I own many things, however; I do not own characters.
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A dark man storms down the hall with a bright idea and a new formula growing in his mind.
A dark man with dark ideas walks into his office and tinkers about with paper and a pen.
A dark man is brainstorming.
This dark man is Severus Snape. His dark idea is a new potion.
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2 days later...
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"Ahh! My potion is complete! Now I can truly squash all hopes of nocturnal wanderings from those blasted Gryffindor brats," Snape whispered to himself mischievously.
Snape pulled a few strands of hair from his scalp, threw these hairs into a huge cauldron holding the potion. The potion bubbled, hissed, subsided, and then turned mellow Caribbean green. He began to stir this concoction.
After about 15 minutes of dwindling hope and pointless stirring, the potion began to stiffen into a substance with a viscosity like that of honey.
After about an hour, and much muscle ache, the potion was quite stiff. Severus threw a table cloth over the large cauldron and went to sleep.
The next morning he went about his usual business of brushing his teeth and checking his potion supplies until he remembered his brew.
This was no longer his green potion, but an exact copy of him. Same hooked nose, same hair, same piercing eyes, same flowing hair, and same rippling muscles.
"Oh my, look at you," Severus whispered in amazement while he walked around and looked at his creation. "I shall name you John Malkovich." Severus then poked Malkovich. "Oh, what a beauty," he shuddered
And the months went by. Severus taught Malkovich all of his brilliant potion techniques and formulas along with how to speak English.
When Severus was around his creation, he felt something... odd... that he could not place his finger on.
Until one day. Snape and Malkovich took a swim in the lake one hot near-summer day, and Snape couldn't help but notice the way the water rolled off of Malkovich. Oh, it was like watching a rose blossom or a shooting star. He became aroused.
"Malkovich, I want you to come here," Severus called, and Malkovich came bounding over. "May I rub some oil on your back?" he asked as he blushed. He then giggled like a girl.
Soon, the oil was being used for more than just sun protection.
Their love did blossom. Oh, it blossomed into a white dove. And that dove flew into the horizon.
Severus even proposed to Malkovich a few months later. They were soon (illegally) married. John Malkovich turned into John Malkovich-Snape.
After their honeymoon, Snape quit Hogwarts and moved into the suburbs. Everything went well until Severus caught Malkovich-Snape in bed with another man. Severus went crazy and shot everything and everyone. Even the neighbor's dog.
The moral of the story: Never clone yourself and move into a suburb.
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A dark man storms down the hall with a bright idea and a new formula growing in his mind.
A dark man with dark ideas walks into his office and tinkers about with paper and a pen.
A dark man is brainstorming.
This dark man is Severus Snape. His dark idea is a new potion.
###########
2 days later...
###########
"Ahh! My potion is complete! Now I can truly squash all hopes of nocturnal wanderings from those blasted Gryffindor brats," Snape whispered to himself mischievously.
Snape pulled a few strands of hair from his scalp, threw these hairs into a huge cauldron holding the potion. The potion bubbled, hissed, subsided, and then turned mellow Caribbean green. He began to stir this concoction.
After about 15 minutes of dwindling hope and pointless stirring, the potion began to stiffen into a substance with a viscosity like that of honey.
After about an hour, and much muscle ache, the potion was quite stiff. Severus threw a table cloth over the large cauldron and went to sleep.
The next morning he went about his usual business of brushing his teeth and checking his potion supplies until he remembered his brew.
This was no longer his green potion, but an exact copy of him. Same hooked nose, same hair, same piercing eyes, same flowing hair, and same rippling muscles.
"Oh my, look at you," Severus whispered in amazement while he walked around and looked at his creation. "I shall name you John Malkovich." Severus then poked Malkovich. "Oh, what a beauty," he shuddered
And the months went by. Severus taught Malkovich all of his brilliant potion techniques and formulas along with how to speak English.
When Severus was around his creation, he felt something... odd... that he could not place his finger on.
Until one day. Snape and Malkovich took a swim in the lake one hot near-summer day, and Snape couldn't help but notice the way the water rolled off of Malkovich. Oh, it was like watching a rose blossom or a shooting star. He became aroused.
"Malkovich, I want you to come here," Severus called, and Malkovich came bounding over. "May I rub some oil on your back?" he asked as he blushed. He then giggled like a girl.
Soon, the oil was being used for more than just sun protection.
Their love did blossom. Oh, it blossomed into a white dove. And that dove flew into the horizon.
Severus even proposed to Malkovich a few months later. They were soon (illegally) married. John Malkovich turned into John Malkovich-Snape.
After their honeymoon, Snape quit Hogwarts and moved into the suburbs. Everything went well until Severus caught Malkovich-Snape in bed with another man. Severus went crazy and shot everything and everyone. Even the neighbor's dog.
The moral of the story: Never clone yourself and move into a suburb.