This was a long, entertaining ride, scrambling to write this before tomorrow. I'd like to thank TheAvengingTrencher for letting me bounce ideas off her. :) I apologize for the length of it, but Tony wouldn't quit talking. O.O I don't own the Avengers!
If Tony had informed Pepper last Christmas, "Hey, next Christmas, we're going to have a huge Christmas party with seven other people! Oh, and there will be no booze!" Pepper probably would have called a psychiatrist to check on him.
But, of course, she hadn't known the Avengers Initiative was really going to be put in place, or that the Avengers and their significant others (and Darcy) were going to become their little dysfunctional family. So now, she really did have a booze-free Christmas party with seven other close friends.
Surprisingly, the booze-free part had been Tony's idea. Bruce certainly was a good thing for the genius.
Sitting in the armchair in the living room of Stark Towers, Pepper observed the rest of the Avengers, smirking in amusement at all of them. To her left, Tony and Bruce were crammed close together, not understanding that there was a whole couch for them to spread out on. They were attempting some of the cheesy, elementary school crafts that Pepper had brought for entertainment. Tony had some foam magnet thing in the shape of a snowman, and was in the process of using an extra black foam piece as a Hitler mustache. Bruce was just laughing at him, putting together a foam manger scene.
On the couch to her right, Darcy was sitting on Steve's lap, getting help in assembling a complicated angel ornament. It was no surprise that she made her way over to Steve, since she migrated to hunky men like a fly to a bright light. But, much to everyone's astonishment, she wasn't flirting with him one bit. She was good-naturedly talking his ear off, and he didn't seem any bit as uncomfortable as he had been when she sat down. She was probably as aware as everyone else as to who the star-spangled captain was interested in.
On the opposite end of that couch, Thor sat, his face contorted into frustration as he tried to figure out how to work glue. Every time Pepper glanced over at him, she had to stifle a snicker, probably because of the antlers and the red clown nose. Tony had convinced him that it was a Christmas tradition for one person in each household to dress up as Rudolph, and that everyone wanted him to have a chance. Of course, he and Jane had argued about it afterwards, but she had finally decided she wouldn't say anything if it did become a tradition.
Speaking of Jane, she sat on the floor against his legs, also attempting the angel. Originally, Thor had said he was going to make one as a special gift for her, but—when he threw all of the pieces across the room in frustration—Jane traded him crafts and took over the angel. Tony had laughed for nearly ten minutes after.
On the couch opposite of Tony and Bruce's, Natasha watched as Clint made his own angel (he'd decided to once he discovered that one of the packages had been screwed up, and had two heads and no wings), a smirk spreading across her lip. They were sitting suspiciously close, and Pepper wondered when they were going to announce to everyone that they were dating.
And, next to that couch was the Christmas tree. She, Jane, and Thor had decorated it two weeks before, mainly because Thor had no idea what a Christmas tree was. It looked a little strange, since the ornaments weren't placed in the perfect spot, but it was Thor's work, so she didn't mind too much.
"Hey, Pepper," Tony said, looking over at her. "Stop staring at people."
Rolling her eyes at him, sticking her tongue out, she replied, "Oh, shut up Tony. I'm just happy to see everyone else so happy."
"Even after Thor's angel knocked that hot chocolate onto the carpeting?"
In a quieter voice, one that threatened you will not talk about this now, she snapped, "We'll talk about that later." Tony began snickering, making Bruce smile as he pretended to not be eavesdropping.
From the other side of Darcy and Steve, Thor asked, "When do we open those presents?"He was looking over at Pepper expectantly, since she was the one technically hosting the party.
"Do you guys want to open it now?" she asked, looking around.
"Hell yeah!" Darcy screamed, making Steve wince and mutter about that being his ear. Like always, she paid absolutely no attention to his under-the-breath comment, instead mimicking Thor's expectant facial expression.
Laughing, the CEO of Stark Industries announced, "Okay, I guess we're opening presents now. Who wants to pass theirs out first?" She didn't even finish her question before Tony's hand was in the air. "Okay, go grab it, Tony." The playboy leapt to his feet, quickly scurrying off into the other room.
