Lacrimosa

by YorickVanRotten

After his brother's death Hakuei tries to live up to him becoming his brother's shadow. Comfortable in his sadness Hakuei tries to find a way to liberate himself from his brother's ghost. With his classmate and friend Kinjo they go on a trip to fulfill his brother's task, a task he was never able to do and say goodbye to him.

Part 1

When my brother passed away I became his replacement, living under his shadow doing everything he did, pretending to be him. It wasn't anyone's fault it just happened. Brother was loved by everyone and his death put everyone in great despair. After that they all got great expectations of me to live up to him. I tried my best so far but I was living a life that wasn't mine. I stole my brother's place and he had become me. I love my brother with all my heart but...I couldn't keep living in this lie anymore. I worked hard becoming a straight A' student, doing club activities, entering competitions, becoming number one in all but still I couldn't feel that satisfaction that I had achieved something. I was only following the footsteps of a ghost becoming a ghost myself. My brother was shining bright like the sun and I was the dark side of the moon.

After school I took a short cut around town coming across a little bakery. Brother used to come here a lot taking his favorite cream rolls. The bakery changed owners but it still had those rolls my brother loved. They were placed on a little silver plate, among cakes and pastries. They didn't look much of a big deal, it wasn't eye candy, people would probably not even look at them.

'Is there something you like?' a brutal looking man came out of the shop wearing a chef's uniform.

'No. I'm just looking...' I murmured leaving. I got a little scared; who ever that guy was he kept watching me until I turned around the corner.

Arriving at home, mother had already prepared dinner. Father was sitting at the table going through some files. He was working in a Marketing company and he always brought work at home. All three of us pretend to be a happy family after Hakuren passed away. Everyone smiled and simply pretended to move on. If they were moving on how come Hakuren's room stayed just the way he left it. His jersey was still tossed on his messy bed, his books were still opened on his desk, his pen waiting for him to be picked up and start writing. His uniform still hanging on the closet; his school back was by his bed, his cell phone where he forgotten it.

Mother didn't even clean that room. She kept going in when we weren't home and stayed there for hours. I knew because I saw her. One day I came back from school earlier and I found her sitting in there. Father did it too, at night he'd go to Hakuren's room and say goodnight to him. Everybody acted as if he was still here, not accepting he was long gone but ironically we kept pretending we moved on. I hated this place. Hakuren's present's was everywhere it was suffocating me and no matter how hard I tried to be him I couldn't. Why did he have to go to that damn trip? He would've been alive today. This would've never happened. I was angry at him, angry at my parents for not stopping him, angry at me for taking his place so easily as if he was replaceable. This house is so empty without him..I miss him...
Hakuren was the very life of this house, cheerful and happy he always smiled, that smile never got erased from his face. Life without him was so silent and empty.

Mom and dad searched for him in every corner of this house. When he passed away this place had become a hundred shades darker. And as the years went by the darkness was increasing little by little. I can't remember when was the last time, mother opened the curtains to let the sun in. I couldn't stand this anymore...everyone was falling apart, even me who liked to play it strong. This is what happens when you lose someone. He leaves nothing but a big emptiness behind him that cannot be filled in any way. Hakuren's absence was like a black hole dragging us in the darkest abyss and making us lost. I could give everything to bring him back, my very life if I have to. I asked myself so many times why isn't he here...why did he had to die? There's just no answer. None. Probably if God was here he wouldn't be able to answer either. It just...happened...and that's what hurt the most.

The next day I found myself staring at the bakery's window again thinking that Hakuren will come out any minute with a load of cream rolls in his arms. How naïve I was thinking such things. I was only trying to make myself feel better.

'You're looking again?' that strange guy came out of the bakery.

'You have something here my brother liked.'

'Then how about taking to your brother some?' he smiled kindly.

