Lazy Note: Hey there, Strangers. Today was not a good day for me. So, I wrote this.
Enjoy!
Memories
by
xLazyxWriterx
The last rays of the late afternoon sun fell slanting through the blinds covering the window, being enough to illuminate the otherwise dark room. The light hum of the fan sounded throughout the room as it turned, blowing warm air across with every motion. A hand was running along his back absentmindedly, fingers massaging him through his shirt. Even in the warmth of the room, he took comfort in the heat from the rising chest his cheek rested on. The heartbeat was like a lullaby in his ear, causing his eyes to droop ever so slightly.
Warren let out a small sigh, shifting so that his leg was swung over Nathan's hip. Nathan moved accordingly. This new position was much more comfortable. Warren draped his arm over Nathan's waist as he buried his face deeper into his chest, letting out a small groan. Nathan's fingers ran across his shoulder before moving up his neck and into his unruly hair, massaging his scalp. Warren lifted his head up, resting his chin and glancing up at Nathan. Nathan's gaze was focused on the ceiling, seemingly in deep thought.
Warren had sensed that that something was wrong when Nathan came knocking on his door, not waiting for him to answer before slipping in. Without a word, Nathan had kicked his shoes off and slid his jacket off before sitting on Warren's bed. Warren didn't need to ask him what was wrong, or even what he needed. When Nathan stared up at him with shadowed eyes, Warren knew. Nathan had laid down with his back pressed comfortably in Warren's bed as Warren climbed in to join him. Sometimes, words didn't need to be spoken.
Nathan felt his stare, lifting his head to meet Warren's eye. Warren offered him a kind smile, and Nathan attempted to return it. Nathan's free hand moved to brush a lock of brown hair from Warren's eyes, his own gaze softening. Warren kissed his chest through the thin material of Nathan's shirt, and pushed himself up so they were face to face. His finger brushed over Nathan's cool cheek, silently wondering how he could always be so chilled. Nathan leaned into his touch, closing his eyes contently. Warren pressed his lips against Nathan's in a light, chaste kiss.
Nathan's mouth parted, taking Warren's bottom lip in for a soft suck. Nathan sat up on his elbows, bringing Warren with him. Warren felt a hot breath on his neck, then the tender brush of lips that burned as they made contact with his neck. A hand ran through his hair as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Another hand slides around his waist, pulling him around to climb fully atop of Nathan. His kisses were scattered along Warren's neck and jaw.
Warren sat back, forcing Nathan to look him in the eye once more. With a reassuring grin, Warren whispered, "You're okay, Nathan."
Nathan swallowed harshly, nodding. This time, his smile wasn't forced, but genuine. If Warren had to choose only one thing that he absolutely loved about Nathan, it would be that smile that only pulled at his lips when he was with Warren. It brought a warmth within Warren that only spread when Nathan's lip curled over his teeth in that bright smile. It wasn't a smirk, and it wasn't mocking. There was no bitterness, or sarcasm. It was raw happiness, and it was only shown with Warren.
Warren took pride in this fact.
With his heart joyfully pumping and his own smile breaking across his lips, he rested his forehead against Nathan's as he continued to whisper, "I'm right here. You're okay."
"I know," Nathan murmured before closing the distance between them.
The sun came back up again today, just like it usually does. And, when the time comes, it will fade away so that the moon can breathe once more.
"Dude, you're totally serious, aren't you?" Warren asked from his place on the bed. His eyes were fixated on the set of keys that dangled from Nathan's grasp. Nathan's mischievous smirk hadn't faltered since the moment he snuck into Warren's room many minutes ago, leaving Warren feeling a tad bit uneasy, but mostly intrigued by the idea presented to him.
The clock on Warren's wall read 10:16 PM, making it past curfew. Not that that fact really mattered. At least, not to Nathan.
"Completely serious." Nathan tossed the keys up in the air, only to catch them and flop down on the bed beside Warren. "C'mon, no one's going to catch us, and even if they did, nothing will happen." Nathan had explained that he snatched the keys in the office to the pool when no one was looking. It wasn't like anyone would notice they were missing until the afternoon the next day. By then, Nathan would be able to put them back and it would be like nothing ever happened.
"To you , maybe." Warren sighed.
Nathan rolled his eyes, leaning over and biting Warren's shoulder. "You're not getting in trouble." Nathan's voice was muffled by Warren's shirt. Warren shrugged him off, shooting him a fake glare.
"Now, what makes you think I would want to go swimming with you in the middle of the night?" Warren teased. Nathan let out an exaggerated sigh, wrapping his arms around Warren's shoulders.
"Because it'll just be the two of us alone in the dark, swimming around..." Warren could feel Nathan's grin through his shirt.
"I dunno. I could go swimming with you, but I could also stay here and binge watch Supernatural." Warren rubbed at his chin, expression mocking deep thought. "Choices, choices..." Another bite was placed on his shoulder.
"I'll let you peek in the locker room."
"You flatter yourself." Warren laughed.
"What if we just forget the swim suits entirely?" Nathan suggested.
Warren scoffed. "Yeah, because that would make getting caught even less awkward."
"God, we're not going to get caught! C'mon!" Nathan hopped off the bed, pulling Warren up with him. "I think I even have a little something-something in my pool locker that could spice things up." Nathan mimed drinking from a bottle, causing Warren to shake his head.
"Oh yes, booze and deep water. Great combo." Warren headed over to his desk to shut down his laptop. "Why do you even keep that stuff in your locker, anyway? What if you get caught?"
Nathan shrugged. "Who cares? What's with you and getting caught for shit?"
"Nathan..."
"It doesn't matter," Nathan brushed it off. "We won't drink if you don't want to, I guess. But, we're still breaking in." He held up the keys once more, shaking them right in front of Warren's face. "Let's go, grumpy cat."
"I'm not grumpy," Warren protested. "I just want us to be careful. I don't want your dad-"
"We'll be careful, then," Nathan cut him off. Pocketing the keys, Nathan headed for the door. Warren followed him, making sure he had his phone before shutting the lights off. Coming up from behind Nathan, Warren sneaks his hand into his, intertwining this fingers. Nathan's hand went ridged before relaxing, accepting the contact. Nathan led them out of the dorms and into the warm night.
Luckily, they didn't need to hide from any of the wandering guards. Nathan already had their patterns memorized and was able to take the safe routs to the pool. They reached the doors, and Nathan unlocked them.
Turning on the pool lights, Nathan and Warren stood there looking down at the water.
"Alright, I'll admit it," Warren sighed. "This is kind of cozy."
Nathan elbowed him before stripping off his red jacket, letting it fall carelessly on the floor. "Told you. Now, strip!" Nathan teased, unbuttoning his cardigan. Warren rolled his eyes, grinning as he lifted his shirt over his head and kicked off his socks and shoes. Nathan beat him to the belt, slipping it through the loops and tossing it away. Nathan plucked the button open, teasingly sliding the zipper down. Warren hooked his fingers through Nathan's own belt loops before helping him pull off the white undershirt. Warren shimmied out of his jeans, leaving him in his dark blue boxers with the Tardis design.
Nathan frowned at the pattern, asking, "Why do you have phone booths on your underwear?"
"I'm secretly the Doctor. But, shhh," Warren pressed a finger against Nathan's lips, "don't tell anyone."
Nathan stared at him for a moment before mumbling, "You're a fucking weirdo, you know that?"
Warren pressed his hands over his bare chest, right where his heart lay beating. "Oh, how you wound my hearts, my dear companion!"