Still bent over his two-headed angel, Clint commented, "I'm kind of scared to see what Tony got me."
"His gifts can get kind of… interesting," Pepper agreed, remembering last year and all of the years before. Just last year, he had gotten her some slutty costume that he said she should use for roleplaying, and she had blushed for nearly an hour straight. In fact, the only year that he hadn't bought something either inappropriate or weird for her was the year that he blew up the whole kitchen—"I'm sorry! I needed that part from the microwave for one of my experiments!"—and her Christmas present was a new one.
"I'm excited!" the god announced, hopping up and down on the couch in excitement, the bells on his antlers jingling obnoxiously. "I've never had a 'Christmas' before!"
"It's a lot of fun," Jane responded fondly, leaning her head against his knee. "You'll love it."
Thor opened his mouth to once again tell her how excited he was, but he got cut off as Tony burst into the room, his arms full of poorly-wrapped gifts. "Santa is here!" he loudly announced, almost dropping one of the gifts on the top.
"Well then, Santa is a klutz," Clint remarked, not even bothering to look up from the instruction manual for the angel.
"And bad at wrapping," Darcy added.
"Oh, I wouldn't complain if I was you," Tony told her, setting them all in the middle of the room. "Yours is the best, if I daresay."
Acting like a child who woke up at five in the morning to open gifts from Santa, Thor exclaimed, "Let me open mine first!" Once again, the sound of obnoxious bells filled the room, and Pepper saw Natasha cringe out of the corner of her eye. She's certainly not big on festivities, is she? Pepper mused. But she's happy as long as she's around Clint, so at least she's enjoying herself some.
"Okay, big guy!" Tony said, leaning down to pick up a box with another tiny box taped on top of it. He casually tossed it, Thor catching it smoothly. "Go ahead and open it up."
Pepper watched in horror as he almost tore it to pieces, his fingers scratching at the green and red wrapping paper until it was gone, revealing two boxes. One of them said Claire's, which puzzled Pepper. The other was—no surprise here—a box of Pop Tarts.
"Pop Tarts!" Thor boomed, delight lighting up his face. "I love Pop Tarts!"
"I know you do, big guy," Tony said, smirking. "Open up the little box; it's gotta do with Pop Tarts too."
That was enough to get Thor ripping the box apart, revealing a Pop Tart necklace. Of course Tony would go to a girl's jewelry stores just to get Thor Pop Tart jewelry. The thought made Pepper want to roll her eyes.
"Oh!" he exclaimed, holding it up in the air for everyone to see. "It is a glorious necklace that has a Pop Tart on it!"
Tony, looking rather pleased with himself, replied, "You're welcome, big guy. Make sure you don't lose it or crush it between your fingers or something. Who's next?"
"I'll go next," Bruce volunteered, smiling at his boyfriend's delighted expression. Pepper knew from experience that Tony enjoyed playing Santa. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if he one day decided—when he was older and retired—that he would become one of those mall Santas (well, an incredibly immature and perverted mall Santa). It was certainly a possibility, and would be a much better retirement activity for him instead of flying in a metal suit and blowing stuff up in his lab.
"Here you go!" Tony said, tossing Bruce a small box. "It may not be exactly what you would want, but you'll appreciate it."
Now sounding hesitant, Bruce responded, "Uh, okay," as he unwrapped the gift. Nobody could see what he was opening, but when he finally got it, he looked up at Tony, a smirk on his face. "Of course you would get me this," he laughed, revealing it to everyone else.
At a far glance, it was a watch. But, since Pepper was sitting closest to them, she could see that the hands of the clock were the leg lamp from The Christmas Story, one of Bruce's favorite movies. She burst out laughing just as everyone got what was so funny and awesome about it.
"This is awesome!" Bruce exclaimed, just as Tony said, "I hope you like it!" They both froze, staring at each other for a moment, before Tony approached the doctor and gave him a kiss.
Pepper was just about to let out an, "Awww!" because she really thought her boss and his best friend were adorable together, but Clint beat her to it. "Get a room!" he exclaimed, making all of the other girls laugh.