Take him some...I ended up buying two rolls and going to the cemetery. I don't know why I was doing it. It's not like brother will miraculously come back to life and eat his favorite sweet. Why was I torturing myself this way? Next week it's his memorial, five years since he passed away. I was young back then but I can remember it all as if it was yesterday. The phone ringing, mother breaking in tears, going to the hospital in the middle of the night, entering the morgue and then coming out a few minutes later all pale and crying. My mother barely held herself on her feet; if father wasn't there to carry her she would've collapsed. The next day, the funeral preparations, the burial I remember it all.

I even remember how excited brother was for that journey. He couldn't stop talking about it. It was his first trip ever, to celebrate the ending of his school life before he graduates. He never made it though, he never graduated, he never did that journey...he'll never do these kinds of things ever again.

I unwrapped the rolls and put them on his grave. I hopped that when I come tomorrow they'll be gone and I'll know that Hakuren took them. But that was impossible. In the end the next day I rushed to the graveyard to see, my heart beating fast waiting for a surprise. The rolls were still there, brother didn't take them that was the only surprise I got.

I went to school, watched all the classes, did my club activities and then went home. The following days were the same. Until the week changed and brother's memorial day came. I wore my best black suit. Mother and father went on first. Today I was skipping school I always did such day. I passed by the florist and got some flowers then went by the bakery again for the cream rolls. The man, who was the new owner, smiled when I walked in. I didn't need to tell him anything; he instantly went and got two cream rolls as if he could read my mind.

'Going somewhere today? A wedding?' he asked smiling noticing the fancy suit I wore.

'It's my brother's memorial day.' I said quietly. 'It's been five years since he passed away.'

The owner froze for a second and dropped one of the rolls on the floor. 'I'm...I'm sorry...'

'It's like...an offering.' I said. 'I know it's weird but this is all I can do.' Beside me there were rows of birthday cakes, all sizes and colors. Tomorrow will be Hakuren's birthday and he was supposed to celebrate his birthday at the hot springs.

'Don't push yourself too hard.' He said taking a new cream roll and wrapping them all up. 'This is how it is...I don't think your brother would like seen you this way.'

'I know. I'm taking that cake too!' I said pointing at the one with the white cream and the strawberries. The owned put it in a nice paper box and I was on my way to the graveyard.

Mother was praying at Hakuren's grave. They had already cleaned it up, and lighten candles and sticks. When mother saw me she smiled and got up. I kneeled down; putting the cream rolls back to their place and prayed for him. She saw the cake I carried and smile painfully. We always celebrated his birthday, in all these five years we kept celebrating the day he came to life. We even bought presents secretly and piling them up in his closet. There must've been around ten wrapped gifts in there, still waiting for him to come and unwrap them. I think we were acting insane; we had jumped on that carousel between sanity and insanity unable to come off, it was an endless ride.

'Well...let's go have some cake.' Mother said trying to sound like she was alright.

Late at night we gathered up around the kitchen table. We light up the candles and put his picture beside the cake. We sang to him happy birthday as soon as the day changed and we cut the cake but nothing was going down. Hakuren on the picture was smiling to us but all we did was sit there gloomy and grumpy staring at our plates silently frozen in time and nothing but the irritating ticking of the clock was heard. Time was passing, days, weeks, months years, but in this house time had stopped five years ago.

I keep thinking how things would be if he was still alive. We would've celebrated his birthday without his picture to represent him. He would be here saying jokes and smiling. We would eat our cake and then drink until the morning comes. If he was here...if he only was here...

Feeling like I was suffocating and the walls engaging in on me, I left the house in the middle of the night. I couldn't stand it anymore. That place was chocking me.

Hakuren's absence was killing me day by day. I had become his shadow and hated myself for not been able to be him just to see my parents smile for real just a little. Maybe I was the one who should have died not him.

I walked down the narrow streets not going anywhere just walking. Rain started to fall and thunders tear the sky. I stopped leaning on a brick wall clenching my fists.
The pain was too much. Five years after it was still nesting in there not leaving. It was feeding from us, feeding and growing stronger and stronger like a vampire. How were we suppose to fight it, it was draying us, our strength our will. Now it was too late to fight it off. It's too late...

'Hakuei...Hakuei...' sensei called me.

