A/N: This was sort of something I wanted to put in 'Alone With You', but it doesn't quite fit in it. So I decided to just write a little drabble. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
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Weakness.
She fears having anyone see her as weak. She hides behind rules to keep herself untouchable to others. It's the times when I catch her by surprise, those few seconds when her guard is down and I can see the look in her eyes, that's when I see the fear. She's hurting, but she has too much pride to admit it. But those crystal green eyes are like the key to her soul and I look in them and I can see images of her pain. Seconds are all I get because she shuts me out as soon as she realizes she was starting to let me in. Then, we're back to having a wall separating us, and she's going on about boundaries and rules. But if she were to put that wall back down, let me in, she'd see that maybe doing so is what she really needs.
It's always one step forward, two steps back. She wants so badly to tell me things, tell me things I can only assume are things she hasn't shared with anyone in years. She's always opening her mouth to say it, her eyes getting that sad look in them, but abruptly she closes it, looking away, making a soft grunt as if she wasn't about to open up to me. I want to reach forward, put my hand on her cheek, make her look at me, see the look in my eyes that tells her she can trust me. But I don't. I always let her keep it in, despite the fact that I really do want her to know she can trust me. I'm just afraid if I climb over one of those walls she uses to keep me away, then she'll decide to put up more, bringing us back to where we first started. But I don't want to do that, not when I'm finally getting closer to what I really want.
She has this way of making my skin get tingly, my smile wide, and my blood pumping rapidly with a simple look. We've never spoken about what it is between us, what we see in the future, but we both know what's to come. It's heard in the way she whispers my name. I see it when she brings me chocolate even though she knows I have an almost endless supply of it. It's felt when she lets her hand stay on the small of my back, even though it's not necessary. This woman, who works so hard at keeping people out, has been letting me in slowly, and sometimes I don't even realize it. But there's still something missing.
The sad look in her eyes is what tells me that she has demons haunting her. The blank expression tells me that she's trying to hold back the emotions that I'm sure are tying to escape. The late phone calls at night is the reason I know she can't sleep almost every night. The way she sometimes answers the door with a smile and puffy eyes is the only way I can tell she's been crying. But it all shows me that she's still afraid to let me in. She's afraid that I'll find her weak. But I don't. She's the strongest woman I know. I know she's dealt with a lot in her past, the little things she does tell me let me know that much. I only see her as being stronger for getting through it, pushing through the hard times. I just want to let her know, make her see, that with me she's safe. I want her to understand that with me she doesn't need to be afraid. Because I don't see her weakness. All I see is strength.
Strength.
The End.