"Oh, shut up!" Tony said, standing up and turning to face the archer. "For that comment, you and Natasha get your joint gift now."
"Joint… gift…?" they asked in unison, staring at him with looks of confusion on their face.
"You bet. Natasha has to open hers first." Keeping Clint's gift in his hand, he passed Natasha a rather large box. "Go ahead, open it."
Looking at Clint with a what the hell? expression, she hesitantly pulled at the paper, revealing a… snuggie?
"I don't understand," she responded, pulling the rest of the paper off.
She would, of course, as soon as Clint tore his open. From the looks of it, it was some book. Opening his mouth to read the cover, his eyes suddenly widened, and he threw the book across the room, his legs kicking as he scrambled backwards to get as far away from Natasha as possible, all the while chanting, "Oh god oh god oh god!"
"What is it?" a curious Darcy asked, leaping from Steve's lap to approach the book. As soon as she took one look at the cover, she burst out laughing, unable to do anything but lean over and crack up.
"What is it?" Steve asked, confused.
"I-i-it's c-called The Snuggie Sutra," she announced, spitting out the name of the book before she could stutter over it. All she got in response was Natasha's paler face, Clint's flaming red cheeks, and everyone else's expression of horror.
"Oh, don't look at me that way!" Tony told Pepper, who was giving him a we're talking about this later expression. "You know I had to as soon as I found the book!"
"That's really gross!" Darcy announced as she laughed her way back into Steve's lap. "Like really really really gross. But, it's even funnier than it is gross. It's hilarious."
"See, she understands me!" Tony said, pointing at her. Spinning around to look at Clint and Natasha, he did a little bow and told them, "You're welcome."
"Can I see what mine is now?" Darcy demanded, obviously excited about the thought of getting something inappropriate for her present. Typical, Pepper thought to herself, smiling at the feisty lab assistant to Jane.
Nodding, Tony responded, "Of course! Santa has been good to this one. Here you go." He handed her an oddly-shaped gift, which made her raise her eyebrows. But, confusion didn't stop her from tearing apart the wrapping paper, immediately squealing as soon as she realized what it was.
Unfortunately, the rest of them knew Tony was in huge trouble.
"Seriously?!" Jane demanded, glaring at the so-called philanthropist. "You bought her a taser?!"
"A bedazzled one!" Darcy practically crooned, holding it close to her chest. "Oh Tony- erm, Santa, you're the best!"
As she got to her feet to give Tony a hug and kiss his cheek, Thor remarked, "I don't like those things. They hurt."
"Tony, that's totally not safe!" Pepper burst out, completely horrified that he would buy one of them something dangerous. The snuggie set had been bad enough, but a taser?!
"With great power," Tony told Darcy, ignoring everyone else's outbursts, "comes great responsibility. Use it wisely, child."
Her face looking as though it was going to tear apart from grinning so much, she said, "I'll even ignore that comment about me being a child!"
"Good." Tony patted her on the head, and then sent her back to Steve's lap. "Next."
Taking in a deep sigh and deciding to take one for the team, Pepper told him, "I guess I'll be next, Tony."
Smirking at her with his famous Stark smirk, he scolded, "Oh, don't sound that way, Pepper. Yours isn't that bad." The box came flying at her, and she barely caught it before it hit her in the face. Handling it delicately between her fingers—almost as if it was a bomb, but she knew Tony wouldn't do that to her—she slipped off the loose wrapping paper—he really was bad at wrapping things—and opened the little box. The contents made her roll her eyes.
"Really?" she asked, pulling out a necklace with a strawberry on it. "A strawberry necklace?"
"It's scented too," he responded without missing a beat, leaning over to grab another gift. "Jane, you want yours now or later?"
"I guess now?" A tiny package fell into her lap, and she tore it open with ease. With a voice that sounded genuinely surprised, she remarked, "Oh, this is cool!" Holding it up by the chain, she revealed that Tony had gotten her a keychain that says 'I'm an official Science Bro.'
"Bruce and I have been talking about it," Tony began, "and we've decided that—whenever you want to—you can come work in the labs here. And Darcy's welcome too. But, she's not allowed to touch anything without authorization," he added before the mischievous girl could get too excited. "And, no tasers are allowed in the lab."
