Title: My Greatest Mistake 1/1
Disclaimer: As Duckie once said... umm... Once upon a time TpTb of TW
sucked...so i decided to tie them up in a broom closet and take my shot at
the show
Note: You don't like sad fic? Awweeeee. I'm sorry!!!! Then don't read
this....Der. (But I promise that it isn't uber-evil....hehe)
I had felt nothing for her for months; I had been able to completely ignore the fact that our relationship before had been so intimate. That one had even existed. We were able to work together, we could ride together when she was doing beat cop work, and I was fine. But the minute she stepped back up to being ACU sergeant for the third watch, I couldn't forget the fact that we had a relationship before. I couldn't help but look at her, and see her as the soft unknown person she had been when we were in bed.
Maybe it was because she was back in charge, she had that fire to her again, the spunk that seemed to have been left behind when she was thrown down a notch. Or maybe it was that overtime, I started seeing her as a real person again, and not just some dirty bitch that had ruined my life. I came to terms with myself, realizing that I couldn't blame her for the problems Faith and me were having, for the feelings I had. She may have dug a new personality out from within me, one that I didn't like, one that made me lie to my best friend, my partner, but she wasn't the one who dragged her into the whole situation. Cruz could have told me she was working undercover, but had I been in her position, I knew I wouldn't have, I would have made the same judgment calls that she did. I was the one who asked Faith for help, even though I was in the dark; the words were uttered from my lips. Even then, I couldn't blame myself, I couldn't feel sorry for myself anymore. Too many things that were different people's fault couldn't be blamed on one person. That fact realized, the new, happier, more concerned for myself again me, seemed to have been reborn.
Other people may not have noticed, I hardly noticed, but I found myself watching her. When she walked into the locker room, when she changed, when she left the locker room, when she walked around the precinct like she owned it. I studied how she walked, the different faces she made, the way she talked to people, the way she scared the shit out of perps so they would talk. I noticed it all; I memorized every move she made, every word she said. I was beginning to fall for her like I had before, and I couldn't pull myself away.
I was changing after work, getting back into my street clothes when she came in. I was only wearing my jeans, my body lacking a shirt, and I pretended not to notice that her gaze lingered on my chest for a moment before her eyes met mine. I nodded in hello, she replied with a smile before turning to her own locker and twisting the combination to open it.
"Hard day? Saw you scaring the shit outta a perp earlier." I told her, pulling on a t-shirt.
"Nope. Just a skell that wouldn't talk."
"You get him too?" I already knew the answer – I'd seen it on her face when she'd left. Pulling out my leather coat, I closed my locker.
"Like I would be here right now if he hadn't?" She asked me.
It occurred to me that we were alone; everyone else had left not too long ago. Setting my coat down on the bench next to my bag, I walked over by her, leaning against the lockers by hers. "Probably not."
She closed her locker, her jacket in hand. She looked a little startled that I was there, but tried not to show it. "Ya..." She said, drawing it out, trying to figure out what I wanted.
"You wanna head out for a drink?"
She shrugged, "Don't got any money on me."
"Oh." I stood up straight, "Just wondering. Everyone else is already gone, so figured I'd give it a try."
She only nodded, giving me a strange look before stepping around me to leave.
"Ritza, wait." I said, turning and grabbing her arm. I drew her to me, and brought my lips to hers.
When she didn't pull away, but instead dropped her keys on the ground, I held her around her waist. It felt so good after so long, and I moaned softly into her mouth. Her arms wrapped themselves around my neck, and I turned us so I ended up pinning her up against the lockers. My hands on the metal lockers at her side, I pressed into her.
We were both breathing heavily, hands pressing on flesh when the locker room door opened. I pulled away instantly, somehow managing to hear the noise. We looked at each other, glad we were on the other side of the room, a row of lockers separating us from the person that had just walked in. Trying to breath quietly I nodded to Cruz, and walked around the lockers, leaving.
I was driving down Arthur, towards 82nd when my phone rang. I stepped on the gas to go through a yellow light, my mind racing, my body still pumped from the past hours events.
"Hello?"
"Boz...hey."
"Faith. Hi." I swallowed, hard. I suddenly felt like I had betrayed her – and I had. I was caught in the person that she hated most, her enemy.
"Ya, I just umm...I wanted to let you know that I talked to Swersky today."
"Oh...That's...Good. You coming back tomorrow then?" After that night in the hospital, I didn't talk to her for two months. After that, she'd called, told me to stop sitting in my car outside the apartment and just come up to talk to her already. Things were better then, we both had begun to heal.
"Ya. He said we would be able to ride together. 55-David is back in business." With her words, old wounds ripped open, tearing my heart and mind apart, shattering them both like glass.
"Ya? Good...Good. That's great, Faith."
"You okay, Bosco?"
"Ya. Fine. Just ran a yellow light, that's all."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll let you get back to driving then. Don't want you to get into an accident on my account."