"Whatevathefuck are you-" Nathan sighed, jerking his jeans down. "-you know what? Never mind."
Warren crossed his arms. "You're just jealous because your underwear is so boring." Warren motioned to Nathan's red briefs. Nathan looked down, frowning and a bit insulted.
"Boring? I can't believe we're talking about this." Nathan reached out and snapped the waistband of Warren's boxers. Before Warren could complain, Nathan grabbed his wrist and began running towards the pool. Warren had no choice but to follow, and the two jumped into the warm water.
Warren gasped as he broke free of the water, pushing his hair back. Nathan resurfaced from the water, barely containing the wide grin breaking on his lips.
The water was relaxing, the heat soaking into the both of them. Warren knew that once they got out that Nathan would freeze his ass off, but decided to not call attention to it. It was cute when Nathan pouted about being cold anyway. It would just give Warren an excuse to warm him up once they went back to the dorms. But for now, Warren was enjoying himself with Nathan. The two rarely ever got to do things like this; usually they met secretly and in private. Sometimes they were brave enough to go to the Two Whales diner as 'friends' and hang out there. But, they could never go swimming together in a public pool until now.
"Hey, do you think kissing underwater actually works?" Warren asked, the idea just popping into his head.
"Where'd you get that from?"
"I saw it in a movie once, or a music video." Warren splashed water at Nathan, wiggling his brows. "Wanna try?"
"Hey!" Nathan splashed him back. "No!"
"What? You don't want to kiss me?"
"Not underwater! We'll drown!"
"Not if we hold our breath, you goober."
"The fuck did you just call me?" Nathan reached over and dunked Warren under the water. Warren pushed him back, coughing and laughing.
"It wasn't an insult!" Warren explained, pushing his sopping hair out of his eyes. "Geez! So defensive!" Warren swam over to Nathan and caught his arm before Nathan could splash him again. Wet lips met in a tight lock. Warren ran his fingers through Nathan's dripping hair, inhaling the scent of chlorine with a slight mix of Nathan's cologne.
Pulling back, Warren watched a particular drop of water slid from Nathan's temple and down his cheek. Warren tasted the drop with a flick of his tongue, causing Nathan to shiver.
"Cold already?" Warren murmured.
"Shut up." Nathan sighed, sinking deeper down into the warm water.
"I think it's time we got out of here anyway. We're gonna be all pruney soon." Warren gave him a light peck on his lips. "You can warm up in my room."
"I'm not cold." Nathan lied.
"You will be." Warren laughed. They got out of the pool, Nathan more reluctant than Warren.
Sure enough, as soon was Nathan was out and standing there, he started to shake. Goosebumps ran along his entire body, and he couldn't help but shiver. Warren helped dry him off with some of the towels they took from the locker room. Warren rubbed the towel over Nathan's head, and couldn't stop the bursting laughter that erupted from his mouth at the sight of Nathan's incredibly messy hair. Nathan tried to flatten out the mess, grumbling to himself.
The night chilled their moist skin as they walked back to the dorms.
"And you didn't think it was a good idea," Nathan shivered, pulling Warren closer to him to avoid the light breeze of the night.
"Okay, I had fun. You win this round."
"Damn straight."
"Dude, there was nothing straight about that."
"For fucks sake, Warren..."
I've been thinking a lot more lately than I have these past few weeks. In fact, my mind has just been a constant buzz and it's beginning to interfere with school and everything. I'm actually starting to wonder if my thoughts might be dangerous.
The morning had promised the day to be like the sweet melody of a nightingale when he awoke from his slumber. Now, it sat like a bitter, cold cup of coffee waiting to be to be poured down the sink. Well, actually, that's more of how Warren felt at the moment. There was a tenseness in his muscles that made him feel more like a mannequin than an actual person. He just wanted to be drained already.
Dread was pooling in his stomach as he lay on his bed with his face buried in the pillow. Thoughts and fears were drowning his mind. How the hell was he suppose to tell his parents...?
A buzzing sound echoed throughout his room, and Warren immediately recognized it as his cellphone that rested on his nightstand. He didn't even have the strength to answer it, or the courage. What if it was his dad calling to see how his test was? Or his mom asking about how classes were going? Ugh, the very idea made his stomach churn. They weren't going to be furious with him; oh no, that's not how they worked. Instead, there would be a pause, and then a sigh. His father would proceed to express his disappointment in Warren's lack of care towards his future, and his mother would nod in agreement. Then, his father would place a heavy hand on his shoulder, and stare harshly down at him before indirectly threatening him about the privileges he had been given to attend Blackwell Academy.
His parents would act like Warren had gone out and murdered a puppy, not got a B on his Calculus test.
His phone buzzed once more, and again he ignored it.
What was he suppose to do? He could make up any number of excuses, but that would only frustrate his father.
Without any warning, Warren's door swung open.
"So, you are here? Why aren't you answering my texts?" Nathan's voice made Warren pull himself up slightly to look up at him with a defeated gaze before falling burying himself back into the pillow, grumbling. He heard the door shut. "What's up with you?" The bed sunk in where Nathan sat beside him. "Hey..." Nathan's hand rubbed and nudged Warren's back. Warren groaned as a reply.
Even though he wanted to sulk in peace, Nathan was the one person Warren didn't mind seeing right now. Warren rolled over onto his back, rubbing at his eyes harshly. Nathan cocked his head as he studied Warren's expression. "Man, you look like someone cancelled Supernatural."
Warren glared up at him. "Don't joke about that."
Nathan smirked, pushing Warren as he positioned himself to lie next to him. Warren scooted over closer to the wall as Nathan remained on his side, looking down at him. "Seriously, did the angel dude get rejected by Danny?"
"Dean," Warren corrected, "and no. It's dumb."
Nathan rolled his eyes. "Are you going to make me guess or something? I'm not into the whole guess-why-I'm-pissed-or-I'll-be-pissed-at-you thing, y'know."
"I'm not pissed... I'm just worried, I guess."
"About...?"
"I, uh... I got a B on my Calculus test." Warren sighed, draping his arm over his eyes. He felt Nathan shift next to him before he lifted Warren's arm off his face. Warren was greeted by Nathan's confused expression.
"That's it?"
"My parents are going to be upset."
"Because you got a B? It's not like you failed."
Warren sat up, scooting so that his back was against the wall with his knees pulled up against his chest. "I know it probably sounds stupid but it's a big deal to them. I try extra hard to keep my grades up for them because they don't tolerate anything below a solid A." Warren scoffed. "I think I have the only dad in the world that thinks an A minus isn't good enough."
Nathan was silent, listening. He reached over a nudged Warren's knee. "It could be worse, man. At least he cares about your grades." Nathan brought himself up so that he was sitting beside Warren. "Asshole stopped giving a shit about my grades after he realized what a fuck up I am."
"O-oh, geez," Warren covered his face with his hands. He was an idiot. Here he was complaining about his father being disappointed about a B when Nathan's father was a hundred times worse. Nathan's father had so little faith in his son that he goes a head and buries his record before Nathan's final grade is even ready to be entered. "I shouldn't be complaining. I'm sorry, just forget it." Warren mumbled sheepishly.
Nathan sighed, snaking his arms around Warren's neck and pulling the two of the closer. "Your dad'll get over it. It's not like you killed anyone or did drugs or whatever shit. 'Sides, a B is pretty damn good."
"It was a hard test." Warren agreed, resting his head on Nathan's shoulder. "I studied extra hard for it, too."