I was drifting away today, my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't gather up my pieces.

'Do you want to solve this?'

I took a deep breath and got up. Went to the black board and grabbed the chalk. I stood there paralyzed not knowing what was I suppose to do. It wasn't that I forgot how to solve this meth problem it was just that I couldn't...My mind was blank I couldn't think straight. I didn't even have the strength to move the chalk and write.

'I'm sorry...I can't...' I murmured putting the chalk down. I walked back to my desk grabbed my bag and left the classroom.

I climbed the fire escape stairsc to the rooftop. Got out and breathed the fresh air. I walked towards the edge where a high iron safety net was. Slipped my fingers through the holes and just gazed the hills and valleys around this town. Hakuren maybe...he was standing at this same spot one day seen what I'm seen now. Feeling the cool breeze on his face, seen the beauty of this place and enjoying the bright sun and blue sky. I wonder how he felt...because all I could feel was endless pain.

'Hakuei...' Kinjo came suddenly. Kinjo was a classmate and a childhood friend of mine. 'It's today isn't it, his birthday?' he said placing me. 'It's time to let go Hakuei.'
It's easy to say but hard to do.

'You're not only hurting each other you're hurting him too.' He said suddenly. 'He wouldn't want to see you like this. Your family is falling apart. And I bet he's sad seen you ending up this way. He would probably blame himself. It's time to let go Hakuei, time to let him rest and stop making him worry. He deserves better.' Kinjo glanced at me. 'You deserve better...'

I took a deep breath and tears run down my eyes. They were still lingering since last night. Kinjo was right. Hakuren wouldn't want this. If he's watching us from up there he must be extremely sad. We had to let him go. We had to let his soul rest. We couldn't do this to him anymore.

Kinjo wrapped his arm around my shoulder holding me tightly trying to comfort me. I cried even more unstoppably. Saying goodbye to those you love is such a hard thing to do.

'Come on Hakuei let's get out of here.' Kinjo took my hand and we left school for today.

We walked in town going to places, like the park and the arcade just to change environments and lift the heavy mood. I don't know but for some reason I felt I could rely on him. Lean on him and lighten my burden. It's strange since this is probably the first time we ever talked and hanged out together since we entered high school. Kinjo was always stoic, not saying much keeping a straight cardinal's face and calm as water. He was a delinquent but he wasn't a bad person. If he was bad he wouldn't be here trying to comfort me.

'Thank you...'

'No problem...' Kinjo smiled at me and maybe for the first time after five years I could respond with a smile as well.

This was it; I had to get over it. Time has come...

'Are you taking any cream rolls today?' the owner of the bakery asked me as we passed by it.

'No...not today.' The owner smiled and tapped my shoulder. Waving goodbye as we walked away.

Part 2

When we were young we thought we owned the world, little did we know that the world was owned by grown ups... When you're young life is carefree. No matter the hardships you face you keep dreaming and making plans for the future, falling in love and enjoying life to its fullest. Once you grow up everything changes. You realize your dreams will never come true, your plans have all failed, love is hard to find and life is nothing but cruel. Been young and been an adult it's like the two sides of the moon. During youth you see the bright side during adulthood you only see the dark side. In our last year of high school many things had happened, some made us cry, some made us smile but this is life full of responsibilities, heartbreaks and after every tear there comes a smile just like after every storm comes the sun.

"When you're young you try to live the moment as you grow up that moment is lost...forever..." This is what brother used to say...

'Kinjo!' I run to his house. I was lucky he was still there. 'I need a favor to ask you.'

'What is it?'

'Tomorrow is Saturday are you doing anything?'

He stared at me for a while, frowning not sure what I wanted to ask from him. 'Um...no...' I guess he got a bit suspicious but he was my only chance.

'Can you take me somewhere?' I said spontaneously. I wanted to end this quickly before I change my mind.

'Yeah sure!'

'Then I'll see you tomorrow.' I run away, taking the road back to school, as students filled the narrow streets. Coming from all sides, in their black uniforms and sailor outfits, as if going to war.