"Kay. See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
"Bye..." She had already hung up, my voice talking to static.
The ride the next day was more than uncomfortable for me. Faith thought it was her, and I knew it was because I felt like I was betraying her. It wasn't like anything had really happened with Cruz. Just groping and kissing, like a teenage make-out session I used to have under the bleachers in high school. I off in my own world for most the watch, and Faith kept giving me sad looks, like it was her fault. I told her it wasn't, that I was just tired, that after I had gotten off the phone with her I almost caused an accident and I was just still shaky about driving. She didn't buy any of it – she knew me better than that. She probably thought I was afraid to ride with her, that I thought she didn't, she couldn't have my back. I knew she would. I knew she could do it.
I finished my paperwork in record time, mostly because I saw Cruz go into the locker room when I knew everyone else was gone. Setting down my pen, I looked up at Faith, and saw her still writing.
"I'm done...gonna go hand it in. I'll see you in the locker room."
She only nodded in reply, to concentrated on doing the report to notice I was shaking, my voice had been quivering.
I wasn't in the locker room for more than five seconds alone with her before I had up against the wall. A smile had spread across my lips, a laugh escaping my throat. The confusion in her eyes only made her seem cuter, and I leaned in to kiss her again.
As soon as our lips met, I heard the door open, and a new fear entered my veins. I had momentarily forgotten about Faith, and when I looked up, when I pulled away from Cruz, I knew that it was too late. The look in her eyes, the pain and betrayal, the confusion spread across her face made me want to die. She didn't understand. How could she? Me, her partner, the person she was supposed to be able to trust, was just making out with the person she despised.
My eyes traveled to Cruz, only to find her looking down, the back of her hand running across her mouth. She coughed a little, and pushed past me to get to her locker. I found my gaze being pulled back to Faith. Faith who was staring at me, like prey, her jaw clenched. Her hands were balled into fists at her side, her eyes glazing over.
I knew at that moment that I had done the last wrong. I had passed the line that was the last straw. I was the one who broke our friendship. She knew it too, and I wished I could have held her, told her I was sorry. That time was over now, I would never see her tears again, she would never see mine. 55-David was gone, something only of the past and held nothing for the future.
Five years later, I can only think that maybe, just maybe she would still be alive if I hadn't messed up. I would have been her partner, I would have had her back, not some rookie. I would have seen the gun that the guy held, seen him point his weapon at Faith, and shot him before he shot her.
I wasn't though, and she paid for it. She paid for it with her life, and I can't tell her I'm sorry anymore. Looking at her gravestone, her name etched into the rock, I trace the letters. F-A-I-T-H.
I had felt nothing for her for months; I had been able to completely ignore the fact that our relationship before had been so intimate. That one had even existed. We were able to work together, we could ride together when she was doing beat cop work, and I was fine. But the minute she stepped back up to being ACU sergeant for the third watch, I couldn't forget the fact that we had a relationship before. I couldn't help but look at her, and see her as the soft unknown person she had been when we were in bed.
Maybe it was because she was back in charge, she had that fire to her again, the spunk that seemed to have been left behind when she was thrown down a notch. Or maybe it was that overtime, I started seeing her as a real person again, and not just some dirty bitch that had ruined my life. I came to terms with myself, realizing that I couldn't blame her for the problems Faith and me were having, for the feelings I had. She may have dug a new personality out from within me, one that I didn't like, one that made me lie to my best friend, my partner, but she wasn't the one who dragged her into the whole situation. Cruz could have told me she was working undercover, but had I been in her position, I knew I wouldn't have, I would have made the same judgment calls that she did. I was the one who asked Faith for help, even though I was in the dark; the words were uttered from my lips. Even then, I couldn't blame myself, I couldn't feel sorry for myself anymore. Too many things that were different people's fault couldn't be blamed on one person. That fact realized, the new, happier, more concerned for myself again me, seemed to have been reborn.
Other people may not have noticed, I hardly noticed, but I found myself watching her. When she walked into the locker room, when she changed, when she left the locker room, when she walked around the precinct like she owned it. I studied how she walked, the different faces she made, the way she talked to people, the way she scared the shit out of perps so they would talk. I noticed it all; I memorized every move she made, every word she said. I was beginning to fall for her like I had before, and I couldn't pull myself away.
I was changing after work, getting back into my street clothes when she came in. I was only wearing my jeans, my body lacking a shirt, and I pretended not to notice that her gaze lingered on my chest for a moment before her eyes met mine. I nodded in hello, she replied with a smile before turning to her own locker and twisting the combination to open it.
"Hard day? Saw you scaring the shit outta a perp earlier." I told her, pulling on a t-shirt.
"Nope. Just a skell that wouldn't talk."
"You get him too?" I already knew the answer – I'd seen it on her face when she'd left. Pulling out my leather coat, I closed my locker.
"Like I would be here right now if he hadn't?" She asked me.
