Bakura and Marik are marriage counselors, and Yami and Tea are their first clients。。。
MM: Yes, I was very distraught because it's sooooo humid and hot when I wrote this, so if the attempt at humor doesn't work…well, blame it on the weather, not me…
Bakura and Marik, to each other: MM is such a weakling…she will not survive a day in the Egyptian sun. Yet she swears that she wants to live there!
MM: So, our little darlings, Marik and Kura, would you like to cut the ribbon and give the disclaimer?
Bakura and Marik: Sure!
Yami stalks in: NO! I am the great and beloved, beautiful, sissy Pharaoh! I shall make the disclaimer!
MM shoves Yami away.
Anyways, we are not as rich as Marikura Marriage Counseling or as skilled a thief as Yami, so we do not own Yugi-Oh or any of the below characters, but we do own Marikura Marriage Counseling by name after kidnapping the owners of said counseling institution.
Note we're dealing with hikari Marik and Yami Bakura...just FYI! Errr...Enjoy?
Crazy Wedding Vows
How to Manage a Zillion Dollar Company
Sunshine trickled through the windows, kissing the mellow white curtains as it sought its way to the polished floor below. A light breeze tickled the emerald leaves of the potted plant, meandering until it found the fluff ball of light blond hair resting upon the mahogany desk.
"MARIK!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Voice shrill as if a werewolf had just bit his ear off, Marik's head snapped up off of the desk. In a second, he was on his feet, running around the office with his hands on his head. The ink pot tipped over, the portrait on the wall came crashing down, the chair fell with a groan, the potted plant wriggled in its pot, and the madly frightened rug wormed it way out from below his feet. With a slam, he landed face first on the floor.
Bakura blinked blankly at his office partner, who now lay twitching upon the floor like a half dead fish out of water.
"What the hell are you doing, Marik?" he muttered, throwing his paper airplane at Marik. It bounced off the top of his head. "You didn't have to go berserk on—"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Marik shot to his feet, dashing forward. Too late, Bakura noticed the spider crawl out of his paper airplane.
"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. Forgot to take the spider out." Shrugging, he went back to making more spider loaded paper airplanes. "By the way, I was only trying to wake you u—"
SLAM
Looking over his shoulder, Bakura noted that Marik had managed to run himself safely into a wall, where a dent the size of Japan now resided. Shooting to his feet, Bakura stalked over to the now inert Marik.
"What the HELL, Marik Ishtar! We spent $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and 9999999999999999999999999999 cents on this office! And you're trashing it!"
At this time, one of the spiders in Bakura's pocket wriggled its way to freedom and found its own path down into his pants.
"This is not how you manage a zillion dollar com-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
With a crash, Bakura landed on his back on the floor just as Marik climbed to his feet. The latter studied his albino pal curiously.
"Wow Kura, I never knew that you were so good at break dancing," he commented, clapping in rhythm to Bakura movements. Indeed, Bakura was balanced upon his tail bone, spinning around and around in circles faster than a top.
"GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!"
Marik tilted his head. "I don't know that song, but…I'll go search for it!" he exclaimed, dashing at the laptop.
"NO! THE SPIDER IN MY PANTS, MARIK! GET THE FREAKING THING OUT!" Screeching, Bakura started undulating until his body curved up and down as if waves were passing through from head to toe.
"Let's seeeeeee….Gooooogle….what do I search for? Oh yeah, 'Get it out!' and… 'No! The spider in my pants, Marik! Get the Freaking Thing out'…Hey look, I'm famous! I'm in a song! Now, where is that Search button…" As Marik sought for the search button, Bakura had started rubbing up against the wall.
Marik looked up in amusement. "Wow, Kura, I didn't know that humping walls was a break dancing move! You have to teach me how to dance sometime soon!"
"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!"
Marik glanced down at his computer screen. "Errrr….sorry Kura, but there's no song by that name: 'Get it Out!' and the spider thing…how disappointing, I was looking forward to being famous...oh wait, did you say the title was 'ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME'?" Quickly, he typed that in—
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN
"Oh man!" Marik read the little sign that popped up, saying that the phone call had disrupted his internet connection. "$1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and 9999999999999999999999999999 cents and still no broadband connection?" He blinked blankly. "Oh well! It was totally worth it! Dial Up is the best! Now we can start brainwashing people through marriage counseling! Then we can take over the world! Right Baka-Kura?" He chuckled at his own lame joke.
Looking up, he found that there was a hole in the wall the size of a mammoth in the middle of his dent in the wall that was the size of Japan.
"BAKURA! AND YOU BLAME ME FOR DAMAGING OUR BIGGEST INVESTMENT WHICH PUT US $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and 9999999999999999999999999999 cents INTO DEBT! COME AND ANSWER THE PHONE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Upset, Marik picked up the phone.
"Hello, Marikura Marriage Counseling, Marik speaking!" he shouted cheerfully.
"Umm hiiiiiiii………..it's………errr……………"
Marik blinked blankly. The voice was familiar. And the hesitancy, too. Only one person would speak like that to him! Suddenly, something clawed at his mind, ripping through layers of mental defenses, tearing down the walls, latching onto his nerves---
"PHARAOH!" Yami Marik screamed. "HA! YOUR MARRIAGE IS FAILING! SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR BEING A MURDERER! NOW COME OVER HERE SO I CAN DUEL YOU AND HAVE MY HIKARI KICK MY BUTT SO I LOSE TO YOU AND STILL SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM! MWAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA! ONCE I SUCCESSFULLY DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE WITH THAT TEA WHORE, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!"
