Ghost of Summers Passed
Kouki doesn't remember the path he took to get to where he got.
It's the middle of summer and he is spending it with his grandparents who lived in the country very well. It's a very nice little town and they live in a very nice little house with huge, sprawling fields unlike Kouki has ever seen before. They have bountiful gardens and chickens roaming in a huge pen. Everything is small, even for eight year old Kouki but its magnificent nonetheless. The air seems brighter here and he can see stars so clearly in the night sky, he can make patterns.
Kouki was told once that the stars can guide you home so if he wanders enough, maybe sometime during the still night, he will eventually have a star fall and perish for him so he can survive. But he was also told that if he ever got lost that he should stay put. Right now, Kouki doesn't know what to do so he's crouched underneath a huge beech tree and has his hands clamped over his ears, his knees are trembling, and he's eyes are tightly shut.
He is petrified. There are lots of huge bugs around and there was a crow with beady eyes that definitely has plans to eat him. He hadn't meant to stray from but the path. All he wanted was to do was play with some other kids but they had called him mean names – like "city slicker" – so they had dared him to go into the forest as a Test of Courage. They told him to go find the huge tree in the centre of the forest with a shrine embedded in its roots and then come back. Somewhere along the way, the path became to blurred and the forest too thick and now he was lost.
Kouki's knees gave way and he curled into a ball at the tree. If only this was the tree he was supposed to find but no, it's some skinny and generic tree without a shrine or anything cool or comforting about it. Actually, its shade was kind of nice. It was a really hot day. Kouki swears it's never this hot in Tokyo. He's practically melting. His sweat rolls down his arms and it feels like it's taking his bones with it.
His lower lip trembles and he tries to think happy thoughts. He tries to think about the nice Chihuahua his parents own in their apartment in the city. He tries to think about the ice-cream his grandmother promised him after lunch. It's his favourite flavour: lemonade. He tries to think about the cool breeze that ruffles his hair like his father does when he's proud of Kouki but nothing works.
He squeaks. His lets an undignified, terrified noise escape his throat and that's all that needed to start a bout of hysterics. Soon, Kouki is bawling his eyes out and screaming. The forest is quiet except for him.
Eventually, he runs out of breath and his face is red. His eyes are puffy and his breaths are uneven. His cheeks are soaked and he feels pathetic. He can't believe he let those kids trick him into doing this. He couldn't believe his big brother had helped those kids trick him. His grandmother had even told him that he shouldn't play in the forest; even if he was accompanied by some of the local kids and his big brother. He understood completely why. The forest wasn't like a park. It was dense and overpopulated by trees. Dangerous animals prowled around and Kouki was probably an easy target for the terrible and carnivorous tanuki – he had heard that they had sharp teeth and loved to eat little boys. He'd heard so from those kids.
'I wanna go home.' Kouki wailed and he flailed his arms.
'Where's home?' a voice asked in reply.
Kouki screamed and someone else screamed like an echo. He bolted up and clung onto the tree. He cautiously looked around. There was no one there. He creeped around the tree and on the other side of the tree, a boy also clung onto the trunk. The boy looked as terrified as he did: same age too.
'Who are you?' Kouki asked.
'I'm Sakurai. I – I know this forest very well. I've never seen you before. Do you want me to help you? I'm sorry! I shouldn't have started you like that.' he said.
'I-Its fine. C-Can you take me home?' Kouki asked.
'I think so. I can take you to the main road. The one humans use.' Sakurai said.
'You speak funny.' Kouki asked.
'I'm sorry!' he apologised.
'But it's a good funny; sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that. I'm Furihata Kouki.' Kouki said.
Sakurai smiled weakly. 'That's a nice name.'
'Thank you. Sakurai is pretty too.' Furihata replied.
Sakurai seemed shocked by the statement. He unstuck himself from the tree and moved into Furihata's full view. Physically, he was a very cute boy. He was very feminine. He was so slight and scrawny, he could have been mistaken for a girl but he had a distinctly boyish haircut. His hair was a soft brown colour and so much nicer in tone than Kouki's brunette hair. His eyes were wide, cautious, and a dark chocolaty brown. They were very familiar. It was like he had known them in another life. They drew him in and made Kouki trust Sakurai because those were the eyes of a friend. He couldn't be more certain despite how absurd it sounded; even for him.