"Damn!" Darcy hissed, snapping her fingers together.
"Well, thank you!" Jane told him, her lips split into a giant grin. "It will certainly be nice to work with more advanced technology than my own personal lab."
"Good." Reaching down and picking up the last package, he turned around, staring at Steve. "You're the last one up, Steve."
While Darcy offered her luck to him, Tony slowly approached the super soldier, holding out a manila folder. Holding it with just the tips of his fingers, he said, "Here you go," handing it over like it was poison. The look on his face suggested that he really wanted to see Steve's reaction to the gift, which made Pepper reeeeaaally suspicious.
"Um, thanks?" Steve said, opening it and sliding out a packet of paper. Opening his mouth, he read aloud, "'All I See Are Stars And Stripes,' a fanfiction by… Phil Coulson…" His face lit up as red as some of the Christmas lights, and he quickly set it down.
"That took a while to find," the billionaire commented, going to sit himself next to Bruce. "Hope you enjoy, because it was rather… informative on his feelings for you." That comment made the soldier flush even more, and Pepper immediately felt guilty.
Trying to draw attention off him, she announced, "Okay, it's my turn to pass out my gifts. Excuse me for a second while I grab them." Before anyone could say anything, she stood to her feet, making her way back to her bedroom, where the goodies were stored. The whole time she was walking, she felt really bad for Steve, Clint, and Natasha. The rest of Tony's gifts had been innocent—well, minus Darcy's, but at least she'd been excited by it—but theirs had been brutal. She was definitely going to talk to him about it when the party was over.
Grabbing the packages, she carried it back into the living room, quickly distributing them to the proper person. "I recently learned how to knit," she told them as she handed Thor a pile, "so I decided to make all of you hats. Thor, you've got extras for Loki, your parents, and your four friends that you talk about every once in a while. Tell them 'Merry Christmas' for me, okay?"
"That was sweet!" Jane commented as Thor boomed, "They will most appreciate your gifts! Thank you!"
"You're welcome," Pepper told Thor, smiling as he opened up the red and gray hat, which matched his armor. In fact, she had designed all of them to match their super hero form, with the exception of Jane and Darcy, obviously.
"This is awesome!" Darcy commented, pulling the black and white hat onto her head. "Everyone like?"
"We like, Darcy," Tony returned, giving her a thumbs up as he pulled on his own red and gold hat. It was an awkward attempt, since he was using only one hand, so Bruce reached over to help him.
"Who's next?" the CEO asked, returning to her seat.
Letting go of Tony's hat when he let out a little noise of protest, Bruce said, "I guess I can go." He got up, quickly returning with eight little packages. Distributing them, he said, "I'm really not that creative with gifts, so I'm sorry mine's not as memorable as Tony's."
When Pepper received hers, she opened it up to find a gift card to a local coffee shop that Bruce knew she liked. The gift made her smile, because he hadn't even asked her what she wanted. And, she knew that he'd done that with everyone, because Darcy loudly burst out, "Look Steve, I got an iTunes gift card! Lookie, Jane!" She glanced up in just enough time to see Darcy waving it in her best friend's face, making Jane crack up.
Her eyes traveled over to Bruce, who was hovering over Tony, watching him expectantly. "What'd you get?" Pepper asked, standing to her feet to look over Tony's shoulder at what he got.
"I got three things!" he said, holding up what looked like an index card—at least, it was the same size and the same kind of material—but in big letters it said, "You are invited to do science!" Underneath it was some gift card—he hadn't opened it yet, so she couldn't tell where it was to—and another index-card-like thing with an equation written on it in Bruce's sloppy handwriting.
"What's the equation?" Pepper asked, unsure of what was so special about it. She saw that there were some letters in there, and a square root sign, but she honestly could not even begin to figure out what was significant enough for Bruce to give it to Tony.
Holding it up and studying it, the genius finally admitted, "I'm… I'm not so sure. It looks pretty normal, except for some things logically out of order. I… Bruce, could you explain it to me?"