It occurred to me that we were alone; everyone else had left not too long ago. Setting my coat down on the bench next to my bag, I walked over by her, leaning against the lockers by hers. "Probably not."
She closed her locker, her jacket in hand. She looked a little startled that I was there, but tried not to show it. "Ya..." She said, drawing it out, trying to figure out what I wanted.
"You wanna head out for a drink?"
She shrugged, "Don't got any money on me."
"Oh." I stood up straight, "Just wondering. Everyone else is already gone, so figured I'd give it a try."
She only nodded, giving me a strange look before stepping around me to leave.
"Ritza, wait." I said, turning and grabbing her arm. I drew her to me, and brought my lips to hers.
When she didn't pull away, but instead dropped her keys on the ground, I held her around her waist. It felt so good after so long, and I moaned softly into her mouth. Her arms wrapped themselves around my neck, and I turned us so I ended up pinning her up against the lockers. My hands on the metal lockers at her side, I pressed into her.
We were both breathing heavily, hands pressing on flesh when the locker room door opened. I pulled away instantly, somehow managing to hear the noise. We looked at each other, glad we were on the other side of the room, a row of lockers separating us from the person that had just walked in. Trying to breath quietly I nodded to Cruz, and walked around the lockers, leaving.
I was driving down Arthur, towards 82nd when my phone rang. I stepped on the gas to go through a yellow light, my mind racing, my body still pumped from the past hours events.
"Hello?"
"Boz...hey."
"Faith. Hi." I swallowed, hard. I suddenly felt like I had betrayed her – and I had. I was caught in the person that she hated most, her enemy.
"Ya, I just umm...I wanted to let you know that I talked to Swersky today."
"Oh...That's...Good. You coming back tomorrow then?" After that night in the hospital, I didn't talk to her for two months. After that, she'd called, told me to stop sitting in my car outside the apartment and just come up to talk to her already. Things were better then, we both had begun to heal.
"Ya. He said we would be able to ride together. 55-David is back in business." With her words, old wounds ripped open, tearing my heart and mind apart, shattering them both like glass.
"Ya? Good...Good. That's great, Faith."
"You okay, Bosco?"
"Ya. Fine. Just ran a yellow light, that's all."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll let you get back to driving then. Don't want you to get into an accident on my account."
"Kay. See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
"Bye..." She had already hung up, my voice talking to static.
The ride the next day was more than uncomfortable for me. Faith thought it was her, and I knew it was because I felt like I was betraying her. It wasn't like anything had really happened with Cruz. Just groping and kissing, like a teenage make-out session I used to have under the bleachers in high school. I off in my own world for most the watch, and Faith kept giving me sad looks, like it was her fault. I told her it wasn't, that I was just tired, that after I had gotten off the phone with her I almost caused an accident and I was just still shaky about driving. She didn't buy any of it – she knew me better than that. She probably thought I was afraid to ride with her, that I thought she didn't, she couldn't have my back. I knew she would. I knew she could do it.
I finished my paperwork in record time, mostly because I saw Cruz go into the locker room when I knew everyone else was gone. Setting down my pen, I looked up at Faith, and saw her still writing.
"I'm done...gonna go hand it in. I'll see you in the locker room."
She only nodded in reply, to concentrated on doing the report to notice I was shaking, my voice had been quivering.
I wasn't in the locker room for more than five seconds alone with her before I had up against the wall. A smile had spread across my lips, a laugh escaping my throat. The confusion in her eyes only made her seem cuter, and I leaned in to kiss her again.
As soon as our lips met, I heard the door open, and a new fear entered my veins. I had momentarily forgotten about Faith, and when I looked up, when I pulled away from Cruz, I knew that it was too late. The look in her eyes, the pain and betrayal, the confusion spread across her face made me want to die. She didn't understand. How could she? Me, her partner, the person she was supposed to be able to trust, was just making out with the person she despised.
My eyes traveled to Cruz, only to find her looking down, the back of her hand running across her mouth. She coughed a little, and pushed past me to get to her locker. I found my gaze being pulled back to Faith. Faith who was staring at me, like prey, her jaw clenched. Her hands were balled into fists at her side, her eyes glazing over.
I knew at that moment that I had done the last wrong. I had passed the line that was the last straw. I was the one who broke our friendship. She knew it too, and I wished I could have held her, told her I was sorry. That time was over now, I would never see her tears again, she would never see mine. 55-David was gone, something only of the past and held nothing for the future.
Five years later, I can only think that maybe, just maybe she would still be alive if I hadn't messed up. I would have been her partner, I would have had her back, not some rookie. I would have seen the gun that the guy held, seen him point his weapon at Faith, and shot him before he shot her.
I wasn't though, and she paid for it. She paid for it with her life, and I can't tell her I'm sorry anymore. Looking at her gravestone, her name etched into the rock, I trace the letters. F-A-I-T-H.