I longed.
I longed to to her face, to embrace her in my arms.
Yet I couldn't: I wouldn't want to be another burden within her busy life.
She fussed over me enough already, I didn't need to distract her anymore that I already was...
Maybe this was what a teen feels when he wants to confess something to his mother.
Oh boy, how I wish I could do that now.
Confess so many of the things I have done, the things I accomplished: all to my mother...
No, I'm going off track.
I don't need to think of other things that I long to do.
But how I wish I could turn back time and change my past.
But if it wasn't for my past, I would wouldn't be where I am now: with Tifa, Denzel and Marlene.
Come to think of it, what would my life be like if I changed the thngs in my past that I regret...
Would Aerith still be here?
Would Zack be the world famous hero he dreamed to be?
Would Sephiroth still be roaming this planet...?
As many people have told me, sacrifice a little for a lot.
Zack sacrificed his life for me. If he hadn't done so,would I have ever met Aerith, and saved the planet?
But if Aerith hadn't... died... would I still be lying here, thinking these thoughts?
I suppose I wouldn't.
And if Jessie, Biggs and Wedge hadn't-
Come on Cloud, youv'e gone of subject again. Completely.
All you're gonna do is remind yourself of the past: something I don't need to think about at the moment.
You've only just come to face yourself and forgive the past.
But everyone have been with: Barret, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Vincent, Yuffie, Cid, so many others: and Tifa.
Tifa. The answer as to why I was still choosing to walk and breath on the planets surface.
Wait, was that a hint of suicide?
Well, if I didn't have Tifa, the would probably not even be standing...
I didn't save the world. Tifa did.
Because she was there to save me.
Because if Tifa wasn't there, I would have put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger a long time ago.
Maybe then, more people would be alive, because they didn't die because of my stupid faults.
But if I had killed myself, maybe the world wouldn't exist.
It could have wasted away, the energy drained away, torn away from the planets core.
But imagine of I had never been born...?
Zack might have been savior of the world: instead of me.
Tifa might have a loving husband and a family to look after: instead of me.
Aerith might have given that flower that only cost one gil to someone else: instead of me.
Okay, you are just going to depress yourself again.
Original topic.
Tifa. I have a feeling she loves me the same way, but even if she did, I don't want to make her life a constant distraction.
Now I know what it is like to be a mother: well, i can empathise at least.
But, one thing I can completely admit to myself: I am completely in love with-
"Cloud, want a drink or some food?" I could hear from downstairs.
And I know i will never be able to admit that fact to anyone else apart from myself.
Because I don't deserve her.