"Is that why you ditched me last night? To study?"
"Yeah."
Nathan scoffed. "Lame."
Warren elbowed him, shooting him a playful glare. "Hey, imagine how bad my grade would've been if I didn't study."
"Imagine all the great stuff we could have done if you didn't study." Nathan smirked.
"We have plenty of time for that, dude." Warren grinned.
"I know." Nathan agreed. "But, still."
Warren pulled back to look at Nathan. "Oh well, I'll just deal with my parents. It's no big deal."
"I never said it wasn't a big deal. It sucks that they're that nit picky about your grades. Fuck chemistry."
"Calculus." Warren corrected.
"Fuck calculus, too."
Warren didn't hold back his light laughter. Nathan somehow always knew how to make him feel better, even if just a little. Warren knew that his parents would get over it by the time a new test rolled him, and that he shouldn't be so worried about it. It was just a bad habit he fell into when he wasn't at Blackwell and living at home. His parents would always check over all his work and tests, even when he was his high school; that was something you do for your kid when they're in elementary school. It always made Warren feel like his parents didn't think he was bright enough to do his work on his own, like they didn't find him intelligent or that he would become stupid without their interference.
"Hey," Nathan's voice was soft, "you're probably the smartest guy I know, and one test isn't going to ruin your life. Don't let that prick tell you otherwise."
"I could say the same to you." Warren reached out and ran his fingers through Nathan's hair. "Don't listen to your dad. He doesn't get how great you are, Nathan. If he doesn't care, then know that I do."
"Fuck," Nathan chuckled uncomfortably. "We're getting all mushy and shit."
"I'm serious." Warren reached out with his free hand to lightly grasp Nathan's chin. "You don't have to listen to your dad. I know he pushes you, and I know that you don't like talking about him-"
"I thought we were talking about your damn father." Nathan was beginning to pull back, but Warren kept his grip on Nathan's chin firm.
"You don't have to tell me everything, but know that you can tell me anything. It doesn't even need to be about your dad." Their noses brushed as Warren leaned in to press his lips firmly against Nathan's. "I'll always be here and ready to listen."
Nathan's gaze darted over his face, before he scoffed, "I bet you tell that to everyone, Nice Guy."
"Ouch. Don't say it like that." Warren pulled Nathan in for a hug. "I'm trying to be serious and supportive."
"I know."
"Do you?" Warren held him tighter. "Sometimes I feel like you don't realize how much I care."
"I don't need-"
"Nathan, stop. Listen to me."
"Don't tell me what to do." Nathan replied with no real force. Warren pulled back and lightly bit Nathan's nose. "Hey!"
"Don't be an ass!" Warren laughed. "You're ruining the moment."
"What moment?"
"The moment I'm trying to make, you ass!"
"Whatever." Nathan kissed him again, and Warren knew that he was avoiding the topic at hand. Nathan hated it when Warren talked to him like that, but he couldn't help it. He needed Nathan to know that he would always be there for him, and that he would always be there to listen. He just wished that Nathan would listen to what he was trying to say.
I got out of bed this morning and thought to myself, "why?" I don't want to think about stuff like that, but I've learned that I don't always have complete control over my thoughts. Isn't that a scary thing...?
When Warren woke up that morning, he was freezing. Maybe it was because he had left his window open, allowing the morning air to drift in a cool the room. Or, maybe it was because he had slept in only a pair boxers; he didn't even have any socks on to warm his feet. Or, maybe it had to do with the desk lamp that he left on.
Or, maybe it was because Nathan was a blanket hog.
Warren stretched himself out, eyes peaking over Nathan in his blanket cocoon. Groaning and letting out a heavy yawn, he sat up and pulled at the blanket. He heard Nathan grumble in his sleep before tightening his grip on the blanket. Warren yawned once more, his body heavy with drowsiness and chilled with multiple goosebumps.
"Nathan," Warren's voice was hoarse and dry. "Nathan!"
"Hm?" Nathan didn't open his eyes, and Warren wasn't even sure if he was really awake.
"Dude, you're hogging the covers."
"Hm..."
Warren sighed, forcefully tugging at the blanket, succeeding in freeing a piece. Nathan, awake or not, wasn't happy.
"No..." Nathan's deep, groggy voice was muffled when he brought the blanket closer to his face. Warren finally freed a piece big enough to cover his legs. Nathan shifted, attempting to pull the blanket back. "Get your own..."
"This is my blanket," Warren chuckled. With one final, forceful tug, Warren freed the blanket and pulled it away from Nathan's curled up body. The cold hit him instantly, Nathan's eyes shooting open. He curled up more, glaring back at Warren.
"The fuck? It's fucking freezing!" Nathan rolled over and jerked the covers back.
"Dude, sharing is caring." Warren lifted and smoothed the blanket over the both before scooting closer to Nathan. "See?"
"No..." Nathan's eyes drooped shut as he leaned into Warren, absorbing his heat. Warren waited until Nathan's breathing became even and he was peacefully asleep before allowing himself to relax. With yet another unavoidable yawn, Warren drifted off to sleep with the thought of how adorable Nathan was when he was grumpy and cold.
I'm beginning to ponder how much control you had over your own thoughts.
Warren: Hey man, are you a cute little sea creature with tentacles?
11:02 PM
Nathan: wut?
11:03 PM
Warren: Because you OCTOPI my thoughts! :D
11:05 PM
Nathan: jfc
11:06 PM
Warren: You know, if you were a triangle, you'd be acute! ;D
11:09 PM
Warren: In fact, forget hydrogen! YOU are my #1 element!
11:12 PM
Warren: Nathan?
11:16 PM
Nathan: no
11:18 PM
Warren: You are sweeter than 3.14, you know that? :)
11:19 PM
Nathan: ur dumb
11:20 PM
Warren: and you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive ;)
11:21 PM
Nathan: OMFG STOP
11:23 PM
Warren: Only if you come over.
11:24 PM
Nathan: busy
11:25 PM
Warren: With...?
11:26 PM
Nathan: stuff
11:30 PM
Warren: Oh! STUFF! Geez why didn't you just say so! Don't let my affection get in the way of your STUFF!
11:32 PM
Warren: k seriously, come over.
11:35 PM
Nathan: BUSY
11:38 PM
Warren: fine. I'll just take care of my hard drive all by myself.
11:40 PM
Warren: and eat all this pizza
11:41 PM
Warren: ...I'm going to get fat. :I
11:45 PM
Nathan: u have pizza?
11:47 PM
Warren: Yeah but you can't have any, you poopie head.
11:49 PM
Nathan: fucking hell did u really just call me that?
11:53 PM
Warren: POOPIE HEAD
11:54 PM
Nathan: r u wasted over there or sumthin?
11:56 PM
Warren: CHOCOLATE WASTED
11:59 PM
Nathan: coming over
12:00 AM
Warren: No you had your chance.
12:01 AM
Nathan: open the door
12:12 AM
Nathan: NOW
12:14 AM
Nathan: ffs warren
12:17 AM
Nathan: im here to fix ur hard drive
12:18 AM
It's been two months now.
"I got you something."
"Wait, you got me something?"
"Yep."
"Uh, why?"
"I was just thinking of you."
"Hey, if I don't get to buy you stuff, then you don't get to buy me stuff."
"You never told me that."
"You have selective hearing."
"That's false. And I didn't buy it."
"Whatthefuckever. What is it?"
"Close your eyes."
"What?"
