This is a song-fic about Remus/Sirius. The song is Lady Antebellum - Need you now. I was listening to it last night and the story just came to me. Hope you like it.
DISCLAIMER: The song belongs to Lady Antebellum, and the characters belong to J. K. Rowling. This is just for fun, no money earned.
Need You Now
Picture-perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
Remus is sitting on the floor in his small living room. Old photo albums scattered around him with happy pictures smiling up at him. Right now he was staring at a picture of his best friend with his wife on their wedding day. James and Lily. It's been a year since they died. Cold blooded murder. Betrayed by their best friend, the godfather of their son who now had to grow up without knowing his parents, Remus fiancée, Sirius Black. The now familiar ache in Remus heart stung hard and in a hazy moment where everything felt like a really bad dream he reached into his pocket to get his mirror and call Sirius. But as usual there were no mirror since it had been placed in a boxed in the attic a year ago, and Remus world came crashing down again, breaking is heart yet again in a million pieces.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time
Sirius Black. The mere thought of the name make Remus nauseous from all the feelings trying to make their way to the surface. Usually anger would win, closely followed by despair, grief and betrayal. Not a day, not even a minute, went by that Remus didn't think of the man he loved so much. He would never admit it to anyone, hardly even himself, but he still loved Sirius, and he often wondered if Sirius still loved him. Did he think of him when he sat in his cell in Azkaban? Did he love him still? Had he ever… no, he wouldn't go there. He had to believe, that had to be true.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
The clock had just clanged its lonely clang, telling Remus he had spend two hours in his bed without being able to sleep. The bed just felt so huge and empty without the other man in it. One would think he would get used to it after a year on his own, but old habits die hard. He eventually felt his eyelids slide shut as he fell into restless sleep. It didn't last long though. Barely 30 minutes later he woke up with a jolt, sitting upright in bed, gasping Sirius' name. Turning to his left to get some comfort from his lover only to find the space empty. Realizing he hadn't woken from the terrible nightmare his life had become this time either he completely lost it. Screaming Sirius name over and over, trashing the bed. The only thing that remained untouched was the pillow on the left side of the bed. Stained with tears and slightly dirty after a year without a fresh pillowcase.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
Remus twirled his glas of firewhisky, staring at it's content before tipping the bottom up, pouring the burning liquid down his troth. Today was Sirius and his 10th anniversary. The 6 first anniversaries Sirius had always been up and out before Remus as much as considered getting out of bed. Some hours later he would come back, joy and love all over his face, trying to convince Remus that he'd been to the library working on an essay (as if Remus would ever believe that), or just ran some errands (even Sirius figured that Remus wouldn't believe that Professor Slughorn had given him an essay after graduation). Eagerly he would pull Remus away from whatever he was doing and take him for a walk. The first time Sirius had set up a picnic in the forbidden forest that ended with them sitting in a tree, waiting for some still unidentified creature to eat all their food. After three years together Sirius took him for a flight in an airballoon ("Clever these muggles, flying without magic!"). Their seventh they spend apart for the first time, and now, on their tenth, Remus figured it was time to realize that Sirius wouldn't come bustling in the door, taking him out on some strange adventure for the day.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time
Did Sirius remember those days? Was he even aware that today marked ten years since two teenage boys awkwardly kissed each other for the first time? Was he thinking of all the nice things he could've done with Remus had he not killed half of the marauders? Did he regret it? Before he knew what he was really doing, Remus decided that he needed answers and had flooed himself to Azkaban, asking to visit Mr. Sirius Black. His mind didn't really catch up before a guard was leading him down dark corridors, and he was about to tell the guard he didn't want to talk to Sirius after all, but it was too late.
"Mr. Black, you have a visitor." The guard had stopped in front of one of the cells, and Remus stopped before he could see inside.
"The dementors are messing enough with my head as it is," a cough interrupted the raspy voice, "I don't need you to try and make me loopier by inventing friends for me."
"I'm not trying to mess with your head, Black, there really is a visitor here, Lemin Rupus he said his name was, right?" the guard asked Remus.
