All That Was Me

MackenzieW

Author's Notes: This story is an AU Outlaw Queen story inspired by Diana Gabaldon's "Outlander." It does start out Stable Queen, where both Regina and Daniel were born in our world, the "Land Without Magic." I have adjusted plots accordingly to fit this change. I hope my changes make sense.

This does have a mature rating for cursing, violence and sexual scenes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time or the characters from the show. Once again, the premise is based on "Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon and some elements from the novel have been incorporated into this story.

Sing me a song of a lass that is gone

Say, could that lass be I?

Merry of soul she sailed on a day
Over the sea to Skye.

(Outlander opening titles, "The Skye Boat Song")

Chapter 1: Edwinstowe, 1982

I had always found comfort in science. Science always had the answers. Why was the sky blue? Because molecules in the air scattered blue light more than red. Why did pennies turn green? It was oxidation, the copper reacting to oxygen molecules. Basic questions, but all answered by science. Sitting in my first grade classroom, I was fascinated. When we created a volcano using baking powder and vinegar in third grade, I knew I wanted to be a scientist.

But it was 1963, the last year of Camelot. The women's liberation movement was just starting to catch fire but not in my elementary school. My teachers told my parents to dissuade me from science, believing it impossible for a woman to break into the field. They told them to encourage me to switch my love of combining chemicals into combining ingredients and to focus on baking. It was a more ladylike pursuit, after all.

My mother, Caroline, took their advice to heart. For Christmas, she bought me one of the new Easy-Bake Ovens in an attempt to courage me toward baking. I liked it well enough—it was very similar to chemistry—but I still loved science more. Mother also signed me up for etiquette classes, hoping to make me more ladylike. She had plans and my happiness was never part of them.

In those days, my father Henry was my lifesaver. He bought me my first chemistry set and snuck science books in for me to read. And he hid them for me so Mother wouldn't find them. When she was trying to get me to go to dance recitals, Dad and I drove to different science museums. I would have gone insane if not for him.

Pain gripped my heart as tears pricked my eyes. Dad's death hurt still. Which was understandable as it had only been a month earlier. It had been cancer. Dad and his doctors had fought it with everything available in medicine. I used my connections and was able to research a new experimental drug. Long days and late nights followed but I was relentless. If I wasn't experimenting, I was reading everything I could. Dad and I weren't going to go down without a fight.

In the end, the disease won. It was the first time science let me down. That hurt almost as much as the fact that my father wasn't there anymore.

A tissue was pressed into my hand. I glanced up, looking at my husband Daniel through tear-filled eyes. He smiled at me though his eyes were filled with concern. Wrapping an arm around me, he pulled me in close. Daniel kissed the top of my head before whispering, "It'll be all right. It's okay to cry. It's okay."

I rested my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. My sobs shook my body as he held me close, muttering nonsense in my ear. It was soothing nonetheless.

Our taxi hit a bump, sending us into my window. "God fucking damn it! Did you have to hit the one bump in the road?"

"Sorry about that," the driver said, sounding contrite. "I didn't mean to but it was unavoidable."

"It's okay. We're fine," Daniel assured him. He turned to me with a pointed look. "Right, Regina?"

"Yes, of course. No worries." I was working on my temper, one more unwanted gift from Mother. Daniel was a saint in my opinion for putting up with it. When he didn't run after the first time I exploded at him, I knew he was "The One." But he was also right when he sat me down and said I had to learn how to control my anger. It hasn't been easy, but I was making progress. Only a year ago, that man would've had his head chewed out.

But he seemed to have brushed off my hotheaded response. He glanced at us in his rearview mirror. "So, what brings you two to Edwinstowe? On your honeymoon?"

"Oh, we're not on our honeymoon. Did that already to someplace a bit more romantic than here. Right, Regina?" He nudged me.

