Wrote this yesterday when I was waiting up to finish my project. Whoo! I guess it's a songfic... enjoy! Read Tutor, if you wish!
I lay unmoving on the floor of the cave. I knew there was no turning back. It would soon be over. Soon, I wouldn't be able to think for myself. I wouldn't be myself.
I knew what was happening, and it was the reason I was crying.
The last time I could remember that I cried was never. It must have been at a very young age. I hadn't even cried when Ivan died. I was just in shock.
I cried for so many things. Mainly, and most importantly, My Roza. I would never be able to hold her again. I would never even be able to see her again. She was so special to me, and after what we had just done, I hoped that I wasn't the only one with a broken heart. I was sure mine was literally broken in fragments.
Thinking of Roza brought up the last memory I had of her. That final glimpse of her I got from under the blonde strigoi.
Those agonizing moments only brought on because of my hesitation. One of my first hesitations in battle, because I wanted to make sure Rose was okay, led to my last as a dhampir. Probably my last ever. No strigoi hesitate, no strigoi even think.
Her agonizing screams pierced my mind over and over. Like a wreaking ball slamming into me, crushing me to pieces. There was so much pain in them. Yet, I was glad her mom had held her back and pulled her away.
Just moments later I had been forced to drink that monster's blood. I didn't want her to see that happen, it would have been too much.
The loud music that had been thumping around for awhile, echoing through the caves, suddenly turned quieter, slower.
I could hear the words clear as daylight, and they were like a wreaking ball for me too, just not quite as powerful as my Roza's screams.
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days
The lyrics were beautiful, but to but something so odd as someone being drunk was odd to me… until the rest of the lyrics poured in.
Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs
I felt the meaning in these words. I needed Roza, but I couldn't have her right now. I couldn't have her ever agiain.
Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him up stairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in
She was always such a tease. I knew she loved me, and that was many of the things I loved about her, but she was still a tease.
Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
I would bother anyone I could to find a cure to being strigoi, if I still have a part of my own mind, which I probably wouldn't. It was still worth a try. I would go to any lengths to be with her again.
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me
I was almost going to cry all my eyes out at these words. Rose was always running through my mind. She was my every thought at every moment of the day. It had been that way for a long time now. If it was possible, it would still be that way when I was strigoi.
She drove me crazy just being near her. I loved her so much just her presence sent chills down my spine.
That last line was the hardest for me. On the way back, from the cabin I had been contemplating asking Rose to marry me at graduation. People may not approve, but I did. That was all that mattered, and hopefully Rose would too. But now, I would never know. More tears leaked out when it fully registered for me what was happening.
My life was over. My reason to live was someone who would hunt things like me down. Probably even me.
And even though she doesn't believe in love
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut?
I always wondered if Rose didn't believe in love. Maybe that was the reason she never was fully committed to people, before I came into view. I knew I was different. I had heard stories of her behavior with boys before, and this was definitely completely different. I knew she loved me, I called her bluff.
I couldn't deny my love for her anymore. That's why we had it all planned out. Now, like everything else, that was down the tube.
Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar face
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside
Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me
These words repeated made me sob harder, echoing through the caves.
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it now
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now
That all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever
Whoever she may be
I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect it from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds
Towering over your head
Well I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home
There was no home for me anymore. I knew it.
Because, I could feel the last pieces of myself slipping away.
The song changed to one slightly faster, but I hummed the previous song to myself again as I faded away.
My body was no longer mine.
My heart would only beat silently for my Roza, no power over anything.