Hints of Merthur. I cannot state enough how much I adore Merlin.
This work is a fanfiction - I own no
Four betrayals had hurt his king.
The first was in Autumn.
Golden leaves swirled around them as his cerulean eyes first beheld the image of his mother. Ghostly fingertips had reverently caressed his golden locks and Merlin would never forget the look of utter vulnerability and heartache in Arthur's face. Lips trembling, eyes wide open, he was begging to feel the touch of his mother, to apologize for a death he believed to be his doing. Gentle smiles and hidden sorrows reveal something else, and his prince learns that Uther is not just a father to a boy, a king to a knight. Uther is a monarch asking for an heir, a tyrant erasing away what he had done.
It is Autumn when Arthur first learns the bitter sting of hate and as the leaves fall down, his innocence is buried beneath them.
The second betrayal was in Summer.
She was returned to them, red lips and cruel smiles, and his prince is alight again. The sun is blazing and Arthur is holding her close, whispering in her hair how sorry he was, how he searched endlessly for her and was praying to anything that would listen for her safety. Morgana smiles and breathes in the scent of Arthur, familiar and comforting and even though her smile is warm and loving there are shadows in her eyes, secrets in the corner of her lips. Morgana breathes lies and nurtures hatred and Arthur keeps her close, safe and protected in his arms as Merlin can only helplessly stare when he bestows the dagger upon her that was meant to end their father's life.
It is Summer when Arthur chokes back his tears at his sister's betrayal and burns to forget.
The third betrayal happens in Spring.
Arthur defies all of tradition and names commoners as knights and serving girls as Queens. People adore him and he welcomes them from all walks of life, although magic remains outlawed. Merlin watches him as he secretly kiss Gwen and his face clears of all the things that haunt him in every waking moment. The young magician smiles and hides the painful clench in his chest, because Arthur seems genuinely happy again and Merlin would do anything to protect this fragile thing.
Alas, fate has other plans and a shadow of what was Lancelot comes back to them. Joy returns alongside him and Arthur has his honorable knight by his side, the circle is complete. Morgana plots and Merlin tries to protect everyone but matters of the heart are not easy to him and he is still grieving his own love buried in the lake and … and…
And Arthur finds them locked in false embrace and his heart is torn out of his chest and Merlin will never forgive Morgana for dishonoring Lancelot's name after his brave death and he'll never forgive himself for not protecting Guinevere better and Arthur…
Arthur grieves. Arthur mourns and wants to have his heart emptied and hollowed out and still Arthur learns.
It is Spring when Arthur learns what is like to love like a spring breeze, innocently and completely. To learn that he can forgive.
The fourth and final betrayal happens in Winter.
It's, perhaps, the heaviest and the one that Merlin can never hope to make amends. Arthur is dying and Merlin is desperate and trying so hard to keep him alive, to find the missing shard that is traveling to his king's heart and tear it out, vanish all that hurt him. Nevertheless, this proves impossible and so Merlin whispers his secret in his king's golden locks, watch as Arthur's face crumbles and falls and Merlin wishes he could say he feels better, he feels unloaded. However, that would be a lie. He never meant for Arthur to know, he never meant to betray him like this, he who had shouldered all that heartache with an easy smile and a tenacity fit for his status as the once and future king.
Merlin holds him close as he feels his precious life slip away, and Arthur tells him that he had always wanted Merlin to be himself and that hurts more deeply than anything else that might have been passed between them. Merlin had lied, had hid himself away from every person that needed him to be true and that was the most unforgivable part.
It's Winter when Arthur dies, acceptance in his final frozen breath.
It was Winter when Merlin started grieving and it has been winter ever since.