His golden eyes tugged at the strings of my heart. Danger was all around us chaos screamed from every corner. He was the last person I'd expect to see around here, but not the least favorite. As a matter of fact his face was the one I've been longing to see, with the weight of the world on my shoulders I needed to see him. Another crash of lightening came towards us. We both dove out of the way. I land on my stomach and look to where Cullen had fallen. We looked at each other and knew instantly that we needed to fight back. I am a Mage and he is a Templar and we are a forbidden pair. But we can't seem to stop running into each other. Like it was meant to be, but that's just silly because I don't believe in fate. Honestly, I don't believe a lot of the things that are happening at this point so maybe fate wouldn't be such a bad thing to believe in right now. Cullen fights using his physical skills and of course his Templar training skills, he is careful not to hit me with the cleansing of magic. If he did I would be utterly useless. He makes fighting look easy, so quick and smooth almost effortless with every attack. Blocking every attack with his mighty shield and finishing every enemy off with his luminous sword. I know that rigorous training and hard work got him to this point in his life. No interruptions and no distractions. I would fall into that category for him; I would inevitably be a distraction and interruption in his life. As much as I would love to leap into his arms I know I can't.
The abominations that attack us are hideous creatures. Their faces and bodies completely distorted from head to toe. They made me want to vomit but I resisted knowing the task at hand is much more important. Save any and all survivors of this tragic fall of the Circle. The only way we can convince Gregoir that all is well is if we find Irving. Oh, Irving, I'm so sorry, I should have been here to save you.

All this death and misery makes me feel weary and all this fighting exhausts even my inner being. Cullen and I make it through to the mages quarters, which was no easy task. Silence echoes through the walls. We find a decent resting spot without much blood or carnage. Sadness seeped through the cracks of the stones and radiated to anyone that was near. I felt extreme sorrow wash over me. The Circle is my home, and the only home I've ever known. We sit quietly no words were said, no nothing, no sound, just complete silence. Finally Cullen breaks the miserable stillness, "I'm glad to see that you are alive and well." A smile nearly came across my lips when the stench of death filled my nose once again and that same grim came back.
"Thanks Cullen I was going to say the same about you."
I saw him from the corner of my eye smirking and knew he got the joke. It was quiet again, and I had to ask something no matter how out of place it seemed. Just to hear his soothing voice comforted me. "If there was one thing in this world you could have what would it be?"
He was caught off guard with my question, and took a while to answer.
"Anything?"
"Anything."
He smiled that handsome smile that always melted my heart and made my cheeks blush.
"A good cup of steaming tea."
I was baffled and completely surprised by his answer, "a cup of tea? Really?"
He looked at me, smiling, straight into my eyes as if looking into my very inner being, my soul. His golden eyes were so fluid and I know I could just drown in them. His smile was just so radiant and breathtaking; I couldn't help but to blush. When I felt the heat growing hotter in my cheeks I immediately looked away embarrassed. It was quiet for another long moment when curiosity got the better of me. "So why a cup of tea? Of all the things you could have in this world you want a cup of tea?"
He laughed to something that I obviously didn't comprehend. "Well you've never had a cup of tea like my mother used to make. That cup of tea is worth dying for."
I looked at him and could tell that he actually wanted that cup of tea. It is plain to see how detached he was from reality and living in a dream. He was so content and at peace. I felt a tinge of hate creep up inside me. I was actually jealous. My childhood held no happy memories. My life consisted of begging on the streets and living from scrap to scrap. Until one day a Templar rescued me and took me to a chantry where I had a hot meal and a warm bed. That was as happy as my life was until I met Cullen. He has caused such a whirlwind of emotions for me but I would never take any of that for granted. He came out of his memory and I could see that he was staring at me. I smiled at him, "what?"
"what are you thinking about?"
"You really want to know?"