My heart was racing and even though I took this road many times today it seemed the longest. I wanted to follow my brother's footsteps do the journey he never got the chance to do. I just wanted to say goodbye to him in my own way. I felt responsible carrying on his memory after becoming him and I wanted to finish his journey, taking him with me till the end. He looked so much forward to it; he couldn't stop talking about it. I want to make his wish come true and see him go with a smile on his face.

'I'm...going on a trip tomorrow...' I said at dinner time. Mother and father looked at me breathless and scared. Last time Hakuren asked them he never came back.

The gloomy yellowish lamp light made dancing shadows on the wall. This house always seemed so haunted and brother's presence was sometimes still lingering among these pale white walls. Maybe it was the series of picture on the fireplace and on every coffee table, always smiling with enthusiasm, there wasn't a single picture of him looking serious and sad. He was always the cheerful one.

'No...you're not going anywhere.' Mother muttered shaking from tip to toe.

'I want to end this. I'm not Hakuren I'll never be. I feel like...I'm losing myself every day. I have to be me...not him.'

'You're not going anywhere you're staying right here!' mother got up furious hitting her hand on the table. 'We already lost one we don't need to lose another one...'

'Let him do it.' Father said saddly. 'It's time to say goodbye don't you think?' his eyes turned red and rainy.

Mother stare at him refusing silently. With tears falling from her eyes she sat back down, falling apart.

'It's alright. You don't have to cry anymore.' Father said barely holding his tears back. 'Hakuren will always be here with us. This is his home after all. We just...have to set him free...let him rest.'

It's hard saying goodbye. But all the things you love one day must die and this is the awful truth. Man's greatest grief is his short years. One lifetime just isn't enough especially when it's spent so quickly. When you're young you try to live the moment, unfortunately Hakuren's moment stopped five years ago and our lives with it.

The next day, I took some clothes with me in a small backpack and went to Kinjo's house after making a brief stop for the flower shop. Kinjo had a bike we could use to make this trip it would be a lot easier than taking the bus. We climbed on his bike and left town, taking the highway towards the country side.

As we passed from a series of street lights, I told him to stop for a second. Kinjo parked at the sideway and I got off. One of the street lights had a curve on it; the sign of the accident was still visible five years after, like a warning sign to the drivers to be careful. I took out a bouquet of roses from my back and lay it on the ground. Hakuren left his last breath here, at this very spot. This is how far he made it, he barely got out of the town, he still had a long way to go. Life is like a highway, it takes you anywhere you want but it can also lead you to nowhere.

'You're chasing after ghosts again.' Kinjo said.

'I'm saying goodbye to them.'

'It was a hit and run right?'

Hakuren was traveling at night that time. He was on his bike. He wasn't driving fast and he was sober. A drunk driver though, slept on the wheel lost control and went to the other side on the oncoming traffic. Hakuren trying to avoid him turned his bike to the sideway hitting the street light. His death was instant. The driver after waking up, realizing what had happened and drove away. The cops found him a few days later, due to the witnesses who gave his license plates. Hakuren's life was erased so easily. Hundreds of people use this highway but only a few accidences occur. Hakuren just had to be one of them. I just had to be him.

'Let's go.' Kinjo said turning on the bike. I wiped my tears and climbed up wrapping my arms around his waist and we drove off.

About an hour later we got to the hot spring spot where Hakuren was supposed to spend the weekend. It was a complex of wooden bungalows among wild forests.
There was a shrine a couple of miles away and a beautiful lake. Hakuren showed me pictures of them, saying he would bring me a lot of souvenirs to decorate my room. He was very happy back then he couldn't stop smiling. It was his coming of age trip, entering adulthood. This trip meant everything for him.

We got inside the lobby and signed our names at the reception. There was an old man there; I think he was the owner. He seemed to have seen better days. His face filled with lines, traces left by the pass of decades. He had lost his hair years ago and he was centuries old. It was a surprise he still stands here imperious. He could've easily retire but he choosed to spend the few years he had left working at this place like he always did.

