Title: Bleed Like Me

Author: Psyc0gurl0

Disclaimer: No characters are mine, and this song isn't mine. Nothing is EVER mine!

Couples: In this chapter it is Jemma!

Summary: 5 chapters. 5 characters, their personal struggles. Some ships, but mostly about the 5 characters problems. Starts with Emma. That's all I can tell you. This chapter deals with Emma's eating disorder.

Authors note: I was listening to a song by Garbage, called Bleed like me and it 'called' to me. Lol. Seriously though, there are five parts to it, so there will be five chapters. It's a short story, I think.

Part 1 Avalanche

Avalanche is sullen and too thin

She starves herself to ride herself of sin

And the kick is so divine

When she sees bones beneath her skin

And she says:

Hey baby, can you bleed like me?

C'mon baby can you bleed like me.

I stared at it, it was disgusting, fattening, and large. I couldn't believe Ellie was actually eating it. I couldn't even look at it and she was scarfing it down as if it was her last meal.

"Ellie? Are you a little hungry?" I asked sarcastically.

"Aren't you?" Ellie asked looking at me.

I shook my head ignoring the rumble of my stomach.

"Really? Your stomach is saying the opposite." She said laughing at me.

I shook my head again then looked across the room to Jay and Sean who were eating their meal. Jay glanced over at me and I smiled. We were trying to have a night free of each other. It was me and Ellie and Sean and Jay this Friday night. I was fine with it really, I didn't have to see my boyfriend everyday. I wasn't like one of those girlfriends, really.

"Em, it's a boys free night."

I nodded looking at my small salad, I couldn't pick my fork up, it was impossible. Just looking at food was making me sick. I hadn't eaten a whole meal in almost 2 months. I had lost a few pounds but I wanted to lose more.

Everyone was telling me that I should loose weight. Jay commented on my weight sometimes, Manny pointed it out as we went shopping together last weekend, and Ellie was so perfect, it was hard to be as skinny as they were.

It was annoying too, I always felt so fat as I ate with Ellie or Manny. Ellie could eat anything and stay skinny and it was the same with Manny. Everyone wanted Manny or Ellie, I was just the side kick.

The fat ugly slutty side kick.

I was Emma Nelson, the activist, the treehugger, Greenpeace as Jay called me usually. That's what I used to be, until Manny became pretty and popular and Ellie found all new friends. I used to be the leader, now I was the follower.

The fat follower.

Maybe that's how I ended up with following Jay around everywhere. I felt as if he was annoyed by me sometimes. It scared me, what if he broke up with me?

I loved him.

But he would break up with me, I was too fat. Fat and disgusting. I hated myself, I hated the largeness, and my brown muddy eyes. I was ugly, fat, and depressed. No guy would want those things in a girl. Why did Jay date me? Was it because we got together just to bang, but it turned into more, even if he didn't want it to turn into more?

Jay and me met through Ellie and Sean. I was Ellie best friend, and Jay was Sean's best friend. Ellie wanted to double with a friend, and I was the first choice. I had heard about Jay before I went out with him. He was the bad boy, the stealer, the leader of the Montreal gang. And like always I was drawn to that. I liked the bad boy, it was inevitable not to like them.

Our first date, the one with Ellie and Sean, we ended up making out in the back of the movie theater. Our second date we had oral sex in the bathroom at some party. Our third date we banged pressed up against the wall at some concert Ellie dragged us too. It was a very fast dating process. After 1 week of separation we decided we couldn't live without the other and needed to be together sexually. In the process I guess we fell in love/lust. We still aren't sure.

"I know, let's go to the movie now. I can't wait to see Borat, everyone at school keeps doing quotes from it, I want to join in." I said as we took money out to pay.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Ellie asked looking at my plate or untouched food.

"I'm not hungry." I lied throwing a 20 on the table.

"Em, I haven't seen you eat anything in almost 2 weeks."

I shrugged ignoring her and walking out. I didn't want to deal with Ellie's questions. She followed me after a few minutes.

"Em? What's going on with you?" she asked as I headed towards the car.

"Nothing." I muttered.

"Emma! You look like a skeleton!" Ellie yelled as I got to the car and looked for the keys. I paused as I let her statement sink in. "I do not." I muttered as I heard her come up behind me.

She put a hand on my shoulder and turned me to look at her. "How long has it been since you've eaten?" Ellie asked quietly.

I looked into her eyes and sighed. I shrugged and took the keys out. "Why does it matter?"

"Because your pale, thin, and gaunt looking. You are really pretty Emma, what happened?"

I shrugged her hand off and got into the car. "Come on, we're going to be late." I said starting the car as she walked to the other side. "I'm fine." I added as we drove out of the parking lot. "Really!" I added as I glanced at her disbelieving face.

"Ok..." she muttered as I turned the radio on.

I fainted.