Sakurai wore strange clothes: a white onesie of some sort. It had long sleeves that hid his hands and was somewhat dress-like as it didn't have legs. It also had a hood with a face. The onesie's face consisted of two, large red buttons and a smile stitched onto it.
'N-No one's ever told me that before.' Sakurai said and he hesitantly took Furihata's hand. Furihata's hand hammered. Sakurai tried to take Furihata's hand and failed in the most bizarre manner. He was physically unable to touch Furihata. Sakurai's hand went straight through Furihata's. The sensation chilled Furihata to the bone. It was like someone had doused him in icy water. He shivered and he recoiled.
Furihata took a step back and held his hand. He breathed on it in a futile attempt to warm himself. 'Wh-What are you?' he screeched. He looked betrayed and it broke Sakurai's heart. His eyes widened.
'Sorry! Did I scare you?' he asked.
'Yes! Obliviously!' Furihata shouted.
'I – I didn't mean to. I'm sorry; I just wanted to help. I really am useless...' Sakurai mumbled.
His eyes darkened and he stared at his hands. They absolutely swam in his costume. 'I'm a ghost. I'm not alive.' he confessed. 'I – I'm sorry.'
'Y-You're not alive?' Kouki asked and he was quaking in his sandals.
'The Master of the Forest said so. He said those who breathe and have heart beats are alive. Those without, are ghosts. I'm a yokai; I think. That's what the Master of the Forest says an-and I trust him.' Sakurai said.
Kouki stepped towards Sakurai again. 'I-I'm sorry for freaking out. Th-That was rude of me.'
'I-I'm sorry for not telling you straightaway. I was worried you would be scared of me. I just wanted to help. I remember being lost in this forest once. It was terrible. I was so lonely and – and... Yeah. Do you want me to take you home now?' Sakurai asked.
'Y-Yes please, Sakurai.' Kouki said.
Sakurai smiled. 'Thank you for trusting me, Kouki-san. If you would follow me.' He turned around and Kouki fumbled after him. Together, the two traversed the forest and it seemed different. It seemed less scary now that they had banded together. Twenty minutes later and they returned to the main path of the forest.
They walked down it and unto the edge of the forest. It was breathtaking: how agriculturally cultivated meadow melded into forest. Kouki could see the town from here and he could even see his grandparents' house. It was beginning to get late.
'C'mon, Sakurai, I want my grandparents to meet you. Have you ever had lemonade ice-cream before? It's delicious.' Kouki said and he stepped out of the forest's edge. Beneath his feet, he could see a line in the grass where its colours changed. He stepped from vibrant green and into fragile yellow.
Sakurai hesitated. 'I can't Kouki-san.'
'What do you mean?' Kouki asked.
'This forest's magic... It won't affect us if I step out of its boundaries.' Sakurai said.
'I still don't get you?' Kouki asked.
'Oh... Do you have the Sight?' Sakurai asked hopefully.
'I have sight...?' Kouki said.
Sakurai's shoulders slumped. 'Would you like me to demonstrate?' he asked.
'Okay?' Kouki replied.
Sakurai trembled but he put on a brave face. He bit his lip out of determination; his brows furrowed together. He bravely stepped over the boundary where green grass turned yellow. He stepped out of Kouki's sight.
Kouki blinked. 'Sakurai? Sakurai? Where did you go?'
'Can you hear me?
Kouki called out again. 'This isn't funny, Sakurai. I – I wanted to take you home and treat you to ice-cream. Do you not like ice-cream?'
Sakurai could have cried.
He stepped back and he returned to Kouki's vision. 'I remember ice-cream. I love ice-cream and loquat. If there was loquat flavoured ice-cream, it would be my ultimate favourite.' Sakurai replied.
'Where did you go?' Kouki asked and his eyes watered; his hands curled into fists.
'This Forest is special; its holy. It saves people... m-me; it gives humans the Sight... But only within its boundaries.' Sakurai explained gravely.
Kouki nodded. 'I understand.'
'Thank you, Kouki-san.' Sakurai said.