Taking a seat next to his boyfriend and picking up the card that invited him to do science, he said, "Let me show you what's special about it." And then, sliding the card over half of the equation, it revealed what was really special about it.
It spelled out "I love you."
Pepper had never seen Tony get so excited about something romantic—even when she dated him, he'd been himself and never made a big deal about anything—but she watched as he almost burst into tears, turning to give Bruce a speechless expression that revealed everything he was thinking. In fact, Pepper almost cried herself when Tony leaned over to kiss Bruce, because he was so happy and emotional.
Just as Clint opened his mouth to suggest they get a room (again), she made sure to give him a don't-you-dare glare. They needed to have their moment.
Instead, she suggested, "Hey, Darcy, why don't you go ahead and grab your gifts to pass out."
"Great idea!" she said, catching on really quick. Thankful that Darcy wouldn't try to interfere, she let her wander off and grab her CDs and then took her seat in the chair just as her boss and his boyfriend broke apart, both looking delighted. It was nice, seeing Tony so happy.
Darcy returned, passing out clear cases with CDs. "Not gonna lie," she said, smirking, "I was kind of broke. But, I had a lot of songs on my computer—and some, erm, resources—so I decided to make all of you a personal CD. Kind of a selection of songs that remind me of you." As she handed out the last one, she added, "Thank Jane for contributing to some of them; I got stuck on a couple."
"You're welcome," Jane went on ahead and said, smiling.
"And Thor, Jane and I both split the cost of a CD player and headphones for you. I didn't have much, so I got the headphones. She'll teach you how to work it."
Cocking his head to the side, he asked, "C… D… player?"
"Yeah," Jane said, smirking as she turned around to face him. "I'll show you."
As Darcy wedged herself between the two hunky men on the couch—she must've gotten tired of sitting on Steve's lap, but not of him, because she quickly leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder—Clint walked into the room, startling all of them. Probably because none of them had noticed his exit to grab his gifts.
"Where did you come from?" Tony asked, squeezing on Bruce's hand and giving the agent a what the hell expression.
"My room," he said, setting all of the gifts on the floor and proceeding to pass them out to their rightful owner. "I didn't try to get you guys strange gifts—" he said that very pointedly in Tony's direction "—or stuff that you wouldn't need. I got you stuff that might come in handy to you, stuff that I observed you need. It's much more… appropriate, I think, than buying pointless stuff."
Everyone stared at him for a moment, a little unsure of how to take that, before beginning to open their gifts. Pepper found that Clint had bought her a box full of sticky notes, with a little note attached to the front that read, "Tony responds well to sticky notes. You might want to use them more often." Hm, true, she mused, glancing around to see that everyone had gotten something they could use. Tony had gotten socks—thank god, because she was tired of running to the store to get him socks after he blew them up or lost them or something—Bruce held a box full of pens in his hands, Darcy was waving around another iTunes gift card, Steve was holding a packet and blushing furiously (no… that couldn't be more fanfiction, could it?), Thor was holding a book with pictures of animals in it, Jane was holding up a leash (probably for Thor whenever they took him shopping) and balancing a stress ball on her palm, and Natasha held a new crime novel between her fingers.
"Hope that come in handy," Clint said, taking a seat closer to Natasha than he had been earlier.
Referring to the stress ball, Jane announced to Tony, "The note says I'm allowed to either squeeze this or throw it at you if you get on my nerves."
"I'll just incinerate it, then," he retorted, earning an elbow in his side from Bruce.
"Who's next?" Pepper and Darcy asked in unison, turning to look at each other with a grin.
"Uhh, I'll go, I guess," Steve said, clambering to his feet to grab whatever he had gotten.
As he stood, Darcy made a protesting noise, immediately wrapping her sweater-covered arms around her torso. "He was warm," she confessed as soon as he left the room, giggling uncomfortably as she slid closer to the god to her right. The rest of them just looked at her, a couple of them raising their eyebrows at her.
But, Steve was suddenly back, holding manila folders with names written on them. Going to stand in the middle of a wrapper-strewn floor, he cleared his throat, asking, "Can I talk for a second?"