I smiled, remembering our honeymoon in the south of France. It had been a wedding present from Dad, who said we deserved to go someplace filled with sun, sand and history. He gave Daniel strict orders to make sure I didn't get absorbed in my work and I was to make sure he didn't drag his typewriter along for the trip. "This time is for you two to get to know each other as husband and wife. Use it wisely. Your experiments and your writing will be here when you get back," he told us. We took his advice to heart and I believed we were stronger as a couple for it.

"Yes, dear. It was amazing." I threaded my hand through his, squeezing. His silver wedding band caught the sunlight and shone. I smiled at the sight.

Daniel leaned forward to talk to our driver better. His blue eyes shone in excitement and he grew animated as he spoke. "We're here on vacation, and to conduct some research into Robin Hood."

The driver chuckled. "Robin Hood, eh? Any particular reason why?"

"My husband is a writer." I couldn't keep the pride from my voice and I didn't want to. "And he's working on book featuring Robin Hood."

"Is he now? Well, that should be a good read." The driver chuckled as he turned off the highway. "You can tell me if I'm being nosy but you aren't staying in a hotel or even a bed and breakfast."

I fixed him with a hard look using the rearview mirror. "Yes, you are being nosy."

"Regina," Daniel said in a warning tone. He turned back to the driver. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. She isn't the first jetlagged traveler to snap at me. Probably won't be the last either." He chuckled. "So, care to tell me more about the book? Or is it a secret?"

"It is a secret." Daniel laughed. "All I can say is something drew me to him. Told me I had to write about him, had to come to England to learn about him. I'm not sure why. But thankfully, a friend of mine put me in touch with a professor here—that's where my wife and I are staying, with him and his wife—and things have been rolling along since."

Their voices faded away as I turned my attention to the scenery passing by outside my window. We had crossed into Edwinstowne and it looked like everything I had ever imagined an English village to look like. Cottages and other quaint houses lined the quiet streets. It was a sweet mixture of different architectures representing various eras in English history. I wouldn't have been surprised to find some structures dated back to when Robin Hood was supposed to have lived.

James and Cassandra Sampson lived on a tiny street not far from the main part of town. Their white little cottage was set back a bit from the road, stones forming a path to the wooden front door. It reminded me of a painting from the book of fairy tales my father used to read to me before bedtime, when Mother wasn't around to protest him putting such "nonsense" into my head. The illustration was part of Snow White, showing the cottage of the seven dwarves. Edwinstowne may have not been the most romantic place I would've thought of, but it appeared Daniel and I were staying in a place from a fairy tale. Maybe we could get our happily ever after this trip.

The door opened and older woman stepped out of the cottage. Her graying dark hair was pulled into a bun. She wore a dark red sweater paired with dark black slacks. I knew this had to be our hostess, Cassandra.

She watched as the driver came to a stop and as I opened the door, anxious to stretch my legs out. The drive from the airport seemed longer than it had been according to my watch. Behind me, Daniel and the driver pulled our luggage from the trunk as they discussed the fare. Cassandra hurried down the walk. "Don't you give him a single pound! Jim and I are taking care of this," she declared, clutching money in her hand.

"No, I can pay! See?" Daniel showed her his wallet.

Cassandra chuckled. "I know. But as long as you are with me or Jim, consider your money no good. Now go on and take your lovely wife inside. You two must be starving!"

I didn't feel hungry, though my eyelids were growing heavy. Bed sounded more appealing than food. Yet I knew it was still a long way off. We had to stay awake in order to get over the jetlag and adjust our internal clocks to Greenwich Mean Time. So food was going to have to be a good distraction. I held out my hand to Daniel. "Come on. Let's get the luggage inside."

"Listen to your wife. Your bedroom is up the stairs. Can't miss it," Cassandra said. She then turned her attention back to the driver.

