STILES POV
So you are scared of dying. Well let me tell you this, dyeing is nothing really. All you do is just pretty much… is die. You do not see any white lights or your life flash before your eyes, you just simple black out. Then you become a ghost or spirit whatever you want to call it. You are probably wondering why I'm telling you this and how I know. Well, I am Stiles Stilinski I killed myself at the age of sixteen about two weeks ago, today. Truthfully, I don't quite regret doing it, at least not yet. I mean I feel horrible for leaving my dad alone. However, he does have Melissa. Then there is Derek I think I feel worse about leaving him even more then my dad, which is just pathetic. The guy couldn't even tolerate me on a good day. However, these past two weeks have shown me I missed a lot of things about the sourwolf and that is where the regret is starting to kick in I left the guy I'm in love with and he might just love me back. I guess you're wondering what drove me to kill myself? Well I'll tell you. The short version until we get to the current part. It started with me and my best friend Scott, going out to the woods in the middle of the night to find a dead body; then Scott was bitten by a rouge alpha, which we end up having to kill. Then, not even a few months later, we have the next crises. Someone let loose a thing called a kanima which it kills killers on its master's commands. Oh and don't let me forget about Alison's evil old grandpa. You can say there was quite a bit of things that drove me to kill myself don't you think? However, that is what not tipped me off the edge. No, in fact it was a fight with my best friend Scott and then another fight later with my dad when I got home. So now were at the part where I decided I did not want to be a bother or just a waste of space anymore.
It was any other normal night I was at Derek's loft with the rest of the pack and everyone was ignoring me. Which was not new, I mean I should be used to it by now. Then a few seconds later Scott finally decides to show up with Alison on his arm. I mean don't get me wrong or anything I love Ally she is an amazing person but I want my friend back at least for a little, so we can hang like old times. That is exactly what I said to him; stupid move I know but I could not take it anymore. Therefore, we fought it out and Scott said some pretty messed up things, things I do not want to think about or even relive. After Scott and I had this "little" fight, he grabbed Alison and stormed out the door. A typical Scott McCall move, if he doesn't want to hear something he gets angry and storms off. After that lovely move, I turned around to look at the other people in the loft and go figure they were all glaring at me. What I should have guessed from the start the only reason I am even allowed into theses stupid pack "meetings" is because I'm Scott's best friend. Well guess not anymore, so I grabbed my stuff and left. Drove all the way home; ran into my dad who had not left for his night shift at the station yet and well got into another fight with him. He just yelled at me. On and on about how I wasn't being a good son, how I was lying to him about everything that's happening in my life and the worst one was how he was disappointed in me. When my dad was done yelling at me, he went to work. All I really remember after that is going up to my room grabbing the pocketknife that I hid under my bed, going into the bathroom, and just slitting my wrist.
You know though I remember not long after cutting my wrist, I woke up I mean obviously not alive but at first, I thought I was. I remember thinking what the hell it didn't work, why didn't it work, it should have worked. I got up, which I thought was weird because there was no pain, so I looked down at my wrist and they had healed, as if nothing ever happened to them. It got me thinking, if my wrist look like nothing happened I had to be dead, right. Therefore, I kept looking down farther until I was looking at the floor and holy batman my body was leaning propped up against the wall with all this blood around me. I just stared at it for what felt like forever and maybe I did. After I got over the shock of that person up against the wall was really me. I decided to wait and see how long it would take someone to find me in here, so I jumped up onto the sink counter and just continued to stare at my dead body.