"Close your eyes!"
"You can't be serious."
"Just do it!"
"Ugh."
"Now, hold out your hand."
"I feel stupid."
"Shhh, just gimme your hand!"
"...What is it?"
"Open your eyes."
"...Um?"
"So?"
"What is it?"
"It's a mix tape I made for you. I know that you have a hard time sleeping alone sometimes, so I did some research and got a bunch of relaxing and nighttime 'songs' to help when I'm not around."
"I..."
"Oh, and I even included a couple whale songs, too. I know that those are your favorite."
"..."
"Do you like it? Do you think it will help?"
"...I love it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Things have gotten better, but not much. I still think everyone is in a state of disbelief. I've hung out with other people, but they treat my like I'm glass, like if they say something wrong that I'm just going to shatter and they're going to be left with the pieces. Not everyone, of course. Max has been very supportive, but she's just as much of a mess as I am, if not worse. There are just so many things that I don't understand. I've never felt so alone while being surrounded by people. I'm afraid of my own mind because it's been hurting me...
The swelling was beginning to go down thanks to the ice pack Warren had managed to snag from the dorm first aid kit. Drips of cold water slid down his fingers as he held the pack tenderly against Nathan's right eye while his other hand rubbing along his back. Nathan sat there completely silent with his lidded gaze focused on his trembling hands. Nathan was shivering due to the intense burn of the ice pack pressed against his pulsing, pale flesh. While the swelling was going down, the bruising wasn't. Shadows were forming around his eye, becoming darker with each hour.
Liquid fury was pooling in Warren's gut at the sight of the bruise; he knew exactly whose hand placed that mark upon Nathan, even if Nathan wasn't willing to say.
Nathan wouldn't tell him anything. Even if Warren were to get down on his hands and knees and beg, Nathan wouldn't say a word, and he wouldn't get help. Warren didn't know what else to do. Sure, he could go get him for him himself, but nothing would be done unless Nathan talked. Not only that, but Nathan would be beyond pissed if Warren ever did that.
All Warren could do was be there with him, holding that ice pack and comfort Nathan in the best way he could.
...with memories of you.
"Hey, hold on." Warren tapped away at his phone, getting camera app set up.
"What?" Nathan asked, leaning over Warren's shoulder.
"Take a selfie with me!" Warren leaned back against Nathan, holding the phone up.
Nathan wrinkled his nose. "Uh, no. I leave that to your hippie friend." Nathan hopped off his bed and went over to browse his movie collection.
It was pouring outside, and every so often the ground grumbled and pure light flashed through the room. Not only that, but it was windy and cold, and Nathan didn't like either of those things. So, Nathan convinced Warren to watch Alfred Hitchcock movies in his room rather than going to the Two Whales like they had planned.
"Ugh! Just one selfie!" Warren flopped back against the bed, waving his phone in the air.
"Take one yourself." Nathan rolled his eyes, plucking one of the DVD's from his shelf.
"I could do that, but then you wouldn't be in it." Warren replied. "We don't have any pictures together!"
Nathan chose to ignore him. "What about Psycho? Or is that too obvious? I have Vertigo, too."
"Dude, I never took you for camera shy." Warren pouted, rolling over onto his stomach. Nathan didn't reply. Warren slid off the bed, coming up from behind Nathan and wrapping his arms around his waist. Warren placed light kisses along Nathan's clothed shoulder. With the cellphone still in his hand, he wiggled it in front of Nathan. "Just one dumb selfie."
"Fuck your selfie."
"I believe I've heard that one before, but I don't believe you asked permission to use it." Warren teased. Nathan shoved the DVD back into place on the shelf before turning around to face Warren. He wasn't amused.
"I don't need permission," Nathan mumbled. "So, Psycho it is?"
"After the selfie."
"Ugh, fine! We'll take your damn selfie, dick!"
"Hey now! No dicks in the selfie!" Warren laughed. "At least, not yet."
"Ass." Nathan scoffed, watching Warren turn around and hold his phone up. He leaned back against Nathan, and Nathan brought his face closer to Warren's.
"Ready?"
"Go."
Click.
Warren brought the phone back to look at the picture, only to frown and glare back at Nathan. "What's up grumpy cat?" Nathan took the phone and studied the picture. Warren was smiling brightly while Nathan went out of his way to deepen his scowl. Nathan seemed unfazed.
"That's just my face."
"That's a dirty lie!" Warren reached back and pinched Nathan's cheek. "I know there's smile in there somewhere! Show yourself!"
Nathan felt his lip twitch, but refrained from grinning by biting the inside of his cheek. He swatted Warren's hand away, amused. "What will you give me in return?"
Warren thought for a moment, staring down at his phone. After a moment, he perked up with a suggestive brow raised. "I'd be more than happy to return the favor after I get a decent selfie." Warren reached over and tugged at the drawstrings of Nathan's sweats.
With curving lips, Nathan replied, "Fuck, why didn't you just say so?"
Getting back into position, Warren held up phone and readied his finger to take the picture.
This time, Nathan gave a genuine smile.
I wanted to help you, Nathan.
Sometimes Warren could sense the despair that lingered around Nathan. There would be moments when he would catch Nathan walking around with glassy eyes covered in shadows, indigo becoming dull and clouded with whatever medications he was told to swallow. He would hunch himself over, becoming small and unseen as he pushed through the crowds at Blackwell. He only snapped at those who bothered him or got in his way. His hands would be balled up to contain the trembling, but the tremors would eventually spread throughout his body.
Days like these had been happening ever since Warren first met Nathan. Even before the two ever spoke to each other, Warren would see him sulking around in the hall ways with such a strong vibe of sorrow, stress, and pent up anger. Warren would admit that he had watched and studied Nathan prior to their first meeting. He had noticed how Nathan wore so many layers in 90 degree weather, and how he sometimes mumbled to himself. He still did these things even after they were together.
He wasn't always like this, of course. Some days were much better than others; some days Nathan was excitable and funny and just happy. Those days were just as scatted as the bad ones. Warren tried to always be there for the days that were darker, even if Nathan wouldn't let him in. Nathan would lock himself in his room, ignoring all calls and knocks. It was unsettling, and Warren hated not knowing what was going on. There were times where Warren dared to sit outside Nathan's room in the night and talk to him through the door.
Warren didn't realize how bad it was until the night when Nathan forgot to lock his door. Warren had let himself in only to see Nathan without his jacket or cardigan and sitting on his floor with his headphones on, knees brought tightly against his chest. He was rocking slowly, and Warren wondered if he knew that he wasn't alone at the moment. Warren knelt down and lightly touched Nathan arm, causing him to flinch back and cover his face.
"N-no, please don't..." Nathan gasped out. "...no more... no more."
"Hey, hey," Warren whispered, "it's me, Nathan. It's Warren. I'm here with you." Warren reached and pulled the large headphones off Nathan's head, hearing the sounds of whales echoing from them. Setting them aside, Warren gently ran his fingers through Nathan's unusually messy locks. He was vibrating with each sob and trying to push himself away from Warren, but he appeared far too weak. Warren felt a sharp sting in his knee what he moved, and spotted an unclean razor blade.
Nathan's sweats were stained with his blood, seeping through the material and caking. The wounds on his wrists weren't deep, becoming dry and sticky. Smudges and drips covered his arms and hands as well as Nathan's forehead. Icy terror shot through Warren's veins, chilling his insides and turning them black. Warren carefully wrapped his fingers around Nathan's hand and lifted it to his face. Nathan flinched back, attempting to jerk his hand free. Warren felt a lump forming in his throat, and his brain couldn't process it.