"No! Boo!" Tony loudly said, tossing a wad of wrapping paper at the captain, but missing by a good foot.
Smiling, he said, "That's enough Tony." Looking down uncomfortably at the folders in his hands, Steve slowly began, "Well, I spent a long time pondering what I could get all of you guys. None of my ideas seemed… well, worthy. You guys have been so nice, getting me accustomed to the modern world, and… well… none of the gifts I could get you either made sense or weren't enough. So, I chose to make you something. I hope you… umm… like it."
Of course, as he reached over to hand Tony his present, the billionaire remarked, "Nice speech, Capsicle." Steve decided to ignore him, but he rolled his eyes as soon as he was facing Pepper's direction. She snorted in response, gladly taking the folder from him.
Inside, there was a sketch that Steve had made. And, it was absolutely perfect. In it, all of the Avengers were seated around a table, while Pepper was playing mother and handing them food. It was most certainly perfect for her, and she couldn't help but grin and glance around. Everyone else had sketches that suited them; from what she could see, Tony and Bruce had sketches of each other, Tony's being them in superhero mode and Bruce's of them in the lab. Darcy was squealing at hers, probably because Steve had depicted her as a taser-wielding superhero. Jane had one of her and Thor, and Thor had one of them in Asgardian garb. She couldn't see Clint or Natasha's, however.
"This is awesome, Steve!" she said, beaming, so he knew that his gift had been a success. However, Darcy's reaction probably was just enough, since she was being so loud about it.
"Your turn, Thor," Jane said, nudging his leg with her elbow. The god stumbled out of the room, and she quickly told them, "Just so you know, Thor picked these out by himself. Just… beware. And be nice."
"Oh god," Tony groaned, making Bruce chuckle.
They all managed to gain their composure—well, Tony managed to gain his composure—as Thor walked in, gifts stacked up to his chin. "I bring you Midgardian gifts!" he announced, dropping them onto the floor in a heap.
"Careful," Jane groaned, her face paling as soon as all of the gifts began falling.
Ignoring his girlfriend, Thor picked up a decent-sized box, and handed it to Tony, saying, "For you, man of iron."
"Why thank you, god of thunder," Tony remarked, mimicking Thor's tone and manner of speaking. He tore open the wrapping paper, and it was… a toaster? "Is… is this a toaster?"
"I believe so," Thor said, sounding doubtful as he rubbed his thumb over his beard. "Jane, is it a toaster?"
Jane nodded, saying, "Yes, Thor, it's a high-powered toaster. Remember what you shouted in the middle of Wal-Mart?"
"Oh yeah! TOASTAH POWER!" the god shouted, and they heard thunder rumble slightly outside. Pepper turned a wide-eyed expression toward Jane, who shrugged, as if this had already happened before.
"Well, thanks buddy," Tony said, a what the hell am I going to do with this expression crossing his confused face. He'll find something, Pepper thought to herself, smirking.
Of course, Tony's gift was only the beginning of bizarre gifts. "For you, green doctor," Thor said, handing him something that seemed like it would be a book. "Jane said that… err… chess…? Yeah, chess. She said it was a smart person's game, so I bought you this."
Of course, what book has chess pieces on the cover?
"Oh my god, he bought you Breaking Dawn!" Tony burst out, doubling over as Bruce just stared at the gift, unsure of how to react.
Finally choosing to glare at his boyfriend, he said, "Why, thank you, Thor." But, he didn't sound the least bit thankful.
"For you, Miss Pepper," Thor said, handing her a smaller box. She opened up, and smiled when she realized it was a salt and pepper shaker.
"What a nice gift, Thor!" she gushed, smiling up at him.
From where she sat on the floor, Jane remarked, "He was really excited when he saw your name on it, so he bought it for you."
"That's sweet!" she added, and she really meant it. They were, after all, very useful.
Next was Steve. "I know you like to draw in gray," he told Steve, handing him what looked like another book. "So I bought this book for you."
Nodding, Steve opened it up.
From across the room, Tony burst out, "Oh my fucking god, Thor bought Steve Fifty Shades of Gray!"
Raising an eyebrow at the genius, as if confused, he asked, "I don't understand why that is so bad."