By the time someone found me, it had to have been four or five hours after I killed myself and let me tell you. Man did it suck that no one tried calling or texting me to see how I was, they probably didn't even care enough to think about it. Which I should know, it just hurts to know that it is true. I bet you want to know who found my body. Well it was the least likely person I would have guessed to come check up on me. But I guess if he needed me to do some researching. It's not that far off. Yup you guessed it, it was one Derek Sourwolf Hale. I think if ghosts could have heart attacks, I would have had one. Because Derek busted threw the bathroom door as if it was a piece of cheese. He smashed the poor door into smithereens. The look on Derek's' face when he saw me with all of that blood sprawled all the way around me, was heart breaking. He looked like someone had killed his little white and brown puppy. The next second Derek was by my body's side saying my name repeatedly, he checked for a pulse I do not know how many times and when he finally realized that, I was not alive anymore. The great Derek Hale picked me up and pulled me into his lap and I can't believe it, he started rocking me back and forth. Saying my name and telling me I cannot possible be dead and that I needed to wake up right now, that it wasn't funny anymore. I did something I wouldn't have done well if I was alive. I walked over to Derek and I tried as hard as I could to hug him, to try and make sure he knew it was all right that it wasn't his fault. I don't know if he got the message or not but a few minutes later he pulled his phone out and dialed for an ambulance. After he called them, Derek called my dad to let him know that he needed to get home because I was dead.
When my dad got back to the house the ambulance had not shown up yet, so he ran all the way up the stairs to my bathroom and just stood straight as a statue when he saw Derek on the floor holding my limp body. I think, no I know I haven't seen my father cry since my mom died but here he was crying for me. This as you can imagine made me feel even worse than before because I made the two strongest men that I know cry because I killed myself. When the ambulance finally did show up to take my body away, the EMTS could barely pull my lifeless body out of Derek's arms. My dad had to pry Derek's hands off me so the EMTS could do their job by taking my body to the morgue.
After that, I'm not sure what really happened, it's all kind of fuzzy. I know I had my funeral but I couldn't tell you one thing about it. Though I think, I had quite a few people there. Pretty much after that I just hung out at my house in my room or down at the police station to keep an eye on my dad and sometimes head over to Scotty's or Derek's place to see them. I did this for about two days after my body was put to rest. After those two days, I decided I wanted to mess with or help the three people I left behind. Therefore, I trained myself to be able to pick up, move, and toss objects. I know I know I should try to move on but that is the thing, you can't or maybe you can if you're not the one that killed yourself at least.
So on most days I'm either watching my dad making sure he eats the right things and when he's not I switch it out for something health like a salad. I remember the first time I did that. He was looking everywhere for that burger he even went and asked all of his deputies if they had taken it but they all shook their heads no and kind of looked at my dad weirdly. For Scott I just throw things at his head or his body, just wherever I can hit him, especially when he and Ally are trying to get it on. You are probably wondering why everyone has moved on from my suicide so fast. They really haven't, at least I don't think they have. They are just trying to get back to how things were. You know normal, well as normal as anything can be in Beacon Hills, California.
You know it is somewhat funny I always hated going over to Derek's loft but now that I am dead, I'm there all the time. I'm there more then I'm anywhere else in town. I don't really throw things at Derek; ok maybe just once, but he deserved it he was being an ass to which may sound weird but hey this is Beacon Hills! Any way he was beating himself up over me how he couldn't get to me in time and I got frustrated at him so I threw an old baseball at him that happened to miss him and might have it a lamp. However, I sure can say it got his attention though. I have never had to switch his food out either. I just mostly lay on his bed watching him work out, read, or him just staring at thin air; though recently I have been thinking he isn't just looking at thin air. I think he might be looking at me which I know doesn't make sense 'cause how could he possible see me? I mean I am dead! However, a few days ago I was lying on Derek's bed, looking up at the ceiling until the next moment I notice the bed dip down; so I turned my head over and sure enough there was Derek laying on his stomach with his head facing me. Then he did something that was so weird, he lifted his arm and threw it over my midsection as if I was actually there. He even had his arm lifted up a little bit to look like it was laying on top of something, like it was laying on me. Then he moved a little closer to me and he leaned forward near my ear and whispered the weirdest thing. He said that he was doing everything he could to bring me back, that he was going to bring me back and this time around, that he wouldn't fail me.
All I could do was stare wide eyed at him for god knows how long. Because I mean what the hell, did I hear Derek correct he was going to bring me back and if I did hear right. Why the hell would he bring me back, everyone seems like they were doing fine without me and I mean I wasn't even pack so why the hell would he care about a weak little human with ADHAD like me? All I know is now I am watching Derek like a freaking hake. I barely ever go and check up on my dad now and I just leave Scott alone because all my attention is on Derek who is trying to bring me back from the grave!?