His own tears fell freely. Warren wedged himself in between Nathan's knees and pulled him into a tight hug. "Oh God, I-I didn't..." Warren sobbed. He felt Nathan grasp at the back of his shirt, not caring if it got ruined by the blood.
Warren didn't realize that it was this bad. How helpless did a person have to feel to want to hurt themselves in such a way? Warren didn't understand it. Hell, he couldn't comprehend it. There was no doubt that those slits were self inflicted, but why? What could be hurting Nathan so bad that he would destroy himself like this?
His throat was dry and bitter, lips quivering in search of all words he wished to speak only to find them caught.
This had to do with his father, right?
Motherfucker.
Warren hugged him tighter, pressing a comforting kiss in the crook of his neck. Nathan shook violently, and soon he was overcome with sobs as he clung to Warren.
Warren needed to get him cleaned up, but not right that second. Right now, Nathan just needed to be held and to not be alone. Warren didn't realize just how much pain Nathan was really in, and he was going to do everything in his power to try and help... even if Nathan didn't want it. He was going to make sure Nathan never felt like he need to do this again. It wasn't going to be easy, but he had to try.
I loved you more that I loved myself sometimes, and I can't help but wonder if you knew that. I told you I loved you more than a thousand times, but did you ever truly believe me? You had to of known. You had to of seen it, because I saw it in you. I know that you loved me, and I know you wanted to protect me.
There are many kinds of love. Warren knew this, and sometimes he thought of the many different ways to love someone, or something. Loving your mother isn't the same as loving your pet. Loving a movie or a show isn't the same as loving your great grandma.
Loving yourself isn't the same as loving someone else.
Warren found himself putting Nathan first in most cases, and the boy was constantly on his mind. He always wondered if Nathan was doing okay, or if he was taking the correct meds- not the garbage he bought from Frank Bowers- or if he was alone or if he ever needed anything. He didn't want to appear like an over worrying mother or anything, so he usually kept his concerns to himself unless the moment was serious.
There had been more and more of these serious moments. Nathan was a mess, and Warren felt so helpless. He had learned so much about Nathan over the time they had been together, and yet it felt like he still barely knew anything. He didn't know what could be bothering Nathan like this, and he was never going to tell Warren what was going on.
Nathan kept things from Warren, he knew. Warren didn't want to be pushy, but sometimes he needed to be... not that it ever got him any answers. If anything it only left him more worried and more confused.
But, it was something Warren dealt with. It wasn't going to scare him away from Nathan, and it sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from loving him. It was too late for that; Warren was in too deep.
He loved Nathan too much.
That's why you never told me about Jefferson and the dark room.
"Dude, talk to me! Please!"
"There's nothing that needs to be fucking said."
"Are you kidding? There is so much that needs to be said!"
"Fuck off!"
Warren let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his face harshly. "Don't do this to me again, Nathan. I just want to-"
"What?" Nathan stood from his bed and was across the room in a matter of seconds, standing eye to eye with Warren. "You want to help me? Then stay out of my fucking business, understand?"
Warren frowned. "I'm trying to understand, okay? I'm trying to understand what the hell is happening to you!"
"Why can't you just let it go!" Nathan exclaimed. "We were having a good time until you brought this shit up again!"
"That's because it's been bothering me! I don't know how to explain it, but there's something in my gut that doesn't feel right." Warren glanced at the pill bottle on Nathan's desk. "And I think it has to do with the drugs you're taking."
"Oh! This again! Fuck, you are so goddamn annoying sometimes!"
"And yet, here I am! You still haven't kicked me out!"
"Yet." Nathan threatened. "You just need to shut your fucking mouth!"
"Don't talk to me like that."
"Or what? Hm? You gonna hit me? Huh? You gonna beat the shit out of me and let me bleed out?" Nathan's voice grew harsher with each word as he pushed Warren against his wall.
"You know I would never do that to you." Warren tried to remain as calm as possible, but this wasn't the first time he had seen Nathan act like this. He wasn't exactly sober, but he wasn't completely high, either.
"Yeah, that's what he said, too!" Nathan snarled, pushing away from Warren and rushing to the other side of the room. "'I'll never hurt you. I'm here to guide you.' Heh, fucker."
Warren regained himself, asking, "Who are you talking about?" He watched Nathan visibly tense.
"Just get out."
"What?"
"Did I fucking stutter!? Get the fuck out of my room!"
"No!" Warren held his ground, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Nathan.
Nathan turned to him, and in just a few steps, they were only inches apart. "Do I have to throw your sorry ass out?"
"Why are you being like this?" Warren asked. "You can be a dick, I know, but this is crossing the line."
"Just get the fuck out of my face."
"Why won't you talk to me?"
"Why are you such a woman?"
Warren gave a dry laugh. "I don't get it."
"What?" Nathan sneered.
"You're an ass, and yet I'm still here."
"So leave."
Warren eyed him before sighing. Hoping that his would maybe make things better rather than worse, he reached out and pulled Nathan to him, locking their lips quickly. Pulling back, Warren rubbed his thumb against Nathan's cheek. "Fine," Warren said weakly, "I'll leave. Just know that I'm across the hall when you're ready to talk and apologize."
With that, Warren left Nathan alone.
I know you were afraid. I don't know how I would've reacted if you told me, but I know I would've done everything in my power to help you, to free you. I had no idea what was happening to you, or what you saw or did... But, knowing now just makes me want to scream until my throat burns and bleeds and air can no longer pass through my lungs.
Not all days were bad. In fact, today Warren wanted to jump up on the roof of his car and shout until his voice became weak.
That was the weird affect Nathan had on him. Nathan could make him so incredibly happy, believe it or not. He had his good days where he could be himself around Warren and the two would enjoy each others company.
But, then there were days where Warren wanted to grab Nathan's face and shake him. With happiness came frustration, something Warren had grown accustomed to. Sometimes, Warren just wanted to strangle all the attitude from Nathan until he was left with a completely happy boyfriend.
Of course, then he wouldn't truly be the boy Warren fell in love with.
I didn't even get to say good-bye.
"What?" the harsh voice answered.
"Dude, it's about time you picked up!" Warren exclaimed, clutching the phone to his ear. "Although you should really work on your 'hello's." He had been trying to get a hold of Nathan for the past half hour with little success.
"I'm busy." Nathan's voice was light, like a whisper.
"Too busy to talk to me?"
"..."
"Nathan?" Something churned in Warren's gut. He bit his lip, waiting for a reply.
"I really can't talk now."
"Are you home?"
"Yeah."
Shit. No wonder why Nathan sounded so rushed and quiet; his father was more than likely close by.
"Oh, well, uh I... I just wanted to know if you needed any help studying for that test." Warren lied.
"Test?" Nathan sounded legitly confused.
"Yeah, you know... that 'test' that we talked about this morning." Test was code for the date they had planned to have this morning involving an adventure three towns over with a dinner and a motel. Nathan had gotten a bunch of cash to pay for everything, and Warren had filled his car up on gas. They had been planning something like this for a while now, but this morning they decided to go through with it.
"...O-oh, right, the test. I forgot about the... the, uh, test."
"Do you need my help studying?"
"...N-no." Nathan was distracted, Warren could tell.
"What?"
"Hang up."
"Nathan, are you okay?" Nathan never said anything about going home today to begin with, and that alone made Warren anxious.
"I have to go."