'Do you want me to bring you loquat flavoured ice-cream? Tomorrow, we can play again. W-Would you like that?' Kouki asked.
Sakurai's face lit up. 'I would love that.'
'I'm glad. I'm only here for a few more days and I really like you, Sakurai. We'll definitely play together again.' Kouki said.
'Thank you so much, Kouki-san. I'll see you tomorrow then?' he asked.
'Tomorrow.' Kouki affirmed.
Sakurai beamed and Kouki farewelled him. Sakurai hadn't felt this excited in ages. Affairs in the forest were lonely or boring. It felt good to have someone literally his own age.
Sakurai waited at the forest's edge the entire night, awake and unblinking, and the following afternoon, he wasn't disappointed. Kouki returned with bowls and spoons; a huge grin too.
'Hello, Sakurai!' Kouki said and he hefted up his gifts. 'I'm sorry I'm late. It took longer for the ice-cream to set than I thought it would.' Together, he and Sakurai sat in the shade of a tree. 'The supermarket doesn't sell loquat ice-cream so Oba-chan and I had to make our own. Turns out, loquat ice-cream is a super-secret Furihata family recipe.'
'Thank you, Kouki-san.' Sakurai said.
'You're welcome, Sakurai. You have a ra-radiant smile.' Kouki said; almost fumbling through the big word.
'Waah!' Sakurai replied; eyes wide and his face flushed.
Kouki smiled earnestly; glad he could compliment his friend.
Kouki passed Sakurai a bowl but once more, it went straight throw his hand. Kouki dropped the bowl and it landed with a splat. It landed ice-cream side down.
'I'm sorry, Sakurai.' he apologised.
'N-No, I should have realised that I was going to drop it. Sorry. So sorry.' Sakurai apologised.
Kouki picked up the bowl and set it straight. 'Do you want to move, so you don't get dirty?' he asked.
'Alright.' Sakurai replied and they sat on the other side of the tree; the side facing into the forest rather into the town. It was cooler on this side of the tree and the scenery was easier on the eyes; a feast for them actually.
Kouki scooted closer to Sakurai. Rather than eradiating warmth, his ghost friend exuded frigid air. It was a good thing it was the middle of summer. Kouki offered his bowl to Sakurai. 'Do you want to share?' he asked.
'You don't mind?' Sakurai asked.
'Not at all.' Kouki replied.
Even though Kouki was just handing Sakurai a spoon, the boys were much more careful this time around. They concentrated hard and tried their best but Sakurai was unable to succeed in grabbing hold of the spoon.
'Why does this keep happening?' Kouki asked.
'I don't know. I can touch the trees and the grass but not you...' Sakurai mumbled. 'Maybe it's because you and the ice-cream aren't of the Forest? Maybe the Forest can't enchant them so I can touch them... I'll ask the Master later.'
'Okay then.' Kouki said. He hadn't been expecting an explanation. 'I have an idea.'
'Really?' Sakurai piped up.
'What if I feed you?' Kouki asked.
'It might work.' Sakurai replied.
Kouki knelt next to Sakurai and he felt like he was sitting next to an iceberg. The next time they played together, he was going to have to bring winter clothing. Kouki held the bowl and he dug into the ice-cream. It was chunky and soft; a soft gold in colour. 'Here comes the airplane.' Kouki said.
Sakurai widened his mouth and Kouki awkwardly shoved the spoon into Sakurai's mouth; perhaps too far but Sakurai was able to eat the ice-cream off of it anyway. He smiled and Kouki smiled back too.
'That settles it, we'll share.' Kouki replied. The boys took turns in attacking ice-cream and tried their hardest to share what was in the bowl. They enjoyed the sweet ice-cream. It brought giggles and smiles to their faces as they tried to make it last.
'Your grandmother is a fantastic cook, Kouki-san.' Sakurai complimented.
'Yeah, she is. Do you want me to bring something again tomorrow?' Kouki asked.
'Depends, will it be trouble?' Sakurai asked.
'Hm... I don't think so. Maybe something easier to make than ice-cream. Maybe biscuits or something.' Kouki mused.
'Alright; well, we had my favourite food today. We can have your favourite food tomorrow.' Sakurai negotiated.