It just happened.

One minute I was standing in the hallway having my weekly fight with Jay, and the next minute I was surrounded by worried people.

"What happened?" I asked pushing my self off the ground.

"You fainted." Jay said helping me up.

"When?" I muttered rubbing my head. Jay stopped me by holding my face, and looking into my eyes.

It was funny, just minutes ago we were arguing, now he had concern written all over his face.

"Emma? Ellie told me what's been going on, yesterday. I didn't believe her until you fainted. Why aren't you eating?" he whispered still holding my face.

"I am eating." I whispered shivering at the intensity of his voice.

"No, baby, as I'm thinking about it, I haven't seen you eat in awhile. All you do is run." Jay muttered.

"I'm fine, Jay." I said my voice getting harsher. I was fine, I'm always fine.

"Emma, you aren't fine, tell me why you haven't been eating." Jay said.

I had never seen him so serious and I was so close to telling him what was the matter. But then all this anger at people not believing me started to well up.

"Jay! I'm fine, back off!" I yelled starting to feel dizzy again.

I was fine. F-I-N-E. He looked at me with worry and concern. It was complete. I had Jay Hogart worried and concerned. Maybe I wasn't fine. Your not fine, because you are so damn fat, the voice said in my head. It was always that voice that kept me going.

"You aren't fine, Emma!" Jay yelled, his worry and concern hidden by anger, or embarrassment.

Mr Nice guy was gone, and Jay the Bad boy was back. He was still worried I could tell but when he was talking to me earlier in a soothing and carrying voice he was getting looks. As a matter of fact we were still getting looks and I'm pretty sure Katie Reese just got a teacher.

"I will be fine, I just wanna loose a few more pounds." I whimpered, as I realized I was going to loose this fight.

"Baby, you gotta get help." he whispered leaning down to kiss me before I was taken away from him.

"Your too thin, Emma. You need to gain some weight. That's why you're here." the doctor told me as I sat in a chair facing some windows.

I nodded absently as I looked out into the busy street below. "Emma? Are you listening? Your parents want me to help you." She said putting a hand on my leg.

I yanked my leg back and looked at her, my face I tried to make stony. "When do I get to see my friends?" I said boldly.

"Soon, we have a detox program for new comers first. Then after 72 hours you can call your parents. After one week people can come visit." the doctor said smiling at me.

I stared at her.

72 hours for a phone call?

168 hours for a visit?

What the hell where they doing to me?

"Fine." I snapped standing up and turning towards the door. "Can I go?" I demanded.

She nodded smiling at me still, and I felt the need to hit her. I didn't, I just would ask Jay to when he came to visit me. IF he came to visit me. When my parents told me they were sending me away to get better, I yelled, and screamed, and hit. I said some pretty mean things to them too.

I told Jay he was a bitter cheating asshole. I called Ellie a dirty emo cutter. I called Sean a wannabe poor jackass. I called my mother a neglectful slut. And I called Manny a whore. I was mean, and I would be surprised if anyone came to visit me. But I was lonely and I only hoped, I needed someone, anyone, to come and see me. I was going to die if no one came to visit me.

As I went back to my room and sat on my bed, I thought about the past 3 months. How I started my 'diet' and how I finished it. My therapist at the hospital, told me I had to think about what triggered my eating disorder.

I wasn't sure, I just woke up and decided I was too fat. I wanted to loose weight and after a few weeks of exercising I decided to cut down my food proportions. It worked, so I kept doing it. Then it just tumbled out of control. After as Ellie found out, and Jay, then my parents it was like an avalanche of bad things happening.

Everyone found out about my disorder, the first step to admitting you had a problem was to get out of denial. I was out of denial, I could say disorder now without flinching.

So as everyone found out about my disorder it was an avalanche of problems that erupted. I couldn't do this or that, they blamed and yelled. It was one big fight that kept going, and was probably still going. I hated the avalanche that followed, it was torturous, and I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself for everyone's problems that came out of this incident.

So as I lay in this bed, in this hospital I thought about my friends and the problems that came out of mine. I blamed myself for their problems, if it wasn't for me, everyone would be fine. Why couldn't my mother just have gotten ride of me, I would've saved everyone, from everything.

I was a sin.

At that thought I jerked upright. I suddenly knew why I stopped eating. I was a sin. A sin to everyone around me, a sin to my friends and family. I hurt people, why was I even alive? A sinful person didn't deserve to be alive. I heard the dinner bell ring, and knew I had to leave to go eat. They told me if I didn't eat soon I would die. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

(A/n: I know it was a little depressing, but the song is depressing. I don't know anything about rehab or detoxing, but I'm pretty sure they don't let you see anyone for a little while, I'm sorry if some of the information is not right but, I tried. I'm also sorry if it doesn't make sense. lol. I tried to match everything up, so it might be a little hard to follow.)