help me plan some activities for the party, so you're definitely not going to be the distraction."

"Dang it." Lynn cursed, although the idea of her brother grinning and enjoying himself as he performed activities performed by her was one she could find some appeal in. Before anyone else could cut in, she added: "Leni, you're in charge of the guest list and decorating. Luna, music. Luan, entertainment. Lucy, surveillance, make sure he doesn't come close to sniffing things out by himself. And Lisa... you're going to have to help me with the accounting and the costs."

All but two sisters groaned and protested at the division of labour, and Lana and Lola looked excited at the prospect of monopolizing their older brother for a whole week as Lori told them: "That leaves you two as the distraction. Keep him busy for the whole week, and make sure he doesn't catch a whiff of what we're doing, or I'll literally turn you into a human pretzel.

"As for the location... we can't make preparations in the house, that's for sure. Carol owes me a favor, and I think she'd be happy enough to let us work on it at her place for the week. Luna, think you can convince Chunk to help us transport it all back here when we're done?"

"Chunk knows how important the little dude is to me and the band; he'll be more than happy to help out." Luna reassured her, with only a faint hint of resentment tinging her voice. Lori nodded her approval, and continued: "Lola, Lana, if Lincoln asks where we are, I'll be pulling extra shifts at Gus', Leni will be hanging out with her friends, Luna's gonna be at the recording studio, Luan will be busy with Funny Business, Lynn will be training for her soccer games, Lucy's writing poetry in the vents, and Lisa's busy giving a few lectures at the institute."

"Wait, but I thought we were going to plan and organize Lincoln's surprise party?" Leni asked, and Lori fought the urge to groan or roll her eyes as she patiently told her younger sister: "We are. That's just the excuse we'll give him if he asks, alright?"

"Ohhh, I get it now." Leni said brightly, before her face fell, and she admitted: "I don't want to, like, lie to him, though..."

A murmur of agreements filled the room, and most of the sisters looked down uneasily. Even Lori had to admit, she wasn't too happy with the prospect of lying to her brother, especially since it was their sweet and sensitive Lincoln; she knew very well how much he cared, and how well he knew them. If he thought they were keeping something from him, and they weren't happy about it, he'd make some insane plan to figure out what was wrong, and try to fix it. But they did owe it to him, though, to make it the best party they could, and she choked back a sob as she persuaded them: "Look, guys, I don't want to lie to Lincoln either. But after everything he's done for us... after everything we've done to him... especially the sister fight incident, and how we treated him when we got swept up in that luck craze... we owe him at least a perfect party, on his special day. Most people would literally never have forgiven us for it... we're honestly lucky he didn't need to go to the hospital after all that."

Everyone in the room looked away sadly, consumed by guilt at the memory of Lincoln's face on those days, all the bruises he'd taken during that fight. Lynn, more than anyone else, felt like she could never truly make it up to him, especially for the situation with the mascot. But she had to at least try and start somewhere; moping around and wallowing in self-pity was not the way of Lynn Loud, action was. Quietly steeling her resolve, she stood up, and in a low voice declared: "I'll do it. For Lincoln."

Luna was the next to agree, remembering how supportive he'd always been of her music career, and Luan soon followed suit, memories of her Funny Business assistant giving her determination. Leni came around as well, remembering how he'd helped her get a license, how often he modelled for her, how he'd earnestly tried to resolve their fight... and how it had been her fight with Lori that had escalated into that incident.

And just like that, with all the older siblings on board, the plan was approved, and Lori adjourned the meeting, promising the planning team that they would hammer out the rest of the details after school tomorrow. Luan made a weak joke about hammering out the dent in the table first, and the rest of the sisters collectively groaned, but their spirits were lifted slightly as the filed out of the room. Soon enough, only Lola and Lori were left in the room. Lola walked towards the open door, but instead of walking out, closed it, and turned on Lori, asking: "You couldn't find a better job for spooky and the grease monkey, too?"

Lori answered with a shrug: "Would've been too suspicious. Besides, you'd still have been sharing with Lily, even if I did ask Lana to help. Now, I want to see you uphold your end of the bargain."

Despite rolling her eyes, Lola still complied, and held up her phone for Lori to see as she deleted the video file Lori had been so desperate to keep secret. After all, she'd mostly gotten what she wanted, and with a smile she said: "Pleasure doing business with you, sis. And don't worry, my lips will be sealed. Some day, though, you're going to have to explain to me exactly what you were doing, and why-"

"When you're older!" Lori interrupted her quickly with a flushed face, and the two frowned at each other as Lori continued: "And remember, it has to be a secret."

"Like I said, my lips are sealed."

"Not just that, Lola. I mean the party, too." Lori clarified, and Lola's frown deepened as she snapped back: "Of course I'll keep it a secret, Lori. He's my big brother too, you know, and I also want his party to be perfect."

Lori felt guilty for doubting Lola, even if she was a blackmailing brat, and offered a hand as a conciliatory gesture. Lola shook it confidently, and with a simple "Pleasure doing business with you" she turned around and left the room, leaving Lori alone.

With a sigh to rival even Lucy's, Lori slumped against the wall, tension leaving her body, and turned towards her phone. Now that they had a rough plan of action, it was time to call her Bobby Boo Boo Bear, and see if he could deliver on his end.

Author's Note: And here we are, the first chapter in what I predict should be no more than a silly shitty story. And already I've figured out a few things I loathe. Dialogue's a bitch to write, but handling Luan's dialogue was a nightmare and a half (puns for days). Another issue is that, to be honest, I've only watched maybe one and a half seasons of Loud House, and that was years ago. I've never actually watched No Such Luck, even if I know it by reputation, and I can maybe remember a few details from the Sister Fight Protocol.

Also, honestly... I can't actually remember if I was inspired by someone else's story. I'm pretty sure it's not a very original idea, but I can't remember reading something like this before. Then again, I'm not exactly well-known for a good memory.

Like it? Don't like it? Feel free to drop scathing non-constructive criticism. I'm always looking to improve.