'Hakuei?' he said reading the book of guests. 'I think I heard that name before...' he kneeled behind the reception's counter and disappeared for a while. 'Here it is!' he said getting up. He was holding a folder, it looked old, it was all yellow and raged. 'It says though Hakuren...' he looked at us. 'Inoue Hakuren...'

I felt a sting in my chest, an extreme pain. My body trembled and my mind got blank. That man still had Hakuren's reservations after all this time.

'It's his brother.' Kinjo said as my voice drowned.

'Really? Well he was so excited when he called me to keep his reservation. He said not to let anyone have it. So I kept it. Would you like to stay in his room?'

'That...that would be nice...' I muttered finding my voice back.

'Strange though...he never showed up...after all this time I still have it here. He sounded so happy I didn't want to sadden him.'

Kinjo glanced at me. 'He...passed away...'

'Oh that's so sad. I'm sorry.' The old man murmured. 'I'll take you there.'

We followed him through the narrow corridors, getting out and entering another series of bungalows. When we reached the room Hakuren booked, the old man unlocked the sliding door and let us in. The room was nice and spacious; there was a wardrobe with sliding doors stuck in the wall and two futons lying on the tatami floor, which smelled of bamboo and green tea. There were scrolls on the walls with writings and a tall glass vase with bamboo sticks. A sliding door lead to a private hot spring surrounded with rocks and moss.

'There was another name...' The old man opened the envelope and pulled out the letter, unfolding it 'Ito...' he said.
Kinjo and I looked each other. There was only one family named Ito who lived in that small dreadful town, Taira's family. Taira was the Boss of the school and Kinjo's friend. He was a delinquent and the students were afraid of him. But Taira was always quiet, not talking too much not even to his followers unlike other delinquents.

'Takashi...' he said. 'He too didn't come. Did something happen to him?'

'No...he's fine...' Kinjo forced out a smile.

'Well I'll stop troubling you. Enjoy your stay kids!' the old man left us closing the door behind him.

I glanced at Kinjo there was something in his mind something he wasn't telling me. It as a surprise to hear Hakuren knew Ito Takashi. Hakuren never mentioned
Takashi was going on the trip. 'Kinjo...what is it?' I asked worried.

'Takashi...disappeared long ago. He just left home one day and never came back...'

Taira...was always sad and quiet, always staring out side that window in the classroom as if he was waiting for something or someone. I never knew his brother was gone. Now I know who he was waiting for.

'Taira never talks about him.' Kinjo said sitting down. 'He usually avoids any conversation that address him. I think...he still believes he'll come back one day.'

'I...I know how he feels...' I sat beside him. 'It's difficult losing the ones you love. Only then you realized how important they are once they are gone.'

I wonder if this sadness will ever leave. I thought I was walking alone down this path, in the end Taira was walking with me all along. Sometimes I would catch him staring at me from afar as if he was thinking about something, as if he wanted to ask me something. But he always drifts away and forgets about it. He often stares at people with a questioned face wondering if they had seen him, if they knew where he was. He was only searching for his brother, seeking the answer in peoples eyes. Even if the years pass and those memories slowly fade, unconsciously you keep searching for them, in the streets, among people, at every corner of your house. And when all hopes run out you look up to the sky, at the stars hopping they are somewhere up there, looking down on you. Only then your heart feels a little at ease but it doesn't stop the tears from falling. Once you look at the sky it's over, it's the final place you'll search for them and you know they are never coming back.

'Um...do you want to go somewhere or stay here?' Kinjo asked me.

I thought about it a little. Even if this room was big it felt like the walls were closing in crushing us. 'There's a lake nearby. Let's go there.'

'Alright.'

We left our bags in the room and headed outside, the sun was going down. Before leaving I dropped by the souvenir shop. I wanted to do it now because I might forget after words. I bought something little and we went on our way. We had to walk till the lake. It took us a while to get there about half an hour. Fortunately the distances were close. When we reached the lake it was already dark and a big full moon was shining over it, reflecting on the waters. The lake was surrounded with bushes and wild flowers, cut off from the rest of the forest, isolated and hidden. Just like brother said it was a little lost paradise in the middle of nowhere.