'Okay then, tomorrow I'll bring omelette and rice. We can have lunch rather than an afternoon snack.' Kouki decided.
'That sounds good.' Sakurai said.
Kouki put the bowl down. 'Do you want to play a game?'
'That would be fun. What do you want to play? We can't play tibs, and I don't want you getting lost in the Forest so we can't play hide-and-seek either...' Sakurai said.
'I Spy then? Or word games?' Kouki suggested.
'That sounds great.' Sakurai replied.
Over the course of the next few days, the pair would meet up each day at the Forest's edge and have something to eat before playing. It was a fun little thing to do and it was always interesting to see what Sakurai could bring. He would bring fresh fruit whilst Kouki would bring cooked food or sweets.
Unfortunately, it wasn't to last. Kouki was of the city after all. Th two sat underneath a beech tree. Their fingers within millimetres of each other. They were watching the sunset forlornly.
'Will I ever see you again, Kouki-san?' Sakurai asked.
'I hope so.' Kouki replied.
'Promise me you'll come back some time soon.' Sakurai replied.
'I swear I'll be here next summer; around Golden Week. I'll beg my parents to let me visit.' Kouki said.
'And promise me you'll never forget me.' Sakurai said; a tad desperately.
Kouki stole a glance at Sakurai. He seemed really concerned. 'Ne, Sakurai, do you get lonely?' he asked.
'You're my first real friend since... since I started living in the Forest. You're a much better companion than the Master of the Forest.' Sakurai said.
'You're my best friend, Sakurai. I would never forget you. I promise.' Kouki said.
Sakurai smiled at him. 'Thank you, Kouki-san.'
Kouki returned the smile. He picked up a twig. 'Here, let's pinkie swear on it. We'll meet again next summer.'
'How do I pinkie swear on a stick?' Sakurai asked as Kouki placed the twig between his fingers.
'Just pretend its my pinkie.' Kouki insisted.
'Alright then.' Sakurai replied.
He curled his finger around the twig. Because it was of the Forest, he could touch it. 'Finger cut-off, ten thousand fist-punchings, whoever lies has to swallow thousand needles...' the boys chanted in tune.
Kouki got up. 'I'm sorry... But I gotta go.' he said. The sun sank behind him and he transformed into an inky silhouette.
'I understand, Kouki-san. I'll see you next summer then.' Sakurai said. A few tears dribbled down his cheek. He didn't understand why his still, icy heart was suddenly aching and quaking. It made no sense. Imaginary breath even hitched in the ghost's throat.
'Bye, bye, Sakurai. I love you. I'll see you next year. I'm sorry I've got to go.' Kouki said and he tipped his head forward then solemnly walked off.
He stepped over the boundary line and he couldn't see his friend anymore but he could tell by the cold presence that he was still there. Still right in front of him but Kouki's eyes betrayed him.
Although invisible, the promise was upheld. The following year, for Golden Week, Kouki was allowed to return to the countryside and even unto his Forest and he was able to meet Sakurai. He had barely changed from Kouki's memory. It barely felt like a year had passed for Sakurai. He certainly hadn't changed. He hadn't gotten taller and his hair hadn't gotten longer. He existed the same as he had before in the previous year.
They were only allowed one day within Golden Week but they made the most of it. It was such great fun to be together. Then, for every proceeding summer for nine years, the two boys would meet once more in the summer.
Kouki kept his promise for nine years. Sometime during the summer, he would return to the countryside and he would return so he could play with Sakurai. As they got older, they would venture further into the depths of the forest. They would eat fruit plucked straight from the trees and drink what they could hold atop a small waterfall; where water was pure enough for Kouki to drink.
Each year, Sakurai got a little bit older too. He had been under the assumption that he would be childlike for eternity but instead, he seemed to grow along side of Kouki. When Kouki was seventeen, he had seemingly finished growing and Sakurai had ended up taller than him which was somewhat irksome given that when they had met, Kouki had been the taller of the two.
'Kouki, I'm glad I met you.' Sakurai confessed. He seemed to always say that. Being a ghost must be a lonesome experience but Kouki swears there are more creatures in the forest like Sakurai. There was the Master and he was certain he's spotted kappa in the streams and tanuki darting in and out of some of the trees.