"Well, I don't know any Lemin Rupus, so I'm not interested." The voice who supposedly belonged to Sirius said.
"Actually, the name is Remus Lupin" When Remus mentioned his name the guard jumped back from the cell, and Remus could see hands gripping the bars, and as he slowly approached the cell he could see a thin man with wild, black hair and beard and filthy clothes pressing himself against the bars to get a look at his visitor.
"Remus?" The man whispered, disbelief in his voice. "Is that really you? Let him in!"
"Yes, it's really me." Remus said as he entered the tiny room. "I could have asked you the same question. This place has been horrible to you Sirius." Remus approached Sirius, but the other man slouched down on a small bench, and Remus stopped, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"Why are you here Remus?"
"I need answers,Sirius." Remus began softly as he went to sit down next to Sirius. His head still dizzy from the whisky so he stumbled a little.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Oh whoa
"Jeez, Rem. It's barely midday and you're drunk?" Sirius frowned at Remus as he rubbed his temples a little to ease the dizziness.
"Just a little." Sirius was still frowning. "Don't look at me like that; it's not a habit of mine. I was just…" suddenly Remus troth felt tight.
"celebrating our anniversary?" Sirius' voice was quiet, barely a whisper, and Remus thought he could hear a hint of hope.
"You remember?"
"Of course I remember. You meant everything to me, moony, you still do. I count my meals to keep track of the days so I don't miss any special dates. I know it's sounds weird, but seriously, there's nothing normal in this place. If I weren't stuck in this hell-hole today, we would be on our way to that huge ferish wheel in London." Sirius said, a dreamy look on his face as he escaped this "hell-hole" for a moment.
"Then why did you do it Sirius? It doesn't make sense. Why did you rat on James and Lily and kill Peter?" Remus hadn't meant to be so straight forward with his question, and he felt a bit guilty as Sirius winced and his head sank further down.
"It doesn't make sense, Remus, because I didn't do it. I betrayed them, yes, but not in the way everybody think. I convinced them to use Peter as their secret-keeper, thinking that the dark lord would never go after him. When I went after him he screamed accusations at me, cut off his finger, and blew up the whole street." Sirius voice turned bitter until it broke at the end. The pieces finally matched in Remus' mind, and he felt his heart mending a little as he reached out and pulled the sobbing man into a tight embrace.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all
The tears finally stopped, but Sirius didn't let go.
"I'm sorry for sobbing all over you, it just hurt so much when I think about them, about us. But at least I'm feeling something. In here, it's better to hurt than feel nothing at all, means you haven't gone mental yet." Sirius attempted a smile, but Remus could see it was half-hearted. Just then the guard came, telling Remus his time was up. Sirius let go of him as they both stood up, and when they hugged good bye, quiet whispers of "I love you" was exchanged.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Remus groaned as he gained semi-consciousness. This moon had been bad, even before the full moon he had been sick for a week. He tried to move, but his whole body was aching and he felt himself slipping into darkness again.
The next time he started to wake up he felt strong arms carrying him, but he was too tired to think any more of it and as the arms lay him down on something warm and soft he slipped away once again.
Three's a charm and this time he managed to become fully awake. Looking around he noticed that he was in his bed, wounds cleaned and covered. How had he managed that? The answer soon reveled itself as a now clean Sirius Black, in fresh clothes borrowed from Remus, made his way into the room with a steaming mug of tea and a bottle of healing potion for Remus to drink.
"Sirius?" He couldn't believe it. "How?"
"I ran away from Azkaban." He said as he put down the tea and potion on the bedside table next to Remus. "Lucky I reached you today, the moon has been rough on you, love." Sirius stroked Remus cheek softly, avoiding the fresh wound.
"Everything is better now that you are here." Remus pulled Sirius down for a kiss, finally getting what he had wanted for 12 years. Sirius crawled into bed, holding his lover once again, and as they both felt their eyes closing they looked forward to the first peaceful sleep any of them had had since the last night they spent together.
Oh baby I need you now