"We got a ping" was not the first thing Pete wanted to hear Artie say when he and Myka walked into the warehouse. They had just returned from a tricky case in Dublin, Ireland, chasing down and eventually bagging a nineteenth-century brooch infused with the suffering of the Irish Potato Famine, so much so that it could cause localized blight and famine when dropped into soil.
"Hello, to you too, Artie. You're quite welcome for the artifact! How've you been the last four days?" Pete asked sarcastically.
"Well, excuse me, I didn't hear you coming in. I was calling Claudia and Steve, actually. The artifact?"
"One brooch from the Irish Potato Famine, neutralized and no longer a threat to the Republic of Ireland," Myka recited. "I don't usually say this, but I need a spa day after that one."
"Me too," Pete agreed, not necessarily kidding. In his best Irish accent, which he had undoubtedly practiced in Dublin, he added, "And if ye think ye be sending me partner and me out on another mission, I'll beat ye with me shillelagh."
"Alright, I get it, you're tired," Artie acquiesced. "You two deserve a break."
Claudia bounced in from the other room, closely followed by Steve. "You rang, Artie? Hey, guys, how was Ireland?"
Both Pete and Myka just groaned as they both dropped down on the couch.
"Oh. Cool," Claudia replied.
"Yes, I 'rang,'" said Artie. "There was a ping from Kalamazoo, Michigan – "
"And do you have a gal in Kalamazoo, dear Arthur?"
"No, Claudia. There's been an outbreak at the MAPA – "
"Napa? That's in California. I thought you said Kalamazoo?" asked Steve.
"Can I ever finish a sentence around here?" yelled Artie. "MAPA, the Michigan Academy of the Performing Arts. An upstart magnet school just ten years old. Several students there have recently contracted some strange sickness, but their only real symptoms are a high fever and frequent sneezing."
"That's weird, like a common cold on steroids?" asked Claudia.
Artie was his old impatient self. "I don't know, that's what you need to figure out. An artifact is causing it, so you and Agent Jinks go fix it!"
As Claudia and Steve left to prepare for their mission, Artie turned to Pete and Myka, saying, "Sometimes you need to hit them over the head with – "
He saw that Pete and Myka had both already fallen asleep – passed out was more like it – on top of each other on the couch, and he sighed.