East of Edam
By Lord Agravane the Undead
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon or any of the characters within.
Part 1
Archie wasn't happy. Nope, not happy at all.
He stamped up and down his cabin, a glass of rum in hand.
"I can't believe it", he sulked. "I can't bloody believe this. Shelley and Maxie!"
He looked across at the table, where Matt was sitting. Archie had dragged Matt in his cabin, primarily to have somebody to moan at and to sympathise with him. Archie glared at Matt, waiting for a suitable response.
Matt shrugged. "Well, she's a big girl, Boss", he said. "She can sleep with whoever she wants".
"Yes, I know that", said Archie impatiently. "But...it's Maxie. The leader of Team Magma!" He gulped down some more rum. "What the hell has that skinny, red-haired git got that allows him to tempt one of our lovely Team Aqua girls into bed with him?"
"I dunno", said Matt, reaching for the bottle of rum. "Maybe he has magnetic sex appeal?"
"Magnetic sex appeal, my arse. And oi, that's MINE!" Archie snatched the bottle out of Matt's grasp. "More likely he was waffling on about some stupid bloody Team Magma project and Shelly kissed him just to make him shut the hell up!"
"Uh, maybe", said Matt. "But then, what was Shelly doing hanging around Maxie anyway?"
"Oh, I give up", said Archie, grabbing the bottle again and refilling his glass. "You're about as much use as a chocolate bloody teapot".
"Sorry Boss", said Matt.
Archie scowled and drained his glass in one go. "I feel like Team Magma have got one over us", he said. "Well, we'll see about that. Two can play at that game!"
"Huh? Have you got a plan?" Matt asked.
"Yes, I think so. A plan of such impossibly brilliant magnitude, even Maxie couldn't think it up".
"Go on then, what is it?"
Archie put his glass down and smirked at Matt.
"I'm gonna seduce and bed Courtney, the Team Magma admin".
A couple of days later, Archie was standing outside Team Magma's Secret Base, hands in pockets and wondering how on earth he was going to find Courtney. He couldn't just walk inside and if he approached one of the grunts on guard duty and asked to speak to her, chances were that they'd fetch Maxie instead and then Maxie would chase Archie off with his Pokemon. Archie rubbed his chin, wondering how to proceed.
However, luck was on his side that day. As Archie walked round the base of the volcano, he soon saw none other than Courtney, who was watering some hanging baskets of Hydrangeas. Archie shook his head.
Bloody stupid Team Magma, having baskets of flowers decorating their base, he thought. As if we'd be daft enough to have sodding flowers all over our ship!
However, he didn't say that to Courtney. Instead, he approached her and smiled.
"Hello Archie", said Courtney in a suspicious tone. "What do you want?"
This is gonna be easy Archie thought.
"Hey, Courtney", he began. "You're looking very attractive today".
Courtney frowned and refilled the watering can from a nearby water butt.
"And, you look really bored too", Archie continued. "How about we do something more fun?"
"Like what?" Courtney asked.
"Well, you know", said Archie. He nudged the air next to him and made a clicking sound with his tongue.
Courtney sighed. "Are you trying to get me into bed?"
"Oh no, no!" Archie shook his head. "We can do it anywhere you want, if you're in a kinky mood".
Courtney upended the watering can over Archie's head. There was a massive splash and Archie gasped and spluttered, shaking himself like a Growlithe.
"So that's a no then", he said and ducked as Courtney threw the watering can at him, missing his head by inches.
Back at Team Aqua's ship, Archie was drinking more rum and mourning over the failure of his plan.
"I just don't get it", he said to Matt (who had been dragged into Archie's cabin again). "How could Courtney turn down me? I'm practically Arceus' gift to women".
"I dunno Boss", said Matt. "Maybe she had a headache?"
"Huh, I nearly bloody well had one if I wouldn't have ducked away from that sodding watering can", Archie muttered.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Yeah, come in", Archie called out.
The door opened and Shelley entered the cabin. Archie glared at her.
"Humph. I am not talking to you!"
"You just spoke to me", Shelley pointed out.
"Yeah, to tell you that I'm not talking to you", Archie repeated.
"You just did it again".
Archie turned to Matt. "Matt, tell Shelley that..."...
"Wait Boss", said Matt. "Maybe she can help".
"Huh?"
"Well...she's a woman".
"Really? Thank you Matt, I would never have known, had you not told me", said Archie.
"Ah, you know what I mean", said Matt. "Shelly can give you advice on how to seduce Courtney".
"Good point", said Archie. "OK Shelly, I'm talking to you again".
Shelly stuck her nose in the air. "I'm not going to help you. You're mean! You're just planning to use Courtney".
"How am I?" Archie said impatiently. "She'll get something back out of it too".
Shelley folded her arms. "Women aren't like that! Courtney is classy and sophisticated and I bet she wants more than just a quick shag. No wonder she won't have anything to do with you".
Archie and Matt stared at Shelley, listening to her every word.
"Ugh, I think I just helped you", Shelley groaned. "I'm going to see Maxie. I hope you don't get any, Boss".
"Thanks Shelley", Archie called after her as Shelley left the cabin, slamming the door after her.
A couple of weeks later, Archie managed to run into Courtney again. It had not been easy and had involved a lot of hanging about outside of team Magma's Base and fleeing when any of the grunts or Maxie turned up.
At last, Archie's patience had paid off and he saw Courtney leaving one of the entrances. Glad that she didn't have a watering can this time, he went over to her.
"Oh no, not you again", Courtney groaned.
"Uh, hi Courtney", said Archie. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
"What do you want?" Courtney asked, turning and heading back towards the Base entrance.
"Oh no, wait!" said Archie, hurrying after her. "I just wanted to say that, um...I'm sorry for last time. I was an arsehole and I deserved to get the watering can chucked at me".
Courtney paused and turned back round. "Really?"
"Yeah, really". Archie scuffed the toes of his boots in the soil. "And, uh...to make it up to you, I'll invite you over for dinner".
"Dinner? Where?"
"Back at my ship. I'll tell the grunts and Matt to sod off, erm I mean to go and do stuff onshore, so that we won't be disturbed".
"Hmm". Courtney looked thoughtful. "I've never been on a ship before".
Archie could tell from her expression that she was definitely interested. He began to feel more hopeful but then Courtney frowned.
"Is this another attempt to get me into bed?"
"No, no", said Archie hastily. "Just dinner, that's all".
Courtney continued to wear a thoughtful expression. Archie leaned up against the rock and waited.
"I'm not sure", said Courtney, in a tone that suggested she had already made up her mind to say yes but was going to hesitate to wind Archie up.
"Oh, go on", said Archie. "It's just dinner and if you wanna hang out or do other stuff afterwards, we can but if you don't, well that's cool too. And, you'll have got a free dinner out of it".
"That does sound good", said Courtney. "But...I'm just not sure".
Archie gritted his teeth. I must do this for the honour of Team Aqua!
"Courtney, don't make me beg".
Courtney smiled sweetly at him.
"OK, OK! Please, come and have dinner with me. Please?"
"Well, seeing as you asked me so nicely...alright then".
"Great", said Archie, breathing out with relief. "That's brilliant. Is next Saturday at 19:30 OK?"
"Sure. Meet me here and I'll see that Maxie or the others don't use their Pokemon on you".
"OK then. That's uh, cool", said Archie.
Courtney smiled at him again, then went back inside the Base. Archie pulled a handkerchief out of his trouser pocket and wiped his forehead with it.
"Humph, women!" he muttered. "They're more trouble that they're bloody worth".