"Of course I want to know. I told you my random thoughts, let me here yours."
I thought about it for a bit wondering if I should really say anything about it, but I knew there was a large chance we wouldn't make it through this and that this could be my only chance. Finally I looked at him confidently, "I was thinking about you."
He looked at me attentively without saying a word. I looked away ashamed, at least he knew what has been nagging at my heart for too long now. I prepared myself for the worst. Dead silence. Instead of silence intimacy was involved, he took my chin in his hand and pulled me toward him.
"I have been longing to tell you how much I've thought of you every waking moment ever since I've laid my eyes on you." We stared into each other's eyes for a long while giving into our deepest wishes whether it is forbidden or not. Finally our desires and wishes are coming true, our faces inch closer for our first kiss. Then a loud popping noise grabbed our immediate attention. Something falls to the floor and we see that it is an abomination. Four figures come from around the corner, Cullen tries to block me from them, but I recognize my fellow Grey Warden companions. Alistair, Morrigan, Sten, and Lelianna. "It's about bloody time, we've been looking everywhere for you," Morrigan practically spat it at me.
I was shocked but ever happy to see my friends. Cullen was fearful, and he had every right to be. "How do we know your not one of them?" he pointed to the fallen abomination.
"Cullen, these are my friends. Alistair is a Grey Warden just like me. And the others are helping us to fight the blight."
"Are all Templars the same, suspicious and dense?"
"Morrigan! Would you stop being so cold. He has every right to be the way he is. After witnessing what we have seen."
I could see Alistair was on edge, "how long have you two been in here?"

I could tell that Alistair was asking a question that sought out 2 answers.
Cullen was going to answer with a retort but I cut him off, "only about a day or so. We came here to rest."
"It's a good thing we came. You two must be exhausted," Lelianna said concern echoing in her voice.
And just like that everyone assumed a position. Lelianna cooking a meal, Sten on watch, Morrigan's nose stuck in one of her mothers spell books, and Alistair brooding. I wanted to comfort him but Cullen would think that to mean more than it really is. I have feelings for Alistair but Cullen is my hearts true desire. I just never thought I'd ever see him again. Cullen looks to me, "you might as well get some sleep. I'll keep watch."
"Cullen you need some rest as well. Sten is one of the mightiest warriors I have ever met. Nothing can get past him. Trust me on this."
"I'd feel safer if I watched."
I almost gave into it because my own body is screaming for sleep, but I knew he needed to keep his wits about him.
Alistair cut in, "you should get some rest. You've been through too much as it is. You'll need your strength, physical and mental, if you want to survive this."
Cullen glared at him but withdrew knowing he was right. We both walked towards a little corner where no one could hear us or bother us.
"If you don't mind I'll sleep next to you. It would make me feel so much better to know you're next to me." He pauses for a moment, "you being here gives me strength."
I smile and am relieved that he considers me in this way. "I'm glad to hear you say that because, you being here also gives me strength. Keeping me together. Since I've become a Grey Warden, it seems my life has been a nonstop whirlwind with no pause and no cause. For once it would be nice to see reasoning in my life."
He smiled in return, "then if you don't mind I'd like to be your rock, your foundation. To see you fall would give me the greatest grief." With that we laid in the corner only inches apart and fell asleep.
I woke up to Morrigan nudging me with her foot. I glared her, "really, must you do that?"
"I ran out of options. I've been calling your name for quite some time now."
I got up grudgingly.
"If I were you I'd be be careful."

I rubbed my eyes, begging them to stay open, "what are you going on about this time?"

She smiled her devious, seemingly all-knowing smile. "Two Templars battling for something they want can turn ugly, and easily lose sight of our primary mission. You should make sure to let them know whom your champion is or we'll all be in oblivion. Quite honestly though, I must say, I will never understand your taste in men."

I tried to glare at her but a mixture of being tired and annoyed only made my face look ridiculous, and I should have known from the start that even the most wicked glare would even stand a chance to cower Morrigan. But I knew she was right but here would the wrong time and place for that. After Morrigan left Cullen approached me. "Sorry I didn't want to wake you, you slept so peacefully."
I smiled at him, "thank you Cullen I needed that extra sleep."
I smiled in return but there was a set weariness about him.
"What's wrong?"
Cullen was obviously troubled; "I was wondering if there was something between you and that Alistair fellow. I see how he looks at you, most men look at you that way even Sten, but he seems to be possessive of you."
I knew this would come up. Better now then later I suppose, "I have feelings for Alistair. I hate to be so bluntly honest but when I saw you here alive and well I completely forgot about him. You've always had my heart though. You still do. I'd never thought I would see you again though. Coming here was hard knowing that you could be dead, it hurt coming here and I came alone, obviously. But you're here and I couldn't be happier."
"It gladdens my heart to hear that, but at the same time I fear this will be a struggle for you."
"As long as we're together I feel as though this will be easy to conquer."
I ate a little bit of food, not much of an appetite but I ate as much as I really needed. We set off and the tension was thick. I needed to talk to Alistair but every chance I was about to say something to him we found ourselves under attack. Finally we reached an abomination unlike any other. It's power was great and immense. As soon as we enter the room I could feel his spell of sleep swoop down on us. I tried to tell the others to fight it but it was impossible. Darkness overcame me and a new horror awaited.