"Wait-" Warren panicked.
"'Bye." Just as the word was spoken, there was another muffled voice in the background. Warren didn't recognize it.
"Woah, don't han- ... Don't hang up..." Warren sighed. All he heard was his phone beeping and lighting up, indicating the end of the call. Warren frowned down at his device, concerned. "Goodbye, I guess."
The last time I ever got to see you was in your dorm the night of the End of the World party. You were so scared, and you could barely breathe. You kissed me like it was the last time, and I should've known. I should've known what was happening when we did what we did. What I didn't know was that when I walked past your door, and looked back at you, that my last words to you would be, "I'll see you at the party." I'm supposed to live with that?
"A-ah!"
"Nathan..."
"Hngh... hm..."
"Ah... huff... huff..."
"W...Warren...hn- ah!"
"O-oh, God..."
"Fuck, I-I..."
"Mmn..."
"I-I'm..."
"N-Nathan..."
"Ah!"
I never saw you again.
Nathan rarely let Warren hold his hand, even in total privacy. Warren loved holding hands, and there was no other hand that he would rather hold than Nathan's. Nathan knew that, and that's why he would make an acceptation once in a great while.
Like now.
The two were in Nathan room watching a movie on his projector. Nathan had been stealing glances at him the entire time, but Warren hadn't paid much attention. He was only startled when Nathan reached over and grabbed his hand without a word. Even through the dim lighting, he could see the rosy flush that was spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.
Warren ran the pads of his fingers back and forth over Nathan's knuckles, simply to feel the knobs and skin beneath his fingertips. Nathan had rough hands, but his knuckles were usually soft. He felt Nathan's fingers twitch before gripping him firmly.
Warren had a theory that Nathan secretly liked holding his hand too, but thought it was considered a girly thing to do. Warren didn't think of that act being "girly;" hell, guys like to hold hands. It was intimate.
But, he didn't say anything to Nathan, knowing he would just become defensive and then hand holding would be off limits for a long time.
So, Warren took what he could get, and he enjoyed that comfort of Nathan's fingers tangled with his own.
It was his way of showing Nathan that he was safe, and that Warren would always be there for him. That Warren wasn't going anywhere, and Nathan had no reason to be afraid as long as they were together.
While a simple gesture, it held a lot of meaning.
I'm never going to hear you stomp into this dorm with that scowl of yours, ready to throw open my door. I'm never going to see you standing there in my doorway with your fists balled up and your eyes swollen, and I'm never going to drop whatever I'm doing to rush and hold you until you want to talk. I'm never going to hold your hand again, or feel your lips pressed against mine. I'm never going to hear your voice whispering in my ear, or feel your fingers run across my cheek.
Nathan's lips were everywhere; on his own, on his cheek, his chin, his neck, shoulders, ears. His hands were no different. Warren's heart pounded harshly as heat spread through his nerves with each touch of Nathan's fingers. Nathan began sucking on a tender spot on his neck, causing Warren to groan at the sensation. His fingers clawed at Nathan's bare back roughly, earning him Nathan's body pressing tighter against him.
Warren took pleasure in messing up Nathan's perfectly slicked back hair and tangling his hands in the surprisingly soft locks. Warren pulled Nathan back to him, slipping his tongue between parted lips and tasting him. His lips were moist with saliva, letting their lips glide against each other smoothly and quickly. Nathan pulled back long enough to rid Warren of his shirt. Heat flesh met as well as wet lips. Huffs of air were mixed and hands caressed glistening skin.
Warren rested his hand on Nathan's neck as he trailed kisses along his newly bare shoulder. A tongue flicked out to taste, scolding him and causing him to shiver.
He had missed this so damn much. Sure, they hadn't been together for only a few days, but damn it was a long few days. Nathan had seemingly disappeared off the face of the planet and Warren had begun to worry. That's why he was over joyed when Nathan snuck into his dorm this morning. Before he could even ask where Nathan had been, he was pressed against his door and they were kissing.
Warren didn't realize how desperate he was until Nathan's hands were running over his waist and their kissing was getting sloppy and wet. At that moment, Warren didn't care where Nathan had run off to or why. He only cared that they were together again, lips pressed firmly together and burning flesh connecting.
And I'm just suppose to accept that?
The wind lost it's bitter bite from the morning to become more warm and welcoming. Arcadia Bay was bathed in sunshine, which made it more surprising that there wasn't as many people out and about on a Friday afternoon. Then again, maybe it was more lucky for them.
Nathan and Warren had become more brave about going out in public together, so long as they didn't show any real affection or draw any attention to themselves. Warren had convinced Nathan to walk around town with him to get some fresh air and do something different. He felt that they were always cooped up in the dorms due to the fact that they could be as affectionate as they wanted. But, Warren wanted to go out, and the weather was nice, so what reason was there to not go? Aside from Nathan's complaints about just walking around.
Walking side by side, but not too close, they approached the Two Whales diner. They would've stopped inside and grabbed a bite to eat if they weren't having such an important conversation.
"Are you freaking kidding me, dude?" Warren shot Nathan a puzzled look, crossing his arms and slowing his pace.
Nathan shrugged, unsure of what the big deal was. "I have no idea what you're talking about, as usual," Nathan sighed.
Warren stopped completely. "Um, did you not have a childhood or something? Were you born an old man?"
Nathan stopped as well, turning and scowling at Warren. "What's the big fucking problem?"
"It's a serious problem! How can you now know who Bill Nye the Science Guy is!?" Warren exclaimed, attracting the attention of one of the wandering fishermen. "Are you telling me that when you were a kid in school that your teacher didn't wheel in one of those old ass TV's on the stand thingy and play Bill Nye?"
"I already told you no. Who gives a shit about some science asshole?"
"Some science asshole? Um, hello! Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't just some science asshole! He's like, my lord and savior dude!" Warren gave a dramatic gasp. "Nathan, look me in the eye and tell me his name rings some bells? Any bells!"
"No!"
"C'mon, you know! BILL! BILL! BILL!"
"Why are you yelling at me!?"
"Nothing comes to mind?"
"No! Now, shut the fuck up! People are staring at us!" Nathan harshly whispered at him, glaring.
Warren shook his head, mustering up the saddest expression he could pull off. "I have no words. I-I don't know if I can be associated with someone who has never heard of Bill Nye. In fact, I cannot accept it! You poor child! You need a big warm hug."
"Don't you fucking dare." Nathan warned.
Warren stomped his foot before spinning around and heading back the way they came.
"H-hey! Where are you going? The diner is this way!" Nathan called after him, motioning to the Two Whales.
"We're going back to the dorms to educate you!"
"What? Oh, fuck no! Get back here!" Nathan cried after him. "Food, Warren!"
"No time for food! Science needs us! Bill needs us!"
"Bill can wait! I want french fries!"
"The more you shout after me the bigger the scene, grumpy cat!"
Warren heard Nathan jog up behind him, grumbling to himself. Warren smiled brightly at him, elbowing him playfully. "Good choice!"
"Shut it."
"Aw, c'mon! Afterwards, we'll come back and you can get a basket of fries. My treat." Warren winked at him. Nathan remained silent, his scowl speaking for his displeasure in the turn of events.
I don't know what happened to you, but all I know is that you're no longer walking along this earth. And, I know that fucker is the reason. If you ask me, death was too easy, too tranquil for him. Even now I can't even believe it... What the fuck did he do to you...?