There was a statue under the shades of an old oak tree, an offering to the water god of the lake. This place was filled with legends, of warriors, gods and mortals.
Brother would often read to me about it. Now that I remember, we spend a lot of time together those last days, as if he knew he wasn't coming back. Maybe it was a premonition of his, I don't know. I was glad I got the chance to meet him and discover him a little more. His passion for traveling, learning new things, his like of culture and customs, old stories and fairy tales. Brother was the romantic kind of type, he really liked that stuff, I'm guessing that's why he wanted to come here out of all destinations because this place had the most legends. I miss him...now that I'm here I miss him even more. The emptiness he left just keep on piling up. I only wish he can see this form up there...

'Let's take a dive.' Kinjo smiled taking off his clothes and splashing in to the lake.

He did all he could to get my mind off Hakuren. I think he was trying a little too hard. But if he didn't had talked to me that day on the rooftop I probably wouldn't be here trying to move on. I owe him a lot, for helping a little, for keeping me up on my feet, for giving me strength. Even if he didn't say much, just been by his side made me feel better, at least I wasn't alone anymore wondering in the darkness. His silent comfort was enough for me. That was Kinjo's way to show he cared for someone. He was the first one who saw me, Hakuei not Hakuren.

I followed him in the water. It was cold and gave me shivers. I took some time to adjust but Kinjo was hot blooded and started swimming around like a fish. He was very athletic, not like me. He used to be the captain of the judo club back in junior high until he gave up and turned Yankee. He just followed Ito one day in to a fight and that was it, they became the school's bullies just like that. I wanted to ask him many times why he turned out this way, but I was too shy to do so. It was his own problem anyway...if he wanted to tell me he would.

Kinjo suddenly emerged out of the water startling me. 'It won't hurt if you smile a little.'

I felt shy and looked away. Under the moonlight Kinjo looked perfect, like one of those warriors in the stories Hakuren liked. Kinjo was very masculine for his age due to his athletic past, tall, with broad shoulder and a nice strong build. He was different than the others...or maybe just different in my eyes.

'Come on...' he said touching the corners of my mouth and shaping a smile. 'That's more like it. When you're with me I want you to smile.'

I got so embarrassed I wanted to dive in the water so he won't look at my blushing ridiculous face. I think...I started liking him a little too much, in a way I shouldn't have.

'Say Hakuei...let's come here again some time.' He said suddenly, leaning on the shore and looking up the starry sky. 'I know you came here today to finish your brother's journey but next time let's make it our journey. What do you say?' he smiled.

Our journey, it sounded nice: our journey to adulthood. 'Let's do it.' I smiled a little and Kinjo got excited. Looking in to his eyes my heart started racing and skipping
beats, my hands felt numb, my body shiver and breath run out. I don't know what got in to me. I felt so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. I couldn't even look in his eyes. Maybe I was getting sick.

'We should go back...' I murmured turning around and getting out of the water.

I was only punishing myself; keeping me away from the things that made me happy because I felt guilty brother was gone or maybe because I felt comfortable in this sadness and was afraid of a change. People are always afraid to move on else; this is what holds them back from daring, trying. But it's not the moving on that's at fault, it the possible disappointment that comes after wards.

We went back to the bungalows silently not saying much. We dragged our feet in our room, took a bath and lay down. The songs of the cicadas were echoing outside.
It was a nice evening and the night seemed too long. I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep, turning on one side and emptying my head of any unnecessary thoughts. But it wasn't that easy. I could hear him breath, I could feel his body warmth. It made me feel uncomfortable and my heart racing again. Deep down I knew what it was but didn't want to admit it.

The next day we went to the shrine early in the morning, we prayed and exchanged lucky charms. We stroll in town, trying out the food having a good time. Strangely I wasn't feeling sad today, I felt more free like I could do whatever I wanted. The dark clouds were slowly clearing up. I could feel my brother smiling over me through the bright sun. For the first time after five years I didn't care to be perfect. I was just me, the uncool me the clumsy me, fooling around and even almost getting in to a fight. That weekend was the best weekend in my life.