Daniel and I carried our luggage into the cottage, entering the foyer. Straight ahead was the kitchen, leading into a spacious and bright living room. A wooden staircase was next to us, leading up to what I suspected was an attic converted into a second floor. We had our own bathroom, with a toilet and a porcelain tub, which was separated from our bedroom by a simple wooden door. A queen-sized bed sat under a small window with a nightstand next to it. A dresser lined one wall while a vanity sat opposite of it. There was no closet, but it appeared James Sampson had set up a rod for us to hang up the clothes we didn't want to fold.

"Much better than a hotel, Regina?" Daniel put down my luggage, which he had just finished dragging up the stairs. He encircled his arms around me.

I leaned against his chest. "I guess so. That bed looks very appealing."

"But…"

"What?"

"I heard the 'but' in your voice, Regina. You can tell me."

Sighing I turned around to wrap my arms around his neck. "I was hoping to we could try again for a baby on this vacation. And it seems awkward to have sex in someone else's house."

"It does, I'll admit." He kissed my forehead. "But we'll see what happens. And if you really want, we can check into a bed and breakfast for a few days and really give it the old college try."

I rose on my toes to kiss him. His embraced tightened, pressing me against him. We fell back on the bed, never breaking contact. The mattress bounced but at least the frame didn't make any noises. Perhaps it wouldn't be as awkward as I feared…

"Daniel? Regina? Do you need any help?" Cassandra's voice wafted up the stairs.

We broke apart and I sighed as he sat up. "We better go downstairs and be polite to our hostess. Besides," he said, glancing down at the bed, "we don't want to fall asleep and screw up our internal clocks, right?"

I nodded. "Right, right. Jetlag sucks."

"Truer words have never been spoken."

Pushing myself off the bed, I walked over to the vanity to look in the mirror. My dark hair, while short, was still a mess. Strands stuck up in odd directions. I crinkled my nose and went to search my luggage for my brush.

Daniel waited by the staircase. "You look fine, Regina. Come on."

"You always think I look fine. But I do look like a mess and I will not meet our hostess looking like this." I pointed to my hair. "You go down. I'll only be a few minutes."

"Famous last words," he muttered. I resisted the urge to throw my newly retrieved brush at him. Instead, I turned back to the mirror and pointedly ignored him. His footfalls grew softer as he descended the stairs.

Once my hair was tamed, I joined Daniel and Cassandra in the kitchen. She had put the kettle on the stove and was preparing to make tea. But she still turned from the stove to hold out her hand to me. "Cassandra Sampson, nice to meet you."

"Regina Mills-Ahern." I shook her hand. "Thank you for inviting us into your home."

"It's a pleasure, I assure you. Jim and Daniel have been writing back and forth for so long, I couldn't pass up the chance to meet you two. I feel like I've known you forever." Her smile drooped. "And we were very sorry to hear about your father. He sounded like a wonderful man."

I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat. "Thank you. He was."

Silence descended upon the kitchen, broken only by the whistle of the kettle. As Cassandra poured the hot water, I took a seat next to Daniel. He rubbed my back, knowing how painful thoughts of my father were. I closed my eyes and willed the tears away. Not here, not now.

Cassandra placed the tea tray down on the table, a plate of vanilla wafers sitting next to the cups. "I hope you like this type. If not, let me know what you prefer and I'll have it ready."

"Thank you, though I think Regina and I are more coffee drinkers than tea drinkers. Right, dear?" Daniel handed me a cup.

I nodded. "But don't worry about getting a specific brand. We'll drink anything as long as it's coffee."

"No, no. You're our guests. We're going to make sure you are comfortable so don't think you're being a nuisance." Cassandra sat down with her own cup. She held out the plate of wafers. "Biscuit?"

Biscuits. Of course. I took one with a smile. "Thank you."

"When is your husband expected home?" Daniel asked.

Cassandra shrugged. "Soon, I imagine. He can get lost amongst the stacks when he's in research mode. And I can assure you, Mr. Aherns, he's been researching for you the past few days."

