R: Animals are always adorable, whether they're in real life or just cartoons.
W: but there are some animals with darker purposes in life, and today we're taking two of them against each other in a battle to the death.
R: Flippy, the most psychotic happy tree friend.
W: and Pinkenima, the cannibalistic pink pony. He's RKD and I'm Wastelander, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle!
(Scene break)
W: Pinkenima Diane Pie was once a normal pony who lived a normal life.
R: if by normal you mean breaking the fourth wall more than Kermit the frog! Seriously, how has the universe not collapsed yet.
W: but one day, it all changed for the worst. Pinkenima invited rainbow dash over and knocked her out with a drugged cupcake, and proceeded to cut her up and put her IN a cupcake.
R: Wait, what?
W: don't ask, being a brony involves you going down a dark path.
R: anyway, after that, pinkie kept doing this over and over, and she's probably still doing it today... I don't think I can ever look at a cupcake the same way again. (Holds up a cupcake) I thought you were my friend!
W: … Right.
Weapons
Scalpel
Butcher Knife
Hacksaw
Darker version of party cannon (she is still pinkie pie)
R: But what's a serial killer without her weapons… apparently a lot, because pinkie doesn't have that many.
W: But what she lacks in weapons she makes up for in skill
Skills
Fourth wall breaking
Speed apparently comparable to rainbow dash
BRUTAL methods of torture and killing
Basic combat skills.
Able to pull objects out of nowhere
W: however, pinkenima does still have her weaknesses
R: why do you always call her by pinkenima?
W: more threatening.
Weaknesses
Unstable mind
Not the best fighter
Relies on opponent being pinned down to kill
R: but despite that, she can still be one of the many things in today's world that kills your childhood.
W: pinkenima is easily one of the deadliest ponies if them all
[Pinkenima: hey rainbow, why do they call it a hacksaw?]
(Scene break)
W: Flippy is one of the many happy tree friends, a group of animals who can come back to life the very next day after being killed.
R: in brutal, brutal ways. Anyway, Flippy was part of W.A.R. (Weponized Animal Regiment) and was in a team with Sneaky, a chameleon with an apparently self-guiding tongue, and Mouse ka-boom, the best name for a mouse since gadget.
W: …That… makes no sense.
R: it doesn't have too!
W: Right. Anyway, sneaky and mouse were killed in action when fighting the evil general tiger, leaving Flippy with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Now whenever something reminds him of the war he, for lack of a better term, flips out.
R: becoming the side of him we're taking into the fight (and the side that somehow gets him more fan girls than shadow) Fliqpy.
W: Fliqpy is Flippy's evil alter ego, a mass murder that can make weapons out anything
R: and we mean ANYTHING!
Weapons
Anything on hand
Sometimes even his own hands… not literally, we mean his arm bones.
R: he's made weapons out of paper, a stapler, even his own freaking arm bones!
W: not to mention his combat skills are of the wall
Skills
I think it's fairly clear at this point.
W: Flippy has ended wars, and many happy tree friends lives.
R: extra emphasis on the lives
W: Flippy might be one of the deadliest anthro animals of all time
[We see Flippy flip out and give that evil laugh.]
{scene break)
W: alright, the combatants are set, and it's time to end this debate once and for all.
R: it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
(scene break)
Flippy walks into sugar cube corner with a smile on his face. It was a nice day outside and he thought he would treat himself to a nice cupcake. He walked in and saw the place was empty. He thought it was weird but decided to take it as a slow day.
He walked up to the counter and rang the bell. He waited for a few minutes and, out of nowhere, a pink pony popped up and scared flippy senseless. "Hi!" she said happily. Flippy regained his composure and simply waved.
"What would you like little bear thing?" the pony asked.
Flippy pointed to some cupcakes in the counter, and the pony nodded.
"okie dokie lokey. I'll be right back or my name isn't pinkie pie!"
Flippy leaned against the counter as the pony went into the back, and came right back out with a cupcake. Flippy took it and took a bite. He started to feel woozy and started stumbling around, and then fell over unconscious.
Flippy woke up and found himself chained to a table. He started looking around fearfully, as he saw the pony from the counter walk up to him.
"Hmmm, I've never had cupcakes made out of bear before. I bet it tastes delicious." She said as she pulled out a knife.
Flippy saw the glimmer of the knife and started twitching. He remembered the war, and a torture chamber he had been put in. He started twitching and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were dilated with yellow irises. His teeth had gotten sharper and he was panting heavily. He broke out of his bonds and got into a combat stance.
Pinkenima smiled "oh, this oughta be fun"
FIGHT
Flippy made the first move and lunged at pinkie, who ducked and used her hind legs to buck him into a nearby wall. He landed and pulled himself off the wall. Both he and pinkie looked and saw a hacksaw on the table. Flippy sprinted towards it, but pinkie got there first and sliced at Flippy.
The hacksaw cut him on the check, but it was like he didn't even feel it. He jumped up, clasped his hands around her neck, and started to slam her head down into the ground. Pinkie took her hind legs and drove them into Flippy's groin, causing him to yell in pain, and Pinkie threw flippy into the table, knocking all the weapons off. She ran over and grabbed a scalpel and drove it into flippy's leg.
Flippy punched Pinkie in the face, sending her flying, and pulled the scalpel out of his leg. He chucked it at pinkie and it drove into her front right hoof. Pinkie yelled as Flippy ran up and drop kicked her, sending her through the wall. Flippy climbed out of the hole… only to be face to face with a cannon. Pinkie fired it and the pressurized confetti drove flippy into the ground. He was dragged across the ground and sent into the kitchen.
Flippy got up and shook his head, but saw a spatula and got an psychotic smile on his face. Pinkie jumped through the hole and saw flippy's beret. She smiled and went to stab it… only to see it got through the beret and nothing else. She looked around for Flippy, but then saw his reflection in her knife. She turned around to stab him, only for her blade to get caught in his spatula.
The two of them struggled back and forth, both of their weapons starting to bend under strain. At the time both broke, Flippy threw his hand up and what remained of pinkie's knife went into the air. Pinkie looked back down and Flippy stabbed her in her eye with the end of the spatula. As pinkie was screaming in pain, what was left of her knife fell into flippy's hand, as he used it to slit her throat, causing her to bleed out. Pinkie breathed her final breath, and fell over dead.
A couple of days later, some ponies came into to sugar cube corner, and asked for some cupcakes. A platter appeared in front of them, with pink hair and intestines hanging out of them. Their eyes widened in horror as they heard an evil laugh, they looked up… and saw Fliqpy's face laughing crazily.
K.O.
R: …That… was brutal… I LOVE THIS JOB!
W: Pinkie may have had Flippy beat in speed and unpredictability, but Flippy trumped her in everything else.
R: He was stronger, smarter, and just all around a better warrior.
W: Also, pinkie's victims have mainly been stationary, always strapped to the table, while flippy has killed many moving targets before.
R: oh, bronies are going to kill us… Eh, at least we have the Flippy Fan girls on our side.
W: the winner is flippy.