When I woke I could see Duncan. Standing there cheerful and content. I approached him warily, "Duncan, I thought you were dead?"
"Of course not child, why do you look so concerned? You should be rejoicing. We have defeated the archdemon." a huge smile came across his face. I felt a tugging inside my brain, I have to fight it. As happy as I am to see Duncan I know it isn't right.
"You're not real, your dead! Now get out of my head."
"You want a fight then I'll give you one."
We fought and I won. This was too much for me. I was in the Fade, how I wasn't sure maybe it had to do with that specific demon. I fought my way through the Fade. I found my friends. Alistair with his sister and he was so happy, it made my heart heavy knowing that I had to break up his happy reunion. When we were finished fighting his demons, he looked at me and asked, "do you love him?" before I could answer he disappeared. I'll be glad to get out of here. My next stop was Cullen. I couldn't believe what I saw, it was me. A cheery wife. A wife with 3 children. When I approached him he was totally confused. It took so much for him to understand that I was the real me. The only way that I convinced him was saying that he was my rock and my foundation. Without him I'd be nothing. I broke down at this point then he realized that I was the real me. He lifted me up with his strong arms, tears were running down my face, and I could see the same to his. We wept together and he took my chin and he kissed me. It was unsuspecting but needed. His kiss was so soft and gentle. Not only passion but love. This is what got me through. Then there was a crashing sound, the other me used a lightening spell to get between us. I fell to the ground, he pulled out his sword and struck it through her chest. She fell to the ground crumpling into nothing. He came to me and helped me up. "Are you alright?"
"Yes. Are you?"
He smiled, "even better now that I have you."
We go to kiss again but a light shone all around him and he disappeared.
Facing the sloth demon was a lot easier than I expected. With all my Grey Warden companions and my new found love it was easy to defeat him. We got through the fade at no easy cause. It was a great triumph at a great cost.