"I call dibs on explaining it to him!" Tony announced, looking so pleased with himself. Darcy giggled, wedging herself closer to Steve.
"For Darcy," Thor said, handing her a package.
Inside was a pair of tacky sunglasses—the kind that were for children and way too big for her face—and an actually fashionable hat. The hat had obviously been Jane's selection, but the glasses were most definitely from Thor.
But, much to nobody's surprise, Darcy was totally into them.
Holding them up for all to see, she said, "Look at these! They are awesome! And the hat is awesome too!" Putting both on, she beamed at Thor and gave him a thank you.
He looked at Jane, and said, "You already got yours, so I will give Miss Natasha hers."
"A necklace," she told them, smiling. "He wanted me to pick it out."
Thor handed Natasha a box, and—after giving him an almost grimacing smile—she opened it. Inside was a spider hat, with legs that stuck out and googly eyes. Much to everyone's surprise, she genuinely smiled.
"I was glad when Jane told me that being called 'the Black Widow' did not mean you were an actual widow, but that you were like a dangerous spider, so I got you a spider hat."
And, to everyone's horror, she laughed.
"I love it," she said, putting it on her head over Pepper's hat. "It's so me, isn't it, Clint?"
"You bet," he said, reaching over to play with one of the legs.
"And for you, Clint," Thor said, handing him a small, wrapped-up object. It ended up being a magnet with a bird on it—it wasn't a hawk, though—which Clint thought was awesome. All in all, Thor seemed pleased with his reaction, and practically dropped himself back onto the couch.
His eyes traveling between the two remaining girls, Tony commented, "It's up to Jane and Natasha. Who's going to pass out gifts first?"
There was a silent exchange between the two of them, before Natasha announced, "Actually, we will both go."
"Natasha and I were talking about how we couldn't figure out what everyone would want," Jane began, looking over at Darcy. "Darcy was a part of this conversation too; I'm really surprised she kept a secret for as long as she did." All she got in return was Darcy sticking out her tongue at her.
"Well, we talked about it, and we came up with the perfect gift for everyone. One that is priceless… well, not for us."
"We had to combine our cash," Jane admitted, laughing.
Glancing down at her phone, Natasha commented, "Actually, that timing was pretty near perfect. Nice guess, Jane."
"It was based on science, so of course it was so close."
"Oh my god, quit with the anticipation!" Tony practically shouted, his impatience getting the better of him.
"Okay. Time to go get it." Jane got up from her seat, approaching the elevator just as it slid open. And the sight they got was certainly one they would never forget.
Inside the elevator were three people. One was Coulson, who was dressed like… well, Coulson, except he had put an elf hat on. Next to him was Maria Hill, who was also dressed up like an elf, except this time full-blown. She looked like one of those assistants to the Santas in the mall, the ones who operated the camera. And, not surprising at all, there was a professional camera hanging around her neck.
And, in the very front…
"Merry Christmas, motherfuckers," the most unenthusiastic Santa declared, red suit and eye patch and all.
In that moment, Pepper realized they spent a lot of money on this gift.
"Dude!" Tony shouted repeatedly, pulling Bruce to his feet in his excitement. "That is awesome!"
Darcy was cracking up, watching Steve as he quickly got to his feet and approached Coulson. Pepper would've gone over to give Coulson a hug—they had been really close since he saved her life the time Obadiah went psycho—but she didn't want to interrupt. She could talk to him and give him his hat at a later date. Whatever conversation was occurring between them was more important, because their relationship was just beginning.
"Let's get these fucking pictures over with," Fury grumbled, quickly sitting on the unoccupied chair.
"Okay, everyone gather around Director Fury," Maria instructed, standing opposite of him and adjusting her camera. Quickly, they all crammed around the unhappy Santa, Tony having to yell at Steve to get him to leave Coulson's side (which they solved by having Coulson join the picture). They looked like an odd bunch, but when they all smiled for the camera—Fury probably grimacing, but Pepper couldn't see his face from behind his shoulder—Pepper knew this was a picture she was going to want to keep.
It most certainly was the best Christmas ever.