Suddenly, he dropped the phone and hikari Marik shot back out. "NO! MY BELOVED AND HIGHLY ESTEEMED PHARAOH! I, YOUR LOYAL SERVANT, SHALL PREVENT YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DISINTEGRATING!"
Of course, even normal Marik still hated the Pharaoh to the depths of his filthy soul, so all this was an act to get the Pharaoh to come so Bakura and he can use their investment to destroy the Pharaoh and control the world through an elaborate plan that involved the following steps.
Mystic Muses dig through Marik's drawer for papers. Marik swings at Mystic Muses' heads and misses.
Ryou Bakura and Marik Ishtar's Plan to World Domination
This is a genius plan and any imitators of this plan shall be punished to the full extent of our very limited imagination!
Start marriage counseling center. CHECK
Brainwash Pharaoh into thinking his marriage has failed. HALF CHECK (half check recently added by Marik Ishtar while on the phone)
Kill Pharaoh once he has divorced Tea Gardner (aka despicable girl who thinks friendship is everything but really is only doing that to seem cute so Pharaoh will fall in love with her. Hmm that's a good thing to tell Pharaoh to get him to divorce her…).
Rule the world.
Practice evil laughter everyday for the benefit of our slaves.
MWAHAHA! COUGH CHOKE COUGH
(MM blinks. Why the heck did they put that last line there again?)
"Okay, you and Tea on Friday afternoon, 1:00 because you guys are both unemployed and have all day free but are too lazy to get up, dress and eat till 1:00, you say? Perfect. So long, Pharaoh! For now and forever! MWAHAHAH!" At this point, Marik doubled over and coughed very loudly. The Pharaoh, fortunately, had a brain slower than a dead snail's, and thus did not comprehend the full meaning of Marik's last words, or the evil cackle at the end. In fact, the Pharaoh was currently being very proud of himself for the fact that his hair was so well-gelled that one of the spikes had gone right through Tea's aluminum bat, which she had just swung at Yami's head in an attempt to either conk him out or kill him. Now the bat dangled from Yami's hair, screaming in pain from the hole in its viscera and the evil murdering attitude of Yami, otherwise known—to himself alone—as the famous, ravishing, sexy, understanding, empathetic, beloved, cunning, buff, strong, intelligent, wise, gorgeous, handsome, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, and more gorgeous and widely respected Pharaoh Atemu with the perfect hairdo that everyone in the world envied and would pay $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and 9999999999999999999999999999 cents for.
"YES! I AM THE ALMIGHTY, WORSHIPPED PHARAOH AND I DEMAND THAT YOU GIVE ME YOUR SERVICES!" he shouted into the phone, despite the fact that Marik had already hung up and there was a woman's voice saying "Please hang up the phone before we over charge you for not hanging up the phone."
"YES! AND YOU WILL PROVIDE ME WITH ALL YOUR SERVICES FOR FREE!" He fumbled in his pocket for the thin piece of paper that had all the money in his and Tea's bank account that was meant to support them for the rest of their lives and beyond. "See? I already have the check for $1 dollar ready for you!" He stared at the paper. "Oh wait. That's the check that my amazingly cunning body stole from the grocery store clerk who held it out to me! This is so I can survive for the rest of my life!" He stuffed his soft white fist into his roughened and torn pocket again, hand wandering like a bat in a cave, not seeing but knowing, until it closed around the edge of a rumpled piece of sallow paper.
"AHA! There we go! I already have the check for $2,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 and 9999999999999999999999999999 cents for you! I can't use it for myself because I stole it from Kaiba and wrote Marikura Marriage Counseling on it before I thought about it!"
At this time, fortunately for the Mystic Muses—who have been witnesses to this terrifying display of wit from the Pharaoh Atemu in their profession as journalists and have been on the verge of fainting from the feral spray of venomous spit shooting out from Atemu's frothing, foaming, infernal mouth—Tea Gardner, who, for once, was a true hero, whacked Yami her husband over the head with a wooden baseball bat, which somehow fared better than the aluminum one and cracked Pharaoh's skull. Unfortunately, she too forgot to hang up the phone and they were charged 5 million dollars that month for phone services.
As the Mystic Muses, who were hiding dutifully behind the couch in plain sight, discovered, after the Motos had fled the scene, that the aluminum bat had really been made out of tofu because Yami had been too parsimonious and thrifty to go to a real sports shop to buy it and had instead purloined it from a tofu stand on the side of the street, whose owner managed to tackle him to the ground exactly 0.0008 nanoseconds after said theft and forced him to pay $10 for the tofu bat. As said journalists noted, the tofu itself had cost only .0007 cents, sales price, and the aluminum bat had cost only $1.91, thus making the Magnanimous and Wise Pharaoh's decision to steal his first and worst mistake in his self-proclaimed 5,000 year history on the throne.
At this point, Tea looked up and threw Yami's body at the Mystic Muses, who fled the scene immediately and thus is not able to narrate the rest of this story.
MM: Thankles for reading our story! Please review and recommend whenever possible and also whenever impossible. Oh, by the way, MM likes to talk in third person and has MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) so at times, it will seem like MM is one person, and sometimes two.
Bakura: How come I disappeared from the story?
MM: You'll see in the next installment of……Crazy Wedding Vows!
bows
Marik: Hey! I didn't get to say anything! I need t—
gets whacked over head with giant spider by MM
MM: Anyways, Good Luck, and so long till next time (which will be written when MM is sitting under the air conditioning)!