The heavy hits against his door was what woke Warren from his slumber. At first, he thought it had merely been a part of his dream, but when he opened his dreary eyes and reality sunk in, he knew it wasn't just part of the dream. With a groan, he reached over and grabbed his phone. It was way past midnight.
The knocking continued. Warren lifted himself from the comfort of his bed and swung his legs over the side, stretching himself out.
When he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Nathan. He was lacking his red jacket, leaving him in his dark cardigan. His arms were crossed and he was staring down at his feet, shifting as though he couldn't keep still. Warren rubbed at his eye, surprised by the night visit. He opened his mouth to speak, but was left with a hitched gasp when Nathan met his gaze. All color seemed to be drained from Nathan's already pale skin, making the shadows more prominent under his washed out, red rimmed eyes. It was a gaze that sent an icy shiver through Warren's bones.
Nathan's lips pressed into a thin line before he stared back down at his shoes. "Sup..." he mumbled, his voice dry.
"H-hey, uh, what's up?" Warren asked softly, opening his door more widely. He stepped out in the hall, but that only caused Nathan to step back and lightly wince.
He looked like hell.
Warren reached out and tenderly touched Nathan's sleeve. Nathan flinched at the touch, jerking his sleeve away and widening his eyes. Warren lifted his hands as if to surrender.
"Woah, hey... what happened? You look freaked..." he asked. Nathan stared at him a moment before looking down the hallway.
After a long pause, Nathan quietly asked, "Can I come in...?"
Warren nodded. "Of course, yeah." Nathan pushed past him into the darkness of Warren's room. Warren turned on his desk lamp before facing Nathan. "What's going on?"
Nathan didn't reply. He only began to shake as if he were freezing. Not surprising; Nathan was always cold...
Except that wasn't it.
Warren stopped and watched Nathan as he rubbed at his dripping eyes, his chin quivers and sobs threatening to escape his throat. Warren was right with him in an instant, fingers reaching to tenderly brush away falling tears. Nathan desperately clung to him, wrapping his arms around Warren's torso and burying his face in his shoulder. Warren rubbed his back, whispering comforting words. Warren felt his own eyes beginning to sting, but was able to hold it back.
Seeing Nathan like this brought him an indescribable pain that bubbled in the deepest pit of his stomach. It overwhelmed him with worry and terror, making him hold Nathan even tighter. They remained like this until Nathan was out of tears and the two could not longer bear the heavy silence that had been placed upon them.
I can't describe exactly how I feel. I feel empty, lonely, and just sad. But, that's not even hitting the surface at this point. I'm trying to be better, and I've even started talking to some people about it. I don't know if I'm actually making any progress, but I'm trying. I don't want you to hate me for giving up. I don't ever want you to hate me, and I need you to know from the bottom of my heart that I could never hate you.
"I'm such a piece of shit..."
"Stop, no you're not-"
"Shit..."
"Nathan, please listen to me-"
"S-so cold..."
"Here, this should help."
"..."
"I'm begging you... please, tell me what's going on."
"..."
"Please, let me help you."
"N-no...no, no..."
"Hey, it's okay-"
"No... not. It's not..."
"..."
"..."
"Have... you talked to your parents?"
"Don't fucking start."
"What?"
"They won't do shit! Just cover it up and brush it aside!'Oh, look at how fucked up our son is! It's fine!'"
"Nathan-"
"'Just give him another pill and then maybe he'll be fucking normal! If that doesn't work, we'll just lock his ass up until he's all better! He doesn't have problems! Everyone else does!'"
"H-hey!"
"You think he actually cares about me? No! If he gave a single shit about me he wouldn't put me through this hell! He wouldn't send me back there again!"
"What? Back where?"
"'It's a burden,' he says! 'Oh, but I will guide you through this so that you can become just as fucked up as I am!' There's a darkness living inside of him!"
"..."
"...and... and it's spreading through me... I can feel it."
"You're not bad."
"Everybody hates me-"
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare say that!"
"-... everybody..."
"I don't hate you."
"You should."
"No! I need you to hear me! For once, just listen to me! I don't hate you! I couldn't never hate you!"
"..."
"Doesn't that count for something...?"
"..."
"I love you."
"...Shit."
"..."
"I-It's so cold down there..."
"Down where?"
"Sometimes I can't move, or e-even open my eyes... I wish I couldn't feel anything..."
"..."
"Everyone wants to hurt me... I didn't hurt Kate!"
"I know."
"I'm sorry... sorry."
"...I know."
"Sorry... so sorry..."
I'm so sorry, Nathan.
Warren enjoyed simple pleasures.
Like running his fingers through Nathan's unusually messy hair as they lay next to each other. Warren enjoyed the comfort the darkness of Nathan's room brought, and the lazy hum of his desk fan relaxed him.
Staring into the dark and knowing he wasn't alone made him brave. Usually Warren feared complete and total darkness, but the soft stands that tickled his fingertips calmed his heart and mind. Hearing and feeling Nathan's breathing, his heartbeat, was a simple pleasure Warren enjoyed every chance he had.
They rarely ever lay like this; side by side, so close, and so silent. It seemed that the past didn't matter; their fights and harsh words were nonexistent. Scars are swallowed by the black, and The future was put on pause, and they were left in the moment. It would have to end eventually, they knew. That didn't mean they couldn't enjoy ever second that ticked where they could enjoy each others company and take comfort in the thought that they were not alone in the dark.
Sometimes, silence wasn't deafening.
Sometimes, words didn't need to be spoken.
Maybe if I had said or done something different, then perhaps I wouldn't be stuck writing this.
Okay.
He couldn't concentrate.
Warren had an essay due in a few days and he wanted to get it done and over with, but that was proving to be difficult when Nathan insisted that his lips needed to be pressed against Warren's neck. He had tried his best to ignore Nathan and his skilled mouth, but he just ended up typing the same sentence twice and citing his sources incorrectly.
He made a mental note to wear a turtle neck sweater the next time something like this happens.
Nathan's teeth grazed his ear, and Warren ended up spelling the wrong kind of "there," a huge pet peeve of his. Warren took a deep breath, saving his poor progress before lightly shutting his laptop. With a heavy sigh, he muttered, "You are such a nuisance."
He felt Nathan's smirk against the nape of his neck. "Finished?"
"Not even close." Warren frowned back at him. "And I'll never finish it if you keep doing this."
"Doing what?"
"Don't even act innocent, you jerk. You know what you're doing." Warren rubbed at his tired eyes.
"Didn't realize I was so distracting." Nathan chuckled.
"Sure you didn't." Warren sighed, standing from his seat. Before he could even take a step, Nathan turned him around and their lips were connected. Warren pressed his tongue to the seems of Nathan's lips, earning him full access. He ran his hands up Nathan's chest, grasping his shirt and pressing him closer.
Warren gave up on the idea of his essay. Sometimes, there were more important things that needed to be taken care of.
It's so stupid, actually. Me writing this, I mean. I actually plan on "mailing" this to you. It was something that Samuel told me about. He found me staring up at Tobanga, and he said that he could sense my despair. He said that I should write to you. All I would have to do is burn the letter and let the ashes reach the heavens. He said that even if I thought it was silly it might help me get out everything I've been bottling up.
"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."
If it weren't for that line, Warren wouldn't be out in the middle of the night staring up at Tobanga.
Warren was 98% sure that Nathan had memorized that line to use on him to get him out here for this ridiculous prank. After all, he knew that The Hobbit was one of Warren's favorite books, and Nathan had even bothered to do a Gandolf impression- which was just Nathan's old man voice. How could he say no to that? So what if it was a terrible idea that could potentially get himself and his boyfriend cursed for life?