At the last day we went to the beach, it was sunny and nice. The golden shore shined under the sun's light and the sea had the deepest blue color. We sat there for a while gazing the vast blue where the ocean met the sky. Our days of youth were coming to an end not much time had stayed until graduation. All of this will be soon over and we'll be tossed in the ring of adulthood. A lot of our dream will fade away; a lot of our friends will disappear in time. We'll forget names and faces even events. Our lives will be locked and sealed. We'll become just another gear in this machine we call world. Our freedom, our youth will weather. But there will still be one single thing waking up our heart and make us realize we're still alive...love. The ones who always support us and share our burden. Their love will always be with us to remind us we're still human.

On our way back as we passed from the place where Hakuren died, I thought I saw him crossing us on his bike. Maybe it was my imagination, my eyes playing tricks on me. When I glanced behind he was gone, but when I tried to bring that moment in my memory it seemed to me he was smiling. It's hard to say goodbye to those you love but I had to let him go, I had to set him free...once and for all.

The wind suddenly blew reaping the petals off the bouquet that mysteriously stayed preserved after two days. The petal flew around the highway scattering on the burning asphalt. Tears fell from eyes suddenly and I couldn't feel him there anymore. I knew he had already left, taking the highway on his bike for another journey.

It was another small exhausting step forward for both of us...

Before going back home I went to the cemetery. The gates were open and the white tombstones stood still on the hillside. I walked slowly among the rows; my feet knew exactly where they were taking me. I've walked this path so many times, unconsciously memorizing it. I don't think there's anyone who forgets such trails.

I gave brother the souvenirs I got for him and prayed for his soul to rest and keep smiling down on us, from up there in the sky making our days brighter. I got up and saw Ito standing there looking lost. An unexpected guest. I didn't even hear him coming, his steps were stealthy. He had sorrow in his eyes and a sad expression. Yet he kept on searching, I could tell, for that lost brother of his.

'I didn't know where to go.' He said coming closely to Hakuren's grave and lay a few flowers for him.

Ito must've known that his brother and Hakuren were friends or else it wouldn't make any sense for him coming here.

'Sometimes I come here...' he said kneeling down. 'He makes me feel like I'm closer to my brother. I don't know where he is, I don't know if he's coming back...I just keep coming here because I...don't know where to go.'

I could feel his pain his depression and confusion. I touched his shoulder trying to give him a little comfort, a little bit of my faint strength. I didn't know what to say or what to do. All I could do was stay here with him so that he won't feel all alone.

'Sometimes I wish Takashi had a grave so that I'll know he's here. Sometimes I say to myself you're stupid for thinking like that. Takashi is still alive somewhere out there.' He said his body trembling. 'But I don't know if he's alive or dead. I hate to think he passed away somewhere by himself, all alone away from us.' He took a deep breath and got up. 'I'm sorry for saying these things to you.'

'It's alright. I understand how you feel.' I said quietly. 'You know, I too was lost and wondering aimlessly like a ghost in this town. Until someone told me that...doing this I wasn't only hurting myself but Hakuren as well. If he watches over us he wouldn't want to see us like this. Hakuren was always smiling and was always joyful. I never saw him cry or been sad. I want to live up to him, just the way he was. I don't want to hurt him anymore.' I looked in Ito's rainy eyes, but he was strong and held back his tears. 'You should move on Ito, you shouldn't make your brother worry and keep hoping. He's somewhere under this very sky. I'm sure he will return to you and when he does you'll have to show him you moved on, keeping his memory and making big steps in to the future. The lost always find their way back home one day...'

Ito smiled leaning his head down and letting a tear slip his eyes. Kinjo stood at the cemetery's entrance looking at us. It was all thanks to him I finally could move on.

Without him I would be stuck in the past chasing after ghosts. The time for goodbye has come...

Goodbye brother...

The End