The fade took so much out of me that I passed out when I came to. Cullen picked me up and said my name over and over. I felt myself swirling in darkness. I felt magic surging through my veins and I could hear a distant voice calling my name over and over. I tried to find the voice but I kept getting pulled in farther and farther into this bleak void. My friends were counting on me, Cullen! My Cullen. I have to use my strength to break through this heavy darkness. Morrigans magic pulsed through me once again. The voices were becoming louder and clearer. I saw a faint light and I could open my eyes. Everything is blurry but slowly focusing.
"Neria, please say something." It was the panicked voice of Cullen.
I open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out. I try again with more effort, "Cullen."
I feel my strength building up. I rise up and with all my strength I try to stand and surprisingly feel well enough for such a thing. Suddenly I felt like nothing happened. I was so happy to see Cullen I couldn't keep the smile off my face. At least not long enough to see Alistair's worry turn into hurt.
"We need to hurry if we want to save any remaining survivors."
We hurried along the next corridor battling possessed Templars and demons alike. I could see Cullen was struggling fighting his own friends and comrades. He nearly collapsed with grief. I wish I could help him; all I could do was comfort him. We finally made it to the harrowing chamber. Uldred was torturing one of the apprentices that was in my class.
I tried to stop before he turned him into one of his many terrifying abominations, but I was too late. I wept for seeing one of my fellow classmate torture and turn into this hideous creature. Uldred is so low to torture the young ones first. My rage boiled in my veins and I felt my magic tingle in my fingertips. I knew what spell I was going to use and felt the words on my tongue. I blast an inferno fire at Uldred and his fellow blood mages. The followers collapsed at the intensity of my flame. Uldred seemed unscathed by the blast, he laughed.
"Sweet little Neria, all grown up. Wouldn't you like to join my great cause? Make a stand for your kind, let's show the world what we are and our capability to rule over it. They should live in fear of us and bow to us."
"No. Uldred we are all equal. We should live equally not as the greater power."
He laughs at my comment and quickly traps all my friends and Cullen in paralysis chambers, "you still don't see our potential do you? You stay incompetent because of these superstitious metal heads." He pauses and looks straight at Cullen. Examining him like a caged rat. "Well I guess they had reason to worry. Believe me dear he will only bring you down."
"Don't you dare old man. I will strike you down in the name of what's right and holy. What you have committed here is hideousness and goes beyond unnatural."
He laughs again. I build up my fire magic to ignite him on the spot but he was quick as lightening. He grabbed me by the throat and whispered for only my ears to hear, "I was hoping to have some fun with you. A pretty little thing like you is hard to find."
"I'd rather die."
He looked at me hungrily, "it's a pity to waste something so beautiful and so powerful, but you leave me no choice."
His grip on my throat tightened and raised me off the floor. There was something in his eyes, danger and hostility. He's possessed! A thought seemed to have struck him, his grip on my throat was getting loose. My body felt so weak. I felt my strength draining from my body again but I fought it.
"Clearly I'm not targeting the right persuasion."
He goes to Cullen's mini cage, "I wonder what good he would be as an abomination. Let's find out shall we."
My heart sank, I tried to get up but two abominations came and held me back.
"No!"
Uldred smiled cynically, "that is what I want to hear."
He returns to me.
"Do whatever you want with me, but please let them go."
He looked thoughtful for a moment, "it's tempting but I can't see that ending well for the both of us. First let me try something."
I looked frantically at my friends expecting him to try something with them. But he didn't. Instead he was looking at me and conjuring something up in his mind to blast on me. Then it hit me. A series of pain ran through my body coursing through my veins. It felt like a bunch of tiny little needles stabbing me everywhere, then it turned into a slight burning sensation and then I felt like my whole body was on fire. I heard screaming not realizing it was me. The pain was so agonizing. He stopped after what seemed like an eternity. My body was shaking and blood dripped from my nose. My body felt broken.
"So what do you say? Join me and embrace eternity of ruling this world together. A king is lost without his queen."
At first I didn't answer, I was still in shock from the pain, he grew impatient.
"Or I could mutilate your friends into burning corpses and add them to my fine collection of trophies. What say you?"
I look at my friends, at Cullen. There death was unnecessary. Someone needed to end this blight and stop Uldred they could certainly do it without me. But being turned into an abomination was a terrible thing. I'd be lost in the Fade forever. Another surge of pain pulsed through my body. This pain was unreal. I want it to stop but I can't let my friends down. My thoughts went straight to Cullen his bronze hair and golden eyes would keep me sane.
The pain ceased immediately at the thought of Cullen, I open my eyes to see flashes metal against skin and much more going on. I was no longer being held down, I gathered all my strength and began casting spells against Uldred and his horde. Uldred was the last one standing of his team and he didn't seem a bit phased by it. He is much more powerful than I thought, I could feel his power radiating towards me I was his next target. I began casting the most powerful spell I had, fire. As it was about to leave my staff I saw Uldred had Cullen pinned to the floor. He was torturing him!
"Neria it is time for you to make your choice. One flick of my wrist and he is dead. I have my hand wrapped around his precious heart."
No, not Cullen! I had to do something, but the longer I thought about it the shorter time Cullen had to live. Cullen looked at me and whispered, "It will be okay. I will always be with you." I ran to him as fast as I could, with fire still at my command I released it forward straight at Uldred's heart. I struck exactly where it needed to be struck. But when I reached Cullen I realized I was too late. I fell to his side and tried to shake him awake, he stirred a little and opened his eyes only barely and smiled.
"I'm so happy to have seen your beautiful face one last time," he cringed. "I love you."
He held my cheek so gently; I kept hold of his hand there wanting it to stay there forever. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, "Cullen... I love you, always have and always will."
He smiled again and whispered with his last breath, "my love."
His hand went limp on my cheek, I wailed and cried with a heavy, heavy heart. Irving whom had also been tortured came to me and held me like a father would his daughter when she was sad. He was the only father figure I had. He tried to pry me away from Cullen's now lifeless body but I resisted. I realized it was only Irving and myself in the Harrowing chamber.
"Child, I am deeply, deeply sorry. But the longer you stay here in this cold chamber the more chance you will have at getting a cold."
I sniffled, "he should not have died today." I could feel my anger reaching it's peak and I didn't care what would happen to me at this point. My voice raised substantially echoing in the hollow and lifeless room, "I SHOULD HAVE DIED, NOT HIM! Uldred was going to sacrifice me for the sake of my friends and Cullen." My voice broke saying his name and didn't sound much better, "but I hesitated. I AM THE REASON HE IS DEAD!"
Irving patted my shoulder and told me that we need to leave before Gregoir thinks we're all dead. He's right I told him I'd catch up.
I sat next to Cullen's body, stroking his face so gently. Tears streamed down my face, "I'm so sorry."
I kissed his lips and glanced at him one last time and walked out the chamber. This day will live with me forever. I caused the death of the one I love and I would never forgive myself.