"Ugh, the fuck? Why's it so damn cold?" Nathan pulled his red jacket closer around him, peering around the area for anyone else in the area.
Warren grinned. "Are you complaining?"
"Yes."
"You know, when life give you lemons-"
"I complain about the lemons."
Warren laughed; he figured that Nathan would get that reference. Nathan chuckled with him, walking up and placing his palm against Tobanga.
"Alright, genius, how do we get it out of the ground?" Nathan asked, knocking on the wood.
Warren held his hands up, shaking his head. "Oh no, this was your idea. I'm only here to watch you try and lift it out of the ground with your bare hands."
"You would shit yourself if I pulled it out with my hands."
"You're probably right." Warren eyed the totem pole. "And once you use your super human strength and get this thing out, what are you going to do with it?"
"Decoration." Nathan said simply.
"...Decoration?"
"What? You don't think it'd look nice in my room?"
Warren stared at him. "I... I can't tell if your serious or not."
Nathan smirked. "Don't you think it'd make for an interesting conversation starter?"
Warren rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you can tell them the story of how you lifted Tobanga out of the effing ground and carried it back to your room! Then, you can tell them about the spirits that haunt you because of what you did to such a sacred piece of art."
"Sacred art?" Nathan scoffed. "It a pole with art on it. It'll look nice next to my movie collection."
"...Again," Warren sighed, "I can't tell if you're totally serious or not."
Nathan shook his head, smile spreading across his lips. "Just help me get the damn thing out."
"It's not going to work." Warren couldn't help but grin as Nathan began to push on Tobanga.
"Yeah, if you don't help."
"You can't just lift it out, dude."
"What happened to my super human strength?"
"It's nonexistent," Warren chuckled.
"Laaame." Nathan stopped pushing. "Maybe..." Nathan thought for a moment before turning to give Warren a suggestive look.
Warren's laughter died as he eyed Nathan suspiciously. "...What?"
"Ever do it against a totem pole?"
Warren's narrowed as he searched for any signs of sarcasm. "...You're not serious."
Nathan had him pressed against Tobanga in a matter of seconds, their lips connected. Warren pulled away, gasping out, "Dude! Not in front of Tobanga!"
"Please, this is probably the most action Tobanga's gotten in a while."
"Jesus, Nathan..."
I just need you to know how much I love you, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what I could've done differently. I know I should just let go, but I don't want to. I can't properly heal if I pretend that I did everything I could, because I didn't. I'm telling you now all the things that I should've said, and I hope that by some chance these ashes reach you.
"What do you want to do? In the future, I mean."
"Like, for a career?"
"Yeah."
Warren rolled over onto his side to look over Nathan's shoulder and at the magazine he was reading. Nathan shrugged, turning the page. "I dunno. Can't see myself having a career or anything," he replied simply. Warren hung his arms around Nathan's side loosely while resting his chin on Nathan's shoulder.
"C'mon, there's gotta be something that you want to do. Even if it's completely ridiculous! Like..." Warren thought for a moment, "...being a country singer or something."
Nathan turned to stare at Warren with an amused look. "Yeah, because I'm the type to wear a bolo tie and sing about the lady that should have been," he scoffed. Warren grinned.
"It would be pretty amusing to see you in those circulation-stopping jeans and cowboy boots. Oh, and don't forget about the hat!" Warren nudged him. Nathan rolled his eyes, turning another page of his magazine.
"No thank you." Nathan mumbled.
"Seriously," Warren said. "What do you want to do?"
Nathan look back at him again, thinking. "Shit, I don't know...
"What about photography?"
Warren felt Nathan tense against him. Nathan shut the magazine, tossing it over the side of the bed. "Uh, nah... I don't think I'd be good at that."
"What? Dude, what are you talking about?" Warren scooted over to let Nathan roll over onto his back. "You have talent in that stuff. If you actually worked at it, you could go somewhere."
Nathan scoffed. "Sure."
"I'm serious. I've seen your photos." Warren beamed. "They're dark, and that's what makes them interesting! You have style and a good eye. I can totally see you having these exotic exhibits around the country! And, I'm not just saying that because I'm, like, the best boyfriend ever or anything."
"Really?" Nathan rose a brow. "Because it sounds like you're a kiss ass."
"No, I just have the much faith in you."
They were silent for a moment. Nathan seemed to be deep in thought before changing the topic. "Well, what about you? You gonna become the next Bill Dye or whatever?"
"It's Bill Nye!" Warren corrected. "And I'm flattered that you would put me at his level, but I don't think so."
"You'll probably do something awesome like find the cure for cancer or discover a new planet or whatever." Nathan smiled.
"Gee, you're a kiss ass, too."
"Yep."
Warren laughed. "If I discover a new planet, I'll name it after you."
Nathan gave him a strange look. "Uh, why?"
"Why not? It'd be funny to have all these well thought out planets with strange names, and then all of a sudden there's the planet 'Nathan,'"
"You have a weird sense of humor."
"It's settled!" Warren situated himself so that he was on top of Nathan. "I will discover a new planet if you become a famous photographer!"
"Geez, Graham."
"Pinky swear on it!"
"What?"
Warren held out his pinky, and Nathan just stared at it. "Seriously?" Warren wiggled the finger, waiting patiently. Nathan sighed, hooking their pinkys together.
With their fingers still connected, Warren leaned down and caught Nathan's lips with his own.
I love you, Nathan.
His heart was beginning to slow from it's previous rapid state as he let out a short puff of air. Resting his arm over his forehead, he stared up at the ceiling. He could hear Nathan breathing beside him.
Nathan shifted in the bed before getting up, his nude form crossing the room to gather his clothes. Warren sat up, watching him with concern.
Something was weighing on Nathan, and Warren couldn't pin point what it was. Nathan was more jumpy and twitchy than usual. He was also much more affectionate, desperately so.
There was a Vortex party tonight and Warren wanted to stop by Nathan's room before it started. That was about an hour ago. When he knocked, he was quickly pulled in. Nathan didn't have much to say verbally, but Warren felt that actions were speaking loudly at the time.
Warren got out of bed as well, reaching down to grab his underwear, slipping them on. They remained silent as they dressed.
Nathan turned to face him, sighing. He reached out and pulling Warren back for another kiss, surprising him. Nonetheless, Warren kissed back. Parting, Warren searched Nathan's tired eyes that hid so many emotions. Without a thought, Warren whispered, "I love you."
Nathan bit his lip, sadness seeming to wash over him. "I love you, too." Warren softly smiled, placing a hand on Nathan's cheek.
"Hey, lighten up. It's time to party." Kissing him lightly, Warren grinned. "I've never been to a Vortex party. Heard they're pretty wild. Maybe that's what I need."
Nathan didn't say anything. He merely stared at Warren, deep in thought. He then closed the distance between them. It was a kiss that could never be repeated, and Warren knew that he would never feel such a powerful tingle from a mere press of Nathan's lips ever again. Nathan's mouth left him lightly panting.
"You should go," Nathan mumbled, but didn't let go. Warren nodded.
"Yeah, I still gotta get ready."
Nathan reluctantly let him go, and Warren smoothed out his appearance. He headed for the door and turned in the door way, and said, "I'll see you at the party."
Nathan nodded, forcing a fake smile and giving Warren an uneasy feeling.
Warren left, closing the door behind him.
I love you so much.