'I'm glad I met you too.' Kouki replied.
Once more, they have found themselves on the eve of Kouki's next departure. They stare longingly into the sunset. They sit around their favorite tree near the entrance of the forest: a grandiose beech tree that grew impressively in the last nine years. The one they had spilt countless ice-creams under. The tree with a good view of the town but the town hadn't grown over the last nine years like the tree had.
The town had become somewhat decrepit over the years. Kouki's grandparents had left their farm and had sold it to someone else. His grandparents were to be coming with Kouki into Tokyo. The town was thinning out. People were moving on.
Kouki wasn't ready to but he had to.
'You know, Sakurai, this year I graduated high school and I'm going to go to university soon. I mightn't be able to visit you. But when I am able to, I'll be able to visit for longer.' Kouki replied.
'Oh, that's okay. I'll always be waiting here then.' Sakurai replied.
'I wish you could come with me but I wouldn't be able to see you...' Kouki mourned.
'I love you, Kouki.' Sakurai blurted out.
'Wh-What?' Kouki stuttered as his face went as crimson as the sunset in front of them.
'I love you but not like a friend; like someone else, someone more intimate.' Sakurai replied.
'I – I think I love you too, Sakurai.' Kouki replied sheepishly.
Sakurai smiled. 'And that's why, I think its best that our promise isn't to be upheld.'
'What? No! I'll always come back to this forest!' Kouki protested.
'I'm sorry, Kouki-san but this Forest isn't for humans... I'll only hold you back; you have the whole world. Because I love you, I have to set you free.' Sakurai explained.
'But when I'm with you; I have more freedom than anywhere else. When I'm with real people – humans,' Saying the word out loud sounds strange, 'I feel alienated. Everyone sees me as a coward and a pushover but you. You see me as who I really am and I love it when you smile because of something I do. No one ever smiles because of what I do.'
Sakurai's face flushed. 'It's because Kouki is so caring; how can anyone not appreciate it? You always go the extra mile and without expecting thanks; it's admirable.'
Kouki couldn't look at Sakurai anymore as the embarrassment was thickening. His heart fluttered and his stomach knotted. However, Sakurai forced Kouki to look at him.
He looked so sad but he also looked so convinced that this was to be the best for them. 'I was human once, perhaps even many times before, and I'm certain Kouki that you should stay with your own kind. The Master says... The Master says that humans aren't the cohort of yokai no matter how lowly.'
'Lowly?' Kouki echoed, almost outraged. His hands curled into fists. 'You are the noblest person I know. You are helpful and kind and considerate and if I'm what makes you happy then please don't sacrifice me because all I want is to make you happy and me leaving to never return would only make you miserable. And you know it, Sakurai. I'm not blind. I see how you look at me. I can tell that when I'm not around, you are miserable.'
Sakurai's soft, brown eyes watered. 'I know.' he murmured. 'I'm always miserable but without you; it's worse.'
'Then please, be patient. I'll come back one day soon and we'll make it work.' Kouki said, impassioned.
Sakurai scooted closer to Kouki and he saw his breath turn to mist. 'Or, we could make it happen now.'
Sakurai boldly kissed Kouki. It was like Kouki was having the life drained out of him. He could feel ice seep through his body and it clung to his lungs. It froze his insides when Sakurai kissed him but Kouki wouldn't have it any other way even though it was painful to have his lips frosted over.
Kouki bravely deepened the kiss. He kissed back with all the intensity Sakurai had imposed upon him. His heart beat slow but it felt like time was speeding up. Kouki opened his mouth for the kiss and Sakurai let Kouki's tongue in. Their kiss became messy and soon broke off.
Flecks of ice were around Kouki's mouth. Heat as strong as fire had melted Sakurai. For the first time in years, it felt like was alive. He was burning up whilst Kouki was freezing. T'was equivalent exchange.
'You're a wonderful kiss, Kouki.' Sakurai said.
'Thanks.' Kouki said in a smothered voice.
'D-Did I hurt you?' Sakurai asked.
'A little bit, yes.' Kouki admitted.
'I'm so sorry.' Sakurai said.