"Please, call me Daniel. And I'm sorry if I've inconvenienced you by preoccupying your husband."

"It's one of Jim's quirks. I knew it when I married him and I think I love him more for it. Most days." She glanced at the clock. "I just hope he remembers you two were arriving today and doesn't come home too late."

James Sampson came home at half past six, to his wife's surprise. She almost dropped the roast she was taking out of the oven when he strolled in. I managed to grab the pan, a towel providing protection from the heat. As I put the roast atop the oven, Cassandra hurried over to him. "Jim! You're home!"

"Of course, my dear." He kissed her cheek. "How could I forget our guests?"

"You've done it before. Can you blame me for thinking you would do it again?" Cassandra took his jacket and went to hang it up.

James hummed in response before noticing me. "You must be Mrs. Mills-Ahern! A pleasure, my dear."

He kissed the back of my hand. I usually didn't like such faux chivalrous gestures but his seemed genuine. I studied him as he did so. His hair was gray but still thick. Wrinkles lined his face, giving him a wise visage. His blue eyes shone with a humor that made him seem younger, though. I could tell we were going to get along well with this couple.

I smiled as I said: "The pleasure is mine. And you can call me Regina. Please."

"Of course. And where is your husband?"

I pointed toward the stairs. "He's washing up before dinner."

"Which is something I think you should do, Jim. Regina and I have things covered down here." Cassandra kissed his cheek before giving her husband a push toward their bedroom, which was down the hall from the kitchen.

She exchanged a look with me. "Men. Can't live with them, can't live without them. Am I right?"

"Absolutely." We laughed and continued setting up for dinner.

After dinner, Jim and Daniel retreated to the small room designated as Jim's study to start going over research about Robin Hood. Cassandra and I remained in the kitchen, sipping wine after cleaning the table. She studied me over the rim of her glass. "So, Regina, I know you work. What do you do?"

"I'm a chemist for a pharmaceutical company. I help create new drugs that hopefully will help people." Not always, not when it matters. I took a sip of my wine. "How about you?"

"I'm the local librarian. It's not a very demanding job but I love it."

"That's all that matters, right?" I shifted in my seat. "So, what do you like to do in this town?"

"There are things to do. We have a cinema and the park. Shops as well. We have enough to pass the time. If not, we can find it in the next town over." Cassandra set down her wine, running a finger along the rim.

After a short pause, she asked: "Regina, do you believe in magic?"

"Pardon?" Her question struck me as odd. Why had she asked it?

"I'm sorry, I didn't set that up right," Cassandra said. "I'm sure you're aware it's almost the midsummer. We're preparing for the festivities. Legend says that the fairies can come through on that day and magic is possible."

I scoffed. "Just fairy tales, Cassandra. I believe in science, not magic."

"I understand. But you have to admit there are things science can't explain."

"Of course. But I can say with certainty that fairies don't exist."

"They don't. I know that, most people around here know that. But still, on the Midsummer, people look for fairies all the same. And I know you and Daniel will be here. Would you like to go on a fairy hunt with me?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You're inviting me to go looking for something we both know doesn't exist?"

Cassandra laughed. "It does sound crazy when you put it that way. But it's just a fun night out in the woods. And I always feel like a young woman again when I go. Jim usually went with me, but he hurt his knee earlier this year and it hasn't healed as it should've. We're getting old, apparently."

"So you're asking me to be your partner in fun?"

"Partner in fun? I like that! You're wittier than I expected, Regina," Cassandra said. "So, what do you say? Or do I need to get down on one knee and ask you properly?"

I shook my head. "It's not that serious. And yes, I'll go with you. I'll admit, I loved fairy tales when I was a girl. Maybe I do need a little magic in my life. And besides, it'll be a nice night out, right?"

"Absolutely. And who knows? Maybe you'll find yourself a fairy." Cassandra waggled her eyebrows.

I laughed. "Maybe I will."