'But its fine. I always knew that I'd get my first kiss when hell freezes over.' Kouki laughed and Sakurai loosened up.
'You're always so positive, Kouki.' Sakurai said, a little bit moonstruck.
'It's been a learned habit.' Kouki admitted.
Sakurai went quiet. 'I still think... That it might be better if we were to go our separate ways.'
'I still think that you might be wrong.' Kouki said.
Sakurai stared off into the distance; beyond the town, beyond the sun, beyond the cosmos slowly seeping out of the bright colours of the sunset. 'Have I ever told you Kouki how I ended up in this Forest?'
'Huh? No, you haven't, I'm afraid.' Kouki replied.
Sakurai swallowed. 'I was human once. I think even twice. I remember meeting you in another life, Kouki. We were basketball players as teenagers who went on to have normal lives. Well, I had a normal life – you ended up in the limelight because you became close to the prodigies we played alongside. They all liked you. I was kind of... ignored, even by Aomine, my miracle.
'I think you went on... onto love someone else; someone with red hair and a business empire: the leader of these prodigies called "The Generation of Miracles" – Akaashi Seijuro, yes, that's his name. We weren't friends in that life though. Our teams were rivals. But I do remember meeting you a few times but we never hit it off like we did all those years ago which is a shame because... Because I think we were made for each other.
'Now we're here, in your second life and my third life. You'll go onto have more. I'll remain here. A fixed point in space and time, it would appear. I'll continue to be the clumsy servant of the Master of the Forest. It won't be a terrible life. But I can't help if wonder if this wasn't what was supposed. In my last life... Who knows what was supposed to happen? Perhaps this but perhaps something else.'
Kouki piped up determinedly: 'I'm certain this is what was supposed to happen!'
Sakurai smiled pityingly at him then went onto explain why he wasn't so certain.
'In my second life, when I was seven, I wandered into this Forest, Kouki and I never left. Just like you. I was too scared to leave. Unlike you, no one came to my rescue. No one befriended me and walked me out of this forest in my state of terror.
'I remember that terrible night very well; then again, I seem to remember everything clearly. The Master of the Forest told me once that when some people die, if they are too full of emotions then they reincarnate as yokai. I reincarnated as a ghost because I was too consumed by my desire to have friends. I didn't want to die a lonely death. I didn't want to die because the children whom I thought were my friends had abandoned me; I don't believe it was on purpose but I always was the bully's favorite target because I'm such a crybaby.
'It was Halloween and my parents let me go play with the other kids. We all wanted to emulate the American holiday and for once, our parents let us. We were supposed to have so much fun. I was all dressed up in a costume my mother made handmade for me. I still remember her eyes, her voice, her touch.
'My friends and I were doing a dare. We had to find the tree with a shrine then come back. I wandered off the path and it was so dark and cold. I tried to sleep but it was too cold. I – I froze to death Kouki in this Forest...'
If Sakurai was going to say more, Kouki couldn't tell. His eyes were lined with gloom and his tongue had grown still. Cold.
'I'm so sorry, Sakurai.' Kouki apologized.
Sakurai met his pathetic gaze. 'You don't have to be, Kouki.'
'But I want to.' Kouki replied. 'A – A part of me wishes you hadn't found me, and then... then maybe you would have a friend forever.'
'Never say that Kouki!' Sakurai screamed.
Kouki moved closer. 'Maybe your right but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be your friend forever. Maybe even more.'
He took Sakurai's hand. It hurt. Sakurai didn't phase through. Ice shot through Kouki's hands and fingers from where he took Sakurai's hand.
'I love you, Sakurai and we'll find a way to make this work. I'm sure our story won't end in tragedy.' Kouki said.
'I love you too, Kouki.' Sakurai replied tearfully. 'And, I don't believe I'm sorry for saying something so selfish.' He smiled.
And, in the end, Kouki continued to fulfil the pinky promise he had sworn all those many years ago as a child. Every summer, he would return faithfully to the Forest with the ghost of his summers passed.
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[AN: Authorial Intent I Didn't Make Clear: The reason Sakurai is able to ae is becayse Kouki's love for him equates to 'worship'. For reference, chapter 2 of Natsume's Book of Friends inspired that.]